R-Day is tomorrow!!

[kllyeve]

Well, its finally all lined up!! I have appointment, I have Remicade in my fridge and Tues am is the time.

I am so nervous I am not sure I'll sleep tonight.

I am afraid.

My mom says I have to have a positive outlook or else I'll just defeat myself with this medication. Yet I cannot get hopeful or optimistic about it as I let myself beleive that the Imuran was going to be the magic bullet and that ended up with me in hospital for acute pancreatitis. So emotionally and mentally I have tried to remain neutral about the Remicade. She thinks that is being negative.

But I am afraid, so much so that I have begun to get my affairs in order - will, power of attorney and my medical directive.

I never once thought in my life that I would ever be so ill.

Sorry guys, I am scared and my guy is working nights so I am by myself( well my 16 yr old daughter is home asleep, but I can't let her see how upset I am over this)

I know if this doesn't work then surgery is next.

And I really wish someone who'd been through this could come hold my hand tommorow!!!

THanks for listening (again)

 

[Grumbletum]

Wish I could come hold your hand. Try not to worry. You will be looked after very carefully and I find the whole process really relaxing. Best of luck and hope this is the med that leads to remission. Xxx

 

[kllyeve]

Ok first dose done - I didn't have any weird reactions as it was administered and I seem to be doing fine so far tonight. The benedryl made me sleepy so I had a nice nap in a very comfortable lazy boy. The nurse was so friendly and made me feel better.

I keep imagining my blood cells going " What the **&^% was that thing that just floated by - it doesn't belong here!!" So I am sending calm down and ignore it messages to my bloodstream. Physically doing ok, menatlly maybe not so much

 

[Jessi]

Hey, I'd definitely hold your hand if I could. :hug: Are you getting the infusion in your own home? That's the way I do it. A nurse comes to my home and I get to relax on my own couch or bed - wherever I'm comfortable.

I understand your nerves very well. I have a panic attack right before the infusion starts. It's all in my mind, and I get so worked up that I pass out and have a pseudo seizure. But the infusion always goes perfectly well. My doctor prescribed me sertraline (zoloft) for my daily anxiety, and alprazolam (xanax) for my panic attacks just before my infusions.

Maybe something like that could help you. Just a suggestion. I really hope you can calm your mind. Sending lots of love and hugs your way.

And I'm so glad your infusion went well.

 

[kllyeve]

I'm in a major city and only 15 minutes away from the infusion center so its not a big deal to go there. It was very comfortable - lazy boy chairs, tv's, wireless internet, coffee and tea and light snacks provided. I was right across the street from the emergency department of a large acute care hospital, which really helped calm my nerves.

I was like - major exam nervous so was really ok once Remicade got started and I did not have any crazy reaction. As long as I make it throught the first 24 hours without any reactions I'll be ok.

 

[Jessi]

Well, I'm really glad that it went well. The first one is always the scariest.

 

[crazycanuck]

Your not going to a BioClin clinic are you? Sounds exactly like mine.

Glad it went well and now you've gone this long with no adverse reactions I'd say you can likely take a nice deep breath now

Do you notice any changes yet? I was lucky enough to the first night so I hope you see similar results!

 

[kllyeve]

Yep its a Bioclin clinic.

No don't notice any changes yet - feel slightly more energy but still the same for the rest. I get another infusion on the 4 of Jan.

 

[moogie]

I'm glad it went so well for you.

I've taken 5 infusion up to now and I only get tired for 24 hours.

However I feel so alive it's crazy!!!

Keep up the moral and don't be afraid your body will love the new friends in the bloddstream.

 

[kllyeve]

Sometimes being in healthcare just means I have too much knowledge and therefore know ALL the bad things that could happen and just make myself more nervous than I probably need to be.

The only difference so far is that driving anywhere does not "hurt" or be as uncomfortable as it was. It was difficult to even be a passenger as I could "feel" every bump in the road vibrate through my abdomen. Even changes of direction or fast braking would cause me alot of discomfort. So I now notice that it is not so painful to travel anywhere.

Next infusion is 4 Jan so hopeful to see more improvements.