Laughter the Best Medicine

[AndiGirl]

I am feeling sad for so many of my friends here that are struggling and hurting. My brother and I were both flaring up. When he came to visit we had a good time. I enjoyed it because my kids were asleep and Scott works night. It can get lonely here.

We both complained about our symptoms and said loud and clear that, "Crohn's sucks!!!" We started talking about some funny things, and I was laughing in no time. He brought up a story that made us both laugh years ago. I still find it funny, in an odd way.

Our father was the number twelve son out of thirteen children, the youngest was a girl. Many of you know from other posts that my paternal grandfather was fisherman, who also suffered from CD. He was always into something. Papa had no troubles making friends where ever he went. He lived in a village near Juneau, the capital of Alaska. He often ran into Bill Egan who was the governor at the time. He would talk with Gov. Egan and give him an earful of advice as to what should be changed in Alaska. LOL!

Aside from fishing, my grandfather decided to raise chickens. It was another way to feed his large family. My mother grew up in another small Alaska town, and the only chickens that she had contact with were those that were already butchered and sold in the grocery store. She and my dad were married young, and only after marrying my dad did she really believe that chickens ran around with their heads cut off. My uncles had a lot of fun butchering the family chickens.

My father said that grandpa was given a domestic white duck by one of his friends. They named the duck Bill. Dad's family always had a couple of dogs, and several cats to chase away the mice. Bill the duck had developed an unusual relationship with their dog Brownie (a hound mix). They became friends and folks in their small town would often see the two animals walking together. One day Brownie got into a fight with another dog. Bill decided to help his friend out, only to get bit in his throat. Poor Bill died. After my daddy told us kids that story, I immediately asked, "Daddy what did you guys do with Bill?" My dad who is usually very composed and serious gave me a funny look and said, "We didn't eat him, if that's what you're wondering!" He read my mind. That is exactly what I was wondering. I must have been about 9 years-old when I heard the story. I had a strange mind even then. LOL! Our mother quickly chimed in with, "Gross, Andrea! People don't eat their pets!"

Please share a humorous story or joke. Come on, laugh!

 

[Grumbletum]

That's a great story Andi Here's mine:
Last weekend I was going to the cinema with a friend in her car. We stopped at the local shop on the way for snacks, and as we were driving away a red light started flashing on her dash. Both had seat belts on so i told her to check her door, which was open so she was trying to close it while driving as there was very little traffic on the road. Next thing, we see the cop car lights in the mirror. They pulled her over and explained that they would have to breathalyse her.
Cop: Now Mrs. Morrison, do you agree to give us a specimen?
M.M. What here???!!
Me: (sighing) No, Flo, not that kind of specimen!
Even the cops were sniggering.

 

[AndiGirl]

Cute!! LOL! Keep the humor flowing!

 

[ameslouise]

Great stories!

Here's a short funny one that still makes me laugh. Our neighbors had some work done by a local handy man named Jack. Jack is a super nice guy and does excellent work, but the brain trust he is not...

He gave the invoice for the work to my neighbor, who's name in Chris Price. Except Jack had spelled his name "Cris Price." Chris gave him a check and said, "By the way, my name has an H in it."

The next invoice came addressed to Crish Price.

HAHAHAHHA! I am laughing right now thinking about it.

 

[AndiGirl]

Too funny! LOL!

Our last name is Kelly. My hubby, Scott, can get his share of misunderstandings. We've had people referring to him as Kelly Scott. I get people calling me Kelly all the time. I have to remind them nicely that Kelly is my last name.

 

[Grumbletum]

My street name is Gaelic - Cille Bhanain. Even I found out I'd been mispronouncing it for two years after I moved here. As you can imagine, it causes all sorts of problems on the phone. Best one was a guy trying to sell me insurance who thought it was Chillie Banana. Two of us giggled through the rest of the call.
P.S. It's pronounced 'keeli vanan'.

 

[AndiGirl]

Oh my goodness, Grumbletum! I really did laugh out loud! Are you in Ireland? My hubby is almost 100% Irish. With a name like Kelly! LOL! I get my Irish heritage from my father's side.

 

[Grumbletum]

Yep, Andi, you don't get more Irish than Kelly! I'm on the isle of South Uist in the Western Isles so it's Scots Gaelic here. Quite widely spoken so I'm trying to learn it myself.
Helen x

 

[AndiGirl]

Scott's mom has a little Scottish in her background, so that makes Scott, a little Scott. LOL!

