I hate my life...

[Abby]

I hate food for making me feel this way
I hate my doctors for not caring about my pain
I hate my friends for not trying to understand
I hate my family for ignoring everything but themselves
I hate my job for making me get out of bed in the morning
I hate my meds for not helping me
I hate the hospitals for treating me like I'm just another patient
I hate my disease for affecting my life
I hate everything right now. I feel so overwhelmed like my life will never get better. I dont want to just do what the doctors tell me to. They dont even know me, they dont care about me. They just want their medicine to work. It's just a job to them but it's my life!

No one leaves me alone when I ask them to, and everyone ignores me when I'm crying for help. I feel so alone, like no one knows what I'm going through. And I know I don't have it the worst, or worse than anybody else. But Why does it always have to be me who understands them?
I just feel helpless.

 

[CiaraG]

Hi
I totally understand where you are coming from. I dont know what stage your at, but I have many a dark day since I was diagnosed six years ago. But all I can say is it does get better. There will always be bad days but you have to think positively. You are not alone in this. By getting frustrated with this, it is only going to make you feel worse. Stress is not good for us. Ive been through a bad time but Im trying to get through it. Your friends and your family will always be there for you through this. But its only someone that is going through it that will truely understand. They dont really know how bad you feel so you need to understand that. Please know that it is not going to be always like this, today is a dark day for you but it can only get brighter.

Ciara G

 

[chrisnsteph1022]

I couldn't read this and not respond. I've had similar feelings before, where I dread waking up every morning because I know it's just another day of pain, bathroom trips and nausea. I just try to remind myself that it could be worse. I'm lucky to have the ability to go to work (most days). I'm lucky to have a supportive husband who picks up the slack at home when I can barely function (which has been often lately) and family that will help with the kids if the need arises. I would never wish this disease on anyone, but I wish people could truly understand my misery. I try hard not to dwell on what could happen down the road and just deal with life one minute at a time and be grateful for the good things in my life.

 

[David in Seattle]

So very well put, Abby.

 

[Shannon]

Abby, your post touched my heart, I'm so sorry that you're in this very familiar mindset. I can relate to you especially concerning the doctors and feeling hesitant to accept their course of action. I'm sorry your support system isn't coming through for you right now, some of us aren't always blessed with a team of people rooting for us, and I hope this forum can be your connection and advocate. This disease can bring forth a lot of hate in your life, or it can eventually teach you patience, and strength. I know you've hit a valley but the peak is coming! Please stay hopeful! <3

 

[ameslouise]

Hang in there, Abby. You have found a place where everyone understands exactly what you are going through. Many of us have struggled while trying to find the right combo of drugs that works for us.

Try not to hate your doc or your meds or the hospital. I know it's hard to understand but they are trying to help you. It's your job to convey your symptoms and your frustration as best you can and as succinctly as you can so they can do their best to help you. You are your own best advocate.

Things will get better. But sometimes they get worse first. It's just the nature of the disease.

Hope you start feeling better soon -Amy

 

[Mallo]

Hi Abby,

I'm new to this forum too and it's so nice to see everyone here relating with eachother. I feel your pain... my mom and stepdad have UC and my sister also has crohns which can be comforting but I know how difficult it is dealing with your friends and also coworkers ... it's so embarrasing to talk about and I find when I mention something about it to them, they get all awkward and uncomfortable. I also get really frusterated when you have to excuse yourself to the bathroom multiple times during work and your manager/boss thinks youre just slacking off.

Here for you xoxo

Mallory

 

[Jennifer]

They just want their medicine to work.

In all honesty Abby, I want their medicine to work too although I understand what you're saying.

We all feel this way from time to time and there's always going to be at least one person in our lives who doesn't understand or we run across a doctor that truly blows or we fear being kicked out of school or losing our jobs etc etc etc. The list of helpless and self tormenting thoughts go on and on and its hard to make them stop and sometimes they never stop because some situations just don't get better, such as a family member never understanding but we all learn to cope in our own way it just takes time. All of us on here are sick and tired or have been at some point or have yet to feel this way but will some day and that's why we come here so we can talk to people who've been through it before or are now and we share our knowledge with each other every day or as often as we can. We are your support for whenever you need it. Someone on here will always be there for you and you'll never really be alone.

Welcome to the forum!

 

[redstar3313]

welcome to the forum Abby, I hope you feel better soon

 

[AndiGirl]

Oh my gosh, Abby! This post sounds like something that I've said to my husband. I can relate. It is not an easy thing. Eating is supposed to be pleasurable, yet for those with CD it's more like hell.

 

[stargazer]

Im sorry to hear you are going through this. I have been in a similar place. I felt no one understood me and pretty much exactly how you put things. I would say you have us as a support network which hopefully you feel is helpful. I did not have something like this and I was in denial when I could have used it anyway. I just found this site today and I really like it already. When there are times when people are down and hurting and dont know where to turn, there is this amazing place where one can vent and talk about their problems that others may find gross. Please lean on us in your time of hurting and needs. We're here to listen and support you.