Cat's Exercise Diary

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Thanks guys. I'm just not with it today. I don't have to go home on my lunch today either, hubby worked all weekend so he's taken off of work today and is home tending to Lily. So, this morning I spent a bunch of time packing myself a really nice, healthy lunch. And then completely forgot to bring it to work with me. Just great. Well, I guess I'll have it for dinner instead, it's in my refrigerator at home just waiting for me. My brain is not working very well today. It must be taking a cue from my guts.

Carol, that's a nice thought. I always think, when her paws are twitching like that, that she's dreaming about chasing squirrels or bunnies. She loves chasing them but never catches them. Usually she dislikes the roomba though and doesn't sleep when it's running, and walks away when it comes near her. So the fact that she slept at all while roomba was running, and then the fact that she didn't stir when it bumped her so many times, that's really disconcerting to me. She's just not quite herself lately and I'm sure it's because of the cancer.

It really has been the longest 3 months. And also the shortest - I feel like I tried to make the most of my remaining time with Lily, but in that sense I blinked and the 3 months are somehow almost over. The stress and the worry lasted for ages but the fun lovely parts zoomed right on by. Time sure is funny that way.
 
Hubby saved the day. He brought me a lovely picnic lunch! He brought me my lunch that I had made and forgotten, plus some fruit and water, napkins and cutlery, in a little picnic basket. We went outside on my lunch hour and sat at a picnic table. It was a little bit chilly (about 60 F with a bit of a breeze) but sunny and it felt really nice to be outside after so many days of rain. That was really nice, I'm so happy he did that. Made me feel a lot cheerier. :)

My arm/shoulder is feeling better this afternoon, too. I had a little pain in it this morning but almost none so far this afternoon (knock on wood). I'm still going to give it another couple days or so before I do any exercise other than walking, just to be safe, but it's encouraging that it seems to be healing up so quickly.
 
Ugh. So on Sunday, when I was having urgent diarrhea, I took one zofran. Usually taking just one zofran slows things down but doesn't totally constipate me. Well, this time it did totally constipate me. I haven't really had a poo since Sunday. This morning, I had a very hard poo that was difficult to get out. After a lot of straining to get it out, I feel like I now have either a new hemorrhoid or fissure (or both?). My backside feels very uncomfortable. So, I guess I won't take a walk today after all. Ugh ugh ugh. It's always something, isn't it? I can never just be okay.

Today is Lily's estimated date of demise but she's still hanging in there. She was a bit playful yesterday evening, she had a bit of energy which was really nice to see. And she's still eating a lot. Her balance seemed worse yesterday and today, though. She's on phenobarbital for the seizures, and that med affects her balance. It seems like her balance is getting a bit worse, and I'm not sure the reason for that. She's been on the same dose of phenobarbital for 3 months now, there's been no changes that would account for her worsening balance. Maybe it's the presumed tumor in her brain that's affecting her balance? I don't know. At any rate, her little legs have been slipping out from under her more frequently the past couple of days. But she still seems to be feeling reasonably well. She was coughing again this morning and last night too, but that's no worse than it's been. So, we'll just keep taking things day by day, and continue to give her lots of treats.
 
I'm really happy to hear that Lily's doing good and has passed her due date.Every day is a bonus and hopefully she will be here to enjoy Thanksgiving and Xmas too.She's a fighter that's for sure.
As to you're problems,well I know exactly how that feels.I had the same problem a while ago and had to give my hubby a crash course in using the cooker.I was really ill and was very close to going to the hospital.I'd much rather have D., anytime.I've not been well since last Wednesday.Started with bad gut prob. then cystitis then a bad reaction to the anti-biotics therefore bad gut probs.again.I seem to be ok today,but I'm giving little blackie a miss for a while to make sure my bladder is back to normal. Oh deep joy eh.!!!
 
Carol, I'm so sorry to hear that you've been feeling so unwell! I'm glad that it sounds like it's getting better, and I hope you continue to improve. That's a wise decision, to stay off your bike until things have gotten significantly better. I know it's frustrating, but it's best to heal up first and not exacerbate the situation by exercising (I know, you've said that same thing to me many times in the past!).

I'm still aiming to go hiking on Saturday. That looks like it'll be the last nice day of the season. It's going to be 70 degrees F and sporadic rain storms but later in the afternoon - I'm hoping to go hiking mid/late morning if my guts will cooperate with me. After Saturday, it looks like it's going to get much colder and be rainy again. So I definitely want to do this hike. Hopefully my guts can play nice and will allow me to do that.
 
Phew, I'm feeling better today than yesterday. Seems like it's a fissure and not a hemmie, which is good news for me - fissures seem to heal up pretty quickly for me, but hemmies can last for months and can bleed profusely. I only had the teensiest bit of blood on the TP yesterday, which is how my fissures usually are. And I'm feeling a lot less anal pain today, which is also how my fissures usually go. Whew! That's a relief.

Hubby's going out of town for work tomorrow, but he's not leaving until about lunchtime, so he can handle Lily's lunch duties tomorrow which means I won't have to go home on my lunch break. So, I'm thinking about taking a lunch hour walk tomorrow. The weather is looking perfect - sunny and low 70s F. And since I feel a lot better today, I'm thinking that I'll be in good shape for having a walk tomorrow. That'll be a nice warm-up for my longer hike on Saturday - for Saturday, I'm planning to do a hike on a trail that I've done once before, it's a 3 mile loop through a lovely forest. It took me about 2 hours to do the 3 mile loop the first time I did it. There's a lot of uphill and then at the end a lot of downhill, and I like to stop at times and take in the scenery and take photos. The only downside is that there are no bathrooms along the entire 3 mile stretch of trail, so if I have to use the bathroom, I'm going to have to go off the trail and squat in the woods. I hate doing that, but will do it if need be.

Lily's still doing reasonably well. She was really treat-hungry yesterday evening, she kept woofing at me, and when I'd look at her she'd turn her gaze to the treats jar - that's her way of saying, "Hey lady, I want a treat!" And I caved to her whims because she wasn't supposed to be alive as of yesterday. It was 3 months on the dot yesterday. She made it, and I'm so proud of her for making it this far. And I'm glad that she doesn't seem to be suffering in any way - still no pain as far as I can tell, and obviously she's still got a big appetite. No further seizures since the initial few that she had shortly after her surgery back in July. I haven't even had to call the vet in a couple months now except for when we need to get a refill for her phenobarbital! She's doing well, all things considered. She's still resting a lot and coughing and having some sinus issues, but the fact that she's still woofing at me for treats, that's amazing and awesome. Heck, the fact that she's still here at all is amazing. As Carol said, every day with her is a bonus.
 
