Also, how can I help her deal with the depression and anger of the diagnosis?
Welcome, chc. I can't directly answer your question here, as I believe everyone finds what helps them deal with this in his or her own way. This disease can be without pity and quite cruel, especially for younger folks, like your daughter.
When I first got diagnosed, my GI encouraged me to learn more about IBD, to seek out a support group, maybe see with the CCFA had available that interested me. But I dismissed all this advice, until next time...
I felt better to learn a little more about my disease, and to engage in a community like this one. Like anything else, once she gets a better grasp of things, I think you'll see her viewpoint change a bit. Abscesses and fistulae can can be even more frustrating, as they tend to be quite unpredictable and the success rates for treatments vary a great deal.
I don't say that to discourage you, but to magnify the kind of community and camaraderie that exists in a forum like this one. I don't know why, but it felt so good to find people that not only could I talk to about some of the undesirable aspects to this disease, but who could understand me like no one else could. I always tell folks about the "patient's perspective" here. A doctor can tell me technical things, buy being able to read about and ask questions of other patients is especially calming and confidence-building to me as a patient.
Many people in my life know that I have had more colonoscopies than any one person should, so I am regularly someone who people feel comfortable coming to be with questions about prep or the procedure. These are usually people with several decades of life experience on me, but they're quite concerned about the unknown. Frankly, I think a colonoscopy is no big deal at all and as far as procedures go, very much preferable to alot, but it's all about perspective.
I was diagnosed in my late twenties, but there are alot of younger members here, and alot of parents with children with IBD, who can help you and your daughter do teenager things with IBD. I do believe we have a Teens Only forum here as well. David, our fair administrator, could probably tell you more about that if you think your daughter might like it.
I would also encourage you to develop a relationship with a GI with IBD experience and a colorectal surgeon your daughter likes. The do's and don'ts on IBD seem to change as new discoveries are made and it's good to have someone you trust to follow these trends. In my opinion, it's also good to have someone who really knows you when it's time to make decisions about your treatment, prescriptions, surgeries, etc.
I hope what I'm saying sounds positive to you, because I certainly mean it as a positive. None of this disease is ideal, or even desirable, but you do learn over time how to manage things in your own ways that minimize impact on your life. :hug: