Grandparents

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An interesting development although I'm still not sure what any of it means. My dad had suggested that we all go to visit my grandparents on Sunday to get a better feel for the situation - all of us meaning me, my husband, my brother, and my parents. So my dad called my grandpa to set things up - and my grandpa only wants to see me, my husband, and my dog. My parents and brother are not invited.

This is troubling to me, because yesterday when I thought that my grandpa was going to stop dialysis and die soon, I freaked out and told my dad that my grandpa should at least see my dog one more time before he dies (my grandpa loves loves loves dogs and he is obsessed with my dog, he's always asking me how she's doing and he is sad when he can't see her and he refers to her as his "great-grand-dog", like she's my child and therefore his great-grandchild). So in a state of panic I had told my dad that my grandpa should see my dog once more, and my grandpa apparently liked the idea (he hasn't seen my dog in awhile).

I was told that we're not having lunch on Sunday, not going anywhere nor doing anything, that it'll just be a short visit with just me and hubby and our dog at my grandparents' condo. We *always* have lunch when we get together, so the no lunch mandate is weird. Sooo. Maybe my grandpa just wants to visit with us and see my dog and that's it, no ulterior motive. Or maybe he is still thinking that he'll stop dialysis soon and does indeed want to see my dog (and me) one more time before he dies. I'm nervous and I don't know what this visit means. I guess I won't find out until Sunday. Until then I will continue to be a nervous wreck...
 
I saw my grandparents yesterday and fortunately it was a (mostly) good visit. My grandma is still taking the dementia pill, even though she still refuses to accept that she has dementia. (I still don't know what pill it is, but my grandpa said that it won't make my grandma any better but it may slow the progression of her dementia.) My grandpa is still on dialysis, he didn't skip even one session. But he did say that he was serious, that if my grandma doesn't at least try then he will stop trying as well. He did say that he's ready to go, that if he dies tomorrow that's okay because he's lived "one hell of a life". So I don't know how much longer he has, usually when people are ready to go they don't tend to stick around much longer.

It sounds like for now though he's going to keep on living. He's had some issues with fluid in his lungs, which apparently dialysis mostly helps with, but sometimes it builds up too much and he has to have the fluid drained off his lungs. So if that issue keeps happening then he may have to have a permanent drain put in so that a doctor can drain the fluid regularly (like on a daily basis or every other day). He really doesn't want that because it would mean possibly going to the doctor every single day. Right away when he said that, though, my grandma said she can take him to the doctor every day for that or do whatever needs to be done. So that's a possibility although my grandpa still doesn't want to go that route if he can avoid it.

There were a couple moments of my grandma's anger coming out. For the most part, she was my sweet and kind grandma, but a couple times she snapped at my grandpa. At one point, when my grandpa was discussing my grandma's memory issues, she snapped at him, "I'm not mentally defective, you're mentally defective!" (Nobody had called her mentally defective, my grandpa just said that she had misplaced some things.) But that was the worst of her anger, so it wasn't too bad.

I of course had my hubby and dog with me, and most of the time my grandparents were petting my dog, and I think my dog had a calming effect on my grandma. She kept talking about their old dog that they had many years ago (before I was born) and my grandma kept saying that their old dog loved my grandpa the most. Then I think she got a bit confused and was saying that my dog loves my grandpa the most (the person my dog loves the most is whoever has food - she loves food the most!). So then my grandma got a little bit snippy whenever my dog went near my grandpa because "she loves him the most, not me". Ugh.

But at any rate, it was a good visit overall. I got the information I wanted, which is that my grandpa is still going to dialysis and my grandma is still taking the dementia pill. So for now they're holding on, basically. I don't want to say they're okay because I know that's not really true.

Still, it was a good visit. I went in to the visit knowing that this might be the last time I see my grandparents, and I'm okay with it if that was indeed the last time. Honestly, every time I get to see them is like a bonus. My grandpa really should have died 10 years ago when he had his cardiac arrest - he was basically dead, no heartbeat and not breathing. They did CPR and defibrillation and got him back on the lucky 7th time that they shocked his heart. But statistically, he basically won the lottery that day - the odds of surviving a cardiac arrest outside of a hospital setting (he was at the airport baggage claim when he had his cardiac arrest), those odds are somewhere between 1% and 5% depending on which statistics you believe. And then, even if you do survive, the odds of having no brain damage are also very low. My grandpa survived with no brain damage even though his heart was stopped for something like 5 minutes. So yeah, the fact that he survived when he really should have died 10 years ago, these past 10 years have really been wonderful and I'm well aware of the fact that statistically he really shouldn't be here. So every time I get to see my grandpa is a bonus and I can't be sad. I know it'll still be sad when he passes, but it's been amazing to have these 10 bonus years.
 
Glad your visit went mostly well!!! After all that scare, you needed that. I know what you mean about being thankful. But, we'll be here for you when that day comes. You'll know where to find me. Lots of hugs in the meantime!!! :)
 
Thank you Cross-stitch, you're always so kind. :) You know where to find me as well if you need me. Although, I am going to Japan and I'll be without internet or phone for a few weeks. I won't be online at all (maybe briefly on facebook just to upload photos if I can find free wifi). Apparently free wifi is really hard to find in Japan, which is weird. I have a map of free wifi hotspots but they are few and far between, even in Tokyo. So anyway, I will be offline from March 29 - April 21. But anytime other than that, you know how to get ahold of me on here and on facebook! And I will post lots of photos and updates when I get back from Japan for sure!
 
Had a really strange dream this morning. I saw some really old pictures of my family. Pictures of when I was 10 or younger with my great grandpa and grandma. And then my great grandparents were so close that I could almost touch them but couldn't and I kept calling them. Weirdest thing is my grandpa's parents have been gone since the 80's. Made me think about grandpa and granny.
 
Sounds like, not a bad dream. It's good that you got to know your great-grandparents. All of my great-grandparents died long before I was born. My grandma lost both of her parents when she was 18 or 19, and I know her father had UC - he's actually the only other person in my family related by blood who had IBD that I know of. (I have an aunt who has Crohn's, but she's related by marriage, not blood, so I can't use her to claim a family history of IBD.) I wish I could talk to him for just like 5 minutes, in particular to ask him about his UC and how he got diagnosed and at what age, etc. My grandma was able to tell me that her father had UC (and apparently also TB and some type of cancer), but she couldn't give me any details. I'm not even sure which illness killed him, he had all 3 of those going on at the same time which sounds horrible. I don't think UC was even all that common in the 1950s? (He died in 1952 I believe.) So yeah, I wish I could pick his brain, but I never got to meet any of my great-grandparents so that's a moot point I guess.

No news from my grandparents - hopefully no news is good news. I'm going to Japan in 5 days so there won't be updates from me for awhile!
 
Here's the latest on Grandpa & Granny.

Steady decline is the best we can describe the folks. The big thing is that Dad had ear surgery during the week to remove a skin cancer. They were glad they got it all. The doctor stripped a little peeling of skin from behind the ear to replace the missing tissue and bandaged it all up nice and tight. We're having problems keeping the tape down on the back of his head, though. It comes loose when he moves his head or when his shirt collar rubs against it. Oh well, more tape!
 
My grandpa died in his sleep this morning. I just got the news so I'm sort of in that shocked stage right now, hasn't really sunk in yet. He went peacefully and he had told me that he's ready to go, and he got to see my dog one last time, and I know he was very ill for a long time. So it's not tremendously sad but it's still sad. I have no idea what's going to happen with my grandma, apparently my uncle is working on that now since he's got the power of attorney thing. My grandma apparently wasn't too shocked, my mom said that grandma was more confused as to how to work the telephone than anything and she was pretty calm with finding her husband dead. Anyway. I'm going to be off the forum for a bit while we deal with grandma and funeral stuff and so on. I'll talk to you guys later and I'll be checking facebook periodically BUT for now please don't say anything on my public wall on facebook because apparently not all my cousins have been informed of the news yet. Thanks guys.
 
Not a problem Cat. It took us a while to get the word out to all of our family as well. I was worried about someone mentioning it on facebook as well but thankfully no one did.

I'm really sorry to hear that he's passed away and I hope your Grandma will get all the help she needs. My Grandma didn't have much of a reaction to my Grandpa passing either. My oldest uncle has been living with her for at least 6 months now so she has someone with her at all times.

Take care of yourself Cat. You can contact me anytime. :hug:
 
I spent a lot of time with my grandma yesterday. She definitely had a reaction, it's just that her dementia messed with it somewhat. So apparently what happened was, my grandpa died in his sleep at some point during the night/morning and my grandma found him dead when she woke up. She called 911 and then called a few family members. The ambulance and police came and took him away and my uncle came over to take care of my grandma and start things going on the power of attorney.

But, my grandma remembers none of it. Nothing. She kept asking me, how did grandpa die? Did I find him? Did he die in his sleep? At one point, she even asked me, is he alive? I kept telling her that he died and that she was the one who found him, that he went peacefully in his sleep. And she kept saying, she has absolutely zero memory of any of that happening. I'm not sure if that's all the dementia, or if it was so awful to find her husband dead that she blocked it out, or a combo of both. But at any rate, she was pretty confused as to how he died and who found him and what transpired.

She's definitely had a reaction though, she kept getting weepy yesterday. She said several heartbreaking things to me and my brother. She said several times that she's been with him since she was 14 (they were high school sweethearts) and what is she going to do now? And at one point she sadly looked at my brother and I and said, What good is a grandma without a grandpa? She's obviously very sad but also her dementia is making her confused about things. When I first got to her condo, she said that she didn't expect either herself or grandpa to die until they were in their 80's. And I was like, grandma, you're 83 and grandpa was 84. She couldn't believe it, she has no idea what age she is. She asked me several more times how old she is, she just couldn't remember.

My dad and uncle are helping her today. They arranged a lot of the funeral details yesterday but today they have to go to the florist to pick out flowers for the funeral, and my dad is also taking her to a retirement home to see if she likes it (if not, we have a different home in a nearby city in mind). She absolutely cannot be on her own. Her paranoia has gotten just plain weird. She told us several stories yesterday (each story was told about 6 different times to us), one was that a man in a maintenance uniform used a key to come into her condo in the middle of the night and to steal $100 from my grandpa and the money was in his dresser drawer in the bedroom which is how she saw the man (she's had many stories of a man coming in, moving things around and stealing things, but it's really just her - she moves things and then with her dementia she can't remember doing it and thinks somebody stole it or whatever). Also she said that a friend of hers was too inquisitive or something, and that one day two big dark cars pulled up and some men got out and set off an explosion and then the friend had to go to the mental institution for one whole year. Right, because we clearly have the mafia in my grandma's small town in Wisconsin and they don't actually explode inquisitive old ladies, just scare them till they go crazy (my grandma also swears she witnessed the cars and the men and the explosion). So yeah, she's super paranoid to the point of being delusional, but we're trying to use it to our advantage to get her into a nursing home. My dad kept saying, if you don't feel safe here then we'll get you moved out right away and into a safer place, like the retirement home across town. And she seemed amenable to that idea, saying she has friends and relatives in that retirement home. So far so good.