I had my walk. It's really nice weather, slightly cool and windy, but sunny and it felt so nice to be outside. I felt sad, though. I was thinking of Lily the whole way, and feeling sad that she no longer has the energy to go on walks. It's just going to be me by myself walking solo from now on. I was listening to "Fantome", which is Utada Hikaru's grief album, on my walk, which didn't help me feel any less sad. It's a really good album but obviously it's pretty sad (Utada lost her mother to suicide and wrote a whole album about it to process her grief). At one point, I went around a bend on the path, and I saw a corgi! A couple of ladies were walking their corgi. This dog's eyes lighted up and she trotted right up to me and sniffed my hand - then just as quickly walked away. For some reason, that made me even more sad. It reminded me that my own corgi is very fleeting and will be leaving me almost as quickly as that dog did on the walking path. I had to stop myself from crying as I walked through the beautiful forest on a lovely fall day.

At any rate, I'm still going to do my hike tomorrow. Exercise + getting out into the forest usually makes me feel much better (both physically and emotionally), so I'll just call today a fluke. A longer hike through more challenging terrain will hopefully reset my brain and exhaust the sadness out of me, at least temporarily.
 
I ended up not hiking today after all. My guts weren't super happy with me this morning, and it was just enough that I couldn't make myself go spend 2 hours in the woods with no bathrooms nearby, while walking uphill and carrying my fairly heavy daypack. It just all sounded like too much. So I've stayed home instead. I'm hanging out with Lily (she's mostly resting but that's okay because so am I), crocheting, and playing some video games. Tomorrow will likely be more of the same, but that was planned anyway. Tomorrow it's supposed to be significantly colder, and rainy. If I'm feeling a lot better tomorrow, then I'll see about taking a treadmill walk or lifting weights or whatever.
 
We're going to attempt a bike ride today.First time for me since cystitis payed me an unwelcome visit.(10 days) The weather is a bit iffy but as long as it's not raining when we leave it'll be ok.As I've said before you're doing the right thing letting your tum decide what you can or can't do.All of my days start like that but I'm usually fine by lunch time.The trouble is I,like you, make plans for the following day and it rarely works out.But at least we CAN get out,unlike some poor folk who are house bound.
 
Carol, were you able to go on a bike ride? Did it go okay?

This weather is being rough on my body. We had summer-like temps on Saturday - it was 75 F and sunny. Today, it feels like winter - it's at most about 45 F, cold, rainy, and windy. It went from summer to winter in 3 days! They're saying maybe snow flurries tomorrow. I went from wearing a t-shirt and having the windows open, to wearing my winter coat and huddling under blankets. Brr! The drastic change has affected me in multiple ways. I feel headachey, my sinuses are all screwed up, I feel exhausted too. And for some reason my GERD is unhappy with me also - I had one piece of chocolate to try to get the headache to ease (sometimes the very small amount of caffeine in chocolate can help with that), but I got some pretty wicked reflux from just having that one piece of chocolate. I know that chocolate is a reflux trigger for me, but it almost always takes more than one piece to get my GERD unhappy. So, I don't think I'm in any shape to exercise today. I'll re-assess tomorrow.

Lily is doing okay. Still eating, still not in any pain as far as I can tell. But also still resting a lot. Her right armpit tumor is still getting bigger, though. It's so large that the skin is stretched tight over it, and there's a little bald spot on it. Just looking at it makes me sad. She seemed sort of out of it today, too. Didn't follow her normal lunchtime routine. Normally, when I go home at lunchtime, we always do the same routine. I let her out and she urinates, then I give her her lunch. She eats and then tries to beg more food off of me as I prepare and eat my lunch. She pesters me that whole time, and then when I'm done eating I use the bathroom, let her out one more time and she poos, then she goes back in her crate and I get in the car to go back to work.

Well, today she seemed pretty lethargic. She ate her lunch but without much enthusiasm, then went to rest instead of trying to get more food from me. She rested instead of pestered until it was time for her to go out for her poo. Then when we were outside, she just sort of stood there and looked a bit puzzled, like she wasn't sure of what to do. It makes me wonder if the tumor in her brain is making her a bit confused? Eventually, after much cajoling and prompting from me, she finally had her poo. Normally she's so much more enthusiastic when I am home for lunch, she just seemed so down today. I wonder if this means we're nearing the end. Maybe I'm reading too much into it and she just wasn't feeling lunch like she usually does. At any rate, it's maybe going to snow tomorrow, and snow is her favorite thing. I hope that cheers her up a bit.
 
It's so hard Cat.I don't know what's easier,Waiting for the end or the end itself.I know with Alfie especially,The end was far easier for me.Heartbreaking,yes,but deep down relief if I'm honest.A friend of mine lost at least three dogs suddenly (one at a time) and actually took to her bed with shock and depression.I've always made the decision to say goodbye to mine, but I always wonder if I could or should have kept them longer.I suppose guilt is part of losing a loved one,pet,family or friend........on a lighter note,I was cycling on Sunday and Monday.I was a bit tense on the rough but managed ok.Was in town yesterday,got a black sporty top for £I and a hair cut for 25 times that amount,hahaha.Rain today so going to the auction house for a mooch.
 
so true Carol , waiting for the end is so hard , at least with Joey we had to make the decision fairly quickly , I still second guess whether or not we made the decision too quickly but in my heart I knew he was so fed up and lethargic that the time had come , the most important thing is that the whole family agree on the decision , its really hard to let go but you have to put quality of life first and then decide , anyway hope you and Lily are doing ok (as ok as you can be) ,
Anyway life does go on and I'm starting to look at puppies , I haven't convinced the family yet but there is a litter with puppies available just before Christmas but I think that may be too soon for us but it shows that the pain does fade but the love remains , still saying goodnight to Joey in his little kennel (ashes container) , am I nuts ? probably but do I care , nope , I still love my Joey but puppies are on the horizon .
 
Tony, I'm excited for you that you're looking at puppies! Are they also golden retrievers or another breed? I want to see puppy photos if you do get one!

I know what you mean about it probably being too soon, though. I'm sure I'll get another dog someday too, but not for awhile. Once Lily goes, I'm going to give myself plenty of time, and then when I'm ready I'm probably going to foster to start with. If the fostering goes well then I'll adopt. I don't think I want a puppy - we got Lily when she was 2, she was a rescue, and that was a really good age. All her puppy craziness was over with and she came to us fully trained. So my tentative thought is to foster and then adopt a young adult dog like she was. That's way off in the distant future, though. For now I'm still just focused on making Lily happy & comfortable.

She seemed much more chipper yesterday evening, thankfully. Although we didn't get snow this morning which is disappointing. The radar kept showing snow, but we didn't actually see any snow falling. There was no precipitation at all, so it wasn't like the snow warmed and turned into rain. It just missed us altogether somehow. Hmph! Well, we're supposed to have continued cold weather for the next week at least, so maybe we'll get snow another day soon.
 
Hey Cat it would be another Golden , our first golden was a rescue , we think he was given as a Christmas present and then rapidly started growing , he was abandoned and a friend found he on the streets , we had 14 great years with him , the breeder I am in contact has a litter of puppies that will be ready to go to their homes a few weeks before Christmas , but I dont think my son is ready yet ,
Getting a puppy is a lot of work for the first few months but in fairness goldens are very fast to house train esp if you use a crate at first , good that Lily has some spark in her , enjoy every hour with her , hugs and rubs to Lily and hope you feel better soon yourself .
 
Glad to hear Lily is still being loved and spoiled! It is so easy to feel guilt when the time comes but you'll know in your heart you are doing the best for your Lily. I work at the hospital and when families aren't sure if they are making the "right" decision when taking their loved one off life support, I always tell them there is no wrong decision. So take one day at a time and keep spoiling your sweet Lily. She will be in my prayers and you too.
 
Probably most of you guys saw my post yesterday in Last One Wins, but if not - I got laid off at work yesterday. I think I'll be okay though. They're paying me through Nov 17th, and I will get a decent amount of severance pay, and can also collect unemployment, and can cobra my insurance. I figured this would be coming - work has been weird for months now with rumors of layoffs coming ever since our merger with another region. So I was bracing for this for months now, and I had a tentative plan in mind, which was that I'd accept the severance and use that money to cobra my insurance, and take a bit of a break before I dive back into the job market. Also, hubby is stepping up like a champ. I was looking at job listings yesterday, and I came across one that looked like he could do and the pay and benefits look really decent. He applied for it as soon as I told him about it. If he could get a job with benefits, then I could more permanently dial things back. I've always worked full-time and been the one who had the job with health insurance. Hubby currently works 2 part-time jobs, neither of which offer insurance. But if he got the job that he just applied for, he'd make enough money that I wouldn't necessarily have to work full-time, and I wouldn't need a job that offers insurance. I could work part-time or even not work at all. I mean, this is all a big "if". In the meantime, I'm looking at what full-time jobs with benefits are out there. But I am going to give myself a bit of time to rest first, too. I really like the idea of just taking a bit of time to care for myself and my health. I really haven't had the opportunity to do that since I first got sick 8 years ago. I've been working full-time that whole time (been at my job for nearly 15 years!).

So. It's been a bit of a crazy couple of days emotion-wise! But I haven't cried at all today yet. I'm just about to hop in the shower, and then I have to go pick up a refill of my LDN. I might take a walk today - it's pretty chilly out, the high temp today is like 41 degrees F and it's only in the mid-30s right now. But getting outside sounds invigorating. I'm feeling weirdly optimistic (as you guys probably know very well, I tend to lean more towards pessimistic most of the time) and I'm just going to roll with that. I'm going to clean the house a bit and cook a nice dinner for hubby too, and then we're going to see a movie (we had bought the tickets before I got laid off, otherwise we wouldn't be going to a movie - I know that spending frivolously right now is something that needs to stop!).
 
Hang on in there Cat ,it makes all the difference having good support from your family ,I don’t know how I would have got through the last few years without my wife and son (and Joey who kept me laughing),
when things go bad then you know who your real friends and family are ,
Great that you have great support from your hubby ,
I still cant believe that such a wealthy country like the US can spend so much on “foreign policy “ and have ordinary people having to struggle to get medical help .
 
So sorry Cat.I know it's been at the back of your mind for a while.Talk about kicking you when your down.But there's nothing to be done now except go forward.So chin up and shoulders back.A new chapter in your life has begun.Sending hugs.
 
Thanks guys. I'm feeling pretty optimistic about things still. I've been doing a lot around the house - dishes, laundry, cooking meals, etc. And I've also been getting out and having free adventures. After I went to the compounding pharmacy yesterday to pick up my LDN, I realized that the botanical garden was nearby. So I went there (the outside is free, the inside, which I didn't do, costs $2) and walked around outside. Surprisingly, a fair number of flowers were still flowering, and the autumn colors were also very pretty to see. It was quite cold out - in the 30s F and with a brisk wind - but I had a nice time and got a walk in.

Today hubby has the day off of work. He was supposed to go hang out with his friends today, but he cancelled with them when I got laid off so that he could spend the day with me instead. He took me to a rummage sale, where I bought a huge bag of yarn for $2. If I'm going to be home more, then I'm going to crochet more! :p And then we went to the zoo, which is free. The weather was almost identical to yesterday, cold and windy again, but that meant that the zoo was almost empty which was nice. A few of the animals were out and very active. Once again, I had a nice free adventure and got a walk in. Had a very nice time indeed. I'm going to continue to have little free or cheap adventures and take walks even when it's cold.

I'm also hoping to lift weights more now that I'm going to be home more often. Obviously I'm going to lose access to the little gym in the basement at work, but I'll still have my home gym and also the big paid membership gym (that's only $10 per month so I'll keep that membership). So, there should be more fitness posts from me in this thread, hopefully. Without the stress of my job, I'm hoping that my guts improve and that I'm therefore able to exercise on a more regular basis.
 
Oh, and I forgot to give a Lily update. She's still about the same. Yesterday evening she had to urinate frequently, and only a little bit seemed to come out each time. I was worried she might have a UTI. But today she seems fine in that regard, so I'm not sure what was going on with her bladder yesterday. I wonder if the tumor on her omentum is maybe pushing on the bladder and causing pressure? At any rate, that issue seems okay at the moment. She's currently resting and still has been eating well.
 
Aaaaand I have a cold. :p Because of course I do. Woke up with a sore throat and wonky sinuses. Staying in and not having a walk today, drinking tea and eating soup. The good news is, I don't actually have to go to work tomorrow. So I can actually take proper care of myself for more than one day!
 
Sorry about your cold Cat,but like you say,you can stay at home and look after yourself.
On the negative side,it's probably NOT a good idea to get used to it.You will find it difficult to be enthusiastic finding a new job.....make the most of it though.
 
I'm not going to be enthusiastic about finding a new job no matter what I do. :p I feel pretty burned out from all the stress of my job that I just got laid off at. So I know I do need a little time to rest and recharge. I did rest yesterday - sat on the couch and did a jigsaw puzzle. I didn't sleep well at all last night - my cold plus my thoughts kept me up. I knew that I'm going to have to go into the office today to start cleaning out my desk, and I'm dreading that. I know everyone's going to look at me with their pity faces, and ask me the same questions over and over. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. But I can't not go in. I have a gym bag and some food items (canned fruit, etc) in my desk drawer that I need to bring home, can't just abandon that stuff. And I have paperwork to shred and so on. So, I'll wander in there for a few hours today. I'm hoping to just sneak in, power through some stuff, and get out of there with minimal people even knowing I'm there.

I'll start taking more walks again once this cold goes away. The weather is still cold out, but I don't care. I just need to be healthy enough to walk.
 
Did a 10 mile cycle along the coast and back.It's quite cold but once I got going it was fine.It makes a difference when there's no wind blowing off the sea.My knees have been painful all week as we've been on the bikes four times.I think it's just the cold weather getting to my joints though.I hope your cold gets better soon,but DON'T overdo things too soon.
 
I wrote a long response and the forum ate it. I hate when that happens! So here's the short version:

I didn't walk today but I was active. Went to work and cleaned out my desk, which was a pretty huge undertaking. Got all my stuff into my car and then got it home and into my house. Am exhausted now and will sort through it slowly, later.
 
Cat-a-Tonic said:
I wrote a long response and the forum ate it. I hate when that happens! So here's the short version:

I didn't walk today but I was active. Went to work and cleaned out my desk, which was a pretty huge undertaking. Got all my stuff into my car and then got it home and into my house. Am exhausted now and will sort through it slowly, later.
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I hate when companies suffer setbacks because the employees inevitably suffer. My friend went thru something recently - for disability not layoffs - and had to leave work after 23 years! Work becomes your second home after all that time and you think you have job security. I've never worked at a place for longer than 3 years, but I can imagine how upsetting it is to lose the position you held for so long. :(
 
Thanks, Miss L. It was hard because that was my first "grown up" job - I was 23 when I started there and I'll be 38 next week. I had no illusion of job security though. I've worked at the same company since December 2002. I was laid off at one point in Sept 2005, but they called me begging me to come back and I ended up getting re-hired that same month. Then in 2009, I was in a department of 10 people, and they laid off all but two of us (I was one of the two, and originally they were going to get rid of all of us, but my superiors fought to keep me). So it's already happened once and almost happened a second time that I got let go from this same company. Earlier this year, my region (Wisconsin) merged with another region (Illinois), and they ousted our regional president. The region that absorbed us already has their own HQ - I worked at Wisconsin's HQ, and obviously they don't need 2 HQs. So I figured all of us in Wisconsin were toast. They seem to be doing it in waves, though. This round, it was me (an administrative support low rung on the ladder person), one manager, and one director. None of that makes any sense to me but whatever.

So yeah, this wasn't unexpected, even though the timing of it took me by surprise. They literally just had our CEO in for a meeting, in which he told us that we're doing fantastic and have great net and gross profits. Immediately following that meeting, they called me in to HR to tell me that they're letting me go, due to budget reasons. I was like, wait, what about the great profits we just heard about? How can this be? But it doesn't have to make sense I guess. I felt like I was on a stressful, sinking ship anyway, so now I can go work somewhere better. A fresh start.

I'm thinking that I'm going to apply to work at the hospital. I am fairly certain that they offer great health insurance, being a hospital and all. The only bad thing I've heard about working there is that parking can sometimes suck, but they're close-ish enough to me that I could get a moped or maybe even ride my bike in the summer. They have a lot of administrative job openings. I'm still going to take a bit of time off first, but when I do apply for a job, that's going to be the first place I apply.
 
Not much new to update from me. I still have a cold, so no walking yet for me. Lily's doing okay, we walked over to her best friends' house yesterday so she got to see her fellow corgis again. I'm home and resting, trying to get over this stupid cold already. Felt like I was getting better yesterday, but today it's come back with a vengeance. Ugh.
 
Thanks Jelly! Unfortunately I'm still coughing and full of mucus, but I feel a bit more energetic than I did and am slightly less miserable. Still resting a lot, though. Lily seems pretty happy to have me home most of the time (I've been going into the office sporadically for just a few hours here and there to train other people on how to do my job, but for the most part I'm home). She's been pestering me a lot for treats, petting, etc. She seems to think that I'm home just to cater to her whims. :p
 
Thanks Tony. I'm mostly over the cold but still a bit mucusy. Lily's still about the same. She's really enjoying having me home most of the time and she bugs me for treats and attention whenever she's awake (she's napping right now).

I haven't done any exercise yet because I'm still not fully over this cold (it's been 2 full weeks now). I am enjoying my time off since I've been laid off from work and I hope to get back to walking & weight lifting soon. It's quite cold here today though - it's 9 degrees F this morning, brrr! I've been keeping busy with crochet, sewing, cleaning my house, having lunch with friends, doing a bit of bargain shopping, etc. Not spending very much money obviously, but there's a very high-quality sock manufacturer here in Wisconsin. Normally their socks cost a minimum of $10 per pair and I've seen their socks in the stores cost $17 per pair! But there's a factory sale every so often where they cost $3 per pair. So my mom and I went to that sale yesterday to get some socks. Now at least my feet will be warm this winter.

Hubby's been working 2 part-time jobs, neither of which offer benefits (health insurance). His immediate response to my getting laid off, was to apply for a third part-time job. Ugh. Poor hubby's going to be exhausted, but this job still won't get us health insurance. So at some point, I'm going to have to get a new job that does offer health insurance. (In the meantime, we can cobra - meaning, continue and pay out of pocket - for the health insurance from the job that I just got laid off from.)
 
Cat-a-Tonic said:
Thanks Tony. I'm mostly over the cold but still a bit mucusy. Lily's still about the same. She's really enjoying having me home most of the time and she bugs me for treats and attention whenever she's awake (she's napping right now).

I haven't done any exercise yet because I'm still not fully over this cold (it's been 2 full weeks now). I am enjoying my time off since I've been laid off from work and I hope to get back to walking & weight lifting soon. It's quite cold here today though - it's 9 degrees F this morning, brrr! I've been keeping busy with crochet, sewing, cleaning my house, having lunch with friends, doing a bit of bargain shopping, etc. Not spending very much money obviously, but there's a very high-quality sock manufacturer here in Wisconsin. Normally their socks cost a minimum of $10 per pair and I've seen their socks in the stores cost $17 per pair! But there's a factory sale every so often where they cost $3 per pair. So my mom and I went to that sale yesterday to get some socks. Now at least my feet will be warm this winter.

Hubby's been working 2 part-time jobs, neither of which offer benefits (health insurance). His immediate response to my getting laid off, was to apply for a third part-time job. Ugh. Poor hubby's going to be exhausted, but this job still won't get us health insurance. So at some point, I'm going to have to get a new job that does offer health insurance. (In the meantime, we can cobra - meaning, continue and pay out of pocket - for the health insurance from the job that I just got laid off from.)
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Are you talking about Gold Toe socks? Those are the most expensive socks ever! I can't believe how much they cost - I fully expect them to be made with gold with the name and the price, LOL! My fave socks are by No Nonsense! which I buy from Walmart for $6.99 for a pack of 10 pairs. In fact, I'm wearing a pair right now and they are warm and cushioned. :)
 
Nope, I'm talking about Wigwam socks. Not sure if they're even carried by stores outside of the Midwest, but around here they're super pricey. They're made in Sheboygan (about a 2 hour drive from here). Everybody in WI knows about Wigwam socks. They're so nice for our cold winters!
 
