I'm a man with Crohn's. I'm also suicidal.

[thewarrior]

I'm turning twenty-five in two months. I've had Crohn's since the age of sixteen. I'm 5'9'' and only weigh 130lbs. Why am I suicidal? Because I hate the way I look and my love life stinks. I never had a girlfriend, never been intimate with a female outside of an escort. When women see me, they just see a thin guy. I don't get any attention from females .

This is HURTING me inside bad. I have an attractive face. Clear skin and I dress nice. But I only have a 30" waist and my thighs/neck/forearms could stand some more meat. I KNOW if I gained 30lbs, I would get looks from females and my romantic life will be much better.

I'm also tired of the endless comments about my weight from people I work with. The average person don't ask a fat man/woman "why are you so fat?". But it's perfectly acceptable to verbally torture someone who is underweight.

Why can't I pick up weight? I have a good thing going with Bentyl and two Immodium AD every day. I only go to the bathroom twice per day. Sometimes once. The pains in my stomach aren't as severe and I can "hold it" 99% of time. Is it the medicine or am I in remission? I don't have health insurance, but hopefully I get hired as an employee (currently a consultant).

But I'm so depressed. I don't care what anyone says but it's not right for a 25 year old man not to have a female in his life. I'm not even trying to be a player. But many women find thin guys unattractive and won't even give them a second look.

If there are any woman on this board who care to contribute their opinion... is it true you ignore thin men?

 

[Guest1]

Wow, where do I even start?

Firstly, I am so SO sorry you are feeling like this. I can't even begin to imagine what it feels like to be in your shoes, nor will I pretend. I think you made a wise choice to post your feelings on this board, as I have found these wonderful posters an awesome support system.

Secondly, I know this probably sounds cliche', but no one can love you until you love yourself...and you DO deserve to be loved. I'm willing to bet that you're an awesome guy with a good personality who has a lot to offer a woman, but unfortunately, I think your negative outlook on yourself might be shining through more than your true self...and possibly turning women off more than the weight thing. When I met my husband, he was 6'0 and 145lbs (17 years old and no illnesses -- that was just his frame) and I never thought twice about his weight. People of all shapes and sizes find love all the time, so I think your weight might play a smaller role than what you think.

Secondly, please, please, PLEASE get help somewhere. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Even without insurance there are programs to help people like yourself in your time of need. If you need to talk or vent, don't hesitate to do so! We are here for you and can offer you advice, a shoulder or just an ear.

...And just to throw this out there, but have you tried using a dating service online? I've known a few people who've had fantastic results with eharmony.com -- it takes a whole to set up a profile, but it's worth it from what I've seen. Just a suggestion, of course.

 

[D Bergy]

I have seen the weirdest looking men with some of the nicest looking women that I never had the chance to date.

It really has more to do with confidence and attitude, than looks. I am not saying looks do not play a role, they do, but it really is not the road block that I made it out to be.

My son is thin and does not weigh much more than you and a computer nerd to boot. But he has dated more women than anyone I know. But he does it like a good salesman does. He plays the numbers. He may ask ten women out on a date, and nine will turn him down, but the tenth one will not. It is just a mathematical fact that a certain percentage will say yes.

This requires being rejected nine times out of ten, but if you can deal with that fact, you really can't lose in the end. It is impossible that all women will turn you down. Impossible.

I could not do this myself, but since I am married, it may cause problems if I did.
It is just something I learned when it was no longer useful to me. I always can come up with the solution, after the problem is long gone.

Suicide is a bad idea, because it may be worse when you are dead, we really do not know, do we?

Suicide has no contingency plan. If it does not work out, too bad, you have eliminated any other option.

Another reason is our situation is always changing. What is today, will not be in the future. One constant is change, nothing remains static. Absolutely nothing.

I never thought I would be married and have three children. I planned on being single. That did not happen, and I was not looking to get married. Life happens to you when you least expect it.

Start lifting some weights. You will put on nothing but muscle. It would take you about four to five months to really see a difference.

I was skinny also, but working in the woods, and throwing hay bails built up a lot of muscle. I was skinny, but I was ripped and strong as an ox. No reason you can't be if you work at it.

Just the facts.

Dan

 

[cheeky]

i'm very sad to read about what you're going through ...
all i can do to help is offer you some feedback, as you requested, here's another female opinion (btw i strongly agree with vshirey's comment)...

i know some of the side effects of this disease can really make it difficult to have a positive self-image or it can affect your self-esteem, but please don't let this get the best of you. it's seems your symptoms are more under control at this point, so now you need to focus on getting better mentally.

i've dated skinny guys, a lot of guys are underweight and attractive, but mainly what i think is causing you difficulty is your self-perception and the energy you put out... not to be cheesy.

women are VERY attracted to confident men. fact.... and many women will be drawn much more to personality than appearance (i know appearance has something to do with it too, but you'd be surprised how far an amazing personality can get you). if you don't have that confidence in yourself, we can sense it. a great amount of confidence, being well groomed (smelling good), clean and carrying yourself well... with lots of eye contact and a self-assured vibe, is very appealing when combined with a great personality.

it's so true that the energy we put out into the universe is what we draw to us.... so for some time now, you've convinced yourself that it's your image preventing you from being romantically involved with a woman, and you probably carry yourself in a way that makes women believe what you think about yourself.

all different shapes and types of people find relationships... it can be challenging for ALL of us... of course... but it's not impossible. just try to be positive.

as someone suggested, try online dating, as i've noticed that these days, more and more people are so busy and find the net dating thing way more convenient and fun! it's also a great way for people to get to know your personality a lot better.

perhaps take a shot at that and at least get yourself going out on dates.
do you try approaching women? maybe just become friendly with women, and get to know their friends etc... meeting people through friends is also a great way to get into dating.


also, i would say that if you stop over-thinking it, and focus on making yourself FEEL better...and building your own confidence...participate in social activities (e.g. co-ed activity groups, go out with friends and family, just try to do things you enjoy) before you know it, someone will enter your life unexpectedly. "everything comes gradually and at its appointed hour".... just be patient.

i don't know what more to say, i'm no expert, but i really hope you get support, and work on feeling better.

best wishes.

 

[Brando]

hey man.. i know you're feeling bad and your situation sucks. but guess what? you have the power to change all that. you really do. i know it doesn't seem like it but if you tell yourself everyday when you wake up how awesome you are and how unfortunate people are for not knowing you your image of yourself will start to change. people say it all the time but it really is all about confidence. confidence in yourself, confidence that you are the man and noone can take that away from you no matter what obstacles are in your way.

take a leap of faith. get out of that comfort zone a little bit because that is the only way to see some results. don't let this drive inwards and be willing to accept that not everyone is right for you. all you need to do is put on a big smile, make some eye contact and you're foot is in the door. you are the prize my friend and you should never think otherwise.

 

[kello82]

hey warrior, listen i TOTALLY relate to you on this.
ive always been super thin, no curves, none of the lovely stuff that you guys love right? but sr year of high school, i was healthier, had some hips, filled out a couple cup sizes bigger and all the sudden i was one of the Hot Girls. (now im back down to 93 lbs).
and yeah the attention was nice, im not gonna lie. but guess what? i was already with someone who liked me for who i was (prior to my, uh growth spurt ) boob-less and butt-less and all!
did i really want to be with someone who only started paying attention to me because i had a nice rack?
nope.

im gonna echo what the others have said. confidence is really what brings people to you.
instead of waiting for a woman to notice you, why dont you go up and talk to the one that YOU have noticed? the confidence to do so and the compliment that "hey, this guy took the time to want to talk to me!" will go so far for you.
for me, thats one of the top things that makes a guy a cutie: he talked to me!
idk maybe thats just me, but ill bet im not alone in this

 

[Guest]

hi Warrior.. just want to echo what's been said really - i think it's more about confidence and liking what you see in your mirror than anything else. i adore my partner, and would love him whether he was thin, fat, short, tall, bald.. whatever. in turn, he loves me for me - despite my surgery scars and health issues (my personal confidence kicker).

as a female, attraction to someone at first meeting is about a guy's eyes, his attitude, and inner warmth which shows in his smile. after that, it's about getting to know the real person inside, and falling in love with that person if everything else is right between the two people.

those women who guage a man purely on looks, body mass, designer clothes etc.. are not the kind who will stick with him through thick and thin..

i think the internet dating thing is a great idea, as long as you're cautious, and you could try other internet sites too.. i know a few people who've met on forums, even facebook! and fallen in love, 2 couples are now married.. and, i wouldn't have met my partner if not for the internet

 

[Jeff D.]

