First Date

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teach28

Joined
Jul 28, 2012
Messages
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Maybe this is a silly question to ask on here, but I don't really have anyone to ask.

I'm about to go on a first date and I was just trying to figure out when I should discuss the whole Crohn's thing. When is the best time to bring it up?

I figured someone on here has been through this and might share their experience with me and/or give some advice.

Thanks!
 
I don't think I would bring it up on a first date - probably wait and see how things went and work it in somewhere along the line in the future.....
 
Hey, I just went through what you are about to do. But I might be a little diff because me and the girl texted for about a month before are actual first date. But on the date I brought it up but didn't go in any big details, just the gist of it and I also was funny with it to play it off as nothing serious. She took it well. Is the date your going on like the first time you have ever talked to this person? If so I would prob hold off on bringing it up. Just use the first date to get to know each other on minor things. I'd prob wait till the 3rd date till I start talking about big things.
 
Thanks for the advice! I've been feeling pretty poopy lately (punn intended. lol) and I have barely felt like getting off the couch. I want to get up and get out, so I figured this date is just what I need! :)

I'm a little nervous about eating anything because it seems like every time I eat I have to run to the bathroom shortly after.

I've gotten pretty comfortable with talking about poop, but I think it's a good idea to wait a little longer to see how things go!

Thanks again!

Sarah
 
teach28 said:
Thanks for the advice! I've been feeling pretty poopy lately (punn intended. lol) and I have barely felt like getting off the couch. I want to get up and get out, so I figured this date is just what I need! :)

I'm a little nervous about eating anything because it seems like every time I eat I have to run to the bathroom shortly after.

I've gotten pretty comfortable with talking about poop, but I think it's a good idea to wait a little longer to see how things go!

Thanks again!

Sarah
Click to expand...

Don't go eatting! There are tons of things to do besides eatting for a date. I took the girl I went with and played 9 holes of golf and then ice cream. It was real laid back and the golf kept us busy while talking so we wernt just sitting at a table which might of had some akward silence ha
 
I would not even mention it on a first date, just be yourself and relax and see if you like them. I used to tell girls on the 3rd date but even that is too soon ithink, I felt like I barely knew them on the 3rd date.

now I want to get to know a girl before I tell her, but thats just me.
 
Have a great time! Both Perfer and Ethan are right - don't talk about it on the first date. Well, unless the date is going really poorly and you want to get away and never see the guy again. Talking about poop might help :). I waited until the third date before I shared "the news". I have an ostomy as well so it needed to be said before any clothes came off! Just kidding! But seriously, play it by ear. If you do go on a second and third date and you really feel that the relationship could be going somewhere, you should talk about it then. If it is going to scare him away you'll want to find out before you get to emotionally invested. By the way, the guy that I waited to tell, he is now my husband!
Good luck and let us know how it goes!!
 
PattyLynn-

Thanks for the advice and thanks for sharing. It sounds like you've been through a lot! I have had those terrible dates that I would do pretty much anything to get out of, so I'll have to keep that in mind! :) I'll let you know how this one goes!
 
The date went really well. We went bowling. I won the first game, he won the second. Then we sat and talked for like an hour! :)

Thanks for asking Tammy!
 
We've been texting and talking on the phone for a few weeks. He really opened up to me quickly and told me a lot about himself, which I like.

We are doing something else tonight when he gets off of work! Not sure what yet...maybe a movie! :)
 
So, date number two was pretty great too! We hung out for a couple of hours and had fun! He asked what I'm doing tomorrow, so I'm pretty sure there's date number three!! :)

I haven't been feeling that great lately and I'm not sure how I'll feel tomorrow. What if I feel like crap? How do I let him know that it's not him, I just don't feel good and don't want to do much of anything?
 
Damnnnnn gettin it ha. But maybe withing the next few days start to tell him about it. Since you said he opened up to you alot and you like him for that, maybe if you open yourself up he'll look past crohn's and just like you more
 
Congratulations girl!! It sounds like it is going well. If he opened up to you, he obviously feels very comfortable with you - that's good. It means he enjoys your company and trusts you with his personal stuff. So, Ethan might be right (man, I sure am turning into an Ethan supporter!) if you are not feeling well, just tell him that sometimes you have problems with your stomach (he doesn't need to know the nitty gritty details all at once - 'stomach' is more vague than 'intestinal trouble') and that you just happen to be having a bad day. Assure him that you would like to see him again but that you wouldn't be much fun because you feel like crap (he'll understand that reference in the future!). I am sure he won't take it personally. Besides, you don't want to make yourself too available! You gotta leave him hanging once in awhile!
So, so, so happy for you!!!!!! :)
Trish
 
I feel like conversations about chronic diseases should wait for a few dates or until you have a rush to the bathroom moment lol. Make sure they focus on you at first and not the disease.
 
So, one thing I forgot to mention is that he's a nurse and does home health care. Does that change what or when I tell him? Should I just stick with "stomach troubles"? Does that mean he may actually have some idea what Crohn's is?

Date number three is tonight. We're going to see a movie. Then, maybe we should have a little space on Saturday. He just keeps asking "What are you doing tomorrow?" and I keep wanting to hang out with him. :) He's seriously one of the nicest guys I've met in a while.

Thanks for the support and advice!! I'll keep letting you know how things go.

I'm so glad I found this forum! I have family back home (Michigan) that I can talk to and a couple friends here (North Carolina) that know about my "Poop" issues. I like talking to them, but it's different here because you guys know exactly what I'm talking about. :)
 
He most likely will know what crohns is then. And that will prob be a good thing. He won't just guess what it is and freak himself out like what I think most people who don't now what it is do. Looks like you guys are going good.
 
I would say that it is a good thing he is a nurse. You don't have to be vague and say "stomach problems" and you can be honest and use the word Crohn's Disease. As a medical professional, he must have a basic understanding and alot of the stigma and weirdness lay people have won't be there for him.

He sounds VERY into you:) I am really happy for you!!
 
I used to be so vague with my now husband when we first started dating and all it did was confuse him and make him think the worst! Crohn's didn't let me hide forever; I was sick many times while we were on dates or I was visiting him (we were long distance for a year).

I NEVER thought I could share this stuff with anyone, now five years later, he has seen me through sickness, pain, fistulas, and even an ostomy. It has only made us stronger!

Good luck! If he is worth your time, he will stick around. :)
 
Glad this topic was posted. I'm wondering about the same thing. The guy i started dating last week, knows i have AS, cause he was meeting me after a support group and that I have "stomach issues" but i sort of dismissed both as no big deal (ha!). i am hiding from him that I'm having a colonoscopy tomorrow. just don't know how to bring up the truth with out geting that sad look.
 
Funny Story: My wife had to take a few days off of work about a year ago to help me with a procedure, so she had to tell her boss that I have Crohns because he is nosy and wanted to know why. He asked her if she knew I had Crohns before she married me, to which she replied 'yes' he said ewww that wasn't the smartest decision you've made in your life lol. Normally this would be something to get offended by but her boss is actually right the only thing worse than having Crohns is taking care of someone who has it. If someone knew what was in store for them down the road most people would run the other direction, don't hide anything about your disease be proud of yourself but ease people into it, you want them to focus on you and how much you have to offer them which makes the Crohns just something that has to be dealt with.
 
I can't even say 'stomach problems' I'd have to say 'butt problems' so I generally wait until it's entirely necessary to say anything, or until I have a hospital appointment and they ask why I'm going or something. I feel like I want to be me, not sick me, when with someone new, but I'm only really just getting used to the idea of having Crohn's, so I don't even yet think of myself as being ill so it's hard to be thought of that way by someone you like (if that makes sense). In the past I've rushed into relationships but I think now I'd be more cautious and take things more slowly, meaning you don't have to talk about things as personal as your health until you're sure you're headed toward a relationship.
 

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