It took over 2 weeks but I'm finally over that stupid cold! I was feeling pretty down this morning - stayed in my pajamas till noon, didn't shower, having a little pity party for myself. I decided to get dressed and take a walk. The weather was pretty good for this time of year - not terribly cold (about 40 F) and no wind and sunny. I was able to have a walk in my fleece, didn't need my winter coat. I walked about 3 miles through the forest. That really helped, I feel a lot better now. Now that I'm finally over that stupid cold, I can start exercising in earnest again. I'm hoping to lift weights tomorrow and go for a hike on Wednesday - the weather looks like rain tomorrow, but nice on Weds, so that's the plan.
 
Cmack, yeah, I'm on the forum very sporadically since I got laid off. Not posting as much as I used to. I have to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
 
Cat-a-Tonic said:
Cmack, yeah, I'm on the forum very sporadically since I got laid off. Not posting as much as I used to. I have to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
Click to expand...

whats growing up ? oh yeah I forgot us men don't have to do that :ybiggrin: , take your time if you can Cat and get yourself as well as possible before you get another job , hopefully hubby will be able to carry the extra weight until then .
 
Thanks, guys. Carol, I don't think wealthy is ever going to happen - I'd settle for being financially stable. Tony, I'm working on my health during my time "between jobs" (I was at the grocery store and overheard two women talking, and one of them said to the other that she's between jobs right now - that's a much nicer way of saying unemployed!).

I've been exercising as much as I can. I finally got over my cold a few days ago. Took a long walk through the forest path on Monday, I walked about 3 miles. It was chilly but not unreasonably so, and I had a really nice walk. Tuesday, I went to the big paid membership gym for the first time in quite awhile. I was definitely rusty but I gave it my best effort! I lifted weights for as much as I could & as long as I could. I came away with rubbery arms & legs and could barely finish my cool-down. I usually walk on the treadmill to cool down after lifting weights - I was so weak and rubbery though that I kept nearly falling off the stupid thing! :p But fortunately I didn't overdo things, I didn't pay for that later on.

Yesterday I went to my favorite hiking place and did a challenging 3ish (maybe closer to 4) mile hike. There's a lot of uphill and then a lot of downhill on this particular trail but it's also really beautiful and I see very few other people there - this was my 2nd time tackling this trail. The first time I hiked there, I saw 2 other people the whole time. This time I also only saw 2 other people. I love the solitude and the forest, it's just the best thing. My fitbit said I walked uphill the equivalent of about 45 flights of stairs during my hike.

So I've had a few good days of workouts and I feel good physically. My guts have been pretty quiet since I got laid off - not having to go to work, not having that stress, has done some good things for me. I'll obviously need to get another job at some point, but not immediately. I am being paid through tomorrow, and then I can get unemployment pay until I find another job, so I'll still be relatively okay financially (I'm very thrifty anyway).

Since I had 2 strenuous workouts the past 2 days, I decided to take a rest day today. I'm going back to the big gym tomorrow for another weights workout, hopefully this time I'll be slightly less rubbery and weak by the end of my workout. Today I went thrift shopping - I'm always up for buying clothes, and I found a few professional pieces that I could wear to job interviews, including a very nice black blazer.

Lily's still doing okay. She just pestered me as I was typing, wanting some treats, so I told her to say "woof" to you guys and she did. Lily says woof (and she received some yummy green beans). :) Saturday will be 4 months since she had her surgery, she'll have made it a full month past her estimated expiration date. She still seems to be feeling no pain, and still has a good appetite. She also really seems to enjoy having me home a lot more now that I'm not working, and pretty much pesters me for treats every moment that she's not resting. :p
 
I'm really glad you are finally able to unwind after all the stress from your old job. I'm also happy to hear that you are feeling better physically, I really love walking in the forest too. Be good to yourself Cat, you definitely deserve it. Be sure to give Lily a pat and a tummy rub for me. :)
 
Good to see you feeling better Cat....good news about Lily enjoying her food..
Nothing like good long walks in the fresh air to clear the mind and restore the soul.
It’s very healing in itself.
Winning.....
 
I've worked out a couple times since I last posted. Had a workout in my home gym on Friday - didn't feel like leaving the house that day, so stayed home and lifted. Sunday, I had been planning to go to the gym again, but my guts weren't great that day, so I rested instead. Went to the gym today and felt pretty good.

And, I've got some leads on the job situation. The front-runner right now is that I have a phone interview tomorrow for a customer service job at a company that makes colon cancer screening kits, so that's quite exciting. The recruiter reached out to me about the job, so it seems like they like my resume, and I'm excited about this particular company for obvious reasons. Wish me luck!
 
Oh, and Lily is still doing okay. She's resting right now. She's still getting steak even on days when I'm eating ramen noodles - I refuse to lower my budget for spoiling her, even during my time of unemployment. So she's pretty happy and still is showing no signs of pain.
 
Cat-a-Tonic said:
Oh, and Lily is still doing okay. She's resting right now. She's still getting steak even on days when I'm eating ramen noodles - I refuse to lower my budget for spoiling her, even during my time of unemployment. So she's pretty happy and still is showing no signs of pain.
Click to expand...

I know what it's like, I spoiled my old girl till the very end. Good on you for being so compassionate. You are an awesome pet owner Cat. A lot of people just give up...but you aren't a lot of people, what you are is a truly kind soul.
 
Tony, me too. The best I've felt in a long time was when I was in Japan. All the food sat really well with me (and was delicious, too). And I can't eat steak anyway as I can't do any beef at all.

I was hoping to hit the gym today, but life got in the way. Long story short, our furnace was garbage and was pumping out some carbon monoxide. We had to get a new furnace installed today which took up a good chunk of the day and a whole lot of money too. So I didn't end up making it to the gym. I'll try again on Friday, as tomorrow is thanksgiving and my parents are coming over for turkey.
 
Happy Thanksgiving in advance Cat. :) I wish I could have been there to help because I used to install and repair furnace systems. I'm glad you found out about the CO. Carbon monoxide is very serious, and I know of people who have lost their lives to it. I hope you have a CO detector. Replace your CO detector every five years and place your detector where it will wake you up if it alarms, such as outside your bedroom. Consider buying a detector with a digital readout. This type of detector can tell you the highest level of CO concentration in your home in addition to alarming. You should also change the battery(obviously you don't need to if it is plugged into the wall) every time you change the clocks, 1 year maximum for the battery to be changed. Battery powered is better because it works in the event of a power outage.


Yup I was a fireman before being ill too, what haven't I done besides travel
and own my own house?

