Self pity...blah !

[Crohn's Mom]

self pity...blah !

I just want to scream I swear !
Gab is out with her friends having a great time today, and my 2 sons are at the local rec playing basketball and loving their young life.
Meanwhile, I sit here. I have completely revolved my life around getting help for Gab this past year, and focused on nothing else.
Now, she is beginning to be healthy and moving on, as she should. I am so happy to see this, truly.
So why can't I?? Why can't I just pick up and enjoy the good days?
Why do I still have to sit here stuck in my thoughts and worry and waiting for the other shoe to drop, again.

I am such a hypocrite. I preach and preach to the kids to never let anything stop them; take full advantage of life on your good days and enjoy them. Go do something. Have fun!

Ya, practice what you preach momma !!
I am glad to take the worry on for them, I am. But I just want a little piece of mind myself so I can breath, and relax, and enjoy my day as well.
I wonder how long that will take.
Am I being completely selfish? I hope not.

 

[DustyKat]

Hell no!! You are not being selfish!! :nonono::nonono::nonono:

Holy cow T, this is spooky. I said the same thing to someone, about myself, not 2 days ago! and I quote...

I haven't been as active on here because I haven't had the heart for it. I should be bloody happy that Matt is doing as well as he is and I am but I think the last 6 months is catching up with me and I still have the constant worry that something will go wrong. Perhaps I need more water under the bridge before those fears are allayed.

Hmmm, well that and the internet blues! Yes, still no modem but I have fallen in love with my dongle!

You have been through so much more than I have T. How do you just let go of that constant worry and fear? You don't. Gabs had complication after complication, you are set up for success only to have failure after failure. Hell, I am walking on egg shells with Matt, I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for you with Gabs!

I don't know how long it will take hun and Gabs journey isn't over yet BUT it will happen! Just know that you are not alone mate and you aren't crazy, well maybe you are but then that means I am as well...okay lets not go there!

Walking right beside you hun, hand in hand, worrying about our babies while they are moving on...

Loads of love and hugs, :Karl:
Dusty. xxxxxxxx

 

[billyjoel]

Hey Crohn's Mom, you are not being selfish you are being a worry wort I have had crohn's four or five years now, I think it was 2006 I was diagnosed... I don't know what my mom has thought about me and my disease? I am sure she has been concerned about relapses, etc. If things are going good, don't rock the boat, try to plan a day out by yourself or with the family whatever you think would make you happy, but I think getting outside the house, and away from the computer might make you feel better. You need to take your mind of Crohn's for just a little while, don't worry I am sure the forums will still be here when you get back

 

[Brian'sMom]

Tracy, No way are you being selfish! The exact opposite. You are 100% commited to your children, that's why its so hard to focus on anything else. Our kiddos are young and naive and innocent...us adults know of all the things that can go wrong and also we don't want our kids to see us worrying, so its a tough spot to be in. During the worst of my son's last flare, I just wanted him to be 10 years older than he is. My mom would be confused, 'You just want to wish away his youth?' In a way, I did. I thought it would be easier for him when he was in his 20's. (Maybe easier for me ) His flare lasted a year, when he got better, that's when it hit me. Go figure! But things get better. My son being happy pulled me to happiness!
Give yourself some well deserved slack! All of us Mom's are walking with you.

 

[Welsh-bird]

Ditto the 'hell no' Dusty remark.
What you've said is so sad- wish there was someone here now to pass me a tissue!
You're life has been consumed by Gab's and her medical issues for some time now. It must be hard to pick up where you left off before all of this started!
Think you and Dusty deserve some pampering...
Im sorry for not being of any help here, but believe me, I am thinking of you and wishing you well. :hug:
Loads a love xx

 

[Dexky]

It'll never go away Tracy, but it will get better!! You and Gabs have been through a lifetime's worth of pain and worry! There's no way all those emotions you've felt are just going to suddenly disappear. If they did, that would be something to worry about!! It doesn't mean you can't have good moments! It doesn't mean you should feel guilty for a smile or a laugh! I seriously doubt more than 5 minutes have passed in the last year and a half that crohns or PSC and EJ haven't crossed my mind but life has a way of continuing and soon you just get pulled right along with it! Good and bad!!

 

[Crohn's Mom]

Ahhhh you're all so very sweet !
It's an awesome feeling to know I am not alone and I have all these wonderful people walking beside me :rosette1:

Welshy, I'd hand you a tissue any day!

 

[Crohn's Mom]

So I got off my whiny toosh yesterday and decided to at least cook up a nice meal with my time. Pot Roast, potatoes, carrots, all smothered in a home made gravy, and a delicious blueberry streusel on the side. Yum!
I just need a good swift kick, and I gave it to myself! :ylol:

I think weekends are the hardest for me to "move on". I'm not used to even considering making plans for myself. I think I will call a girlfriend and plan a lunch date for my next free weekend, and maybe some shopping too! Then I can look forward to it, and If I need to cancel....well oh well life happens ! This coming weekend is full.....Gabrielle Graduates High school on Saturday and I am planning a big family party for after ! :thumleft:

I crawled out of my hole today....thanks so much for all of the helping hands to pull me right back up! You all are the best! :rosette2:

 

[Misty-Eyed]

Yeah I agree.. me time is definitely needed! Spoil yourself rotten, you deserve it!

Also, just an idea but what about planning to also do something fun with Gab? A girly day out maybe? If she's doing better then maybe it would be nice for you both to do something enjoyable together. Spending quality time together away from a hospital may make a nice change for you both! I always like to do something nice with my mum once in a while

 

[billyjoel]

Glad to hear you are feeling better!!!

 

[Crohn's Mom]

Anyone mind if I request some extra hugs today ?? Please

 

[DustyKat]

Hey T,

Sending mega loads of hugs your way hun....

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

Loads and loads of love heading your way too! :Karl:
Dusty. xxxxxxxx

PS. Off to work now mate but I'll check back in later...:wink:

 

[Welsh-bird]

I'm sending as many as you want and throwing in loadsa love xx

 

[billyjoel]

:ghug:

Hang in there!!!!!!!

 

[Dexky]

What's up T? Is it just one of those days or is something else going on?

 

[tiloah]

Big hugs if you still need 'em (and even if you don't).

 

[Astra]

Chucking some hugs over to you T from Blighty before I go to bed
You're doing a fab job, time for T time I think! Book a Spa Day, they're just the business!
I'm a Mum, and it's hard sometimes to 'let go', when you've been through so much together. I know.
Don't beat yourself up anymore with thorny branches, our kids will always be there, wanting something and needing their dinner, they are so fickle, lol
xxxx

 

[sparkles]

aw you sound just like my mother! always worrying <3 hehee.
im happy your daughters feeling better, and don't worry, youre not being selfish at all!