Contemplating Suicide

[Coherent]

Need help with life.

Hi,

I don't know but, I am a 18 year old boy, I had been diagnosed with this life shuttering disease, I hate it. I just want to start all over again. I honestly hate my life. I'm on my last resort medication (Remicade) the doctors are telling me that it might be wearing off. When the medication is done with me, I do not know where my life is going to take me. I feel worthless.

Marijuana with Remicade is a LIFE SAVER. I am seeing a new specialist next month and I would like to ask him about Hemp pills or Marinol. My parents are brainwashed, I told my mom i smoke and she said to me "I rather you drink alcohol." I told her this morning, she stopped the car right on a 80 kmph highway. She started to yell and as soon as I got home, the toilet was full of blood. I HATE it how people in our society are brain washed by our government's. I am a 18 year old male, 115 pounds and currently taking police courses for college. It is my life dream to be a police officer, but I cannot see myself wearing a uniform at all in my future.

I need help.

 

[Silvermoon]

Did you tell your mom WHY you smoke? It is hard for people to accept marijuana use for exactly the reason you have listed - brainwashed. However, that being said, it IS illegal and, depending on where you live exactly, you could be under the age of majority, which means your parents are responsible for you and your actions.

If you are in college, you know about research and finding valid articles to support your thoughts and ideas.... do the same for your mom. MOST articles out there on MJ and CD are anecdotal, but there IS one (forgive me, I don't have the link on hand, but if you search through the MMJ forum here, I believe it is posted there somewhere... :redface: ).

I was diagnosed pre-teen, so I dealt with CD through school, through university, through marriage..... Everytime I tried a new med, the thought went through my mind - what happens when this stops working?? Well guess what - they eventually did all stop working - but lately I have been able to go back to some of the earlier ones and keep going.... and 25+ years later... I am STILL going......!

I went to uni for nursing. Currently, I am off on disability; have been for over a year, and it's not looking like I am going back to work anytime soon. For while, while in university, I had similar thoughts as you.... how am I going to be able to be a nurse?? I can't work shift work... long hours... physical work... etc.

But I think, like nursing, police work could possibly be tailored to YOUR schedule. No, it's not the same as ACTUALLY wearing a uniform and being out there serving and protecting... but is there somewhere you could compromise?

I guess the biggest thing I am saying is: no one should ever give up on their dreams, especially someone as young as you. I know it seems hard to believe right now, but you DO have a long life ahead of you. Something always comes up to keep us going.....

Until then, it is OK to get down once in awhile. The big thing to remember is to reach out when it gets to feel too much.

I (we) are here to listen when you need to talk......

 

[Coherent]

Thanks Silver.

I told my mom I vaporize because it helps combine the effects with remicade. I do it once a week, and the rest of the week, i am golden. My mom will not drive me to any of my friend's houses now because they do pot, and she knows that I will do it. My stomach is hurting so bad it is unbearable. I told her, I am not stopping unless I start my college full time in September. Until then I will try to apply for MMJ. She told me to "F*** off"

 

[Silvermoon]

Oh my, mom doesn't sound at all supportive, and I am sorry I can't help you with that aspect.... I have been so extremely fortunate in that ALL my family has been supportive in ALL the choices I have made.

I am not advocating going behind mom's back, or doing anything illegal, but applying for MMJ is legit, and if you fit the criteria, I say go for it.

I have never been through the process, so I am no help to you there either... lol ( :redface: ) , but good luck to you.

Squishy cyber hugs from The Moon

 

[Lisa]

Gaetano.....as Silver said it can be hard to talk to people and get them to realize exactly why you take a certain medication or drug....and I agree with everything else she said so I won't repeat it.

Additionally - if you are having symptoms such as extreme pain, you should try to see a doctor sooner rather than later - have they given you any type of prescription painkillers in the past?...and are you on any additional medications besides the Remicade?.....

The disease if only life-shuttering if YOU LET IT BE.....if you look around here there are many people who have been able to get things under control and live a full life - myself included. I was diagnosed before I was 10 years old, and am now going on my 34th YEAR with this disease.,.....has it always been easy? NO....would I change things? Maybe.....but I know there are some things I would NOT change.....

You do need to keep in mind if you want to pursue a career in the police field, the use of marijuana may preclude you from getting a job in that field!.....trust me I know - I work in Emergency Services here in NYS and would NOT be able to keep my job even if I used MMJ.....

Please do take a look around the forum here - read about alternative therapies - and there are MANY! (Not sure what you have tried already?).....

And I will leave you with one last thought.......remember suicide is PERMANENT.....medications/drugs - they can be used long term or short - but having known people who ended their lives waaayyyyy too early......it is not a solution......

 

[David]

Welcome to the forum. I suggest you show your mom this thread: http://www.crohnsforum.com/showthread.php?t=18359 with the studies and anecdotes from people showcasing how medical marijuana is a medicine.

 

[Coherent]

Thank you all of you.

Me and mom had a big discussion in the car. It went from "If you're doing this, you're not driving" to me saying "It helps me" and then back to her saying "It will ruin my career" which I beleive is right. I said I primise I'll stop (But the last time i'll do it is on sunday shh )

She really wants more information on Marinol, and she is supportive of that. Which is kinda weird since Marinol is 2x the dosage of THC than weed haha.

 

[Miss Underestimated]

Well, using an atomizer is more acceptable than smoking, and the smoke is damaging in itself. Give her time.

Sounds like you are pretty strong and mature - you will develop the skills you need to cope with this, and you will be able to help other young people, too. I hope the Remicade gets your disease into remission. Give yourself a chance. There are a lot of new treatments coming out now. Just hang in there.