Edited to add: Always follow the manufacturers instructions regarding battery changes, some go through batteries faster than others.
 
Last edited:
Chris, yes, I definitely know to change out the batteries often in the smoke & carbon monoxide detectors. A friend of mine died in a house fire - he was 19 years old, and this month it's been 19 years since he died. His smoke detector apparently didn't have good batteries or just plain didn't work (survivors of that fire said they never heard the smoke detector go off, and afterwards it was completely melted off the wall). My friend might have lived if the smoke detector had been working.

Fitness-wise, I haven't done anything. After the furnace fiasco, it was thanksgiving, and then I had to clean up after thanksgiving and put up the xmas tree, and then I've had multiple phone and in-person job interviews, plus I'm trying to hand-make most of my xmas gifts this year due to a lack of funds. Phew! Oh, and my guts were pretty bad this morning, but they're doing better this evening. So yeah, I've been busy, and not hitting the gym. I'm planning to get back to the gym shortly. The weather is looking fairly nice tomorrow, so I'm thinking a long walk is in order. It looks like rain on Thurs, so a trip to the gym will happen then (as long as my guts are okay).

Lily's doing okay. She's been coughing and snorking a little bit more again lately. And she's had a couple moments here and there where I wonder if she's in pain, but then the moment passes and she smiles, so I think she's still feeling okay. It's so hard to tell for sure. She's still eating very well, though - she just scarfed down her dinner and immediately looked to me to see if she could get more food. And she's walked past and smiled at me at least twice as I was writing this post (she's currently staring at hubby to see if he'll give her any food). So, overall I think she's still okay.
 
Guts were unhappy again this morning - we've come to a tentative truce this afternoon. But, even so, I didn't think it was wise to take a walk through the forest path, as there are very limited bathrooms on that path (at one far end there's a gas station with a bathroom, and on the other far end there's a fast food restaurant, but for the middle 2ish miles there's no bathroom). I didn't want to get stuck needing a bathroom and not having one nearby. So instead I ran some errands, went to the bank and went grocery shopping, and then did some cleaning and washed dishes. Going to do a bit of sewing shortly and then will cook hubby his dinner.

The good news is, the weather is looking better tomorrow, it might not rain after all. So maybe I'll walk tomorrow instead, if my guts allow, and go to the gym on Friday. I'm hoping to get some news on the job front in the next day or two. My #2 choice offered me a job, but I told them I need a few days to think about it - I'm waiting for my #1 choice to get back to me (the wheels are in motion, the paperwork was submitted, now just waiting on the liaison to tell the recruiter what the next steps are). My #1 choice is the stool sample place - I think I'd be perfect to work at a place that does stool samples! So, hopefully I'll get a call tomorrowish. Wish me luck!
 
I didn't end up doing any exercise yesterday, as Lily wasn't feeling well. Fortunately, she's feeling a lot better today! She really had me worried yesterday, though. Right from when we woke up, hubby and I noticed that she was very lethargic. She wasn't smiling, she wasn't doing her happy rolls after eating (but she fortunately was still eating), she wasn't perky at all - all she did was rest and look sad. And she had some diarrhea too when I took her out to potty. I was honestly worried that we might be nearing the end. But, then later in the afternoon, she perked up and did her happy rolls and started smiling again and was pestering me for treats - she was back to her usual self again. Phew!

But, because of her not feeling well yesterday, obviously I didn't want to leave her, so I stayed home and watched over her. Today she seems to be feeling okay (she was just pestering me for treats), so for real I'm taking a walk today. :p The weather looks gorgeous, unseasonably warm for Wisconsin in December. It's going to be 50 degrees F today! And it's sunny and just gorgeous. I will only need a light jacket for my walk, not a winter coat like I should need this time of year. My guts are feeling pretty good today, too, so I'm not too worried about finding bathrooms on my walk.
 
I did have a long walk yesterday. I had made it my goal to get all 10,000 steps on one walk, and I almost made it. I did 9,000 steps in one walk! I walked a little over 4 miles on the forest path. I felt really depressed at first - I was feeling really down the whole morning. I always listen to my ipod when I walk, and at first I was stuck on one really sad song that I kept playing on repeat. (Goodbye (Annyeong) by 2NE1 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEkLHC7l25w - click on captions to see the English translation of the lyrics.) I just got stuck in a sadness spiral. I was sad about Lily and about my job situation and my financial situation and just had myself a little pity party. Walking usually makes me feel better, especially in the forest, but it took most of my walk for me to start to feel less sad.

Once I got myself out of that sadness spiral, I put a much happier, peppier song on repeat instead (Clap Your Hands (Bak Soo Chyeo) by 2NE1 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTw-UM5Jy4E - obviously that song is from much earlier in their career; Goodbye was literally their goodbye song as they broke up and were saying goodbye to their fans and to their 4th member who had left the group earlier.) Music powers my workouts 100%, I could not do a workout without music, and obviously I have strong feelings about 2NE1, so that peppy song really got me through the last of my walk and put some pep in my step. So in the end I did have a nice walk, even if I started out having a pity party.

I think today I'm going to have a hike. My walk in the woods yesterday did such good for me, that I want to keep that going. With less sad music today. :) I'll go to my usual spot with all the uphill. It's a pretty place, and we haven't had rain lately so it won't be muddy.
 
I should add that Lily's been feeling okay the past couple of days. A friend of mine who battled cancer earlier this year told me that Lily is entitled to have bad days, so I'm trying to be mindful of that.
 
Hey Cat,

I'm listening to Warren G today, so yeah, (I was the kid listening to Hip Hop while you were studying). We're about the same age. ;) I have been very hurt and stuck in a bit of a spiral before, I hope you remember to keep feeling positive. You are a very positive person and you are a pleasure to talk to.:)
 
Thanks buddy. :) Sometimes it's very hard to be positive, but I'm trying. Yeah, I think you and I must be very close in age? I just turned 38. I never really have listened to popular music myself either - in high school I was listening to Bjork and TMBG. Nowadays I mostly listen to Japanese and Korean pop. My favorite singer is Utada Hikaru, who sings in both Japanese and in English, but she took a very long hiatus starting in 2010, so while she was away I got into K-pop, especially Big Bang and 2NE1. Last year, right around the same time that Utada finally broke her long hiatus and released a new album, 2NE1 broke up and Big Bang also went on a long hiatus. My favorite singers and groups keep going away...

I had to think hard about who Warren G is. All I could think of at first was Kenny G! :p

I didn't end up hiking today. I kept trying to get myself motivated to get up and go, but I just felt so lazy today. So I ended up having a lazy day instead. Will try again tomorrow for a hike. It looks like I should have about one more week of going hiking and having lazy days. The week after next, I have an interview for a temp position, and it sounds as though they'd like me to start that position "immediately" following the interview. I should be a shoo-in for the position - it's at the stool sample place. And they have a permanent position which I should also be a shoo-in for, which starts in late January. Soo, with any luck, I'll be back to work soon, at the place I have been hoping to work for. Getting back to work should help me feel less depressed.
 