I still can't put anything on facebook, but I had to vent about this stuff somewhere, so thanks guys for listening. I'll be on sporadically at best this week. My grandpa's visitation is Saturday and his funeral is Sunday (1 week from today - my uncle wanted to wait until the weekend so that more people could come to the funeral). In the meantime, I'm going to help out with my grandma as much as I can. Help her pack and get moved and make sure she's fed and taking her medicine and so on. I get 4 bereavement days at work, and I'm just going to go in to work briefly on Monday morning to take care of a few things and then I'll be off the rest of the week to help with my grandma and with the funeral arrangements and so on. But you guys might see me in this thread periodically with updates since I need this outlet to get this stuff out.

Thanks Jenn and Cross-stitch, you guys are always so sweet to me. Big hugs to you both!
 
My grandpa's 90th birthday is tomorrow and my 2 aunts, their husbands and my parents are there to celebrate. I'm sure I will find out info on how my grandparents are doing sometime after the folks come back from IN.

With all that's been happening between the three of us. I think a big group hug is in order!!! :ghug:
 
Indeed! :ghug:

Cat it's very possible that what she saw was too traumatic for her as well as the dementia being so bad to where she wouldn't remember. That's not really a memory you want to have though. I did see my Grandpa many hours after he had passed and I'd like to unsee that immediately but can't. It wasn't in person but my mom had apparently taken pictures for whatever reason and I unfortunately got to see those pictures while we were trying to find happy photos of him to share at the funeral. In a way, I hope she never remembers that.

My Grandpa also made up many stories just like the ones your Grandma has. It was usually about his possessions like a car or his leather jacket etc. that someone came in to steal. Only things he mentioned that seemed like they were from a movie was when he said there were snakes everywhere in the train he was currently riding. We came to visit him on the train I guess and assured him that there were no snakes but definitely told his doctor about it later so they could make some adjustments to his medications.

Don't worry about the forum at all. Just take whatever time you need to be with your family and to just have time for yourself. We'll still be here. :)
 
Oh my goodness Jenn!!! I don't think I could handle it if my mom did that. I can totally understand wanting to unsee that.

I totally agree Cat. The we'll be here when you return. Take all the time you need...
 
Oh man. My grandma's dementia is brutal. I spent the day with her today, took her shopping as she needed to buy an outfit to wear to my grandpa's funeral. We had lunch before going clothes shopping. We went to a little deli she likes where there are only like 4 things on the menu (the menu changes daily but there's only ever like 4 things apparently). Wow, even the very small menu confused my grandma greatly and she couldn't focus. She kept asking me, what are you going to have? And I said, the chicken sandwich. And she'd ask, oh, don't you want any soup? Well, the soup was all either beef or tomato-based and I can't do either so I said no soup. So after going through that conversation about 8 times, she ordered soup and I ordered my sandwich and she asked again, Oh, you aren't going to have any soup? For the 9th time, no thank you! It's so tough to be patient when you literally answer the same question over and over and over again. She also asked me many times today how old she is. How old am I? You're 83, grandma. I am? How old am I? Lather, rinse, repeat.

Also, this is worrying to me but also it's so odd I can't help but laugh. My parents knew I was going over there today and they gave me the mission of looking (discreetly) for my grandma's pill bottle(s) and secretly writing down or photographing with my phone whatever info I could - her doctor's name, what medication it is, etc. So, I looked around her condo as much as I could. There were only 2 pill bottles that I saw in the whole place, and they were on the kitchen counter. Next to the pill bottles was a container of lemon drop candy. And, inside each of the pill bottles, it also appeared that instead of medicine, it was just more lemon drop candy... seriously. I don't think she's taking actual medicine, I think she's just having a piece of candy on a daily basis. Um, yikes. I told my dad that and he just laughed but I think he also wanted to cry a little. That was basically my reaction too. A lemon drop a day does not keep the dementia at bay.

Things are about to get more hectic here which is a good thing - reinforcements are coming. My aunt who lives in Arizona, and her two sons (my cousins) who live in LA and NYC are all coming home to WI in the next couple of days. That will give me and my dad and my uncle some respite from helping out my grandma. My dad and I are at our wits end and my uncle sounded extremely frazzled when I talked to him on the phone this morning.
 
Grandpa celebrated his 90th birthday yesterday with my mom & dad and mom's two sisters and their husbands and granny. Dad sent my husband a text with pictures of my grandparents. Grandpa doesn't look too bad given being 90 years old. But, Granny is deteriorating fast.

Apparently My folks have been going around with my aunt looking at nursing homes for my grandparents. Especially since Granny will go out of the apartment half dressed. It's getting time for them both to get more and better care.

Cat, my heart goes out to you right now. Lots of hugs... :hug:
 
I love me some lemon drop candy as well. I wish it did... something. :p Maybe my old self many hopefully decades from now, will remember what your grandma did and I'll put different candies in my pill bottles. Some Nerds, Skittles, Reese' Pieces etc. Or maybe I should just have a separate pill bottle filled with candy. It sounds good right now. On a serious note, that IS something! I wonder how long she hasn't been taking it. The bottles should have a fill date on them so maybe that will tell how long it's been. Someone will definitely have to take over handling her medication for sure.

That's good news on getting a much needed rest. I had a hard time relinquishing control when help finally came for us. Myself and my parents were already too far gone once help came. My back was destroyed and my mom had a mental breakdown. Except that once the caregivers were gone, then my Grandpa was finally placed somewhere because my Grandma finally realized that she couldn't care for him (she didn't do ANYTHING while we were there). The road to disaster, Hell, (insert bad thing here) is definitely paved with good intentions. Hope your Grandma will get what she needs and your family will be able to take care of themselves. :)


Cross-stitch gal I hope your Grandparents get what they need as well. At least we're all learning a lot about this in case we find ourselves in a similar situation in the very far away future. My dad said that he'll probably take care of himself (take himself out so to speak) before he gets like that so he can save us the trouble of doing the same thing again in the future. It was all very "ha ha" at the time when he mentioned it but he's probably serious. In a way I don't blame him.
 
I totally agree that the lemon drops sure sound better than the drugs I have to take on a daily basis!!! I hope we each can get some time off for relaxation after all this.

Husband and I talked to my folks today. The pictures of my grandparents don't seem so bad. It's just their mental state that you don't see. My aunt is doing more and more for them between bathing and bathroom necessities. This is taking more and more of my aunt's time and less time that she could be working to help provide a living for her and my uncle. Plus, I'm sure it's exhausting.

The folks tried to get the ball rolling to force my aunt and uncle to get medicare/medicaid running and to get started with trying to get them into a nursing home. My aunt is supposed to keep them updated. If, she doesn't do what my folks suggested, my folks maybe driving back to IN this next month in June to get the balls rolling. The hard part is that my aunt just can't let go.

Needless to say, it's not looking good...
 
Things are looking up, slightly. My aunt from Arizona came yesterday and she's staying with my grandma (her mom). Nobody knew how that was going to go - my grandma was mad at my aunt for a long time, she thought that my aunt stole money from my grandpa (that's another of my grandma's concocted delusions, my aunt did not steal any money). So my aunt got there and apparently my grandma couldn't remember why she was even mad at my aunt, so she's no longer mad. :p They're apparently getting along great, today my aunt gave my grandma a pedicure and then they had a fashion show where my grandma showed off the new clothes she bought when I took her shopping. So they're having fun and I got to have a nice day to myself where I didn't worry about what grandma is doing or who is taking care of her.

Yeah, the lemon drops thing is both worrying and slightly funny, and not a bad idea for myself. Maybe if I just had some prescription candy to take on a daily basis, things would be better. :p I guess I didn't even really look for labels on the pill bottles because I was so floored by the lemon drops rather than medicine being in the pill bottles. And I haven't been thinking super clearly this week anyway. But I will try to look for the last refill date next time I'm over there which should be shortly - grandpa's visitation is on Saturday and the funeral is Sunday, and I'll be there for both.
 
Wow, my grandma is really losing it now. Apparently, today she told my aunt that she and my grandpa were separated for awhile (they were not). So my aunt asked, why were you separated? Oh, because he had a girlfriend. (For the record, he did not.) Oh, and where did you live when you were separated? I lived on a cloud! ...Um, what? Yes, my grandma seriously said she lived on a cloud. So that's become the new inside joke in my family now. My dad called me and told me he lives on a cloud. :p We have to laugh because otherwise we'll cry. We're going to cry anyway (tomorrow is the visitation, Sunday is the funeral, and just ugggh it's going to be tough to get through 2 days of that) so we have to laugh when we can.
 
Yesterday was a really hard day. We had the funeral and burial for my grandpa. They did a 21 gun salute and played taps at the graveyard, since my grandpa had been in the army during the Korean war (although he wasn't in Korea, he was stationed in France as a medic the whole time so he wasn't exactly on the front lines - still, his time in the service qualified him to get military honors at his funeral, so that was nice). My grandma squeezed my hand so hard when they fired the guns, I thought she was going to break my fingers. Then, the freaking funeral director was about to say something nice to my grandma, when his cell phone rang and he actually walked away and answered it! During a funeral! So rude. They also did a really shoddy job of burying my grandpa (the dirt was not neatly mounded on the grave, it was just a mess, and there were tons of tree branches sticking out, it looked so disrespectful and crappy). We're hoping that since he was buried on a Sunday, that they maybe don't really do burials on Sundays so maybe they just did a temporary quickie job, but that hopefully today they'll bring out some proper equipment and fix his burial area so that it looks less awful. I plan to go back to the graveyard soon and check on things and I will complain loudly if his burial plot still looks like a hot mess.

Maybe on Memorial Day, in fact. That's what Memorial Day is for, right? To remember and honor the fallen troops? My grandpa was in the army and he's dead now, so I think that counts? And actually my other grandfather, my mom's dad, was a WWII vet (my mom's parents both died way before I was born so I never met them, I've only ever had one set of living grandparents). So maybe I could get some flowers and make a day of visiting my two grandfathers' graves. Is that appropriate, or super depressing? Or both? Also, would it be weird or depressing if I sat by my grandpa's grave and read Winnie the Pooh? He had a thing for Pooh, he read it aloud to his kids and the grandkids when everyone was little. His favorite character was Eeyore (which, if you knew him, that's so appropriate and so him). I might have to find a little toy Eeyore and put it on his grave. Oh man, I'm going to cry just thinking about this.

We did get some good news. Well, not good for my grandma's neighbor but hopefully good for my grandma. Obviously I've talked about this a lot, my grandma has some fairly bad dementia and is currently living on her own with zero help - she needs some form of help. So, my grandma's neighbor had a nurse who came by a few times a week to help her out, but the neighbor apparently just died like 3 days after my grandpa did. The nurse showed up, but her client/the neighbor didn't answer the door, so the ambulance was called and it turns out the neighbor had died. My uncle was there and asked the nurse if she'd like a new client, my grandma. The nurse said sure! But in the confusion with the ambulance being there to take away the dead neighbor and my uncle needing to move his car so that the ambulance could get by, the nurse left before anybody could get her name or contact info. Crap. Well, yesterday morning as my cousin arrived at my grandma's condo, he saw a younger woman by the neighbor's place and he said hello and it turned out to be the nurse's daughter who had come to pick up some of her mother's things - so my cousin got the nurse's contact info! :D My grandma actually likes this nurse, she said something along the lines of, "If anybody's going to come over and boss me around and tell me what to do, I'd like it to be her." Close enough, so fingers crossed that the nurse can start taking care of my grandma very soon. It seemed like such serendipity that we got the nurse's contact info on the same day as my grandpa's funeral - several family members said it must be a sign from my grandpa, that he knew we needed that contact info. I don't believe in such things, but it was a nice coincidence for sure.

