I'm sick of being sick.
My digestive system has been sick since 1997. My dad died in 2005. I suffered a mental breakdown in 2007. I got let go from my job due to workforce reduction in 2009. Both of my cats passed away. My sister had to help me out financially 8n 2012 because I went broke before my SSD hearing. I started collecting SSD in 2013. My mom died in 2013. I can no longer afford my own apartment due to the rising cost of rent, so I have been renting rooms in strangers houses for 3 years. I had to get rid of almost everything I own, now everything I own now fits in 3 suitcases. I own a 21 year old vehicle that always needs something fixed and I am poor. I have one sister who is 10 years older than me and she has lived in another State for 46 years. She has helped me out financially on a monthly basis for a while now. I feel that I am such a financial and emotional burden for her. She does have the money to help me out, she's got the money. She's the rich sister. But she has many of her own serious health issues to cope with.
At one time I was smart and had a great job. I could support myself, had my own apartment, I had my own vehicle, I was independent and self-sufficient and had 2 pets that I loved for 12 years. Now I'm sick physically and mentally and I'm one hot mess. I take more medications than my elderly parents ever did. I'm 62 years old and my life is doctors and medicine. No activities, no friends, no parents. My brain broke 17 years ago, it can't be fixed. And I miss my parents because I miss my mom's Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas sugar cookies. I miss my dad's friendly and fun personality. Since my sisters life is in another State, I have seen her and her family once a year between 1978 and 2015. ( Now she is retired and does spend 5 months a year in my State.) I can't stop dwelling about what I no longer have. Now here I sit in my bedroom in a strangers house feeling weepy. I get more fatigued every day. I'm so tired. And I want to eat pizza, but that's never gonna happen.