I had a nice long hike yesterday, that made me feel a lot better. And today, I hit the gym for a weights session. Totally wore myself out and ended up really shaky again at the end of my workout. But, I feel good. My body usually responds well to me exercising intensely, and today is no exception. Even though I exhaust myself, I feel really good both during and after a workout like that.

My week has been thrown for a loop! I had been intending to hit the gym Mon, Weds, Fri and Sun. And then a phone interview next week Monday. But I got an email this afternoon saying they want to move my phone interview up sooner, to this week. I responded saying that I'm available at any time this week, so I'm waiting to hear back from them as to when the interview will actually be. It sounds like I'll start the temp job right after the phone interview. So, my workout schedule will change, but I'm not sure how much.

The temp job will last 6ish weeks, and then the permanent position starts in late January, and I know I'll have to sit through a training class (4 weeks?) for the permanent position. So, the next few months will be busy. I'm going to try to exercise as much as I can during this time in spite of the business - fortunately, the big paid membership gym is open 24/7, so I will likely hit the gym in the evenings after work as I'm just not able to be a morning exerciser (my GERD and my guts are often not happy in the mornings - I did once try hitting the gym in the morning, but I refluxed too much and had to stop).
 
Hey Cat hope the rescheduled interview goes well today , hope your gut gets over the stress , hugs to Lily from Alfie and myself
 
Lily's still doing okay. She made it to her gotcha day - we've had her for 7 years as of Dec 14. And she also made it to 5 months since her surgery, which was yesterday. She's gotten used to me being home, but that ends tomorrow as I'm officially starting work again. I got a temp job and hopefully will also land a permanent job (will find out tomorrow for sure) at the stool sample place! So that's very exciting.

I haven't exercised lately aside from a few walks, because I've been busy with interviews and filling out paperwork and so on. I think I'm finally done with interviews, not sure about paperwork. I'm hoping that once the holidays are over, and especially once I start the permanent job (in late January), then I can settle into a routine again and go back to the gym with much more regularity. That's the goal.
 
That's such great news that you got the job...they will be lucky to have you! I've been waiting to hear about your interviews. What exactly is a stool sample place? :)

So glad Lily is doing well too. My neighbor has a corgi that barks every morning and it always makes me think of Lily! They also have a cat that sits up on their balcony, probably watching the dog bark! Anyway, so happy for you! I always enjoy reading your posts!
 
Jelly, I'm way over-simplifying it by calling it a stool sample place. It's a company that has devised a new way to test for colon cancer via a stool test. Unlike other tests which look for blood/occult blood in the stool, this test actually looks for cancerous and pre-cancerous cells in the stool with a 92% accuracy. It's some futuristic, high-tech stuff. It's designed to try to catch cancer early for those 6 out of 10 people who are of the age that they should have a colonoscopy, but for whatever reason they don't (due to cost, or the invasiveness of the test, or the ickyness of the prep, or whatever). The stool test is not intended for people with IBD nor a family history of colon cancer, but even so it still can potentially help a lot of people catch colon cancer early. It's super cool and I'm really excited to be working for them!

I just finished my first day of work as a temp there (doing data entry) and my brain is totally mush now. And, it sounds like I'm going to be offered 2 jobs within the same company. My temp job is in the finance department, and my new boss already likes me enough that she strongly encouraged me to apply for a permanent opening in her department. I really don't want to crunch numbers all day, though. The other job which I interviewed for yesterday is in customer service - literally, that job would be talking on the phone with customers and doctors about stool samples all day. That sounds so much more like it's right up my alley! How many people can say they'd like to talk about stool samples all day, hah. But that sounds ideal for me. The job in the finance department pays better, but it's honestly pretty boring and doesn't have much of anything to do with the stool samples.

Lily was sure happy to see me when I got home tonight! It's been a little while since she's been home alone all day (well, the cat was here with her). She still seems to be doing okay, though. Jelly, you're right that corgis bark a lot! I lucked out in that Lily isn't a particularly barky corgi, but most of them bark their heads off at anything & everything. She will bark at certain things, especially squirrels, or if other dogs are barking then she'll join in. But for the most part she's a fairly quiet corgi.

I had been sort of hoping to go to the gym tonight, but there's no chance. I'm exhausted mentally and I didn't eat enough today so I'm feeling a bit exhausted physically too. I'm hoping to get myself into more of a routine in terms of my work and my eating, and maybe by Friday or Saturday I'll be more settled in and physically & mentally ready for a workout.
 
All's well! I've just been so exhausted from work that I haven't been posting much. Haven't been exercising either. I've barely even been crocheting in the evenings - I'm just wiped out by work, it's completely exhausted me. Fortunately, things should be getting a bit easier at least in the short-term. I finished my temp project today. I got sent home early today as there was no more work for me to do. I'm going in tomorrow in the hopes that I can help others out on their projects, but I already did all the filing and scanning today after finishing my project, so there's probably not much left for me to help out with either. So, I'll maybe/hopefully have about a week off before my permanent job starts on the 22nd.

Once my permanent job starts, I'll have to go through a few weeks of training first, but after that I'll be working afternoons/evenings. Like, 2nd shift - going in after lunchtime and coming home at bedtime. Which I haven't done since college! I was an 8-5 Mon-Fri worker for 15 years. But I'm so looking forward to a change in schedule. I'll be able to sleep in every day if I want, so hopefully I won't be so exhausted. And I'll be able to walk or hike or bike or hit the gym before work - that'll be really nice. I'm looking forward to starting that work schedule and settling in to sleeping in, working out, and then going to work. That's the plan anyway!

Lily's still doing the same - resting a lot, but still eating well and appears to not be in any pain. If she makes it to the 18th, that'll be the 6 month anniversary of her surgery & diagnosis, and it'll also mean she'll have lived twice as long as her 3 month estimate.
 
Sorry for not updating this thread for awhile. Things have been crazy with me training for and then starting my new job. I feel like things finally settled down enough for me to start exercising again! I worked out twice last week, I'm getting back into weight lifting and really enjoying that. I've lifted twice so far this week and plan to lift again tomorrow too. Today I'm also planning on taking a walk as the weather is looking pretty nice. So far so good with adding exercise back into my regular routine. My guts freaked out a bit the first time I lifted, and I had some cramps and diarrhea afterwards, but since that first day my guts have been calm about me lifting weights.

Overall my guts feel pretty well these days, my new job is relatively low-stress, and it's been really good for my guts that I work afternoons/evenings now. I can take the mornings if need be to sit with my heating pad and get my guts feeling well enough to work. But as it is, I've only had to do that maybe 2 days out of the last month. My guts are doing much better now that I can sleep in a bit and don't have to get up at 6 AM for work! I actually feel like something close to a normal human. How weird is that??