Hey Warrior I was in the same boat as you and am in the same boat for different reasons.

When I was diagnosed I was 5'5'' and 95 pounds. Now I'm 5'7'' and about 123 pounds. I have gone from 140 last year at this time to now 123. I have a wonderful girlfriend who I met last year but she has stuck with me through a pretty bad flareup. She is also my first girlfriend and I didn't date anyone else because I was always afraid of my weight, especially my elbows because they stick out like crazy.

Tuesday I was diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder. I have been suicidal since I was 11 when I had my first thought of suicide. You need to find help because that is the only way to figure out your problems and how to fix it. If you are a Catholic then you can always go see the priest to talk about your problems, even if you aren't Catholic they would likely talk to you. I'm sure other churches are similar as well so don't be afraid of stopping by or giving them a call and see if you can chat with someone.

Just remember whenever you think about suicide that:
You are loved
You are worth it
You are good looking
And just make up things to psyche you up about you

If you ever need to talk to someone you can pm me and I will get back to you asap.

I'm praying for you

 

[beth]

Warrior, any woman that goes for you on your looks aint going to be worth anything...

Learn to relax ( - take up a hobby, join a gym, do weights, go running, hillwalking, whatever it takes and an endorphin hit from exercise is a pretty good way to start as any), stop trying to be the same as your peers, be yourself and get some professional help! Maybe there's a local counselling service you can access. And do something about the Crohn's - I can't think popping immodium is really doing you much good. If you can't afford doctors at the moment do you know what foods trigger/exacerbate it, find out and avoid them. Do some research on the 'net.

All your troubles aren't going to get magically better with a girl on your arm... they'll double!

eHugs... I know it's a bad place to be. I've been there.

 

[NatalieMT]

So sorry to hear you are going through a very rough patch.

Firstly you should really get help with the way you are feeling. I've felt down for a long time but I've come to realise suicide really isn't the answer. I eventually plucked up the 'courage' so to speak and told someone what I was going through and really I was surprised how non judgemental a lot of people were about it. My doctor even said this morning 'you can always come and talk to me, that wouldn't be so awful' and I really think I will pull through eventually with the right support. There is always befrienders.org where you can call and speak to someone and get advice. Maybe once you get health insurance too you can get on the road to recovery in terms of your crohn's too. I wish you all the best with that!

I had never really experienced a relationship up until the start of the year. All my friends had boyfriends, I did feel like the odd one out. I was ill, eventually got admitted to hospital and the guy from work I was sort of seeing came to visit me. I thought if he can come and see me at one of my worst points and still point out the fact I looked cute all wrapped up in the pjs then there was definitely hope, now we are together.

You really seem like a good guy who wants to be with a woman for the right reasons and I really believe you will meet the person for you. Even if it seems like right now it's taking a while. I don't choose guys for their weight, looks, age it's more about how we get on and vice versa. I think the majority of women are that way inclined. I mean my boyfriend and I couldn't be more different on the outside. I'm almost 18, he's 24. I'm pale and British and he's half Korean. I'm pretty thin and he's just average. I think the only similar thing is that we're both reasonably tall. But these factors seem so irrelevant because although yes I am attracted to him it's more for his wit than anything.

Like others have said internet dating may have once had a bad reputation but I also know people who have met online, infact 2 of them are marrying in 2 weeks. There are a lot of sites to join and so many nice people out there to meet, I sometimes believe it's easier to match yourself with someone online and there's an element of first getting to know the person just through chat as opposed to in person, it's easier to break the ice. It might help you get into going out more and gain some confidence back. I mean I personally would join up too if the time came for it. Anytime if you want to chat, drop me a line anyway you like, always happy to talk about anything.

 

[Cookie]

Hi Warrior,

There's not much more that I can add that hasn't already been said. You are not alone in how you feel. I know guys that don't have a disease that feel the same way as you do. The best advice I can give is to focus on making yourself happy and try to forget about the absence of a woman in your life. Get out and be around people as much as you can. It will help to build your confidence. If you are happy, it will shine through and everything else will just fall in place. Women are not nearly as superficial as you might think...it's all about the attitude for us.