My grandma has never accepted help before (and you guys know we've tried!), but I think it was because of her weird jealousy issues. Like, in her mind it was her job to take care of the condo and my grandpa, and any other person (particularly any other woman) who comes in is clearly trying to steal my grandma's job and her husband. Well, now my grandma no longer has a husband to be jealous over, and I think she'd like having some company because she's suddenly on her own, and she's clearly not able to keep her condo very clean on her own, so she seems way more amenable to the idea of having someone come in and help. My grandma had been hugely jealous of my aunt (her own daughter) the last time she was over and tried to help with cleaning and such (this was a few years ago), but when my aunt came for the funeral, suddenly she and my grandma were the best of friends again and she got to help and clean a lot without any animosity from my grandma. So if there's a silver lining to my grandpa's death, it's that (hopefully) my grandma will actually finally get some outside help. And the nurse that my grandma likes, she apparently does housekeeping in addition to nursing. My grandma said that the nurse would regularly do the laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc of the neighbor lady. So that would be wonderful. My uncle said he was going to call the nurse today, so hopefully everything works out.
 
Edit: Ordered an Eeyore figurine on amazon. I have prime so it'll be here on Wednesday. Memorial Day plans are a go. I have my own dog-eared copy of The World of Pooh so I just need to get some flowers and a couple flags for the graves. Maybe some hostas, too. Apparently awhile back, my grandma went around and planted hostas on all the graves of all the relatives in the cemeteries in her town (there are a fair number of relatives, my grandparents' families have both lived in the same town for generations). So my grandpa might need some hostas of his own since my grandma likely isn't able to plant them herself anymore.
 
My goodness it was quite the day yesterday!!!!! The memorial day visit sounds like a wonderful idea!

I hope the nurse and your grandma will do well together. It'd be a nice change for you too and hopefully you'll be able to just visit more often and take it easier. Lots of hopes and hugs!!!
 
The nurse is meeting with my grandma and my uncle today, so I'm hopeful that all will go well. Also, I think I've mentioned that I have an uncle on the other side of the family (my mom's brother) who also has dementia? He's going today with some other family members to look at assisted living facilities. He's much less stubborn than my grandma, he accepts that there's a problem where he can't care for himself (he can't drive, he forgets to feed himself, and he wanders a lot - he apparently had some mini-strokes which destroyed the part of his brain that deals with directions and knowing where he is spatially or something like that). So my grandma is hopefully getting a nurse and my uncle is hopefully getting into assisted living, all good things (presuming all goes well today!).

Oh, and the Memorial Day grave visits are happening for sure and I told my mom the plan - she loved the idea, so now my mom is coming with me, and maybe my brother too. Although we might go on Sunday instead of Monday because there's a chance of rain on Monday. My mom liked the idea of planting hostas by the graves, too, so I'll either pick up some hostas or I'll just split up some of the large hostas in my yard (I have monster sized hostas!). I do like the idea of bringing a little bit of my own hostas to my grandpa so I'm leaning towards that. It feels more personal that way.
 
Cross-stitch, I love hostas. They come back every year, and they require basically zero care. We had a really bad drought a few years back which killed a lot of the plants in my yard and I thought my hostas were dead too, but nope, the next year they came right back! And if they get huge, I just split them up into smaller parts and each part will still live. I don't exactly have a green thumb so plants like hostas are definitely perfect for me, as they're almost impossible to kill and don't require any care. I hadn't heard of hostas either until I became a homeowner and suddenly had to care somewhat about landscaping. Then I was all about the hostas! :p They can be pretty, there are a lot of varieties and all the ones I have in my yard will get small purple flowers in later summer.
 
It's a good news/ bad news/ good news kind of day. The initial good news is that the meeting with the nurse went really well! She agreed to come by and help my grandma 3 times a week, and she's available to come by as many as 5 times a week. Excellent!

The bad news is that my grandma is doing worse than we thought and the nurse might be a moot point because my grandma clearly needs full time, round the clock care, not just care a few times a week. Apparently today my grandma was wandering around outside at her condo complex, knocking on random garage doors (not her own) and saying, "This is my garage, let me in!" I didn't know she was doing wandering behavior, that's scary. Apparently it sounds like it's been going on for awhile but my grandpa either kept it under wraps, or kept her under more control, something like that. Now that she's on her own, she's free to wander without my grandpa being there to reign her in or cover for her. And her condo complex is trying to force her out because of this behavior, which is also scary but hopefully ultimately a good thing. If she's forced out then she really HAS to go into assisted living or a nursing home. She's not moving in with family and she can't be on her own, so her only option is to go into a facility where she can get some proper care.

It seems like it might actually be a reality that she's forced out of her condo - today she told my mom that she's getting rid of some things (she's a hoarder so she doesn't get rid of things except when she moves - the last time she purged items was when my grandparents moved into the condo which was over 10 years ago). Literally my mom messaged me just now and asked if I'd like my grandma's second refrigerator (she's a food hoarder in addition to hoarding non-food items). I said no because my fridge at home is pretty new and I have no need for 2 fridges (I have some food hoarding tendencies as well but I keep myself in check as I don't want to end up like my dad and grandma). So yeah, if she's purging an entire fridge, she's gearing up to move. So she's got at least some understanding of reality if she grasps the idea that she probably needs to move soon - this has got to be ultimately a good thing.

Honestly, the only surprising part to me is that things are happening this quickly. My grandpa has been dead for less than 2 weeks and already she's basically being evicted from her condo. I figured she'd last at least a few months on her own before something like this happened. Nope, more like 11 days! But this has to be a positive thing. For now she has the nurse coming by, and in the near future she'll hopefully be in a nursing home or assisted living. As long as she doesn't wander too much/ too far when the nurse isn't around, then things should turn out okay.
 
I'm sorry everything is happening so fast for you Cat! :( I'm happy to hear that the nurse has agreed to help you guys out though. Hopefully things will go smoothly for your grandma no matter what happens.
 
Aunt Ruth wrote last night. My grandparents in IN seem to be getting worse. Sounds like a nursing home is looking like a better place for both of them. But, I know that once they're in one they'll be going downhill even faster. Don't want to see them in this much pain, but it's hard letting them go. Here's what's happening.

Did it in the next post because it's so long...
 
Hi everyone,

Normal week of poopy bottoms, poopy clothes, poopy towels, discovering no underwear being worn, and even poopy carpet (three times). Mom keeps wearing Dad's good dress shirts, even his suit coat with rolled up sleeves. This requires returning them to hangers in Dad's side of the closet. She wears it for a couple minutes, then changes and throws it all in the dirty clothes basket, from which we return it to the closet. She also "stays busy" by moving things around in drawers and throwing away the arm guard off her recliner, and many other irritating signs of dementia.

Dad has general confusion about what day it is, what time it is, why we are there, and what is next. He allowed Dan to help him with his shower tonight for the first time because of his unsteadiness. Dad's ear doctor appointment is this Tuesday to evaluate the healing process.

The specifics: excitement this week included Dad being very, very weak when he stood, due to his painful knee, resulting in two falls on Thursday bedtime and Friday midday. The staff came and helped get him up. Thursday's fall didn't seem too bad, so we just watched him. Friday's was a little more serious, so we took him to Med Express where they found two slightly fractured ribs (7th and 8th) on the x-ray. His right shoulder hurt; turns out it was heavily calcified and the fall broke it loose. These will all mend on their own with time and increased Ibuprofen.

He is using a walker to get around the apartment, cumbersome but workable. After the second fall, we brought in the wheelchair to get back and forth to dining room.

The Medicaid applications have been submitted. We are awaiting the interview in the next seven days.

Today (Saturday) we visited the second nursing home on our short list in Middletown, 5 miles down the road. It was adequate but less upgraded. The head of nursing (another male RN) gave us a nice tour. They have proposed to change the rehab hallway into a locked Alzheimer's hallway but that approval hasn't come down from HQ yet. We felt confident in his skills and sensitivity. The Summitville is still ahead of it on our preference list. There's no point to visit the Pendleton third option because it's just as far away, and that's a snooty town and the folks won't feel comfortable there.

CrownPointe is working well with us; the staff have been very helpful when we needed them. They are checking in on their room frequently.

So we're just waiting for the process to move through its stages. We are hopeful it will move rather swiftly.
 
Hugs to you, Cross-stitch. I hope they can get into a good nursing home. Keep us posted.

On that subject, it sounds like that's where my grandma is headed as well, to a nursing home. She's still doing not well at all mentally. She's now apparently unable to shower on her own. I saw her on Sunday and she seems to not have had a shower since my grandpa's funeral (a full week prior). Fortunately, the nurse starts coming by this week, so hopefully she'll get my grandma to have a shower.

We took my grandma out to lunch and went to grandpa's grave on Sunday. On our way back to my grandma's condo, my parents stopped at a sub sandwich shop so that they could get a sandwich to put in my grandma's fridge so that she'd have something to eat for dinner (she's a food hoarder and has tons of food in her two fridges, but the vast majority of it has gone bad because she never cleans out old food, so although she has food we don't want her to eat it!). I stayed and chatted with my grandma in the car while my parents were in the sub shop, and it was a pretty troubling conversation. She didn't know basic facts about her own living situation. My grandma asked me, "Do I still live in the same place, or somewhere else?" I told her she's still in the same condo that she's lived in for 10+ years. "And do I live with someone, does somebody live with me?" I had to inform her that no, she's all alone now that grandpa's gone. "Oh... that must be very lonely!" :( Yes, I'm sure it is.

She needs to be in a home, like, now. Fortunately, there's one really good nursing home in her city. And, my grandpa apparently was on the board of that nursing home up until he became a judge, so it turns out we've got connections there. There's usually at least an 8 month waiting list to get in to this particular home, but they told my uncle that they currently have one opening, and it's in the memory unit (where the dementia people are placed, so that's perfect). Needless to say, they're now holding that opening for my grandma and my uncle put down a deposit already and he's been working on the paperwork to get her in. So we just need to finish the paperwork and get her over there and moved in, basically. It's almost a done deal, although I won't be able to relax until it's officially official and she's moved in. She seems to understand that she's moving and I think she'll be far less lonely there (she has friends and relatives in this particular home). We just need to finalize things and then I will be able to breathe again! In the meantime I worry about her, although at least she has the nurse coming over regularly to help.
 
Will do. Not sure when I'll get more info though...

I too hope things go quickly for your grandma!!! I agree that at least she's got a nurse coming in to check on her and help out...
 
Hah, well, my grandma definitely knows she's moving. My uncle was just texting me to ask if I want my grandpa's old treadmill, and at the same time my grandma was calling me to ask if I want her spare refrigerator. :p Well, this is good. I'm glad she's accepting it and is preparing to move and is getting rid of some of her big stuff. I'm going to take the treadmill off of her hands, I don't need another refrigerator though (but my hubby is saying he might want it for the basement to put sodas in - seriously, I drink like 3 sodas per year and he doesn't drink much more than that either, we do not need a full-sized fridge just for soda!). At any rate, it's great that she's being realistic instead of stubborn and is embracing the move and is purging some of her stuff. She's a hoarder so it's difficult, but she's purged stuff before and she can do it again. Now if we could just get my dad to purge some stuff too (hoarding runs in the family, so I try very hard not to hoard as I can tell I have some of those tendencies too).
 
Glad that your Grandma's cleaning out seems to be going smoothly! Hopefully things keep going well...

Dad's Dad had a fainting spell when the folks went over to see him Wednesday and they loaded him up and took him to get checked out. Sounds like all they did was tell him to add more salt and fluids to his diet. Whatever. But, he seemed to be doing alright when they left him yesterday.

This next Wednesday we're getting together with my folks to celebrate my husband's birthday. His birthday was yesterday and we were able to celebrate just the two of us. Anyway, this will be the first time we've seen them since they went to Indiana to see my other grandparents. So, I'm sure we'll have some more news soon...
 
There is officially a plan in place - some members of my family are getting together on Thursday to move my grandma into the nursing home. She doesn't know it yet, though. My uncle feels like we shouldn't tell her in advance, we should just take her over there and move her in and let that be that. I'm not sure if that's the best plan, but it's out of my hands. I'm guessing she's going to be really angry about basically being shanghai'ed into moving, but my uncle and dad are saying that we'll just deal with her being mad and the important thing is to get her into a home. And I agree that yes, that's the ultimate goal, but I don't know if not telling her in advance is the best idea. She already knows and accepts that she has to move soon, why force it on her so suddenly with no advance warning? I understand the hoarder mindset somewhat, and I know she's going to want to have certain things packed and moved with her right away. You can't just move a hoarder suddenly without their stuff, that sounds like it'll be traumatic for her. Ugh.

Sooo, anyway, that's the plan for Thursday. It's going to be a stressful week because of that, I won't be able to relax until she's moved in. My guts are a wreck anyway because I'm on antibiotics right now thanks to a lovely UTI, ugh. Between the stress and the antibiotics, I'm not doing well! I just need this week to be over already.

I did see my grandma yesterday and she's honestly scary. She's still driving, she apparently had driven herself to the grocery store a few days ago... and then she forgot to bring in her groceries. My dad looked in her car trunk, and there were horrible rotting groceries still in there (we've had hot weather so everything went bad in just a couple days). It smelled atrocious. My grandma wanted to keep some things like her orange juice and milk but I took them away from her - the milk had curdled and the OJ container was puffed out. She kept insisting that the orange juice must still be good but I dumped it out in the sink before she could take it back from me. If she thought she could drink puffed out OJ, it's terrifying to think of what else she's drinking/eating when we're not there to watch after her.

I did manage to help my grandma get a couple of large items out of her condo, though, so I do feel good about that. I took my grandpa's old treadmill and I also took their upright freezer. The freezer needs a new seal which we're working on getting a replacement for, but otherwise it's a nearly brand-new and barely used freezer (since my grandma is a food hoarder, she had over-filled the freezer so that it didn't shut all the way, and the seal around the door iced over and that's what made the seal go bad). The treadmill works perfectly, it's gym-quality and really nice. My grandpa obviously didn't use it for years since he was in a wheelchair for several years and had issues with walking distances even when he could walk (he had vein issues in his leg for years before the arthritis in his hip landed him in the wheelchair). So the treadmill, although it seems to be older, was hardly used at all. I gave it a good home in my little home gym and I hope to teach my dog to walk on a treadmill, so that I can take her on walks indoors on bad weather days.

So yeah, I'll keep you guys posted as to what happens on Thursday. Hopefully it is as smooth a transition as possible.
 
My grandma is officially in the nursing home, my dad and uncle took her there yesterday. My dad would only say that it was a horrible day (I think my grandma got super mad & upset) but that it's done and that he'll give me all the details in person the next time he sees me. I don't know when that'll be so I'm thinking I'll just call him tomorrow and find out more.

I also won't be visiting my grandma this weekend after all. The staff asked us to wait at least a week before she has any visitors, so that she can acclimate and adjust to nursing home life a bit first. So, now the plan is for me to go visit her next weekend instead. It does sound like so far she's acclimating okay, though. My uncle said he went over there yesterday evening to bring my grandma a few more items, and he saw that she was sitting in one of the common rooms and very happily chatting with somebody - the staff said she'd been chatting with that person for at least 45 minutes. So, her loneliness has definitely been alleviated at the very least, which is great. I know that she has a lot of friends in this nursing home, but we all figured she'd be sulking in her room for the first few days at least, so it's great that she was already out socializing with a friend on her first evening there.

It seems surreal that she's finally in a nursing home! It's fantastic. Now I don't have to worry about her, now I know that she's being cared for and eating regularly and not out driving or wandering, and she's amongst friends and no longer desperately lonely. I'm really happy about this, it's such good news and I've been waiting so long for this day! I have to pinch myself at times, it's hard to believe it's real. She and my grandpa both really needed much more care for so long, it's honestly weird that she's finally actually receiving proper care!
 
Thanks Jenn. It's all still a matter of perspective. I'm very happy that she's in a home. But my grandma is apparently still really mad about being forced into a nursing home - she's told my uncle twice now that she wants out. Also, she apparently tried to leave on her own the day after she was moved in but fortunately this story has a happy ending. I have to say, the staff at her nursing home sounds very good, I'm very impressed so far. There is someone on staff assigned to keep an eye on my grandma (I believe that they keep an eye on all the memory unit residents at all times since folks with dementia/Alzheimer's have a tendency to wander off and get lost). So, the day after she was moved in, my grandma left and started walking down the street. A staff member saw her leave and followed her out and asked where she was going. My grandma responded that it's BS that she was forced into a home so she was walking to a store that's about 4 blocks away so that she can use their phone to call an attorney. My grandma can still walk, but not very well. She's very unsteady on her feet and can't walk very far. She made it maybe 2 blocks if that and that was her limit, she didn't make it as far as the store. So then my grandma stopped walking and asked the staff member if she could use their cell phone to call an attorney. The staff member replied that they were going to indeed use their phone, but only to call a taxi to take my grandma back to the nursing home since it was clear that she wouldn't be able to make it back on her own. And that's just what they did, they called her a cab. I am very impressed with that. They let my grandma get her "I'm going to run away" impulse out of her system and then safely got her back to the nursing home, and did it all with kindness and patience. That's fantastic, couldn't ask for a better outcome than that! Although, again, my grandma was super mad. We're just going to let her deal with being mad, though. She's like a toddler having a tantrum. We'll give her a little time-out and hopefully soon she'll come around.

I'm hoping to go have a short visit with her this coming weekend - my uncle requested that for the time being, all visits get okayed with him first, so I messaged him last night to see if he thinks it'll be okay for me to stop in for an hour or so on Saturday. Will see what he says, he hasn't responded yet.
 
When my dad's mom was first placed in a home we were told to not visit for a while as well but even when we did start visiting she would always ask when she could go home. She would eventually plead and cry to go home. It was really sad but being home wasn't safe for her. There may still be hard times ahead but remember that it's for their safety. When you do see her and if she asks you to take her home maybe you could try to steer the conversation in another direction to distract her and help her to not be upset. Maybe there are games she likes to play and maybe that will help get her mind off of wanting to leave. I hope your visits with her will be happy ones. :)
 
Jenn, yes, I'm mentally preparing myself for that because I'm sure when I visit she'll ask me to take her out of there and back to her condo (which is being cleaned out so she couldn't go back there regardless). I definitely will not take her off the premises of the nursing home, not even to take her to lunch (I'll bring lunch to her), we'll just stay there and I'll let her show me around the facility or we can just sit there and chat. There's supposedly a nice courtyard and several nice common areas so I'll ask her to show me those and introduce me to her friends, that would be a good distraction. There's no way I'm letting her leave the nursing home, not even with me, that just sounds like a recipe for disaster. And, one of the few upsides of dementia is that it's easy to change the subject of conversation. If I just start talking about something else, in a few seconds she'll have forgotten what we were just talking about previously. So if she asks me to take her out of there, I'll just start talking about something else. Her memory of the past is still pretty good for the most part so I'll ask her to tell me about when she lived in France, and I'll ask her for specific details. If she's trying to remember street names and details of things that happened 60+ years ago then hopefully there won't be room left in her brain to remember that she wants out of the nursing home.

The only game that I know that she likes to play is bridge - unfortunately I haven't a clue as to how to play bridge! But maybe she can teach me, that would be a good distraction too. I'll make sure to bring some playing cards when I visit (or does bridge use its own special cards? I have no idea, guess I will have to look into that). I'm thinking I'll come armed with a few distraction tools, maybe I'll bring a jigsaw puzzle as well and whatever else I can think of. I was thinking of getting her one of those coloring books for grown-ups, but I'm not sure if her eyesight is good enough for coloring anymore. I guess it couldn't hurt to try if I can find an inexpensive coloring book though.
 
I've played bridge a couple of times at an old folks home. It was pretty simple to pick up but I can't remember how to play off the top of my head. I think we played gin too. A puzzle sounds fun too. I wonder if they do quilting there too or crotchet or knitting.
 
Thanks ladies! I picked up a deck of cards at the store yesterday, so I will attempt to learn how to play bridge. I also ordered one of those coloring books for grown-ups (with pictures of flowers) and some colored pencils on amazon. As for knitting or crocheting, I don't think my grandma does either of those - I've never seen her knit/crochet, and yarn is one of the few things she doesn't hoard. I do crochet though (and I do hoard yarn, hah) so I could always bring some yarn and crochet hooks with me on a visit and show her how I crochet, maybe it's something she'd be interested in learning (not sure if her dementia would allow her to learn a new skill like that though).

Sewing is a great idea. My grandma used to sew a LOT (she's the one who taught me how to sew when I was a kid and she gave me my first sewing machine) so I bet quilting might be a good activity, although we might have to go for hand-stitching rather than machine sewing (many machines are just too complex for her to figure out these days, she's lately had issues with working her TV and microwave so I think a sewing machine would be too complicated for her). I have lots of fabric scraps I could bring her for a patchwork quilt. Heck, much of the fabric I have is stuff she gave me years ago! :p I have a baby quilt idea that I've just started piecing together anyway (my cousin just had a baby and I am thinking I'll make the baby a warm & cozy quilt for his first xmas). So I could always just bring my projects with me on visits and see if my grandma would be interested in trying whatever craft I'm working on at that time. I know they have a lot of crafts and activities at the nursing home, too - not sure exactly what, but it sounds like every day there is at least one art/craft type of activity. It sounds like they like to keep the residents, particularly the memory unit people, active and engaged in projects.

So, I think for now, I'm going to bring her the deck of cards and the coloring book & pencils, and will look into what art/craft activities they have going on at the nursing home. And if the activities are lame and/or if my grandma wants to do some sewing, I'll bring her some fabric and needles and thread and we can spend some time sewing.
 
I finally heard back from my uncle and he thinks that me visiting my grandma on Saturday is a good idea, so I've officially got the green light from him. He did say, I should call the nursing home before I head over there on Saturday, to make sure the staff feels that my grandma would be up for me visiting that day. So that's the final hurdle, hopefully my grandma is having a good day on Saturday and the staff will give me the green light as well.

My uncle did ask me a favor and it's going to make me cry. About 5 years ago, when he was healthier, my grandpa had asked for my help on a project. My grandpa had always read aloud Winnie the Pooh stories to his kids (my dad and uncle and aunt) when they were little, and sometimes he read those stories to us grandkids too. And my grandpa realized that, because of his failing health, he wasn't going to be around for a whole lot longer. So he asked if I'd bring over a camcorder and make a video of him reading aloud some Winnie the Pooh stories, so that everyone could have a DVD of it and that way grandpa can keep reading those stories to us even after he's gone. So we sat down and recorded that back in 2011 and I made DVDs for everybody in the family, it was really nice. But, my grandma of course has lost her copy of the DVD because with her dementia she loses everything. So, my uncle asked me to make her a new DVD. I can do it, but of course I'm going to end up watching part or all of it to make sure the copy worked correctly, and that's going to make me cry for sure. I'm getting misty just thinking about it. It makes me sad but also in a way happy, that my grandpa can still read me bedtime stories. I'm definitely going to cry though!
 
That's really nice Cat. :) I had to put together a video of my Grandpa as well but that was after he had already passed. My mom told me that she needs more copies for other family members so I'll be doing the same thing soon too. Sucks. :(
 
Yeah, I'm really glad we had made the video of my grandpa reading the stories well before he passed, because it would have been very difficult to have to edit together a video like that for the funeral. I don't envy you on having had to do that, Jenn, I bet it was really difficult for you and I'm sorry. As it was, I did have to put together a slideshow of photos of my grandpa that was played at the funeral home during the visitation, but I think photos was easier for me than video. That way at least I didn't have to hear his voice, only see his face in still images on the photos. It still made me cry, but hearing him read me a bedtime story would have made me cry so much more! I still haven't copied that DVD of him reading the stories, I'm going to have to copy it tonight so I can bring it with tomorrow.

On that note, I did get the green light from the nursing home to go visit my grandma tomorrow! I called and spoke with someone at the nursing home, she said my grandma would love a visit and that there aren't set visiting hours, that I can literally come by anytime I want and any day I want. That's good to know, and I'm excited to go visit her. I have her gifts (coloring book, colored pencils, pencil sharpener, deck of cards) plus I got her some tea, and I'm going to copy that DVD for her. So she'll get some goodies from me and we'll hopefully have a nice visit. And then, presumably after the visit I'm going to need to de-stress, and I am going to do that by sitting by my grandpa's grave. I have my own copy of "The World of Pooh" so I'm going to read a Winnie the Pooh story while sitting in a calm, peaceful graveyard. Maybe a little morbid but that's the best I can do as far as visiting my grandpa now. And if I need to de-stress after that, there's a lovely little park with hiking trails through woods that my grandma used to take me to when I was little, and that park is right near the graveyard. And if I still need to de-stress after that... well, I've got lots of ice cream and booze at home, ha ha. :p Sometimes my grandma can be very stressful, although it's not (all) her fault. She is naturally a very stubborn and sometimes difficult person, but it's the dementia that really makes her a challenge sometimes. When I took her dress shopping before my grandpa's funeral, afterwards I headed right for the little park with hiking trails and then to an ice cream shop and that was just what I needed. So at least I know where to go and what to do to de-stress after seeing her.
 
Glad you'll be able to visit your grandma Cat! On the note of memorials and such.

My Aunt Ruth is encouraging my aunts and mom to start getting memorial stuff ready for my grandparents. Not the easiest thing for me. But, now that my projects are pretty much finished I've been wanting to play around on the computer again. So, if I can get a green light from my aunts and mom along with some pictures to play with I'll be looking to put together a slideshow on power point. My plan is to do one each for grandpa and granny.
 
Found a couple of templates to use for the grandparents. A sailboat for grandpa since he's always liked fishing and footsteps in the sand for granny. Just waiting for more pictures...
 
My finger is healing so I can finally type somewhat more normally. The stitches are still in but they're coming out this afternoon (yay!) so hopefully after that I'll be able to type completely normally. For now I'm still typing with a bandage and 7 stitches in my finger (the ER doc said repeatedly that he was doing 6 stitches, but I count 7!).

But, since I can type somewhat okay, I wanted to give an update on how my visit with my grandma went. I saw her not this past weekend, but the weekend before. I was told that with her dementia and resulting anger issues, that she's mentally the best after breakfast and before lunch, and then around dinnertime things get really bad (my uncle often gets angry/sad phone calls from my grandma in the evenings - he's become the scapegoat for her anger).

So, I went to the nursing home at around 10 AM on a Saturday. They buzzed me in and pointed me in the direction of my grandma - she was napping on a couch in the common area. I sat next to her and put my hand on her shoulder to wake her. She woke up, saw me, and just pure joy came over her face. She was so, so happy to see me. I've honestly never seen her so happy. She hugged me and then turned to the other residents and declared, "It's Christmas, my granddaughter is here!" I gave her some small gifts - the deck of cards, coloring book and colored pencils, tea, and the DVD of my grandpa reading Winnie the Pooh stories. She started crying when I gave her the DVD. She insisted that we sit and watch the whole thing, so we did.

I got her TV working (she said it wasn't working, but that's because it wasn't even plugged in and the cable wasn't plugged in either) and showed her how to work the DVD player. We watched part of the video before lunch, she insisted that I stay for lunch so I did, and then we watched the rest of the DVD after lunch. It was sad seeing my grandpa and hearing his voice, but it was so nice to see my grandma's reaction. She kept saying (literally she said this at least 20 times), that she has pictures of my grandpa in her room "but they don't talk", and she was so overjoyed to be able to hear his voice on the DVD. She said she's going to play it every night so that she can hear his voice and he can read her bedtime stories. She kept holding my hand and crying and laughing while watching the video, she clearly loved it. There's one part in a story where Pooh sings a song, so my grandpa sung it on the video and my grandma started singing along with him, even with her dementia she remembered all the words to that song and the melody that my grandpa had made up to go with it (there's no melody, just words written in the actual story so my grandpa made up a melody).

All in all, it was a wonderful visit. As I was leaving, she told me I made her "day, week, month, year" (although that didn't stop her from angry/sad calling my uncle that very evening - but then she did apologize to him and she also remembered me visiting, so at least there's that). I'm hoping to visit her again soon, and often. She does have a few friends that she's made at the nursing home, so that's good. It's kind of like high school, in a way - she's got her little group of ladies and they all sit at the same lunch table every day (and breakfast and dinner too). But because of dementia, my grandma can't always remember her friends' names. :p She introduced me to one of her friends as, "This is my friend but I can't remember her name!"

Oh, and the staff at the nursing home continued to impress me. They were all so friendly and patient and kind. They're clearly very good at what they do. I'm really happy with where my grandma is living. I think she's still not super happy with being there, but she'll adjust. We were told that it usually takes at least a month for a new resident to not want to go "home" anymore. So we'll just give it some more time.

My aunt is coming from Arizona next month to spend a week or so cleaning out my grandma's old condo. I'm planning to go help her out as much as I can. My grandma's room at the nursing home is pretty small, basically a bed and a dresser/armoire, and a bathroom, that's it. So there's not much stuff that we can bring over to her at the nursing home, a lot of stuff has to go either into storage or to other family members or to be donated or whatever. That's going to be hectic because my grandma has a lot of crap stuffed into every closet and nook & cranny in the condo. Plus all of my grandpa's stuff is still in the condo too. So yeah, that'll be a big job to get the condo emptied out.
 
Glad your visit went so well!!! Hopefully your coming visits go as well as this one did. Also, thankful about your finger! Looking forward to seeing you on here more often...
 
Read you post with tears in my eyes,especially regarding your granddads DVD.
I can only dream about my grandkids being so caring.
You must be so relieved that your Granma is settling in.Very best wishes to her and you.
 
Thanks, Cross-stitch! I did get my stitches out and no longer need to wear a bandage. My finger is still fairly tender though so I'm not back to my usual typing abilities yet, but I'm slowly getting there. My doctor told me not to do any more yard work (I had cut my finger with a hedge trimmer), and I asked if I could get that in writing. :p Sadly he said no, ha ha. I hope you're doing well - how are your grandparents doing? Any new updates? I seem to recall that they were being moved into a nursing home soon?

Scottsma, I'm so sorry to hear that your grandkids aren't so caring. That's heartbreaking. Do they live nearby? My grandma has 6 grandkids in total, but I'm the only regular visitor out of all the grandkids. Only 2 of us grandkids (me and my brother) even have the ability to visit regularly because we both live less than an hour's drive away. But my brother doesn't visit her regularly, I think he's upset with her - because of her dementia, she apparently erased a lot of memories of my brother, she is under the mistaken impression that he didn't come to any family gatherings for basically his whole life (he's 30 now). He was there, she just can't remember him being there. It's not her fault, but it's still upsetting to him. So he doesn't visit her often because of that (he's also kind of a jerk and has a lot of his own issues, I think he has some sort of undiagnosed mental illness, but that's a whole other rant for another day). I have one cousin who lives nearby my grandmother, but he's got autism and does not drive, so it's completely understandable that he isn't able to visit often. I have another cousin who is about a 3ish hour drive away so she's not able to visit very often either. And my other two cousins live in New York and Los Angeles, so they can only visit when they can afford a plane ticket (if you're not familiar with US geography, they live on the two coasts, whereas I live in the north/central part of the US, so they're both at least a thousand miles away in either direction). So yeah, basically I'm the only grandkid who visits because circumstances allow me to and do not allow my cousins to. And I do enjoy visiting my grandmother. She did a lot for me when I was little and now I'm happy to do whatever she needs to be happy.