 

[Astra]

My daughter Jess phoned me really upset. She said her Dad had texted her to say he was in hospital.
Apparantly he had poisoned himself by eating a daffodil bulb instead of an onion!

Well, I screamed laughing!!
I said ' Jess, scroll the text down, is there something else there?'

She burst out laughing
It said 'But I'll be out in the Spring!'

 

[bruscar]

Good stuff everyone !!

Typical of me when someone asks me to tell a funny story or a joke my mind goes blanker than a politicians conscience !!

But no doubt about it, its the best medicine . . . keep it up, i'll think of something to post !!

Bruscar

 

[AndiGirl]

Typical of me when someone asks me to tell a funny story or a joke my mind goes blanker than a politicians conscience !!

Bruscar

I am from Alaska, home of corrupt politics, so I found your statement very funny.

 

[GutlessWonder86]

roflmao!!! that's too funny Scifimom.

 

[bruscar]

Hi Andigirl,

Well i am glad you enjoed that !. . . . here in Ireland our politicians are getting worse and worse !!

 

[ameslouise]

OMG - Joan, still laughing!

Here's one from my friend Tom's college days. At Bucknell University back in the 80s the sororities did not have their own houses like the fraternities - they were housed in a dorm, each sorority had its own floor.

The dormitory where the sororities were housed was called Hunt Hall. Well, you can imagine the jokes and what the fraternities actually called the dorm.... So one night, Tom's frat buddies decided they were going to put a "C" on Hunt Hall. They made a metal C to place on the dorm name. The two elected brothers, after a night of drinking at the house, set out with their big ladder to climb up and strategically place the "C". They came back to the house to celebrate their victory with more beers with the rest of the brothers.

The next morning they all trapsed over to the dorm to see the fruits of their work. And there it was gleaming in the sunlight:

"Hunt Call."

 

[margie]

This one is about me as embarrassing as this is and wasn't real funny at the time sure is now thinking about it. My boyfriend and I were up north on his property in the woods where we are building a cabin. It was freezing cold and I had to go potty, no bathroom of course yet, yes I had to go outside when I needed to go. Anyways, it was freezing cold, deep snow, and lots of ice. With no potty to sit on, and slipping around, I leaned my butt up against the outside of the cabin to squatt and go pee, unfortunately my butt froze to the cabin.....lol....took a little squirming to get free.

 

[AndiGirl]

These are all terrific! Please keep them coming!

There is one that I can laugh at now, that caused me considerable tears just a little over a year ago. I had just given birth to Elizabeth. The hospital gave a bunch of papers and information, and inside was a coupon for a very special dinner for two sponsored by the hospital's food service. You could pick from steak, seafood, and terrific desserts. Scott and I decided to place our order. When the food arrived it was terrific. The only problem with hospital rooms and eating, is trying to fit your tray (in our case trays) on the little table. I was cutting up the steak when I made a wrong move; my tray and all its contents went flying on my bed and onto the floor. I immediately started bawling. My hormones were crashing, having just given birth; my beautiful meal was on the bed and floor. Scott tried to comfort me, but nothing he said could make me stop crying. My nurse was a very kind and understanding person. She got on the phone and explained the situation to the food service. They said that they would send another meal up to me. She got me a new gown and sheets. Both she and Scott said, "You'll look back at this and laugh some day."

 

[JetWhite]

The next morning they all trapsed over to the dorm to see the fruits of their work. And there it was gleaming in the sunlight:

"Hunt Call."

:rof::rof::rof:

 

[nomad]

:rof::rof::rof:

Very very funny story!

Agreed, in the end laughter makes a whole world of difference. At times, such as nowadays, I struggle to be able to see the good side of life... but humor and joy, even if forced, do help.

Thanks for the smiles

 

[sawdust]

A married couple got themselves settled into bed for the night, and no sooner they got comfortable, the husband ripped a fart and proudly proclaimed "Touchdown!" to the dark bedroom. Unimpressed, his wife rolled over in exaggerated fashion, and promptly answered the call with an impressive entry of her own. "7 to 7," she retorted. Not exactly knowing what to do or say, the husband began to think strategy when he heard a "squeaker" come from the other side of the bed. "Field goal," she giggled. "10-7."

Now, this was serious. Certainly he wasn't going to lose a flatulence contest with football underpinnings to likes of a woman, he thought. Determined to end this once and for all and to score a victory for men all over the world, he gathered all he could muster and completely sharted the bed. Wide-eyed, embarrassed, and mortified, his eyes met the glare from his wife, and he said, "Halftime. Switch sides."

 

[AndiGirl]

Oh gosh! I need to share this with my husband. He's a football fanatic!

 

[ameslouise]

Bumping this thread back up with a funny hospital related story, kinda....

*** Things you need to know for this story - my dad is a little hard of hearing, and our local grocery store is called "Giant." ***

Back in 2002 when I was in the hospital for a month due to my UC, my parents would come visit me every morning and stay until mid-afternoon. They would go home to take care of Harrison, who was just 1 at the time, so my husband could come down after work and visit.

One afternoon, my mom said to my dad, "Let's leave a little early today, I want to avoid the traffic on the way home because we need to stop at the Giant."

My dad replies with, "Huh? What? Whose vagina??" to which my mom screams, "Hun! Get a hearing aid already!"

To this day, we still refer to Giant as "The Vagina."

 

[sawdust]

:ybiggrin: I see why you father was so disheveled. That's really funny!

 

[ameslouise]

Here's another one - this time compliments of my son, Harrison.

For those of you with little kids, you know how hard it is to get them to blow their nose. H has been a great nose blower, from the time he was about a year old, he could blow his nose with force. One night when he was around 6 y.o., I was tucking him in bed and he had a sniffle. I gave him a tissue and he blew his nose like a champ.

I told him, "Harrison, you are a champion nose blower. If there were an olympic nose blowing team, you would be the captain."

I asked him, "What about me? What am I good at? What team do you think I should be the captain of?"

He scrunches his face, thinks for a few seconds and says, "The Olympic Pooping Team."

 

[ameslouise]

That is a great story, Andi. Doncha remember being a kid and getting the uncontrollable giggles over something silly??!

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Here's a couple random ones off the top of my head.

When I was a teenager my family went on vacation to Mexico. My dad was checking in at the front desk of the hotel, and my mom and I decided to do a little exploring around the hotel since it was so lovely and exotic and tropical there (it was the middle of winter, so it was VERY different from Wisconsin!). Suddenly, my mom slipped and nearly fell! It was shocking, I was afraid she'd hurt herself just as we had started our vacation. Fortunately, she was fine. We turned around to see what she had slipped on - it was a banana peel! We both burst out laughing, we didn't know that it was actually possible to slip and fall on a banana peel!

My grandmother always tells this one, and she probably tells it better than I do, but here goes anyway. My grandparents started dating in high school, but for a little while they decided to take "a break" and see other people. (This would have been in the late 1940s or early 50s.) My grandma's friend said that she knew a really nice guy that she could set my gma up on a blind date with. So my gma went on this blind date, but the guy was really short! He came up to like her shoulders, from the way she described him. She said all night, he was trying to hold her hand, and she kept pulling her hand away! Finally the evening was over and the short guy walked her to her door. He really wanted a good-night kiss, so he got up on his tippy toes and made a valiant effort to reach her lips. She kind of pulled away from that too, but just at that moment, my grandfather and his best friend drove by in their car, and saw this funny scene of a very short guy trying to kiss my less-than-enthusiastic grandmother, and grandpa and his friend fell over each other laughing! Needless to say, she never dated the short guy again, and she and my grandfather got back together shortly thereafter and have been married for nearly 60 years now.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Ha ha Andi! You keep mentioning the name Randy, which reminds me of the only Randy I know - a roadrunner. My aunt lives in Arizona and she feeds bits of hamburger to roadrunners and quails that come to her yard. One roadrunner in particular kept coming back day after day, and he seemed to be quite popular with the lady roadrunners, so she named him Randy. Randy got so tame that if my aunt wasn't outside to feed him hamburger when he came by, he'd go up to her kitchen window and tap tap tap on it until she came out with his dinner. She'd say, "Do you want some dinner, baby?" And Randy would reply with a roadrunner noise (I can't replicate it by typing, but it was like a cooing-purring-gurgling sound).

