i'm back, cuz i just need to vent. i had the worst day, i won't get into all of it, but i'm just feeling very down emotionally and i think the prednisone may be the culprit. although i've now tapered down to 20 mg (4 tabs), during the past week, i was PMSing and on my period, and just hungrier beyond belief... now keep in mind, my appetite was already up from the pred, but at the beginning, i gained 6 pounds water weight, and lost it after my first taper and exercise...
i was maintaining my weight with exercise and then suddenly when my hormones kicked in, the combination of hormonal cravings, exercise and pred got me eating A LOT! and i didn't exercise for 3 days... and within 3 or 4 days i'm up 12 POUNDS!!!! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE????
i keep rationalizing telling myself it's water weight cuz even though i ate a lot, it is not possible to gain that much fat in 12 days... maybe a couple pounds but 12??? or is it possible?

i am really struggling with body image right now... and this med is making me really emotional i think (and the hormones)....
something weird at night that has happened a couple times, is mild anxiety... whenever i have anxiety in the past, i go through this thing where i'll wake up suddenly feeling scared and thinking i forgot something.... while on pred, i'll wake up startled and think that i forgot to take my medication and feel scared... then i gotta remind myself i took it.
anyway, i'm on 20 mg, since friday, and i've decided that after one more day, i'm gonna just cut down to 10 mg instead of 15 mg.... i really can't ******* take this right now.
i also bought some COLYTE, and i'm gonna clear my colon, and then pretty much fast all week and exercise my ass off, to see if this 12 pounds will go away.
i feel so ****** today... what's messed up is i'm binging it's like ridiculous, i'm not even hungry, but keep eating and it's like this ****** up mental thing... and i eat to the point i'm super full and bad thoughts come into my head, i'm tempted to make myself throw up... but i know that would be really risky and just stupid. but the thought creeps into my head everyday, which is really terrible.
may seem vain and silly to you all... but my self esteem is really not in a good place right now.... and i just want to get off this crap. i wish i never went on it.
oh and since feb 1st, one of my symptoms came back. the bloody bowels. but everything else is pretty ok, maybe a lil fatigue is back, but no stomache pain and unfortunately still have the appetite.
end of vent.