Limericks to choose from

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I once knew a lass from LaGrange
Who could do something totally strange
On a dollar she’d squat
And suck it up with her twat
Then spit back out fifty cents change.
 
Dan has joined in on the games
So far his limericks aren't lame
He likes the risque' stories
The guys will be in their glory
The girls need to do more of the same
 
I heard of this dude from Nepal
Whose penis was incredibly small
He could stick his poor deedle
Through the head of a needle
And ne’er touch the sides at all
 
My duties I’m starting to shirk
I really must get back to work
Don’t really have time
To think up more rhymes
But writing them did make me smirk
 
What is it about guys and their wieners???
Bragging should be a misdemeanor.
They inflate their size,
As if there's a prize.
Too bad most are the size of pipe cleaners!
 
There once a dude from Frisco
More than anything he loved to disco
He picked up a handsome girl
Took her home for twirl
Found out later his name was Sisco
 
imisspopcorn said:
What is it about guys and their wieners???
Bragging should be a misdemeanor.
They inflate their size,
As if there's a prize.
Too bad most are the size of pipe cleaners!
Click to expand...
:ylol2:
 
imisspopcorn said:
What is it about guys and their wieners???
Bragging should be a misdemeanor.
They inflate their size,
As if there's a prize.
Too bad most are the size of pipe cleaners!
Click to expand...

Okay, IMP won for the day!!!!!!

:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:
 
Well, I once knew this Viennese lout
Whose penis size he’d constantly tout
Till his pants one day fell
And we all laughed like Hell
And that’s how Vienna sausages came about
 
imisspopcorn said:
There once a dude from Frisco
More than anything he loved to disco
He picked up a handsome girl
Took her home for twirl
Found out later his name was Sisco
Click to expand...
That's what he gets for picking up handsome girls instead of beautiful ones. ;)
 
There once was a guy from Montana,
Who liked to show off his banana.
Whenever he streaked,
The girls they shreiked,
and covered their eyes with a bandana.
 
I heard of this fellow named Gloin
Whose virility was steadily slowin’
His attention did lapse
And switched Viagra for Ex-lax
And didn’t know if he was comin’ or goin’

Egh, not perfect, not bad.
 
There once was a man from Ohio.
He had an allergy to pistachios.
They made his tongue swollen.
And inflamed his colon.
Now he has a nose like Pinocchio's
 
DanSJVDavis said:
I heard of this fellow named Gloin
Whose virility was steadily slowin’
His attention did lapse
And switched Viagra for Ex-lax
And didn’t know if he was comin’ or goin’

Egh, not perfect, not bad.
Click to expand...
Dat's funny.....Might help with Crohn's...I had a hard time not saying anything raunchy on that thread. Did you read it yet??
 
Which thread?
****

I once knew this crazy ass momma
She lived somewhere in the Bahamas
Sexually she’d never been
With neither women nor men
But the things she could do with a Llama
****

And now I gotta quit and get back to work.
 
Viagra his wife kept cheering
Toward the bottle he kept veering
He weighed the cost
But the bottle he lost
Then woke up the next day hard of hearing.
 
A limerick for those with crohn's,
This one will warm you bones.
I love you all,
We all have a ball,
Even when sittin' on our thrones.
 
I just sent some shine
To help pass the time
160 proof
I'm telling the truth
And it will not make you blind
 
First ass cream, now beer,
No...I ain't queer.
Just good local brew,
On its way to you.
Brooklyn's finest...it's true.
 
Farm and Fen have a long distance relationship.
When Fen received a whip,
He wanted to puke.
He wondered if Farm needed a good rebuke.
Now he's afraid to go on the reunion trip.
 
farmsliker.jpg
 
Blast away, Pop, on your horn,
I'll be drinkin' Farm's distilled corn.
I can't wait,
It'll be great,
You'll be stuck watchin' porn.

LOL.
 
I think I struck a nerve
A big scoop of teasing, I like to serve
I'm sure the shine is quite a find,
I just hope you don't go blind
As for porn, it, I rarely observe
 
Don't be hat'n
Bout the corn I'm mak'n
It is the best
Will help you to rest
With shine there is no fak'n
 
I have to ask what's wrong with porn
It hardly deserves a scorn
Asian, black, gays and midget
All of the above will make you fidget
Ya better learn to love it, MissPopcorn
 
Nessa watching little folks
Acting nasty, taking pokes
If that is what she wants to see
Who am I to disagree
I'll just kick back and make with the jokes.
 
Pop likes to tease,
Keep it comin' please.
I'll attack,
With a quick poke back,
My rhymes will make you laugh and sneeze.
 
I can't sleep
It don't work counting sheep
I close my eyes
But my body defies
In only 4 hours the alarm will beep.
 
Fen is what you'd call your typical male
His Sundays are all about the NFL
Don't bother him on the phone
He'll be in the zone
If you try to speak, he'll tell you "FAIL"!
 
Nessa is a lady,
Let's me watch Tom Brady,
Beat up on the Jets,
And QB Dirty Sanchez,
I rhyme like Slim Shady.
 
fenway1971 said:
Nessa is a lady,
Let's me watch Tom Brady,
Beat up on the Jets,
And QB Dirty Sanchez,
I rhyme like Slim Shady.
Click to expand...


Yes he's back back back shady's back! I humbly conceed defeat to you sir (and your dirty rotten butt sniffing patriots):ylol2:
 
I got a headache in my brain
Feels like a loaded freight-train
My head might bust
It's making me cuss
It's making me go insane.
 
fenway1971 said:
Nessa is a lady,
Let's me watch Tom Brady,
Beat up on the Jets,
And QB Dirty Sanchez,
I rhyme like Slim Shady.
Click to expand...
Go rabbit, go rabbit!
 
I have to write a limerick professing,
That there is nothing more depressing,
Than balancing a check book.
I guess on second look,
I should really consider it a blessing.
 
RiS said, "Somethin's the mattah,"
Turns out it was her gall bladdah.
Yesterday,
They yanked it away.
Now she can eat cookie battah.
 
Ris lost something green
Maybe that was making her mean?
She said "GET OUT!"
"You Ball Gallder" with a shout
Then she yelled something obscene!
 
Ris kept getting sadder
Cos a nasty old gall bladder
Was making her spew
But she knew what to do
And now it's out she'll be gladder :)


I so suck at this!!!
 
I'm a man who likes to drink wine,
but tonight I had me some shine.
It burned up my throat,
now I bleat like a goat.
Damn that stuff sure tastes divine.

Thanks Farm! Beer arrives tomorrow.
 
Fen's bleating like a billy.
Did the shine make you feel silly?
Your goat call will come in handy,
All the ugly girls will look dandy.:)
Just be careful where you stick your willy!
 
Last edited:
imisspopcorn said:
Fen's bleating like a billy.
Did the shine make you feel silly?
Your goat call will come in handy,
All the ugly girls will look dandy.:)
Just be careful where you stick your willy!
Click to expand...

LMAO!!!
 
I Want Some Shine....it Will Help Me Cope With The In-laws At Thanksgiving....please Fed-ex Me A Swig!!!
 
Nessa is jealous of the shine
I wish it could be all mine
Can't help but be envious
Would it make me mischievous ?
Drinking is never good for a chick's wasitline
 
Well in North Carolina way back in the hills There lived old Farm and he had him a still...
 
When I brew shine
I make it mighty fine
Once you sip
You'll start to trip
And loose all track of time.
 
I prefer the anasthesia
It really is much easier
You just lie there
and someone else takes care
Tho you hope they aren't some one sleazy -a
 
I'll need an address
To send you the best
NC made
Out back in the shade
Drink too much, and you start to confess.
 
I would make an order
But there'd be problems at the border
I'd likely get fined
or a smack on the behind
Neither of which I can afford -er

Sheesh I have trouble getting THREE rhyming words!!
 
I was shell-shocked,
With what Farm did concoct.
Just one whiff,
I had fallen off a cliff.
Next day I found myself jail locked.
 
Fen got called out
By a girl, no doubt
I'm sure she's able
To drink you under the table
Or meet you in a boxing bout!
 
I hold my head in shame,
Punani...Tranny...she claims.
I have no retort,
All I can do is snort.
That limerick is for the hall of fame.
 
Fen's skillz will be put to the test
When we get together and drink the best
We won't remain sober
Don't puke in the Range Rover
This will be one helluva quest
 
My revenge will come soon,
before the next full moon.
After we sup,
I'll drink up.
To prove I'm no poon.
 
Santos61198 said:
Nessa....... just when I thought I couldn't love you any more than I do now!!!!! :ylol2:
Click to expand...

Rumor has it that he's going to print it, frame it and put it on his desk.
 
Fen has a new stalker.
The last one he had, used a walker.
They met up at a shop,
The encounter was a flop.
Without her teeth, she wasn't much of a talker
 
He may like a girl with no teeth
Would be kind on the boy parts beneath ;)
And when they were pashing
There'd be no tooth bashing

Oh bugger I can't think of a final rhyme and it was turning out to be such a good one too!
 
He may like a girl with no teeth
Would be kind on the boy parts beneath
And when they were pashing
There'd be no tooth bashing
To the envy of our Farmie keith!!!

Hah, did ii :)
 
Farmie, a man who hunts deer
Is enjoying some fine fancy beer
He got it from Fen
Who was horrified when
Farmie admitted that he was queer
 
There was a feisty kiwi name Shaz
She could give the boys a good razz
Now she knows
How it goes,
The boys are sensitive about that fruity jazz
 
My Fenny ate too much turkey and ham
Someone turn on the bathroom fan
Was it the cranberries?
Or the pie topped with cherries
A bad colon can even tear up our Batman
 
Shaz a lap licker from New Zealand
Would never look for a man
She jumps in bush
And finds gals with cute tush
Now retract your statement if you can
 
farm said:
Shaz a lap licker from New Zealand
Would never look for a man
She jumps in bush
And finds gals with cute tush
Now retract your statement if you can
Click to expand...

:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:
 
Everyone knows Farm's straight as a board
His love for the ladies cannot be ignored
He sure loves to flirt
And look up a skirt
Such an accusation can leave us all floored
 
I put myself in a food coma,
Glad I don't have a stoma.
I ate a lot,
Soon it's time to trot,
Back home so I can visit the MoMA.

Showing rare sketches of Tim Burton,
Weird shit I'll see for certain.
Batman and Edward Scissorhands he directed,
And Sweeney Todd where heads were dissected.
For a warped mind, he wasn't hurtin'.
 
Fancy beer from north and west
Of them all I love cold the best
Now I thunk
Are ya'll trying to get me drunk?
Really good beers, may yer hearts be blessed! :)
 
Nessa is about to get drunk and go out
The beer she's drinking is really stout
Girls night out
We'll give you a shout
I promise I won't fall and bust my snout
 
If Tammy's a good friend to you
She will happily clean up your poo
If you go out and get shit faced
And end up pooping all over the place
That's what a goopd friend would do ;)
 
Tammy's a girl you don't coddle,
Grab that pepsi and fart in her bottle.
Do it for us crohnies please,
Then grab your car keys,
And step on the gas full throttle.
 
fenway1971 said:
Tammy's a girl you don't coddle,
Grab that pepsi and fart in her bottle.
Do it for us crohnies please,
Then grab your car keys,
And step on the gas full throttle.
Click to expand...

:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:

Very good Fen, FAR(t) better than mine.
 
Ode to Princess Peaches...

She can't hang around with us dopes
She's rather be out skiing on the slopes
A rest from drama she does need
All we can do is plead
Let's give her some time to cope.

Miss you Shantel:)
 
Tammy is at school doing her teaching
Listens to the brats yelling and screeching
Like Michelle Pfeiffer in "Dangerous Minds"
She keeps those bastards aligned
They yell, "Stop, we don't wanna hear you preaching"!
 
vshirey317 said:
When you're a sad and lonely woman like me... :ybatty:
Click to expand...
Vanessa, we need to meet in real life....We've both been home with kids too long. Hey, Dan's home with a kid too, but he's not sad....Limericks are the highlight of my day.
 

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