Limericks to choose from

Crohn's Disease Forum

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We should start a band,
It'd be the best in the land.
We'd all toot,
It'd be a hoot.
Bring on American Bandstand!
 
A quartet of tooters galore,
would be something of lore.
We would expel the first note.
That would be all she wrote.
People would be running for the door!
 
Fen as tenor, Peaches as alto,
Farm as bass, Pop soprano,
On the count of three,
Farting in harmony,
Winning a grammy fo' sho'
 
fenway1971 said:
Fen as tenor, Peaches as alto,
Farm as bass, Pop soprano,
On the count of three,
Farting in harmony,
Winning a grammy fo' sho'
Click to expand...
:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:
Who knew fart limericks could be so satisfying??? Kinda like "Chicken Soup for The Crohnie's Soul"!!!
 
Peaches is banging rhymes out,
She must be on steriods no doubt.
I have to admit,
Your first rhymes were shit,
But now you're limericking is stout.
 
On the toilet I sat,
When on my shoulders crawled my cat,
Yes it's true,
Cat on me while on the loo,
I had company while I shat.
 
fenway1971 said:
On the toilet I sat,
When on my shoulders crawled my cat,
Yes it's true,
Cat on me while on the loo,
I had company while I shat.
Click to expand...

:ylol2:

Okay, now do one about your adventure in painting...
 
Hi Fen...How are you??? Your kitty loves you no matter what you smell like.

Fen's got a cat without any shyness.
It must have problems with it's sinus.
It nibbles his ears,
And fights back the tears,
As Fen continues his business
 
Hi Pop! I'm good. Had to rescue WonderWoman the other day, but that's what superheroes do. She sent the bat signal. LOL.

Painting I tried,
In a room not that wide.
It kinda splattered,
And my pride was shattered,
When I grab my brushes, you better hide.
 
My cat watches me on the loo
He must have nothing better to do
Or he just wants a snack
or a scratch on the back
Or he's waiting in line for a poo!

High five to Shaz for finally getting a limerick out - WOOOOHOOOO!
 
shazamataz said:
My cat watches me on the loo
He must have nothing better to do
Or he just wants a snack
or a scratch on the back
Or he's waiting in line for a poo!

High five to Shaz for finally getting a limerick out - WOOOOHOOOO!
Click to expand...

^5
 
Hot sauce has killed my taint
Feelin' the effects makes me want to faint
As I sit here and wallow
the shits will soon follow
Back the fuck off because I'm peeling paint
 
The cats of Fen and Shaz,
Are full of pizazz.
They nudge and bump,
When we take a dump.
When you poo do you listen to jazz?
 
vshirey317 said:
Hot sauce has killed my taint
Feelin' the effects makes me want to faint
As I sit here and wallow
the shits will soon follow
Back the fuck off because I'm peeling paint
Click to expand...

Ha!
 
My cat is called Muppet
Maybe he thinks I'm Miss Muffet
Eating curds and whey
Passing the time of day
Sitting on a toilet-like tuffet?
 
shazamataz said:
My cat is called Muppet
Maybe he thinks I'm Miss Muffet
Eating curds and whey
Passing the time of day
Sitting on a toilet-like tuffet?
Click to expand...
Good job....the girls are doing great
 
Woke up feeling stressed,
for my crohn's that ain't the best.
I internalize my pain,
which I can't explain.
Why do I feel depressed? :(

Send cheery thoughts my way,
to brighten up my day.
I woke up sad,
and feeling bad.
I hate when I get this way.
 
Don't be sad today
Listen to what I say
Get some beans
Ya know what I mean
Blow the day away.
 
The funk really sucks
Let's go shoot some ducks
We'll hunt here
Then after, drink beer
Bring your boots, we'll be in the muck.
 
Come on down
Just dont' make a sound
Deer are slick
Hunting them is a trick
I should e-mail you pics of what I've found.
 
Are they big in size?
Did you win a prize?
Send me some shots,
Of the prey you gots.
A good hunter must be wise.
 
Some are nice
Some you'll have to look twice
I hunt to eat
I love the meat
Down here it's a small price.
 
Fen pulled quite a stunt
He's shown that city folk can hunt
deer, geese and lots of duck
He's tha man with bad ass luck
whack 'em from either the back or front

I suck this morning. My brain needs to get into gear.
 
Although our Farm is very quite clever
His gas is probably the worst ever
Is it from the tripe?
Let's not gripe
To fart has turned into quite an endeavor
 
My gas has been known
To knock kings off their throne
It's a valuable function
A weapon of ass destruction
Eventhough ya'll think it's so wrong.
 