Lily is doing okay too. She's resting a lot and still has bad days here and there, but still eating and doesn't seem to be in pain. On Sunday it'll be 8 months since her surgery.
 
I haven't updated this thread in awhile. We had to let Lily go on Thursday. She was pretty suddenly having a lot of symptoms (lost her appetite, vomiting, another seizure, not able to poo, not able to vomit, then she was able to poo but mostly blood came out) and I said that's enough, she's suffering, and I didn't want her to suffer. So we had to put her down.

I'm so, so depressed and sad. I've been crying a lot and haven't had much appetite. I've lost about 4 lbs since Thursday. She was such a good dog, and my house feels so empty without her. So I've been trying to get out of the house as much as I can. I took a bike ride on Friday, a walk on Saturday, and another bike ride Sunday. Today I plan to lift weights. I also volunteered to work overtime this week just to be out of the house more and have the distraction of work.

The vet told me that the crematory guy comes every Wednesday. So he'll pick up Lily's body in 2 days, and then a week after that he'll bring back her ashes. Back when she first got diagnosed with canine hemangiosarcoma, I thought about what I'd want to do with her remains, and I decided on cremation. I bought a little necklace with a tiny urn on it, so that I can put a few of her ashes in it. That way, I can still take her on walks in a way. So I plan to do a lot more fitness and walks to get myself through the grieving process, and I'll take a little part of Lily with me.
 
hey Cat I feel your pain , its good to get out if you can , I love the idea of the little urn , I still cant face scattering Joeys ashes , they are still next to the bed along with my other golden boy Charlie , I find it comforting but I think I will have to do it soon ,
We got rid of almost all of Joeys stuff but we found one of Joeys leads and we are now using it with Alfie
You will never get another Lily as like people they are all different ,
I said never again but here I am with a lunatic puppy who thinks I’m his play buddy and wants to play all the time , but I love my new ball of fur (and teeth)
I wish I could take some of the pain away from you but the pain and tears show us how much they meant to us ,
when you get Lilys ashes back it will help a lot , in my case my Jojo was home with me again , he will always be with me and Lily will always be with you .

Tony
 
I am so sorry for your loss. 😢

I couldn't bare to keep anything after my two cats died several years ago. I moved to a new apartment not too long after they died and I I just brought my memories of them with me. They were my "forever friends" for 12 years.

🌻
 
Cat my friend,just get through one day at a time as best you can.It's all you can do.The sadness and hurt comes from losing her love, and all the happy memories which we think will go on forever.But you did what you had to do for her,and that was the right thing at the end.......over the years I've had to make that decision eight times and it NEVER gets any easier.In fact the older we get the more difficult it is.That's why,although dogs shared my for fifty years, I can't do it any more.But you will smile again at your happy times with her.Sending hugs x
 
It is so hard to part with our beloved pets and I feel so deeply for you Cat.....and sorry for your sad news.
It will take some time to recover but you will do so.....give yourself time.
You are a busy person and this will help.
Feel better soon
Hugs
Trysha
 
I am so sorry to hear about Lily! She really sounded like a sweet girl and I always enjoyed reading about her. I know how your heart must be aching to be without her and i feel so sad for that. The urn necklace sounds like a lovely idea so you can always have her close to your heart. Hugs to you Cat.
 
Cat,just wondering how your doing sweetheart ? I hope you're still enjoying your job,and the extra "spends" at the end of the month. Of course I also hope that your sadness at losing Lily is getting easier to bare.I know those first few weeks only to well,but her pain and your stress and worry are over now. Enjoy your life best you can.
 
Thanks guys. I'm not doing so great. My guts are definitely feeling the effects of grief. I've had low appetite most days, increased cramping nausea etc. I last weighed myself a few days ago, and at that point I had lost about 6 lbs. I started taking CBD oil recently, and that helped for like 2 days, but now I'm back to feeling crummy again. I tried eating cereal just now but I couldn't get down more than 2 bites.

I'm still going through all sorts of emotions. I got Lily's ashes back but that only made me sadder, and frankly, angrier. I don't think the crematory did a good job. I was expecting to get back powedery ashes, but what they gave me was a bunch of little bone fragments. Most reputable crematories will crush the bone fragments into more of a powder-like ash. So now, what do I do? Do I leave her as bone fragments, do I try myself to crush down the bone bits to powder? I don't know. I feel like I failed Lily in some way.

Because I've been feeling crummy, I haven't been exercising much. It's also been ridiculously hot here and my air conditioning at home isn't working properly, so I'm sure that's been contributing to me feeling unwell. Plus I currently have a UTI so I'm on antibiotics which are also surely doing bad things for my guts.

Crying as I write this, and I have to force myself to go to work soon, so I'll sign off for now so that I can pull myself together and pretend to be a normal person for 8 hours. Will try to update more later.
 
Cat I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well. I feel the pain in your words and wish I could reach out and give you a great big hug! Lily was so lucky to have you and in no way have you failed her. You were there for her during her most difficult days and helped ease her pain and suffering . It is so hard to lose our beloved pets but I can tell you the sadness will soften in time. You will always have a place in your heart for Lily and lovely memories too. Maybe when the heat cools down you can start taking your walks again and that might help you emotionally get through some of these hard times. Wishing you well Cat...sending hugs.
 
Cat,that's disgraceful......but here's a thought you might want to consider.

How about burying Lily and her container in a large outdoor / patio plant pot,with a nice shrub or plant.That way if you move house she can go with you. We buried one of our dogs in the garden (hubbies idea) and when we sold up, we had to tell the buyers where he was in case they unearthed him at some time. I hope you feel better soon.
 
I'm not sure at this point what to do with her ashes. I had been planning to eventually scatter her ashes at my grandpa's grave. Grandpa and Lily were very good friends (he'd sometimes call me, and not ask if I could come over, but he'd ask if Lily could come over!). My grandpa loved dogs and he especially loved Lily, he called her his great-grand-dog up until his death 2 years ago. So I always felt like it seemed right to scatter Lily's ashes by my grandpa. But with her ashes not being so ashy, I don't know. I'm afraid it'll look like somebody dumped a bunch of gravel on my grandpa's grave. I'm so unhappy with the work that the crematory did. I know she's "just" a dog and we only paid something like $140 for the cremation, but come on. Every crematory has a cremulator (I've watched too many youtube videos by "Ask a Mortician") that they can use to turn the bone fragments into powder, so I know that the crematory that handled Lily's remains did a lazy/bad job. So now I have to rethink my plan. Maybe see if a mortar & pestle can pulverize her bones into powder? Can I even bring myself to pulverize my dog's bones? I don't know. I hate every part of this situation.
 

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