TMI ahead!

[MADiMarc]

If you are easily uncomfortable with sexual discussion, you may want to stop reading.

I am 44 & have been married for almost 26 years. I have always been the one to take the lead in our sexual relationship. My husband has always been very compassionate due to the Crohn's and realizes some days I feel like it and some not. In the past I have been quite sexual, wanting it about 2-3 times a week. Okay, now you have the background and more information than you wanted I am sure.

I now have a vaginal fistulae. This is disgusting! This happened right before Thankgiving and the invasion if the inlaws. I have an appointment tomorrow with a new GI. Here is the deal: I have no problem telling the GI guy about this. I have yet to tell my husband. Sex is out of the question. Just way too gross to even think about. As I am sitting here typing this I am crying. So stupid. I guess I am just very grossed out. How do you say "Well I don't want sex honey because I have **** coming out of my happy place". (I was going to type something else but thought better of it).

I hate this f'ing disease.
Michele

 

[Misty-Eyed]

Aww Michele, it's really not stupid at all! I had mine for 5 years before my GI found out, and that was only because they found it after a barium enema. I've only recently plucked up the courage to tell my best friend and my sister and they've been very understanding so now I find it easier to talk about in general.

Luckily, well maybe not so much, I haven't had a bf in about a year and it's only recently that I've had more disgusting leakage come out of me rather than just air. So this made me want to actually bring it up as an issue with my GI and he's wanted to look more into it to see the position and if there's anything that can be done to help it.

I know it's gross and it makes you feel really unsexy but try and confide maybe in your best friend and then hopefully pluck up the courage to tell your husband. I'm sure that he'll be very supportive and understanding about it and I'm sure him knowing would help.

But yes, I hate it too! You're not alone.

 

[ameslouise]

Hi Michele - I am sorry to hear about your fistula! I am lucky in that I have never had one so I don't have much advice on how to deal with one. But I do have a pretty good marriage and it sounds like you do too. I am sure your husband loves you no matter what and since he is used to dealing with your Crohn's, I am sure he is used to gross stuff. He would probably really appreciate you being honest with him. If your level of sexual desire has changed dramatically, he is probably wondering what the deal is. He may even think it's him!

I always find honesty to be the best policy. **** coming out of your hoo-ha is just one more lovely thing to deal with in this disease... If he knows it is fairly common he'll understand and support you while you get it fixed -hopefully quickly!

Good luck! - Amy

 

[chrisnsteph1022]

That would really suck. I've been having a lot of vaginal pain and don't know why, but haven't noticed anything leaking from there. Even so, sex is out of the question due to pain. I think it's best to be open with your hubby and just explain what's going on. I know it's not a sexy thing to have going on, but he deserves to know the truth. It sounds like he would be very understanding about it.

Also, if you don't have a lot of pain, what about having sex using a condom? That may make you feel better about him getting anything on him. Warn him first, of course, and let him decide what he's ok with.

 

[MADiMarc]

Well, I actually just asked him to read my post. He looked at me and said I knew something was going on and knew you would tell me when you were ready...guess you were ready. Then I started bawling and he just held me. Then when I finally stopped he looked at me, grinned and said get a grip girl.

Okay. So I've been a jerk. I admit it. Still feel not female but I will work on it.

Thanks all.

 

[chrisnsteph1022]

Awww, what a sweet guy. Keep him around!

 

[ameslouise]

Big thumbs up for hubber!

Hope you're feeling better now emotionally and good luck with your GI appt!

- Amy

 

[Guest]

aw honey... that's a nasty one to deal with you have my sympathy, and i really hope the appointment gives you reassurance that this can be cleared up, quickly!

i know how hard it is to broach something like this with your hubby... i often have soreness in my bum area and will have a long soak in the bath before bed, & apply loads of cream down there... then climb into bed and my heart sinks as he obviously is in the mood for getting jiggy - i then have to find the right words so he won't feel rejected, and then i feel guilty, and then the tears come...

but like you, i have a wonderful understanding & supportive partner, and i know he loves me whatever weird things my body is doing - he's proved it time and time again - i think it's just the insecurities that Crohn's brings that makes us hesitate in telling our partners how things are, straight away...

 

[luvincookie2001]

I'm so happy you were finally able to tell him and he is so supportive. What a great guy. I know I'd feel exactly the same way as you in your situation. I have had perianal fistulas, one right now actually and I have a hard time feeling sexy just knowing I have a second butt hole! We have yet to have sex since the arrival of this fistula and dh is trying to be understanding I'm sure but unfortunately they will just never completely understand how it makes us feel.

 

[spingirl]

Now this is a real man. I am so happy for you. I think my husband would be understanding. I have painful sex but never thought about a fistuala. How do you know you have one? What are some of the symptoms of vaginal fistula? I had a barium CT - would they have seen it if I had that?

 

[MADiMarc]

When was the last time you went to GYN? It could be anything?

Well, mine is visible. At first it looked like an ingrown hair on the wrong side. When it erupted, It was rather hard to deny.

You are going to have to ask your doc. I have no idea what would or would not turn up on a barium CT.

Good luck to you. Just do yourself a favor and don't be stupid about it the way I was. Go to the doctor & see if they can help.

Michele

 

[krbsmom]

I have one of these too,luckily its only leaking gas. My GI sent me to a pelvic reconstructive surgeon because its a between the anus and vjj.... you might want to go ahead and make an appt or ask via telephone for referral so it won't take so long for you to get into the second dr. they did an mri too and still isn't sure where its located . So we are giving it three mths to heal before taking action