Hang in there, please. There are many people on this forum who care about you. I'm praying for you too.

 

[misscris]

Hey Warrior!!

There isn't anything else I can add besides what's already been said either. But I just wanted to say welcome to the forum. It's a great place to be whether you're posting questions/concerns, lurking around reading everybody else's post, or having a laugh with others. You can get it all here and feel like you belong. Welcome and I hope you can get the help and answers you are seeking. You are definitely not alone in a lot of the thoughts and doubts you have.

 

[thewarrior]

Thanks everyone for all the support. I know that I give off self-deprecating vibes. I have it in my mind that I'm not attractive because I'm slim, and people can sense this. Since I'm not going to the bathroom as much, I just have to eat more. I'm going to see my family doctor and ask him to write a prescription for a drug I've heard of that increases appetite.

Does anyone know if weight loss is due to the excessive diarrhea or food not properly being used because of damaged digestive tract? Basically, if I start eating a lot more, will I gain weight or will it be in vain because my GI tract is so messed up?

 

[CD68]

Thanks everyone for all the support. I know that I give off self-deprecating vibes. I have it in my mind that I'm not attractive because I'm slim, and people can sense this. Since I'm not going to the bathroom as much, I just have to eat more. I'm going to see my family doctor and ask him to write a prescription for a drug I've heard of that increases appetite.

Does anyone know if weight loss is due to the excessive diarrhea or food not properly being used because of damaged digestive tract? Basically, if I start eating a lot more, will I gain weight or will it be in vain because my GI tract is so messed up?

It can be due to nausea, diarrhea, or malabsorption and damage in the small intestine. It varies.

I think the need to pair bond with someone is at its maximum when you are in your mid twenties. I was profoundly miserable at your age and I wasn't suffering from anything at all. It seems the trick might be to get with someone else who has Crohn's or another chronic disease. There are some wonderful girls out there who get smacked with lupus, for example, and complain about not getting dates. Support boards might be a great way to meet some people in your area.

 

[Mark33180]

Hey Warrior.
I have been in your situation before and i know that it is tough, i never told any of my friends about how i was feeling or what was going on but i had thought about the easy way out a time or two, it does take some time to fix it but believe me things can change for the better. In high school i played baseball, was never one of the "Jocks" I was 6'3" 200lbs. After i graduated in 99' i went to college, after the first year i was diagnosed with crohns. For a month before i was diagnosed i had heavy bleeding and massive weight loss as well as a huge ammount of pain. I was down to 140lbs when i went in for surgery. It took a long time for me to be ok with my life, i couldn't keep a job no one understood what was going on and the love life was the same. there were many nights when i would look at my hunting rifle and think, is that a better way? then you start to think about what affect it would ahve on your family and friends. Believe me things can and will get much better.

I don't know what kind of athletics that you enjoy but one thing that i think would be helpful to you, would be some form of martial arts. maybe get into mixed martial arts, not professionally or even into the competitions but the simple act of the training and discipline that it provides could be very helpful. Not only would it add muscle mass through the workout, but you would gain more confidence. I know what its like to feel like the ladies aren't attracted to you, basically any girlfriend i have gotten was basically "pushed" on my by friends, i never could go up to a girl and talk to them one on one or even in groups. Its a tough thing and if you don't have the confidence it makes you feel really small. I still to this day have that trouble. But trust me you would be surprised what a little ego boost can do for you. just start small and don't worry about the little things. If there is one thing you can learn from this disease its that you can't stress out about things, have to learn to live a more carefree life and don't sweat the small stuff.

Remember most of us are here for you anytime you need it, We have myspace and facebook pages and most of us have instant messengers if you ever need someone to talk to feel free you get in touch with us. We all know its tough but thats what this place is for.

 

[fenway1971]

Hi Warrior (cool name) -
Just logged on - 13 replies in a day and a half...that's pretty impressive. This guy's advice echoes the others.

