Limericks to choose from

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Today, I just got the word,
That my grandpa who's brain was absurd (alzheimers),
Is gone - yes it's true and not fake,
I'm proud he is my namesake,
I'm not a Junior but the Third.

:(

Gonna be MIA for a few days but needed to post something for Grandpa Fen. He'd be proud.
 
Sorry Fen. :( My grandma had Alzheimers and Dementia. Very hard to watch. Sorry for you loss, but I'm sure he'd be proud! HUGS
 
fenway1971 said:
Today, I just got the word,
That my grandpa who's brain was absurd (alzheimers),
Is gone - yes it's true and not fake,
I'm proud he is my namesake,
I'm not a Junior but the Third.

:(

Gonna be MIA for a few days but needed to post something for Grandpa Fen. He'd be proud.
Click to expand...

That was really sweet. I know I've already told you 304,053,409,723 times, but I'm here for you, bruddah. :(
 
From one of my all time favorite movies, Jaws:

Here lies the body of Mary Lee;
died at the age of a hundred and three.
For fifteen years she kept her virginity;
not a bad record for this vicinity.
 
Word! to Fen
But I'll say it again
We miss you mud
And send you big hugs
Come home soon, healthy, and not too thin!
 
Bust'n on Ris-a
She's my sistah
But she throws like girl
Ain't no bigger than a squirrel
When on a rampage she's like a twister!
 
farm said:
Bust'n on Ris-a
She's my sistah
But she throws like girl
Ain't no bigger than a squirrel
When on a rampage she's like a twister!
Click to expand...


You jerk, I just saw this for the first time!!!!! :ylol:

I might THROW like a girl, but I don't PUNCH like one.

super_squirrel1222540036.jpg
 
We just named her skittles
She's always in the middle
Of crazy threads
Scratching her head
Wondering about our riddles!
 
I love the crohn's forum,
Just not some of the petty decorum,
Let's be real,
This place is for us to heal,
I can rhyme and ain't no cockalorum. (<-- take that you limerickers!)
 
fenway1971 said:
I love the crohn's forum,
Just not some of the petty decorum,
Let's be real,
This place is for us to heal,
I can rhyme and ain't no cockalorum. (<-- take that you limerickers!)
Click to expand...

Yeah, yeah, standing ovation from me. That was good, LOL.
 
Fen has challeged me to limerick duel
Oh how I hate to be cruel
Maybe we need a quoram
to find a rhyme with forum
Now he's eating gruel.....
 
Last edited:
Fen grabs his ink and quill,
"This ought to be a thrill.
I am a Libra,
And you limerick like a zebra.
Take that, MissPop, if you will."
 
Lately, the atmosphere's been retahded
It's like someone just went and fahted
Closed the windows and doors
Sharted on our floors
So we've all been up on our guard(ed).
 
Nothing like a good limerick
to make your heart tick
I love you gangtas
Cuz you're a bunch of prankstas
Without you I'd be sick
 
fenway1971 said:
You're sweet and full of sass,
Great qualities in a lass,
But it's obvious,
you're envious.
My rhymes smell like roses, yours like dead grass
Click to expand...
:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:
Everyday we should write at least one limerick...makes me feel so much better.
 
I really want to cry
My house is over run with clothes to dry
I have mountains to move
Just can't get into the groove
If the house isn't clean, I'm gonna fry
 
Farm's belly will burn
But he's not too concerned
It'll soon go away
With some beer and whey
One day farm just might learn!
 
A limerick a day
Is easy to say
But come on and do it
Until we get through it
It'll always be time to play
 
A girl named Pop
went to a shop
Her stomach grumbled
Where's the bathroom she mumbled
And to the toilet she did hop:)
 
Farm blew my cover.
With a cape I do hover.
Batman I am,
kapow, whack and wham!
Got a batmobile and I sure do love her!
 
Farm called you out
Just to hear you shout
Where is your buddy
Robin, the one that flutters?
Now just take a different route.
 
Peaches couldn't resist
To take a look at my list
To laugh at my post
If I keep them not so gross
Now she's glad she didn't miss!
 
Now your back
Going on the rack
I'll pick on you
While your in the loo
You'll laugh all day, even in the sack.
 
Fen and farm are two guys with Crohn's
For their bad limericks they must atone
They practiced their skills
Only to be run of the mill
They can't knock the girls off their thrones
 
Surely you jest
I am the best
You rhyme so weak
Just go take a seat
You blend in with the rest.
 
Last edited:
Now I make you cry
Go ahead, start rubbing your eye
What you write is wrong
Like a country rap song
Ain't no beating me, so don't deny.
 
Farm's a man on the prowl
It makes his tummy growl
He can't write a song
Because he wears a thong
He hoots like an owl
 
I'll step on your feelings
There will be no healing
My words are tight
I'll win the fight
Your's are like a sunburn peeling!
 
Farm thinks he's so smart
He has fire burning sharts
He writes his limericks
while the working in the sticks
He should sell them at the Walmart
 
I just ate a sub
My stomach did not wub
But so far so good
If I could take it back I would
Cause tonight will be a big blub!
 
We write these limericks for a laugh
They are done on your behalf
I pray the time never comes to pass
when they are thought of as crass
So please be nice to the forum staff
 
Fen on a three hour flight
Could not join the limerick fight.
On Farm he'd depend,
To honor and defend,
The talent of the men who do write.

Peaches, Pop and Ris,
Their rhymes smell like piss.
Yet even when they gaffe,
I cannot help but laugh,
This thread is one I do miss.

Last but not least…

An ode to thee,
Our beautiful MG.
A guiding light,
Who will continue to fight,
She is how I’d like to be.
 
Ah...Fen thinks he is a poet
Too bad he needs to stow it
He likes to tease us girls
But he knows our words are like pearls
To the ladies he should submit
 
There once was a man from Belize
He had a talent for cutting the cheese
Beans were his weapon of choice
With each fart he did rejoice
Until a shart followed after a sneeze.
 
We all know a guy named Farm
He is bright and overflowing with charm
He saddled his horse
And plotted their course
Until his bowels rang the alarm
 
Well, it looks as though we scared the boys away
They know their rhymes are made of clay
Their words have crumbled
We've caused them to fumble
Now it looks as though they no longer want to play:(
 
Peaches said:
Then into the john he went
And brought with him some flint
to light a big match
to mask the smell with a patch
So no one will have a hint

I'm laughing at this.....he probably advertises in there!!!
Click to expand...

He farts flames, so he's probably advertises his side show in thar!!!
 
A limerick before I go schmooze,
Over appetizers and booze.
Y'all may be as cute as dolls,
But to rhyme well, you need a pair of balls.
That's it. Guys win, girls lose.
 
Us girls have taken over this thread
Much to the poor boy's dread
They gave up way too easy
They must be feeling queasy
I hope their faces aren't too red!
 
Fen comes in from behind
His limericks are somewhat refined
He can't hold a candle
It's gonna be a scandle
When the girls rhymes are combined
 
You know you're in the zone,
When you limerick from your phone.
My rhymes aren't that crass,
But this boy's still bad ass.
He digs up rhymes like a dog digs his bone.
 
fenway1971 said:
You know you're in the zone,
When you limerick from your phone.
My rhymes aren't that crass,
But this boy's still bad ass.
He digs up rhymes like a dog digs his bone.
Click to expand...
Go Fen! GO FEN!............

He's the man with a big Cheshire grin
Maybe he's had too much gin?
We he still thinks he's the best
Just not out West.
Now, where's your twin?
 
Last edited:
When I shit
My teeth I grit
Tis not kind
The smell I unwind
But you will put up with it!
 
My fog is powerful indeed
But I share it with no greed
I want all to enjoy
My homemade toy
Breath it in until you can't see!
 
The smell clears the house
It makes you feel like a louse
Do not delay
Use the spray
Before it is detected by your spouse
 
Farm's a man who is proud
The gas he emits is like a shroud
He rips one off
And everyone must cough
Especially when they are loud
 
Sometimes there is a surprise
That will make water come to your eyes
Then I must clean
What must never be seen
Now now, none of your lies!
 
In the ayapoht, I fahted,
Befo' my plane depahted.
As it stunk up the room,
I shook it away like a broom,
oh how i must've looked retahded.
 
Fen's the man who brought a plane down
The flight attendant screamed "CODE BROWN"
The engines sputtered
"I only fahted" Fen stuttered.....
They had to land at the nearest town.
 
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! Code Brown. Classic.

I made a noise,
That could knock over boys.
A cloud then followed,
Grown men wallowed,
So they took me away in convoys.
 
Pop is use to being compared to the dog
The family doesn't appreciate my fog
I just sit there for a while,
then casually smile,
as they run from the barking frog :)
 
There once was a girl named Peaches.
A thing or two about farts she could teach us.
She claims to be sweet,
but not under a sheet.
Her husband keeps Lysol within close reaches!
 
Last edited:
We should start a band,
It'd be the best in the land.
We'd all toot,
It'd be a hoot.
Bring on American Bandstand!
 
A quartet of tooters galore,
would be something of lore.
We would expel the first note.
That would be all she wrote.
People would be running for the door!
 
Fen as tenor, Peaches as alto,
Farm as bass, Pop soprano,
On the count of three,
Farting in harmony,
Winning a grammy fo' sho'
 
fenway1971 said:
Fen as tenor, Peaches as alto,
Farm as bass, Pop soprano,
On the count of three,
Farting in harmony,
Winning a grammy fo' sho'
Click to expand...
:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:
Who knew fart limericks could be so satisfying??? Kinda like "Chicken Soup for The Crohnie's Soul"!!!
 