Speaking of visits, I tentatively plan to go visit my grandma again on Sunday. :) My parents and even my brother all want to go see her, so I'm planning to go with them for a visit. My grandma's birthday is in early July, so we're going to have a little informal birthday celebration and are bringing her a few gifts. I got her a jigsaw puzzle with bluebirds on it. With her dementia, it's difficult to know what activities she's capable of nowadays, but hopefully she can do a jigsaw puzzle. I think I'm going to bring her a small cake as well - she's allowed to have outside snacks in her room (shelf-stable things like tea and cookies) so presumably a little birthday cake is allowed as well. It's hard to figure out a gift to get for someone with dementia but I hope cake and a puzzle are okay. I'll be interested to see if she's opened the deck of cards and/or has used the coloring book & colored pencils at all since my last visit - that'll give me a better gauge of what she's been doing or hasn't been doing at least. Although I do already have her xmas gift - I crochet, and before I hurt my finger I had just finished making a nice soft heathery colored blanket. We get cold winters and my grandma's room at the nursing home has large windows, so I'm presuming it'll get chilly in her room during the winter, even with the heat on. So a blanket seems like a good idea. She can stay warm and cozy. :)
 
I visited my grandma with my parents & brother on Sunday. It didn't go nearly as well as my first visit (when I went alone to visit her). Her anger definitely came out a few times. We walked into her unit at the nursing home, and she was sitting at a table in the common area and was chatting with her friend Shirley. Shirley seems like a nice lady but now she's been changed from my grandma's friend to frenemy, unfortunately. We went to my grandma's room and Shirley tagged along. Then my grandma couldn't find her glasses. We all searched but couldn't find them anywhere. So my grandma got mad - she started punching a footstool and was yelling, "What the hell am I going to do without my damn glasses!?" (We calmly explained that either the glasses would be found or we'd get her a new pair, but she wasn't having it.) Then she started accusing Shirley of stealing her glasses and made us search Shirley's bag (she did not have the glasses, we actually never did find them).

My grandma needed to cool down so we asked Shirley to leave the room and then we all went to the little fenced-in garden area outside. My grandma then started in with her exaggeration - she does this fairly often. She started off by saying that Shirley was trying to steal us away from her - she started by saying that Shirley has 5 kids and they never come visit her, so clearly Shirley was trying to steal my grandma's visitors. Then a few minutes later, it was, "Shirley has 8 kids and they never come visit her!" Then another few minutes later, "Shirley has 10 kids and they never come to visit!" Wow, Shirley sure had a lot more kids within the span of 5 minutes. :p Then my grandma was complaining that she never has visitors, and that upset me. She clearly didn't remember our nice visit 2 weeks ago - she also didn't remember the DVD of my grandpa reading Winnie the Pooh (I mentioned it to her and she had no idea that such a thing exists or that she has it in her room, sigh). My uncle has also visited her at least once but she didn't remember that either. Dementia sucks, it really really sucks.

So after hearing her rant about Shirley for the 20th time, I said that I have to get going because I need to go home and let my dog out. That was true, but really I just needed to get the F out of there because it was too upsetting. I did get a glimpse of my nice, sweet grandma as I was leaving. My parents and brother left at the same time as I did, and as we were all walking out, my grandma turned to me and smiled and said, "You're my ace in the hole!" I don't know quite what that means. She's really shown a lot of favoritism towards me lately which is honestly weird. She barely acknowledged my brother. My parents gave her some gifts and she kept thanking me for the gifts even though I wasn't the gift giver. Stuff like that. I'm getting credit where credit isn't due and it's awkward for everyone.

I promised her that I'd go visit her again this coming Saturday. I'm slightly dreading it, but I'm hoping that since I'll be going by myself, that it'll be more like my first visit with her. It's her birthday on Saturday, she's turning 84, so I'm going to bring her a cupcake. I was told to not bring her too many gifts, because apparently what goes into her room isn't allowed to come out - per the nursing home rules. That way she won't think something was stolen if it's gone later. That makes sense, but it means I shouldn't bring her too much stuff. So I'll just bring her a cupcake. On the subject of gifts, I was encouraged, I had brought her a coloring book at my last visit, and I saw that she actually had colored in it! She colored some flowers and she even had figured out on her own how to use the pencil sharpener (when I gave it to her she kept asking what it was). So she is using at least one of the gifts that I had brought last time (the deck of cards was still unopened though).

So yeah, not a great visit this time. Next time we'll avoid Shirley and we'll have a cupcake and I won't stay very long. I got myself a new kayak recently and I plan to go kayaking on Saturday after my visit with my grandma to de-stress. As long as I have a de-stressing plan in place, I feel like it'll be okay even if it's another visit with angry grandma rather than sweet grandma.
 
I talked to my uncle online a bunch yesterday evening and he reassured me somewhat. He had visited my grandma on Wednesday, and he said she was in a really good mood then. Not angry, just happy. She also remembered me visiting. She remembered my parents visiting too, but not my brother. That sucks, honestly. I feel bad for my brother. My grandma somehow erased most memories of my brother from her brain, and can't seem to retain new memories of him either. She knows who he is, she just doesn't remember him ever being there at any family gatherings, holidays, etc. I know that's upsetting to him so I told my uncle not to let my brother know that grandma doesn't remember him visiting.

So yeah, I'm still planning to go visit my grandma tomorrow and I'm dreading it less than I was. It's good to hear that she was in a good mood, that's encouraging. And it is her birthday tomorrow. Tonight I'm going to make a wreath for her door (all the other residents have a cute wreath or sign on their doors). And tomorrow I'll grab a cupcake for her as I head out.

My uncle is starting to get rid of some of my grandma (and grandpa)'s things. He's mostly starting with small things, like he asked if I want grandma's sewing kit and if my husband would like grandpa's suspenders. But then he's also trying to get rid of the biggest thing, which is my grandma's car. I think we're going to buy it for my hubby - his current car is clunky & junky and old with high mileage. Grandma's car is about 10 years old but only has like 45,000 miles on it (it's a Toyota so it easily can go to 200,000 miles or more - my Toyota is almost at 200,000 miles now). My uncle says he'll sell it to us for the lowest blue book price, which looks pretty affordable to me. We need to take it to a mechanic though to make sure it's in okay shape. We don't know what shape the brakes, tires, battery etc are in. But it looks like a decent car I think.
 
I feel for your brother. It really hurts no matter what when our grandparents don't remember who we are or if we visited them. I hope your visit goes well tomorrow and that hopefully all will go well for the purchase of the car!!! We too have a toyota and have appreciated having it!!!

Talked to my parents last night and what I have isn't all good. Apparently the lady my grandpa was engaged to passed away. It's a good thing in a way, because there was no way either of them could take care of each other and we found out that she wasn't healthy or financially stable. I think this is why her kids wanted grandpa to marry her, so they wouldn't have to deal with her.

Granny is in her last stage of Alzheimer's and is loosing her bodily functions now. Grandpa (being 90) is loosing his bodily functions too in with his dementia and his body is just wearing out. It's getting to the point that Aunt Ruth can't take care of them anymore. However, supposedly they have too much money to get medicare to take care of them and for them to be able to move into a nursing home. The nursing home is holding their spot for now, while she figures out how to get them to where they can move in. We're hoping this can be taken care of before their place gets filled and my grandparents lose their spot.

I'm slowly getting pictures from my family members for my slide shows. I'm scared to think that we may need those done sooner than later....
 
I love my Toyota too! It's 15 years old with nearly 200,000 miles and still running just fine. I have an Echo, and it's a Camry that we're looking at buying for my hubby. If it's even half as reliable as my Echo, I'll be more than happy (hubby's current car is a Subaru and it's okay but it has definitely had a few issues and currently has a crack in the radiator).

Sorry to hear about your grandpa's fiancee, but it sounds like it's for the best that he's not getting married. And I'm really sorry to hear about your granny and grandpa. I don't know the ins and outs of how insurance or medicare works or how to get someone into a nursing home, my uncle trained as an attorney (although he's not a practicing attorney) so he knows more about the legal side of things than the rest of the family, and he was the one who set everything up and did all the paperwork so that my grandma could go to the nursing home. It's good that they're holding a spot open for your granny & grandpa, I hope your aunt can figure out a way to get them in soon. Keep me posted, I'll be thinking of you.

I know I should probably start assembling a photo slideshow of my grandma, too. But it's difficult to even think about that so soon after my grandpa's death (it hasn't even been 2 months yet, he died on May 14th). I'm sure soon though I'll start working on that. It's been in the back of my mind ever since my grandpa died that I will probably have to do one for my grandma too. It's a difficult task, though. Not that it's difficult to put some photos together, but you know what I mean. It's emotionally and mentally a challenge to have to face that type of task.
 
I went to see my grandma this morning for her birthday. Oh, she was in a mood. Not good. She wasn't mad at me, she once again said I'm her "ace in the hole" and she also said that I'm the only one in the family who even cares about her and isn't out to get her money. She then went off on a long rant about how my dad and uncle and aunt (her 3 kids) all want her to be dead so that they can get her money. Obviously that's not true, none of them want their mother to die ffs. But she refused to listen when I tried to correct her. It seriously got weird at one point - she said something to the effect of, "If there was a machine that was a people grinder, and you could vote for who to put in the people grinder, your dad and uncle and aunt would all vote to put me in there." Um, no, and also there's no such machine and ew and weird.

So after that I tried to redirect her and it actually worked. I was like, it's your birthday! Tell me about when you were little! And she said she had been born on the dining room table at her parents' house because it was the depression and they had no money for a doctor. I hadn't heard that story before, I wonder if it's true! Then I asked her to tell me all about the time she lived in France (my grandpa was stationed there in the army when they were first married and when my dad was a baby). So she told me the same story about France 3 times (still way better than hearing about the people grinder machine).

My uncle was planning to go over there later today, so I called him and let him know that she's in a mood and she thinks he wants her dead and he wants her money (he told me the origin of that is, yesterday he asked for her to see a neurologist so that we can get her specific type of dementia diagnosed already - apparently she was SUPER mad about that and somehow turned it into, he wants me dead and he wants my money - my uncle says that's actually not a bad thing though that she's still mad 24 hours later, because it means she's at least remembering that she had something to be mad about :p ).

My poor uncle is in denial - he thinks there's a chance that she'll have some type of curable dementia (apparently a few types are curable but the vast majority are not). She's been declining for years and she is like a textbook example of Alzheimer's, so I don't think there's anything curable about what she's got. She's declining even more, in the meantime. She has no phone in her room, she's only allowed to use the phone in the common area. Well, we were organizing a box that she has in her room and there was a notepad in the box. She handed me the notepad and said, "Put it over there by the phone." Um, what phone? I put it by the TV remote in case she thought that was a phone. :p She's also losing even more memories of my brother. She was looking at a photo album with me, and she kept thinking that my brother is my dad's cousin (who is a big fat guy with long dark hair - my brother is a thin tall guy with short blonde hair). I had to correct her multiple times. When she finally declines enough that she starts not knowing who we are, my brother is going to be the first victim of that, I just know it.

So, yeah, to sum up: I'm still the ace in the hole, my uncle and dad and aunt want her dead and want to take her money, my brother is my dad's cousin who looks nothing like my brother, and the TV remote is the phone. And she was born on the dining room table.

I did bring her a cupcake and a wreath for her door that I had made for her birthday, and she enjoyed those (although she made me eat half the cupcake). As I was leaving, I gave her a hug and told her that I hope she has a good birthday. An attentive staff member heard me say that and came over and whispered, is today her birthday? I said yes and told the lady my grandma is 84 today. So I think the staff is going to do a little something for my grandma's birthday, hopefully she'll enjoy that and not be mad (she told me not to tell anyone it's her birthday, but I think she just said that because she was in a mood).
 
I'm sorry it's such a challenge every time you go. But, got to see the picture of your grandma. Great picture!!! You know where to come to if you need to talk. Lots of hugs!!!
 
I think if you expect the worst and hope for the best you won't go wrong.
None of us are in the same mood or frame of mind,every day,so I expect it's the same for your Gran.You seem to be coping OK though,and It has been a difficult time.
 
Cat,
I would want you to be my caregiver if I had dementia! You seem to have a knack for doing the right thing with your Grandma. Things may improve a bit once she gets used to her new living arrangement. Between that and the grieving for her husband, her life has been turned upside-down.
There may be some medications that could help some of her delusions, and making sure that no other health issues are contributing to her beliefs is certainly a good idea.
Here is a link about delusions and dementia--perhaps your uncle would benefit from doing a bit of reading about it: http://www.alz.org/care/alzheimers-dementia-suspicion-delusions.asp
May your next visit be more relaxed.
 
Thanks, all. Happy, I'm not her caregiver, I'm just a regular visitor to her nursing home. She's in a memory care unit at a very good facility. She is taking one medication currently, I forget the name of it. My dad said it's a half-dose of an anti-psychotic medication. I don't think it's made much difference. My uncle is trying to get her specific type of dementia diagnosed so that we might have a chance of treating it better with more appropriate meds. I'm convinced that it's Alzheimer's but we need a doctor to determine for sure what type of dementia it is. My grandma feels that there's nothing wrong with her and she doesn't know why we put her in "prison" and she really doesn't want to see a doctor because she thinks she's fine (apparently that's yet another sign of alzheimer's, is that you don't recognize that there's any problem and think you're fine even though it's obvious to everyone else that you're not).

I can forward my uncle that link - that article could have been written specifically about my grandma. She's had delusions for awhile now. When my grandpa was still alive and they were living in their condo, she had 2 main delusions - one was that my aunt stole some money from my grandpa (not true) and the other was that a maintenance man would come in to the condo in the middle of the night and steal both things and money (also not true, when my grandpa was alive he'd just roll his eyes when she was talking about a man coming in to steal things). Now that she's in a facility, she has no cash (she has money but it's all been put into a trust in her name and my uncle has power of attorney over her finances so he's paying her bills and overseeing all her money) and very few valuables (she's allowed to have a checkbook, she has her wedding ring, and that's about it). But, she's still worried that someone will come into her room and steal her purse, even though there's nothing in it but a bunch of kleenex and scraps of paper. So on Saturday when I saw her, she asked me to help her hide her purse. She has a box of snacks on her dresser, so we took out all the snacks, put the purse in the box and put the snacks on top of it. As soon as we finished that task, she asked me, "Where did I put my purse?" :p Ugh. So now I'm sure I'll hear about how somebody stole her purse but it's only because she hid it and can't find it. The same thing happened the previous week with her glasses (she did eventually find those because she was wearing them on Saturday).

That is a good point about making sure no other health issues are contributing to her dementia. I know she has some heart issues, she had a heart attack something like 12 years ago and had a couple stents put in. She has some weirdness with her kidneys too (she was actually born with 3 kidneys which causes her occasional trouble like UTIs) and lately she's been having a lot of bladder incontinence. I'll make sure my uncle knows that she should get a doctor to look at the whole picture and not just the dementia.

I am hoping this coming weekend will be better. My aunt will be coming in from Arizona and she's usually a calming presence for my grandma. My parents said they're going to come for a visit as well. And I'm sure my uncle will be there too. So lots of family will be around all weekend long. Hopefully that will be a good thing, or at least we can all take turns hearing her rant and no one person has to take the full brunt of it.
 
We're getting together with my parents tomorrow (or officially today here) and will be celebrating my birthday early cause husband and I work that day. Along with the celebration, my mom's bringing more pictures for my slideshows and will see for the first time how my creations are going. It should be fun for the most part, but also stressful for me cause everything I make mom is always appreciative but critical too. Let's hope the first viewing goes smoothly!!!
 
That sucks that she's always critical, hopefully she's not too hard on you. I'm always my own worst critic so I was second-guessing myself a lot when putting together my grandpa's slideshow - should I use this photo, should I change up the order of the photos, are there too many photos, etc. Everybody who saw the slideshow loved it and asked if I could put it on a disc for them, so it turned out fine and I needn't have second-guessed myself. So I'm sure your slideshows will be fine as well, try to tune out any negativity from your mother.

This reminds me of a conversation I had last week with my grandma. She got stuck in a loop. :p
Grandma: "Your grandpa was a very meticulous person."
Me: "Yes, he was."
"And you are too, right? You're meticulous?"
"Sure."
"You are meticulous. Just like your grandpa. He was a meticulous person."
"Yep."
"And you are too, you're a meticulous person."
"Sure."
"Just like your grandpa. He was a meticulous person."

And on we went, we went through that about 5 times. :p

My aunt should have arrived in town yesterday, so I'm just waiting for my family to give me the game plan as far as cleaning out the condo and visiting grandma this weekend. I'll be test-driving my grandma's car as well, and if all seems good to me then I'll have my hubby check it out on his day off (he works all weekend long but lately he's had Mondays & Tuesdays off). I also want him to bring the car to a mechanic so we can make sure everything looks mechanically sound and there aren't any red flags. So yeah, it'll be a busy weekend with all of that going on. We're essentially helping someone move AND buying a car. :p Add visiting my grandma on top of that and it's going to be a stressful, but hopefully productive, weekend.
 
Believe it or not, the critic wasn't too bad this time. Unfortunately, we did less shopping and more talking. Actually, I had to basically change the subject and suggest going out in order to get her off of talking about my deteriorating grandparents. But, one good thing is that we picked two out of the 4 I'm doing for them. And, I found it'd be better to do hymns to the slides than the songs I picked. Plus, as long as I'm doing all this work making one for each I'm making a joint one. This way we're prepared. So, for this one I've found a picture of a little girl and boy praying together and am thinking of using a picture of the sky for the background.

Uncle Dan (Aunt Ruth's husband in Indiana) just emailed the family today. Here's what he shared about the grandfolks.


As soon as we can, we'll get on the road with Mom and Dad to get partway toward the Huber Family Reunion in Hope MI. We'll lodge overnight in a motel. Originally we planned to ask Phil and Eva to stay with them, but mom's soiling pattern has gotten so bad that we would rather take a protective pad and let her have her own bed. Also, if the guest room is upstairs, dad would have a hard time getting up there.

Ruth will stay with mom and I'll stay with dad. Everyone gets a good night's sleep in their own bed. And the motel will provide breakfast.

The reunion will occur in the afternoon Saturday. We'll have to see how things go about church on Sunday. If we stay in Midland, it would make a long trip back in one day.

This is almost surely the last family gathering the folks will make it to. It's marginal this time, but we think they can handle it. They may not know anyone, but the others will know them, so they'll get a lot of lovin' on. We're ready for the unexpected.
 
So, Aunt Ruth, Uncle Dan, Grandpa and Granny made it to the reunion and all went fine till they were coming home and stopped to eat. Grandpa's knee has been giving him a lot of pain and his leg wasn't able to hold him up and he toppled over hitting his head on the concrete. So, he's in the hospital right now unresponsive. With his fall created bleeding to his brain. Thankfully, apparently the bleeding has decreased. But, he's not able to tell anyone where he's in pain. So, till he can do that he's staying in the hospital.

We don't know if he and Granny will be able to leave Michigan for Indiana or if they'll be permanently in Michigan now. We'll see what happens. It's finally obvious that they need more care than Aunt Ruth and Uncle Dan are giving them. In the meantime, with all this happening I've been doing my best to get the slide shows ready just in case they will be needed before long.
 
Big hugs, Cross-stitch! My grandpa had a few falls before he died so I know that's scary, and my grandpa never hit his head (he fell out of bed at least once and couldn't get up, so the paramedics had to come and get him up off the floor as my grandma couldn't lift him - he also fell at least once trying to get into his car, but apparently was able to get himself up without calling the paramedics that time). I can only imagine how worrying this time must be for you. I'm so sorry.
 
I had an eventful weekend of cleaning out my grandma's condo. My aunt and I were pretty much the only ones doing the work - my uncle never showed up to help (even though he called us like 6 times to ask if we found certain items) and my parents showed up but only briefly and mainly they were visiting my grandma and not helping in the condo. And I know my aunt has some health issues so I tried to do all the heavy lifting (I lifted boxes of expired canned goods to the trash pile, lifted boxes of heavy books to the donate pile, etc).

There were a few treasures I was able to snag for myself. My grandpa's favorite book was The World of Pooh. I figured one of my grandpa's kids (my dad, aunt, or uncle) would want to take that - but none of them did, so I made sure to take it. I also got the Bambi pillowcase. :p There are 6 grandkids, myself included, and we all love the Bambi pillowcase. Whenever a grandchild would stay overnight at grandma & grandpa's, that grandchild would get the supreme honor of getting to use the Bambi pillowcase. It sounds silly but it's something that all 6 of us loved and remember fondly. So, I got the Bambi pillowcase AND I found a Bambi sheet. The Bambi sheet holds no memories but it will be extremely useful. My grandma had said years ago that she was going to use the sheet to sew a pillowcase for each of us grandkids so that we could all have a Bambi pillowcase, but she never got around to it and now she is not able to sew. So I'm taking on the task of making pillowcases out of the sheet for everyone. I contacted my cousins to make sure they all want one - I thought, maybe people in their 20s/30s/40s might not want a Bambi pillowcase anymore. But everyone still wants one which makes me happy. We all still love the stupid Bambi pillowcase, ha ha. So we're all going to get a Bambi pillowcase.

Speaking of my grandma, she's getting worse. Particularly with the delusions. When we stopped by to see her briefly on Saturday, she apparently was convinced that "some other people" were coming to take her room at the home, and that she had to pack up and move, and she also was under the delusion that she was being moved into a storage closet and would have to sleep on a cot. That was extremely worrying to us, but a bit of reading up on the subject says that that's a very common delusion with Alzheimer's. Apparently some people in the home pack their things up every single day, then unpack, then re-pack, and so on. Unfortunately though, that type of thinking/behavior is associated with the later stages of Alzheimer's. Which means that her ability to speak and feed herself and recognize family members might be the next things to go. That's extremely sad.

Also, I apparently have been mistaken - I thought where she is now is a nursing home, but apparently it's technically considered assisted living. She's in the memory care unit so she gets a lot more specialized care than she would in regular assisted living, but it's still not technically a nursing home. My uncle is thinking she might need to go to an actual proper nursing home sooner rather than later, so he's looking into nursing homes now. There is one in his city, but apparently there are only 4 bathrooms shared amongst 14 residents in each unit in this particular nursing home. That's not good because my grandma has bladder urgency and incontinence. When she's gotta go, she needs to be in the bathroom NOW, she can't wait. So that nursing home setup could be problematic, she really needs her own private bathroom like she has now.

So yeah, it was a pretty stressful weekend all around. Grandma's losing it more and more and I spent all weekend doing hard labor and cleaning up her hoard.
 
