Ive just about had it

[Babe123]

ive just about had it

it really does make me angry!

my sister has got nothing at all wrong with her. she has never been ill and yet she sits and is miserable as sin all the time. we were having dinner today and she was erally miserable so i said to her to smile. my mums mate toldher to smile aswell. then she started to cry so i asked why she was crying and she walked out. my mum had a go at me and said that she has had to deal with her mum walking out on her at 5. so i replied that i have had to deal with my dad walking out aswell even though iw as two at the time. my dad had a go at me for answering back. so i walked out

my sister wants to be the centre of attention all the time. and because ive been ill she isnt getting the limelight

no one at all realises how hard its been for me being ill and not knowing whats wrong

i dont want to be ill i hate it. no one ever thinks that behind my smile i am unhappy or thinks that i need a hug. but she cries over nothing and every one jumps to make sure she is ok

 

[Isla]

Not to sound unsupportive but maybe that is just her personality. I have a hypochondriac for a sister and she is in her 30's and I in my late 20's - she hasn't changed and I assume she never will. It is just a part of who she is - the drama. Your sister sounds more like me, an overly sensitive crier. I cry at the drop of a hat. It may be that it is her personality and not just a means to an end. It is your personality to put on a smile no matter what - no one would tout that is the way to be either.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you cannot change her all you can do is change the way you react to her or think of her. I used to get so angry at my sister for wanting to compete medically with me but now I feel somewhat sorry for her that she feels the only way she can get love and attention is through making people feel sorry for her. And I am not much better because there isn't much someone could say that is negative that won't throw me into an emotional crying session - forever the crybaby!

Cut both of you some slack! If only we could learn to be a little more like each other - than polar opposites. But a very hard task indeed.

 

[Babe123]

i know what you mean it jsut really annoys me. i dont mean to sound harsh or anything but she doesnt realise how lucky she is. ma mum saying about my sisters real mum walking out annoys me cos i understand how her walking out could affect her.. but her mum still sends her birthday / christmas/easter cards and comes to visit. i havnt even had so much as a birthday card from my real dad. and its eating away at me cos atleast her real mum stil wants to be a part of her life. my real dad doesnt.
x

 

[Isla]

Maybe those few visits / cards are a painful reminder that her mom still has walked out on her and she considers YOU lucky that you don't have to look your dad in the eye and feel that pain over and over again. That is the beauty of trying to put yourself in another's shoes. I have never found the grass to be greener on their side of the fence. They feel all the same exact things I do but for different reasons and circumstances.

Somewhere else on this board I have mentioned that pain is pain, sadness is sadness. The worst pain I have felt is kidney stones, the worst my daughter has felt is a shot, and my friends mother has felt the pain of 4th degree burns - it was all traumatic/worst pain for them. Does a shot compare to kidney stones -no, but it is HER worst. Can I know what 4th degree burns are, no - but I sure do know what it is like to be in the worst pain of your life. I can feel the same sadness over a divorce as someone feels as their parent dying - because sadness is sadness. It isn't the same circumstance and maybe your saddest isn't their saddest. But I feel trying to compare your worst to her worst is like comparing kiwi to onions. We are more like the variety of apples. We are all apples that come from different trees, regions, and orchards. We can become many things, pies, cider, donuts - you name it. But we all have commonality. Comparing your worst to hers really isn't fair. She doesn't have it any better or worse than you - just different. She still feels sadness, pain, strife, hopelessness, and illness just as you do just not for the same reasons.

I am not saying this to put you down or make you feel bad. But thinking this way about other people really will make YOU feel better. That anger will melt away and you can begin to feel compassion for all walks of life because we experience the same thing....

the human condition, even if their "condition" seems vastly different than your own.

 

[Babe123]

i know.. i jsut wish that she would live life to the fullest and not be so mopey all the time. she doesnt realise how lucky she is.. shes jsut got into university..she should be happy and excited. it jsut feels asthough.. my sister gets upset and every one notices. i get upset and no one notices.
x

 

[Isla]

Well we notice!! And I am here to help you with anything you may need that I can do - living so far away! Where exactly do you live anyway? I am assuming somewhere over in the UK.

 

[Colt]

The truth of the matter is that for a person to be psychologically healthy and it's normal and frankly just fine that she's trying to get attention. Just because you're sick doesn't mean you should have an exclusive right to your family's sympathy. Working home health I saw it in pretty much every person with a disabled sibling. Let her have some attention. She'll be better for it and if you can establish a co-sympathy for each other's problems you'll gain someone to comfort and support you instead of an adversary.

Yes, I know you're a lot worse off than her and more deserving of the attention. She knows that too. That's why she feels left out.

Now, if you're not getting sufficient attention that's an issue too and you should try to deal with that as as much of a separate issue as possible.

Your goal here should ultimately steer her towards being the great hero of a person who does so much her support her sick sister. If she gets into that role everyone will thrive. You, because you'll have someone close to you that you can rely on; and her, because taking care of you will make her feel great about herself and impress the crap out of all her friends making her quite popular and likable. What teacher can resist the (maybe mildly exaggerated) excuse of, "No ma'am, I didn't do my homework because I spent all night taking care of my sister while I slowly watch her waste away to nothing. *sniffle*"

 

[ladyB]

Babe, I'd say, unfortunately, you are the stronger of you two.
She would never hold up under what you go through or how you feel on a daily basis. It just means that you have to try and give her some leadway in this area and understand that you are the stronger one emotionally.
She may even feel envious of how well you can hold it together.
Not to pry, and don't answer if you don't want to, but how can your mum be at the table wih you if she walked out on your sis?

 

[Babe123]

well.. we live with my mum and my step dad who i call my dad. my mum is my brothers and sisters step mum but they call her mum.

x

 

[ladyB]

gotcha.

 

[Babe123]

we have to explain it to every one.. cos people always think me and my brother are twins
x