Peaches is banging rhymes out,
She must be on steriods no doubt.
I have to admit,
Your first rhymes were shit,
But now you're limericking is stout.
 
On the toilet I sat,
When on my shoulders crawled my cat,
Yes it's true,
Cat on me while on the loo,
I had company while I shat.
 
fenway1971 said:
On the toilet I sat,
When on my shoulders crawled my cat,
Yes it's true,
Cat on me while on the loo,
I had company while I shat.
Click to expand...

:ylol2:

Okay, now do one about your adventure in painting...
 
Hi Fen...How are you??? Your kitty loves you no matter what you smell like.

Fen's got a cat without any shyness.
It must have problems with it's sinus.
It nibbles his ears,
And fights back the tears,
As Fen continues his business
 
Hi Pop! I'm good. Had to rescue WonderWoman the other day, but that's what superheroes do. She sent the bat signal. LOL.

Painting I tried,
In a room not that wide.
It kinda splattered,
And my pride was shattered,
When I grab my brushes, you better hide.
 
My cat watches me on the loo
He must have nothing better to do
Or he just wants a snack
or a scratch on the back
Or he's waiting in line for a poo!

High five to Shaz for finally getting a limerick out - WOOOOHOOOO!
 
shazamataz said:
My cat watches me on the loo
He must have nothing better to do
Or he just wants a snack
or a scratch on the back
Or he's waiting in line for a poo!

High five to Shaz for finally getting a limerick out - WOOOOHOOOO!
Click to expand...

^5
 
Hot sauce has killed my taint
Feelin' the effects makes me want to faint
As I sit here and wallow
the shits will soon follow
Back the fuck off because I'm peeling paint
 
The cats of Fen and Shaz,
Are full of pizazz.
They nudge and bump,
When we take a dump.
When you poo do you listen to jazz?
 
vshirey317 said:
Hot sauce has killed my taint
Feelin' the effects makes me want to faint
As I sit here and wallow
the shits will soon follow
Back the fuck off because I'm peeling paint
Click to expand...

Ha!
 
My cat is called Muppet
Maybe he thinks I'm Miss Muffet
Eating curds and whey
Passing the time of day
Sitting on a toilet-like tuffet?
 
shazamataz said:
My cat is called Muppet
Maybe he thinks I'm Miss Muffet
Eating curds and whey
Passing the time of day
Sitting on a toilet-like tuffet?
Click to expand...
Good job....the girls are doing great
 
Woke up feeling stressed,
for my crohn's that ain't the best.
I internalize my pain,
which I can't explain.
Why do I feel depressed? :(

Send cheery thoughts my way,
to brighten up my day.
I woke up sad,
and feeling bad.
I hate when I get this way.
 
Don't be sad today
Listen to what I say
Get some beans
Ya know what I mean
Blow the day away.
 
The funk really sucks
Let's go shoot some ducks
We'll hunt here
Then after, drink beer
Bring your boots, we'll be in the muck.
 
Come on down
Just dont' make a sound
Deer are slick
Hunting them is a trick
I should e-mail you pics of what I've found.
 
Are they big in size?
Did you win a prize?
Send me some shots,
Of the prey you gots.
A good hunter must be wise.
 
Some are nice
Some you'll have to look twice
I hunt to eat
I love the meat
Down here it's a small price.
 
Fen pulled quite a stunt
He's shown that city folk can hunt
deer, geese and lots of duck
He's tha man with bad ass luck
whack 'em from either the back or front

I suck this morning. My brain needs to get into gear.
 
Although our Farm is very quite clever
His gas is probably the worst ever
Is it from the tripe?
Let's not gripe
To fart has turned into quite an endeavor
 
My gas has been known
To knock kings off their throne
It's a valuable function
A weapon of ass destruction
Eventhough ya'll think it's so wrong.
 
Pull one finger,
Let'em rip and linger.
I just had an epiphany,
Our farts could make a symphony!
Who'd be our lead singer?
 
When ole toothless speaks
It's like my butt sprang a leak
It comes out all bass
And gets right in your face
It will make a stong man very weak.
 
750 posts in this thread,
Lots of limericks in our head,
Including those by Peaches,
Over 1,000 we nearly breaches,
Will they carry on once we're dead?
 
One will be on my tombstone
To honor me once I am gone
You probably ask
Will it mention gas
It will, but will be in a song.
 
Step back Jack
Get ready for a limerick attack
The Queen's in da house
Gonna trap you boys like a mouse
Get ready for some serious smack
 
Pop's avatar is goggled,
Making her mind boggled.
Look for da boys,
We make lots a noise.
We fart and make our pants toggled.
 
Lost in a crack
It'll never come back
She should have known
It would end up gone
In a region that is sinister and black.
 
My words do chime
Better than any rhyme
Yes, your rhymes are profuse
But they smell like refuse
Maybe you missed your prime?
 

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