Need some big girl panties I guess!

[So-over-CD]

Hi,

I don't need anyone to read this, understand or even reply..... I just need to "get it off my chest!"

I was just getting over or starting to get over a flare.... Easily the worst one I've had and can almost fit into my jeans.... So I say was cos I went to my nephews birthday party today....and allowed my brothers drunken obnoxious comments and attitude to get to me, upset me and affect me....and then I started thinking of all the reasons I am angry at him and resent him.....and just got more and more upset. I sat quietly not saying much and have been in agony since and am so sore and swollen again my husband tells me I need to manage my crohns better (a comment only someone without crohns can make!!!!!) but my crohns flares when I am stressed or emotional.... So what do I do not see people.... Live in a box? Drug myself so I feel no emotion?? FFS I don't CHOOSE to feel like this, it's not all fun and giggles!

For anyone not allowing people "control over you" is hard but when your gut reacts to "stress and unease" the way it does with crohns it's even worse cos now he doesn't know I am upset and I am literally curled up in a ball!

I keep saying in my next life I am going to be selfish, self absorbed and not care how my actions or lack of actions affect anyone but I know I would hate myself if I was like that!

I am going to take back the control and power I give people to hurt me, upset me and toughen up! I wish I knew where to buy some big girl panties they would come in handy tonight! :frown:

I am sorry I am moaning on here..... Just needed too......

 

[DustyKat]

Oh hun...:hug:

I don't have Crohn's but over the years I have felt every hurtful comment directed at my children as surely as if they had cut me with a knife.

It is so bloody hard, no matter how tough people say they are, to not allow the hurtful comments in. It is hard enough on the gut of people without Crohn's but just downright cruel for those that do.

You aren't moaning, just saying it like it is and that is good thing. Hopefully it will help you settle...:hug:

:hang: in there hun, we are here for you anytime you need to let off steam and that is never a bad thing to do.

Dusty. :heart:

 

[So-over-CD]

Thank you! I wish I was brave enough.... No wait selfish enough to say what I think at times! If I said what I was thinking today only my children and my brothers children would suffer as they wouldn't get to see each other cos it would ruin any semblance of a relationship with my brother!

I feel so lame and pathetic and sore! Thank you for your support....I'm glad it's at me not my kids! I'm glad your children have you in their corner.

I do feel better just knowing someone "gets it"

 

[Terriernut]

The things that people say to us! And family can be absolutely, the very worst, and cut us to the core. Thankfully I cut my mothers side of the family right out of my life. I grew a backbone so strong. I had to, cause they were killing me, literally. I started by trying to retrain them. As in "thank you for your OPINION". Or the good old hand up...thats enough. Or the old, turn on the heels and walk away, every single time. You cant fix stupid though. If they cant learn, sometimes walking away is the best measure. Remember, you lose your health, you lose everything. Read my sig line, and remember, you are your own best advocate, you are MUCH stronger than you think you are. And you dont even have to argue.
:ghug:

 

[So-over-CD]

Thanks Misty.

I have considered cutting my brother out my life on more than one occasion but both my parents are dead and my brother is all I have. My husbands siblings live overseas do my kids don't see their kids so they are our only family so it's tough!

Your sig line is so true gonna write that down and remember it!

 

[Terriernut]

He needs trained. You can do it. Like Eleanor Roosevelt said "you teach people how to treat you". Now, that boy needs some teachin! The walk away on a very consistent basis can work to break down what is happening. Kind of like teaching a dog a new trick. The Stop and walk away. As he is a drinker, this is more difficult. But doable. Pretty soon, after consistency, he's gonna look like a right twit. And he's gonna know it. And he is gonna come to some conclusions after awhile. And you wont have to argue at all. Because you have the strength INSIDE, and the power to make the change.
:heart:

 

[So-over-CD]

I don't think he can be trained.... He doesn't see anything wrong with himself or his behavior. Have to see him again in February for my nieces birthday I have to toughen up in a hurry..... Perhaps when I am feeling less emotional and murderous I will ask him to meet me for coffee and try tell him the effect his behavior has on me..... A calm honest open approach..... Or maybe I will just email him lol ! Confrontation is so not my thing!

 

[Terriernut]

Maybe that will work. Or record his behaviour. Play it back. The soft smile,...thank you for your opinion. Do you think this is ok???

People operate from only two core emotions. Love or Fear. I think his biggest FEAR is he will become sick as well. If you operate from only Love (higher emotion) his Fear can no longer affect you.
:kiss: