Our Friend Jerman

Crohn's Disease Forum

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To be honest I don't know what to say but it sure looks like you have received great advice so I would just like to wish you all the luck with whatever you decide to do.

Thinking of you, :hug::hug::hug:
Dusty
 
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I feel my response is scattered and unfocused, so I apologize if I repeated myself or am unclear.

Keep us posted!

P.S. You don't have to apologize for anything. The forum is a place for support, regardless of your title on the board! I agree with others - take care of yourself and the board will do the same! ;)[/QUOTE]

Your response was anything but unclear or scattered, if we were closer together, I think we would be great pals. I too tend to think in a stream of consciousness, so how it comes out is just the way it is. Regardless of how we think and process our thoughts it is all good and I am grateful for my friendship and your advice to me. you have a friend for life and i wish you and hubby all of the happiness and health you can handle.
 
Jerman

I just wanted to say something about the quote you use. Every time I see that quote in red, I have to stare at it for at least a minute, often more. I have it scribbled down on various pads and pieces of paper laying around my computer. So sad. So triumphant! So true.
 
I feel so bad that you are going through this emotional rollercoaster. As far as counseling advice I would say like some others did, to try with caution.

To at least try at reconciling might be a beneficial experience. I am not saying that it will be easy, because it probably wont be. If it works then you can start building up on everything that made you happy before. If it does not work, then you can at least say that you have done and tried every option and it was worth taking the time to try.
 
Nytefyre said:
Jerman

I just wanted to say something about the quote you use. Every time I see that quote in red, I have to stare at it for at least a minute, often more. I have it scribbled down on various pads and pieces of paper laying around my computer. So sad. So triumphant! So true.
Click to expand...

Thank you, I think you have some very profound quotes as well. Whatever gets us through rite?
 
Jennjenn said:
I feel so bad that you are going through this emotional rollercoaster. As far as counseling advice I would say like some others did, to try with caution.

To at least try at reconciling might be a beneficial experience. I am not saying that it will be easy, because it probably wont be. If it works then you can start building up on everything that made you happy before. If it does not work, then you can at least say that you have done and tried every option and it was worth taking the time to try.
Click to expand...

Thank you very much Jennjenn, some brief conversations she and i have had do not seem to lend to compromises and/or concessions. I am very guarded and anxious about the whole idea- torn apart, I obviously want to have my daughter in my life every day but simply cannot risk the magnitude of the emotional pain that a repeat performance of a re-exile would be devastating to myself and my children. I am also working on this with my therapist who is working with me "pro bono" (no charge) until my insurance is straightened out. Thank you for your kind thoughts and advice.
 
Hello my friends, I am not at all considering reconciling anymore. I spoke to my boys about their thoughts and my 11 year old just said "no way", my very profound 15 year old boy said, "Daddy it is like when you break a mirror into pieces, you can glue it back together, but you can never again see the truth of the reflection.."

that remark plus the pain I still carry make me unwilling to subject my boys to the real possibility of having it all happen again. my heart is still in pieces but i will die before exposing my boys to that pain again. unfortunately, there is pain and sadness wherever one looks in this situation, as my beautiful little girl is still there. I cry every time i think about her and not being able to see her every day. I am doing the best that i think i am able but it is just not good enough for all my babies, it seems no matter which way i head, i hurt or neglect one or more of them, makes one feel like a real lousy person and an even worse father.:confused2::frown::frown::frown::frown::frown:
 
Jer - Your two boys sound like they have grown up to very thoughtful and wise young men. It's easy to want mom and dad to get back together, but they know the reality of what that would mean. It may take some time for your daughter to handle this sort of news, but she is lucky enough to have two brothers who will support you and your decision. As she gets older she will understand more. :) Again, if things are meant to work out with you and your wife they will, regardless of time in between that you are apart. Yes, it is difficult to hurt people's feelings, but sometimes it's what we must do in order to do what's best for people. Write to your daughter, talk to her on the phone every chance you get, whatever it takes. Just because you aren't present doesn't mean you aren't present. ;) You are doing great! Don't give up!
 
Hiya my friends!!!

thanks for the kind words Marisa, and Amy. I am happy to say that things are going really, really well. I moved back home after a six month hiatus-my wife and i have been talking for a few months and are going to go to couples counseling to make sure we do it right, but it has been about a week with a few sleepovers mixed in beforehand. and all is going very well. had the boys over today for a visit and it was like we never left, i have been blessed with a fresh start and we are both dedicated to making it work, i have a good but challenging job working with psychiatrically disabled men and a long commute but it is sure nice to be back home and feeling healthy to boot! I don't get a chance to come on her much anymore and it bums me out to see so many people still suffering but i miss you all, i will try to be better about checking in and anyone who would like my email or facebook just pm me. I will always be grateful for the love and family i found here when my life was unraveling and nearly ending by my own hand. I am proud to say I am well, strong, and back as a new and improved jerman!!! Much love and wishes of good health to you all, this is the best single group i have ever been so honored to be a part of.:)
 
:mbh: Way to go Jer!!!! So happy for ya, I knew that when you got your self together everything would fall into place, hard work and trusting yourself goes along way. Be good to you and be happy. It is so nice to hear good news!!! ::medal1: You deserve it!
 
Oh, Jer, that's so great! I can't tell you how relieved I am.... you never know why people disappear for a while and I was really hoping it was for good reasons!

Good luck with the reconciliation with your wife. Sounds like you are both committed to doing it slowly, and right.

So happy for you! And great that you are feeling better too!

Sometimes good things DO happen to good people!!

- Amy
 
I have been in contact with Jerman on FB and already knew about his good news. Thought I'd let him tell it himself. Way to go Jer.
 
Thank you all so very much! I owe a great deal of my recovery and the strength of my spirit to you folks, never ever giving up on me! Thank you with all of my heart.
 
Back in Hell!

Hello my friends, I have been thrown out of my home once again. We had three weeks where everything seemed to be going wonderfully. Then my future ex had to go to maine to visit a dying relative. She was gone for three weeks and at the time was constantly thanking me for holding down the fort. We she returned, her disability claim was approved after years of trying. She may have also got an inheritance and was given a GMC Jimmy from her uncle before he passed. When i first came back I gave two full paychecks towards the cause, and thus put myself way behind with the bills i had accumulated while in exile from the home. It seems that she percieved me as a "cash cow" and when she didn't need my income anymore she insisted i leave again. At first i refused insisting that i was not going to leave my daughter again and also that i would not be able to have my boys visit what was once my home. I am currently somewhat homeless, staying in a fleabag motel and trying desparately to find somewhere affordable to live where i wont be ashamed to have my babies visit.

Unfortunately, many of my past symptoms are back, stress related? Ya think?
I have lots of bathroom visits and pain, as well as a huge spike in both my anxiety and depression. Life really sucks right now, trying so very hard to be strong and am in counseling but i am in both physical and emotional pain that is very difficult to function with. I just can't believe just how much she has hurt me again, people can be so frikkin treacherous. :sign0085::frown:
 
Jer- I am so sorry you are going thru this. My lifestyle has been greatly changed. I have gone from luxury car, big house, and no money woes to a little house needing much love and constant juggling of expenses. When this all happened (divorce caused), I worried about my kids. They were used to mommy having the finer things. Their friends were in and out of my home. My kids are grown and flown. (Somedays I do miss those cuddles and hugs and somedays I am so glad and bursting with pride). This is what the trio has told me. They told me they did not care what my circumstances were or where I lived. They only wanted me happy, healthy, and fun again. Their friends still burst in the door shouting "Mommy" and head straight to my refrigerator. My wonderful new hubby (never had kids) just shakes his head. He is amazed at the bond my kids and I have. They have already told him to be nice, they will be taking care of him in his old age (followed by evil laughs). The point of this ramble is simple- your kids want to be with you no matter what. Do not let your living conditions steal a single precious moment.

Now on to the ex to be... well my Grandmother told me to be quiet if I could not be nice. This is one of my quiet times.

Sending you cyber hugs,
Wendy
 
Oh Jer...I am truly sorry to hear things have gone downhill again. I saw you were having health problems on Facebook and hoped it wasn't due to any problems going on in your personal life since they always seemed to coincide in the past. :(

Even though it sucks, don't forget that at one time you held strong to the belief that it was worth it to give your ex one more shot. At least now you can move forward with your life knowing you gave it your all!

Wendy has some great advice. Your kids will love you no matter what. I do understand wanting to be in a place where they feel safe and at home though, but don't beat yourself up about it. It takes time to get on your feet. You've done it several times before. you can do it again! I know your kids look at their dad as a man of strength and determination. :) Don't forget it!

How is work going?

Glad to hear you are still in counseling. That is essential for you and really helped you out during the other dark times in your life. :)

We're here for you!
 
Jer, as I told you a long time ago, my bond with my Dad was never broken by money problems, my mom trying to turn me against him, or anything else! I always knew that he loved me and was proud of me, and it always gave me strength and was more than enough! I'm sure your kids feel the same way.

Thinking of you buddy. I'm sorry that this is happening to you. Try to stay positive.
 

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