Have you tried going to the gym? I've always been skinny but started working out weekly with a trainer. Was always intimidated, but having someone take me through exercises and push me was a blessing. Within a month or so, I noticed the following: (a) i was eating more because i was hungry from working out, (b) i had muscles i never knew existed and (c) the endorphins made me feel more confident. Hard to get started but I recommend you giving it a go.

Don't give up. Crohn's sucks...but it's not the end of the world.

 

[kello82]

hey warrior...uh it looks like your account got deleted.
this is totally accidental, only spammers are supposed to be deleted but sometimes real people get mixed in there.

come back and reregister ok?

clearly everyone wants to help and share the best they can! this confidence issue is something that gets to us all and we can all relate to.
pretty hard to be outgoing and sexy when you fear you might have a load in your pants in the next ten minutes

oh in re to your question about the food, i kinda always wondered that myself. since i couldnt put weight on even when the D wasnt an issue for me, i think it has to do with the damaged digestive tract. if its sick than its job of absorbing is completely comprimised.
just thoughts.

 

[Ekspain]

many consider suicide at some point. Many also feel unattractive. You are not alone in these feelings.
What you need to do is actively change. Meditation and going to the gym. These two factors will help you. Eat well. Begin taking care of yourself. Look at this as a process.
Change will not happen over night. Read Eknath Easwaran. He was a wonderful writer, and his works will bring you a long way on your path to self discovery. But believe me, ending it now, will change little in your happiness. Be strong.

 

[pb4]

the warrior, you are being waaaaaaaaaay too hard on yourself...BTW my son is 5'8" and 128 lbs, granted he's still growing but he is in no way sickly looking for his height and weight at this point (he doesn't have an IBD, I'm just letting you know his height and weight in comparrison to yours), and if he doesn't look unattractively thin then I doubt you do either, you are perceiving how you look in a negative way when you shouldn't be. I once dated a guy that was about 6'1" and probably only about 150 at most (might have been a little lighter) and I found him attractive so the answer to your question is no, not all women find thin men unattractive (I personally prefer leaner over heavier myself but that said what's even more important is how I'm treated, not looks or weight) and I'd say most women probably feel the same way, at least the ones that aren't shallow....

so if any women verbalizes to you in a negative way about your weight then she's not worth your time, regardless of how attractive she might be in the physical sense cuz any woman that would make a guy feel bad about being too thin doesn't have an attractive personality and isn't worth spit.

Likely at this moment you cannot help feeling suicidal and I hope you seek professional help with that because honestly being suicidal over your weight and how women (obviously all the wrong women) are treating you because of it are certainly not worth losing your life over.

The right woman will come along.

 

[conkeruk]

Hi,

Just a quick msg. I am 7 stone (with crohns) and my fiance is 17st we both really hate our body but we found each other and are gettin married next year.

I am currently doing a liquid diet called Nestle Modulen from speaking to prevous people that have done this that have but on from 1 stone - 3stone after being on this maybe you should talk to doctors about this. It is difficult but if you are down about you appearence like me then you have to stick with it.

Your lady out there somewhere

 

[crohnsappleadams]

Your body has nothing to do with your lack of success with women. Between Crohn's disease, bad genetics, and bad diet, I have been both considerably underweight and considerably overweight. I'm also starting to lose my hair at an age which, in my opinion, is a bit to soon. Absolutely none of that affects my ability to meet nice, attractive, professionally successful girls. It's not your body. It's your body image.

As a side note, depression and bipolar disorder are both a common side effect of Crohn's disease. Both can be triggered by a lack of B12. If you have any scarring in your small intestine, there's a pretty good chance you're not getting enough. I would suggest sublingual B12 supplements, as the normal pill-style supplements won't work for you and most doctors won't sign off on self-administered shots (especially if they suspect you're depressed). I'd also suggest a doctor. Also, stop seeing escorts. I can pretty much guarantee you that seeing them will only make your depression worse.

 

[Mark33180]

One thing that can help is take a look at one of the seasons of the shon on VH1 called the pickup artist. You would be amazed how easy it really is to meet someone. Just look at those guys and how they go from scared unconfident guys to dudes that can get just about any women, it shows that anyone can do it just have to go for it. Everyone gets shot down every now and then, I know i have been shot down more times then i can count. But you just have to turn around and look there will be 4 or 5 more girls to talk to. Take a chance and don't let anything get you down

 

[Naps22]

I'm turning twenty-five in two months. I've had Crohn's since the age of sixteen. I'm 5'9'' and only weigh 130lbs. Why am I suicidal? Because I hate the way I look and my love life stinks. I never had a girlfriend, never been intimate with a female outside of an escort. When women see me, they just see a thin guy. I don't get any attention from females .

This is HURTING me inside bad. I have an attractive face. Clear skin and I dress nice. But I only have a 30" waist and my thighs/neck/forearms could stand some more meat. I KNOW if I gained 30lbs, I would get looks from females and my romantic life will be much better.

I'm also tired of the endless comments about my weight from people I work with. The average person don't ask a fat man/woman "why are you so fat?". But it's perfectly acceptable to verbally torture someone who is underweight.

Why can't I pick up weight? I have a good thing going with Bentyl and two Immodium AD every day. I only go to the bathroom twice per day. Sometimes once. The pains in my stomach aren't as severe and I can "hold it" 99% of time. Is it the medicine or am I in remission? I don't have health insurance, but hopefully I get hired as an employee (currently a consultant).

But I'm so depressed. I don't care what anyone says but it's not right for a 25 year old man not to have a female in his life. I'm not even trying to be a player. But many women find thin guys unattractive and won't even give them a second look.

If there are any woman on this board who care to contribute their opinion... is it true you ignore thin men?

I'm with you man, totally with you. I'm 21, 5'10 and weigh about 125 lbs. Putting on weight has been the number 1 goal in my life, for my entire life, and I just haven't been able to do it. I know if I put on about 25 lbs I'd have so much more confidence with the ladies. I hate not being able to put on weight when other people are able to do it so effortlessly.

 

[katiesue1506]

I'm with you man, totally with you. This is why I think crohns effects guys worse than girls. Because it's good for girls to be skinny anyway, guys are supposed to be big and muscular.

I'd choose your words a little more carefully. I'm not sure you realize, but when we women lose the weight from crohn's, it usually takes our breasts and our butt with it... Yeah, anorexic is HOT. [/sarcasm]

I think Crohn's affects everyone equally as hard... its the coping strategies and skills you use to overcome the disease that matter.

I think you may have touched a nerve of mine. I'm trying to be as nice as I can be here. Society says that women should be skinny... its not GOOD for girls to be skinny. Crohn's has taken a toll on my self esteem as well... one month I'm too skinny, the next I'm too fat... either way my bras don't fit because they are too big or too small... my pants either sag or are too tight... my face is either bulgingly fat or skeleton skinny.

But I have to get over that, because my outward looks don't make me who I am as a person.

 

[Naps22]

I'd choose your words a little more carefully. I'm not sure you realize, but when we women lose the weight from crohn's, it usually takes our breasts and our butt with it... Yeah, anorexic is HOT. [/sarcasm]

I think Crohn's affects everyone equally as hard... its the coping strategies and skills you use to overcome the disease that matter.

I think you may have touched a nerve of mine. I'm trying to be as nice as I can be here. Society says that women should be skinny... its not GOOD for girls to be skinny. Crohn's has taken a toll on my self esteem as well... one month I'm too skinny, the next I'm too fat... either way my bras don't fit because they are too big or too small... my pants either sag or are too tight... my face is either bulgingly fat or skeleton skinny.

But I have to get over that, because my outward looks don't make me who I am as a person.

I apologize if I offended you, and I'll admit that I was talking about something I clearly don't understand.

As far as the coping strategies and skills go, yes that is true, this matters most when overcoming this disease. And up until this point in my life I've had a very positive outlook on things. It's just hard to bring yourself back up when you've experienced nothing but getting knocked down your entire life. I'm tired of relying on other people (doctors) to live my life, I'm tired of being in pain, I'm tired of being underweight. Is this what life is all about? Feeling like shit AND looking like shit ALL THE TIME? It's just not fair that other people can go through life and not experience any pain while at the same time living a very unhealthy lifestyle while others have to continually suffer and rely on expensive drugs to get by.

 

[markymark19857]

Hey Warrior, Im 6 feet right now and 130 pounds and pprobly a 26 waist lol yeah it can be fusterating especially since I am a personal trainer and I used to work out all the time as a hobby. Right now i havent been so well so im taking a break from it, but I still go out and meet people and enjoy life. You need to stop being soo hard on yourself,relax and take things day by day.Some days i feel awful and so i wont go out, but remmeber there are always good days ahead. I can try to eat anything and sometimes it causes more damage so id advise trying to increase your calories, if your GI trac is inflammed this will only do more damage. Find a happy medium and relax you will be fine dude.

 

[Guest]

thewarrior - please do come back and reregister! we're having an ongoing issue with spammers joining the forum and advertising their silly links here there and everywhere.. and sometimes in an attempt to clean up, genuine accounts get deleted too. really sorry this happened to yours please rejoin us!

i just wanted to say one thing regarding your original post.. when you said "I KNOW if I gained 30lbs, I would get looks from females and my romantic life will be much better.".. this sounds like the 'if only' thing... so many people focus on one thing, very often a particular physical aspect of themselves.. if only i could lose some weight, if only my hair was longer, if only i had a nose job/tummy tuck/boob job, if only.... then everything would be ok. truth is - whatever changes on the outside of ourselves, we are still the same on the inside - and that person on the inside is as lovable and unique as anyone else.

 

[crohnsappleadams]

I'd choose your words a little more carefully. I'm not sure you realize, but when we women lose the weight from crohn's, it usually takes our breasts and our butt with it... Yeah, anorexic is HOT. [/sarcasm]

I think Crohn's affects everyone equally as hard... its the coping strategies and skills you use to overcome the disease that matter.

I think you may have touched a nerve of mine. I'm trying to be as nice as I can be here. Society says that women should be skinny... its not GOOD for girls to be skinny. Crohn's has taken a toll on my self esteem as well... one month I'm too skinny, the next I'm too fat... either way my bras don't fit because they are too big or too small... my pants either sag or are too tight... my face is either bulgingly fat or skeleton skinny.

But I have to get over that, because my outward looks don't make me who I am as a person.

Just as it is with these guys though, your perception of your physical flaws is mostly limited to you. You'd be hard pressed to find a whole lot of guys who would base their decision as to whether or not to date you over 10-15 pounds.

I've always had sorta the opposite. Crohn's has never curtailed my ability to gain weight. It actually does the opposite because I basically have a stalled metabolism. I managed to get myself up to a shade over 270 at one point (I'm 5'9") and had to really discipline myself in the gym to shave that down.

 

[crohnsappleadams]

thewarrior - please do come back and reregister! we're having an ongoing issue with spammers joining the forum and advertising their silly links here there and everywhere.. and sometimes in an attempt to clean up, genuine accounts get deleted too. really sorry this happened to yours please rejoin us!

i just wanted to say one thing regarding your original post.. when you said "I KNOW if I gained 30lbs, I would get looks from females and my romantic life will be much better.".. this sounds like the 'if only' thing... so many people focus on one thing, very often a particular physical aspect of themselves.. if only i could lose some weight, if only my hair was longer, if only i had a nose job/tummy tuck/boob job, if only.... then everything would be ok. truth is - whatever changes on the outside of ourselves, we are still the same on the inside - and that person on the inside is as lovable and unique as anyone else.

This.

 

[joe pbnj]

hey man, i'm sorry to hear you're going through all of this. after my surgery i was down to about 128 pounds, being 6'1 i looked really emaciated and devastatingly sick and skinny. it was a long process but i eventually found some foods that helped me put on some weight. i also took up smoking weed, which i really can't suggest as advice because there are other problems you have that might interfere or make matters worse...but i have met a few people who suffered from crohn's who swear by it and say how much it helped them gain weight.

either way, gaining wait is still a little challenging to do. i used to dive into like half a quart of organic ice cream and a tall glass of vanilla soy milk every night at 3am and then watch cartoons in my room and it took a while to notice any results.

as far as ladies go, i really can't give advice as i'm also a shy guy kinda, but i know confidence is what girls want to see like many previous posters have said. just get over the skinny put-downs you're getting and try and meet some new people! like other people have said also, hobbies are a great way to help.

i hope everything works out for you! hang in there better days are coming, life is what you make of it.