Pull one finger,
Let'em rip and linger.
I just had an epiphany,
Our farts could make a symphony!
Who'd be our lead singer?
 
When ole toothless speaks
It's like my butt sprang a leak
It comes out all bass
And gets right in your face
It will make a stong man very weak.
 
750 posts in this thread,
Lots of limericks in our head,
Including those by Peaches,
Over 1,000 we nearly breaches,
Will they carry on once we're dead?
 
One will be on my tombstone
To honor me once I am gone
You probably ask
Will it mention gas
It will, but will be in a song.
 
Step back Jack
Get ready for a limerick attack
The Queen's in da house
Gonna trap you boys like a mouse
Get ready for some serious smack
 
Pop's avatar is goggled,
Making her mind boggled.
Look for da boys,
We make lots a noise.
We fart and make our pants toggled.
 
Lost in a crack
It'll never come back
She should have known
It would end up gone
In a region that is sinister and black.
 
My words do chime
Better than any rhyme
Yes, your rhymes are profuse
But they smell like refuse
Maybe you missed your prime?
 
I stay in my prime
I'm jacked all the time
Up for anything
Put me in the ring
I'm not only great with the rhymes.
 
It seems, Farm is great at many things
He likes panties with strings
He uses them for flossing
And then they need a good de-mossing
His teeth are cleaner than any kings
 
When cotton's in my teeth
I pull the knife from my sheath
To cut it away
For more room to play
My fun to you I bequeath.
 
farm said:
When cotton's in my teeth
I pull the knife from my sheath
To cut it away
For more room to play
My fun to you I bequeath.
Click to expand...
:redface:
Farm takes a knife to bed??
Is that what he said???
Curiousity did kill the cat.
I think I'll leave it at that
My face is very red!!
 
If that made you blush
Then I had better hush
Much more to say
But not today
I don't want to run off my crush.
 
There once was a quartet with spirit
Praise their rhymes did merit
Out of their mouths did spill
Rhymes that were full of good will
Now their children have something to inherit
 
vshirey317 said:
Hot sauce has killed my taint
Feelin' the effects makes me want to faint
As I sit here and wallow
the shits will soon follow
Back the fuck off because I'm peeling paint
Click to expand...

:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:

I almost sharted on that one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Santos61198 said:
:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:

I almost sharted on that one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Click to expand...
LMAO how did she get hotsauce on her taint????:eek2: :eek2:
 
There once was a girl named Nessie
She left us all to guessie
Tabasco on the taint,
I wonder if it was suppose to be body paint?
The clean up must have been messy.
 
Yo come un burrito,
soy loco? Si, un poquito.
Todo el dia en el bano,
Fen - pobre niño,
limerick en espanol ~ que erudito!
 
No tengo suerte
Problemos grande
Comer un cabra
Infermo labra
Ir a la ambiente!
 
Well done!

When I speak,
I cough like a freak.
My throat tickles,
It wasn't the pickles,
The answer I shall seek.
 
It's the mask you wear
That causes dispare
Make some holes to breath
It's something you really need
Then your lungs will repair.
 
This forum seems kinda quiet,
Usually it's a riot!
Do I need to fart
to give it a jump start?
Just add mexican to my diet!
 
There's plenty of posting today
Though we all have nothing to say
The place has been hammered
By plenty of spammers
But I do wish they'd all go away.
 
There once was a girl with a tush.
It was rather plush.
She didn't even flinch,
When a man gave it a pinch.
She knocked him out cold with one push!
 
There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her tits in a tree in Brazil
 
There once was a honeymoon couple.
The bride was rather supple.
When she unzipped her dress,
The groom was very impressed.
She had one silver dollar sized nipple.
 
There was a young gigolo named Bruno
Who said, "Screwing's one thing I do know.
While women are fine,
And sheep are divine,
Llama's are numero uno!"
 
there once was a guy at a mall
who thought he was tough shit and all
he thought he was slick
when he whipped out his d*&k
but girls laughed cause it was very small
 
fenway1971 said:
there once was a guy at a mall
who thought he was tough shit and all
he thought he was slick
when he whipped out his d*&k
but girls laughed cause it was very small
Click to expand...


:ylol2:
 
A team playing baseball in Dallas
Called the umpire "a shit" out of malice
While this worthy had fits
The team made eight hits
And a girl in the bleachers named Alice
 
fenway1971 said:
There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her tits in a tree in Brazil
Click to expand...

:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:

best one so far - can you take credit for it Fen?

edit to say that's not because i don't think you're good, it just sounds a bit like one of those 'oldies but goodies'!
 
Fen had to plagiarize? (say whut??)
Maybe his words he just needs to organize
Come up with some new rhymes
Just in the nick of time
Before him I do further have to antagonize!
 
My "jalopy" is the bee's knee
at least it will be when you send me your key ;)
I'm still waiting for it in the mail
It is slow to get here as a snail
I'm sure when I see it I will pee!!
 
All my rhymes
Well, they are mine
But when I re-think
I might let you spank
If I ever get the time.
 
I heard of this guy at Guantanamo
Who during sex liked to scream ‘Geronimo!’
He’d dive right on in
Straight up to his chin
But his wife was a giant from Malabo
 
I once knew a lass from LaGrange
Who could do something totally strange
On a dollar she’d squat
And suck it up with her twat
Then spit back out fifty cents change.
 
Dan has joined in on the games
So far his limericks aren't lame
He likes the risque' stories
The guys will be in their glory
The girls need to do more of the same
 
I heard of this dude from Nepal
Whose penis was incredibly small
He could stick his poor deedle
Through the head of a needle
And ne’er touch the sides at all
 
My duties I’m starting to shirk
I really must get back to work
Don’t really have time
To think up more rhymes
But writing them did make me smirk
 
There once a dude from Frisco
More than anything he loved to disco
He picked up a handsome girl
Took her home for twirl
Found out later his name was Sisco
 
imisspopcorn said:
There once a dude from Frisco
More than anything he loved to disco
He picked up a handsome girl
Took her home for twirl
Found out later his name was Sisco
Click to expand...
That's what he gets for picking up handsome girls instead of beautiful ones. ;)
 
There once was a guy from Montana,
Who liked to show off his banana.
Whenever he streaked,
The girls they shreiked,
and covered their eyes with a bandana.
 
I heard of this fellow named Gloin
Whose virility was steadily slowin’
His attention did lapse
And switched Viagra for Ex-lax
And didn’t know if he was comin’ or goin’

Egh, not perfect, not bad.
 
There once was a man from Ohio.
He had an allergy to pistachios.
They made his tongue swollen.
And inflamed his colon.
Now he has a nose like Pinocchio's
 
DanSJVDavis said:
I heard of this fellow named Gloin
Whose virility was steadily slowin’
His attention did lapse
And switched Viagra for Ex-lax
And didn’t know if he was comin’ or goin’

Egh, not perfect, not bad.
Click to expand...
Dat's funny.....Might help with Crohn's...I had a hard time not saying anything raunchy on that thread. Did you read it yet??
 
Which thread?
****

I once knew this crazy ass momma
She lived somewhere in the Bahamas
Sexually she’d never been
With neither women nor men
But the things she could do with a Llama
****

And now I gotta quit and get back to work.
 
Viagra his wife kept cheering
Toward the bottle he kept veering
He weighed the cost
But the bottle he lost
Then woke up the next day hard of hearing.
 
A limerick for those with crohn's,
This one will warm you bones.
I love you all,
We all have a ball,
Even when sittin' on our thrones.
 
I just sent some shine
To help pass the time
160 proof
I'm telling the truth
And it will not make you blind
 
First ass cream, now beer,
No...I ain't queer.
Just good local brew,
On its way to you.
Brooklyn's finest...it's true.
 
Farm and Fen have a long distance relationship.
When Fen received a whip,
He wanted to puke.
He wondered if Farm needed a good rebuke.
Now he's afraid to go on the reunion trip.
 
farmsliker.jpg
 
Blast away, Pop, on your horn,
I'll be drinkin' Farm's distilled corn.
I can't wait,
It'll be great,
You'll be stuck watchin' porn.

LOL.
 
I think I struck a nerve
A big scoop of teasing, I like to serve
I'm sure the shine is quite a find,
I just hope you don't go blind
As for porn, it, I rarely observe
 
Don't be hat'n
Bout the corn I'm mak'n
It is the best
Will help you to rest
With shine there is no fak'n
 
Nessa watching little folks
Acting nasty, taking pokes
If that is what she wants to see
Who am I to disagree
I'll just kick back and make with the jokes.
 
Pop likes to tease,
Keep it comin' please.
I'll attack,
With a quick poke back,
My rhymes will make you laugh and sneeze.
 

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