A bit of good news. My hubby is definitely buying my grandma's car. He test drove it and he really likes it. So there's that. My uncle only has one key to the car, though - there are two other spare keys, but apparently they're both in my grandma's purse. It's going to be interesting getting her to part with those, ugh. I'm really hoping my uncle can get those keys from her, I don't want to ask her myself because I'm sure she'll just get mad. (In her opinion, she thinks she's fine and can live on her own and can still drive, so getting her to give up her car keys is going to be a challenge.)

(To clarify, we really do need more than one set of keys - hubby locks his keys in the car fairly regularly, but as long as I have a spare set, I can always go and unlock his doors for him so that we don't have to call a locksmith and potentially damage the car door getting it open. So we really do need those spare keys that grandma has in her purse, sigh.)
 
Can you get spare keys cut somewhere to save any upset with your Gran.?
I know we can over here.I think you'll need I.D.If it's a modern car,you'd have to go to a dealer.
 
Scottsma, unfortunately not - it's those special keys with the microchip or whatever in them, so I can't just go to the hardware store and get more keys cut. I could probably order more from the manufacturer, but they're very expensive (I think it's well over $100, maybe close to $200 to get one microchip key?). So that's not really an option either. We really do need to get the spare keys from my grandma's purse, somehow.

I guess it's a modern car - it's a 2005 model year so it's not exactly brand new, but not terribly old either. 2005 must have been right around the time when the microchip keys became a more standard thing. My car is a 2001 and my keys are just regular, no microchip. So unfortunately it's just a case of bad timing and I really think that someone (hopefully not me) is going to have to ask my grandma for those car keys.
 
Cat-a-Tonic said:
Scottsma, unfortunately not - it's those special keys with the microchip or whatever in them, so I can't just go to the hardware store and get more keys cut. I could probably order more from the manufacturer, but they're very expensive (I think it's well over $100, maybe close to $200 to get one microchip key?). So that's not really an option either. We really do need to get the spare keys from my grandma's purse, somehow.

I guess it's a modern car - it's a 2005 model year so it's not exactly brand new, but not terribly old either. 2005 must have been right around the time when the microchip keys became a more standard thing. My car is a 2001 and my keys are just regular, no microchip. So unfortunately it's just a case of bad timing and I really think that someone (hopefully not me) is going to have to ask my grandma for those car keys.
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I understand,we have a Volvo with chip,and would have to get spares from Sweden at about the same cost as yours.Luckily we have spares.Oh for the good old days when life was much simpler.:thumleft:
 
Yeah, I don't know why those chip keys are so expensive! The car we're buying is a Toyota so I don't know the cost for sure. I seem to recall that my uncle said it was about $180 for him to get a chip key made for his Toyota though, so I'm presuming the cost for us to get a key would be very similar. My 2001 Toyota has no chip so it was like less than $5 to get a regular key made for my car. :p You'd think that microchips would be cheaper now like everything else (computers, flash drives, etc have all steadily gone down in price over the years) but chip keys seem to always be expensive.

I wonder if it shouldn't be me who asks my grandma for the keys in her purse. I seem to be her current favorite, she always says things like I'm her shining star and I'm her ace in the hole. So maybe she wouldn't be too terribly mad if her shining star asked for her car keys? I don't know. Her moods are so unpredictable nowadays.
 
Maybe see what sort of day Grans having and choose your moment.Just make sure hubby doesn't leave the car without the key.Post it notes and reminders to his phone might help.
Also threats of a good hiding won't hurt.
 
Ha. I will try to make sure hubby always has the key but there's only so much I can do.

Speaking of the keys, ugh. My uncle is wimping out, he doesn't want to ask my grandma for the keys and he insists that we're going to have to sneak into her purse when she's not looking and just take them. Oh yeah, that's going to go over just great. She's already paranoid about people stealing from her so I'm pretty sure she'd never speak to us again if she caught us rummaging through her purse. Plus, her purse is large, full of random things, and has at least 5 different pockets and I'm not sure which pocket the keys are in. So it's not going to be a simple task at all.

So I guess it's up to me now. I can either go with my uncle's bad idea of rummaging through grandma's purse, or I can try to use her favoritism towards me to ask her for a favor. She might give me the car keys if I ask nicely. I'm not quite sure what I'd say to her - I don't know if I should tell her that we're buying her car. That might just upset her, she might get really mad, I don't know how she'd react.

You know, I may have just come up with a plan as I was typing this. Her purse is extremely heavy, it's become a family joke in fact. She has so much random stuff in her purse, it weighs at least 20 lbs (not an exaggeration). So, maybe I'll go over there to visit her soon, and suggest to her that we clean out her purse and remove some non-essential items to lighten the load. I bet she'd be okay with that idea. And when we find the car keys, I'll set them aside saying that she doesn't use these anymore, and I'll slip them into my own purse when she's not looking. That could just work.
 
Or how about saying that you need to turn the engine over to make sure it's running ok,that's usual if a car's not being used,and that the other key is missing.
Best to have a couple of plans until you see how she is.
 
I honestly don't even want to mention the car if possible. If she's reminded that she had a car, and if she's aware that the car is still around, she might get mad and/or she might want to drive it (and then get mad when she's told she can't). Like I said, in her mind, she thinks she's fine and sees no reason why she's in "prison" or why she can't drive anymore. Definitely the best strategy is to not remind her or to only minimally remind her of the existence of her car. If she remembers she has a car and gets an inkling that I know something about the location of her car, then she'll badger me for more info and will likely just get really angry.

(I should clarify, thanks to her dementia, she loves to fight - literally, the first day that my grandpa died, she sadly said, "Now that he's gone, who am I going to fight with?" So if she knows that I know anything about the car, she may turn on me and turn it into a screaming fight - I mean, I wouldn't scream but she might. She may even try to hit me - I know she was hitting my grandpa in the last year or so of his life but he wouldn't press charges or even acknowledge that she hit him, even though she freely admitted to hitting him. So anyway, yeah, I need to keep the task of getting the keys as peaceful as possible, because my grandma has no limits anymore when she gets mad.)

I'm thinking something along the lines of, when we're cleaning out her purse and come across the car keys, I'll just quietly put those aside or say that we don't need those anymore. If I can get away without even mentioning the word "car" that would be best. The best would be if I can locate and quietly put the keys aside out of her line of sight (maybe under a tissue, she has tons and tons of tissues in her purse) and then immediately distract her with other things in her purse, and then hopefully she'll forget about the keys and I can squirrel them away. One of the silver linings of dementia is that she's fairly easily distracted and forgets things very easily - usually that's a bad thing but not always.
 
Hopefully it'll all go off without a hitch,and you'll wonder what you were worrying about.
That's usually the case.If gran likes a fight,well that's good,shows she's got a spark left.
 
Oh, she's got plenty of spark left. She's got almost too much spark! :p

I'm going to try one more time to get my uncle to get the keys from my grandma. I have spark as well, ha ha. Hubby's going to call my uncle to iron out the details of when we're picking the car up on Saturday - we're going to be a bit later than originally expected, so I instructed hubby to ask, since my uncle is going to be in town earlier than we will be, maybe he could stop by grandma's facility and get the keys from her purse. :p If my uncle can get them then I don't have to even worry about doing it myself.
 
Boy, I hope things quiet down for us soon Cat!!! It's been a bit too exciting for us lately...:voodoo:

I hope you'll finally get the car situation taken care of without too much trouble. :ybatty:
 
Yeah, I definitely would be fine with less/no excitement for awhile! I'm sure you would be too!

We're picking the car up tomorrow afternoon so we'll see what happens. My guts are a mess today so I'm thinking of just telling my uncle that he has to go over and get the keys from grandma's purse because I am not feeling well. I'm just done with all the nonsense. He's the one handling the sale of the car so he really should handle ALL the aspects of that, including giving us all the stupid keys. Ugh.
 
Well, we picked up the car but I didn't have a chance to try to get the spare keys. I think I've fallen out of remission so I had a pretty rough weekend guts-wise. I mostly stayed home and rested, didn't venture out to try to get the keys. I didn't think I could deal with the stress of seeing my grandma & trying to get the keys on top of a flare. So I'm hoping to get put on Entocort soon (just waiting for a call back from my GI's nurse) and if that kicks in by this coming weekend, then I will try to get the keys then.

Fortunately so far hubby hasn't locked the keys in the car. :p I think he's being extra diligent about that. The car did come with one of those keyless beeper things so he can just push a button to unlock the car. So, as long as he has either the key or the beeper, he's okay.
 
I'm on Entocort and slowly improving. Doing my best to fight my way out of this flare. So I'm thinking I'm probably well enough to go visit my grandma on Saturday. I also talked with my uncle, and his wife (my weird aunt who I barely know) actually had a good idea. I had mentioned to them my idea of telling my grandma that we should go through and clean out her purse because it's so heavy, and I'd get the keys while we're doing that. And my aunt said, that since they're microchip keys and they have like a big black plastic housing on them that holds the microchip, I could tell my grandma, "What's that black thing? Let me take that off for you, you don't need that on your keys." And then sort of turn my back to her, pretend to take off the "black thing" and swap her keys out for a set of old car keys without a microchip. That plan actually sounds like it could work, that's seriously the most helpful my aunt has been in like 30 years. :p My grandma has no idea how any technology works - she literally can't remember that she has to push "play" on the DVD player to get it to work - so there's no way she'll know that the black plastic houses the microchip or that it is indeed a vital part to the keys.

The other option that my uncle said was, that we can wait until my grandma needs to go into a proper nursing home (the facility she's at now is technically assisted living). At a nursing home, she apparently wouldn't even be allowed to have a purse, that's what my uncle said anyway. I think she'd only be allowed to have very few possessions. And from the way my uncle was talking, he thinks she'll need to go to a nursing home sooner than later. It all depends on how quickly her dementia progresses (it seems to have gone downhill rather swiftly since my grandpa died 2.5 months ago). So yeah, if she doesn't want to clean out her purse or if I for some reason can't get the keys away from her to do the switcheroo, then I guess that's the option - to wait until she's moved to a nursing home and she has to give up her purse and therefore the keys as well. Ugh, just the thought of that is depressing though. She already thinks she's in prison now. At a nursing home she's just going to think she got moved to a way worse prison. But that's not happening for now so I need to push it out of my mind for the time being.
 
So, I've already been talking with Cat, Jennifer and afidz about this. But, my grandpa passed away on tuesday morning. We'll be having a private gathering at the graveside on monday for our family and a memorial on tuesday. He went downhill fast after he fell in the parking lot at a fast food restaurant saturday 7/16 on the way home from a family reunion.

Now that my grandpa is gone, my mom and her 3 sisters are getting more serious about putting granny in a nursing home. Apparently my folks were going with my aunt and uncle today to see case worker (I think) to see about getting her placed because it's obvious granny can't be left alone.

Yesterday, today and tomorrow my folks are cleaning out the apartment my grandparents have been living in, taking out all their belongings so that it's ready for the next person/people to move in. Mom's already found some more pictures for me for the slideshow. And, I made some changes last night and sent the finished copy off to be ready for the memorial.

So, needless to say the heartache hasn't ended. We'll see what happens next...
 
So sorry for your granddad's loss.You both have had a lot of upset lately,but unfortunately that's what life is all about.Be strong,tomorrow is another day.
 

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