I'd like to ask why a 55 year old woman gets to do everything that her 25 year old daughter can't. Like working, dating, social life. And it's actually her second shot at it while I haven't even had one
Lived in a rural area with no car until the age of 18, then we moved back to town, 9 months later I got sick and 3 years later sicker. So 9 months of a normal active life for my age, 3where I could do a bit and then nothing since 2009.
She got to have a fun-filled youth and is now on her second round of life.
Why am I the one sitting in every night and she isn't? I'm lucky if I can get out of the house twice a week to do errands.
I'm not trying to suggest she can't have a life at her age, but why does she get one when I don't- it should be the other way round really or a life for both of us. Not someone who has already had a go you know while her daughter gets nothing- and i'm not one of those people who is married, working, car, own house who says they have nothing- I really do actually have nothing.
I'm the only one of my friends who lives at home still, one of the few who is still single, everyone is coupled-up, has kids and i've had 3 girlfriends get married this summer- nothing to reinforce my own pitiful situation like going alone to a weddding! My friends work and get to get all the things that go along with a wage, car, holidays etc- even Mum is off to Spain in 2 months!
Meanwhile I am in a state of semi-panic because my welfare is being reviewed, I will be failed, which means my monthly income dropping a considerable sum- £440 to £270 while I wait for an appeal to be heard, which will take 1-2 years.
And of course I still am undiagnosed and have no clue if that will ever change, so I still don't know what the hell is wrong with me/causing this pain etc etc. Even the back-up plan of long-term steroid treatment without a dx is off the table since a course of Pred failed miserably- not had pre&post trial blood results yet (inflammation markers) but from the lack of improvement in symptoms it was a big fat failure which has left me big and fat!
I have no hope for the future and nothing to indicate that will change anytime soon
I would appreciate some hugs :ghug: because I am in a terrible situation, and i'm not looking for "oh, it'll happen one day/ you'll meet someone some day" comments because honestly at 25 i've had my fill of those- and it's always said by someone smugly who is in a relationship. Even my 18 yo cousin had the cheek to post on fb that "you shouldn't get a boyfriend for the sake of it, wait for the right person and it's so worth it". Of course she is loved-up right now and as usual when a sad single couples up they immediately forget the pain of being lonely they felt before- I can tell you if someone said that to her while she was single she would have slapped them!
A bit longer than a mini-vent but I really needed to get it out. I seriously don't think I can carry on much longer in this physical and mental state
No good getting anti-depressants because a) my depression has a cause, fix the cause remove the depression rather than alter the chemical balance in my body and b) was tried on them for gut problems and did nothing for that neither my depression.
I'm pretty sure the Dr in London is going to be a dead end and as yet i've no idea what the next attempts are going to be. Probably another referal outside my local Hospital because they really have tried all they can for me. And of course that means more waiting,more pain and more time passed where I don't have a life but get to watch everyone around me having one.