Sadly, Randy seems to have disappeared and is probably no more, but since he was so good with the ladies, he had a lot of offspring. Now one of his sons, Rocket the roadrunner, is the one who comes to my aunt's yard every evening for hamburger. Rocket isn't as tame as Randy was, though, and hasn't come to the window and doesn't make the sound when my aunt talks to him. Still, he's really cute. I just visited my aunt a couple weeks ago in Arizona and it was so funny to see a roadrunner walk up the driveway and into the backyard and look at us all as if to say, "Which one of you has my dinner?"

 

[AndiGirl]

I love the story, Cat. I will tell Randy about that one. I know he could use some good laughs here and there, poor guy. I know it can't be easy being a single dad. One of my friends named her dog, Randy! Oh, the connotations with that name!

 

[AndiGirl]

We need more laughter in our lives people! Boy do I need it!

I will admit to something VERY bad that I have recently done. Please keep in mind that this was totally unintentional on my part. It just happened to turn out funny. For me, that is.

Some of you have been keeping up with another thread of mine. You know that my mother-in-law and I do not get along. I've tried, but she still seems to think that I'm a villain. Anyway, she was bathing my two kids, Alex and Beth. She was bathing them in the dark. WEIRD! It wasn't totally dark, but still! I thought it was weird. She was busy chattering away to the kids and the door was ajar. I flicked the light on and went back to the kitchen. I immediately heard her practically yell, "Oh my! There's a ghost in this house!" I thought she was playing around and just brushed it off as part of her weirdness. After the kids were safely out of the tub she came to me and said, "There is a ghost in your house. The lights just flicked on when I was bathing the kids." I was going to mention that I turned the lights on, but something held me back. She seemed freaked out, so I decided to run with it. I just said, "We have a couple of friendly ghosts living with us. It's probably my Grandma Martha (my mom's mom). She was very loving and protective of me when I was growing up. She's probably just checking up on me and the kids. She won't hurt you." Beverly looked a little unsettled, but I assured her that there nothing to be afraid of, and we do believe in the power of prayer.

This was too good and I had to share it with my mother. She was upset with me. She thinks that it was mean of me to let her think that, and that I should apologize for scaring her. I'll admit that Beverly has been nicer to me since so called, "Grandma Martha," paid us a visit. I know this is bad. I still haven't apologized. I haven't shared this with Scott either. I have this wicked little secret going on here.

I think my mom was upset with me because she knows what it is like to have true ghostly encounters. I know there are some of you non-believers, but I can truthfully attest that they exist. I grew up in an old, haunted house in Southwestern, Alaska. Everyone but my father has had strange, supernatural experiences in that house. If dad did, he would never admit to any of us. My brother Randy let me in on a deep dark secret. He is probably the closest to our father. I guess it's a guy thing. My father is very rational and logical, in addition to being macho, strong, and a tough guy. Randy told me that dad is terrified of ghosts. He told him that they can exist with him, but he NEVER wants to see one. He said it would cause him to have a heart attack. My dad grew up in an even older, larger haunted house in Southeastern, Alaska (the other coast). It was over 100 years-old when they moved into it. He said it was three stories high and had an attic and basement. It was a Gothic style home, with the steep roof and gables. He claims that it was probably a beautiful home back in the day, though when they moved into it, it was becoming run down. Dad found out as a child that somebody had been killed in that house years before. All of this is fact. Needless to say, my father, all of his older brothers, and younger sister made it through childhood no worse for the wear. They were all happy to eventually move out of that house. To this day, my father will not talk about that house. Randy claims that something must have scared him pretty bad, and it's buried in his past.

Keep in mind that my mom and I have both shared stories about our haunted house in Southwestern, Alaska with Beverly. She also heard about the old house that my father grew up in. She probably thinks we are ghost magnets. Chuckle, Chuckle!! "A goblin lives in our house, all the year round."

 

[Scifimom]

Andi I just got an idea on how to get rid of your MIL,

Rent Poltergeist and The Ring and watch them one after the other in that order, the minute the ring finishes call from your mobile phone to your land line. She will NEVER set foot in your house again. :rof:

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Andi, that's great! I don't believe in ghosts but that's priceless what you did to your m-i-l.

Okay, here's another story also related to tricking people. My family went to Disney World when I was a teenager. One day we went to Epcot. There's this thing at Epcot called the Living Seas (this was 15+ years ago so I'm not even sure if it's there anymore). The Living Seas is this cool huge aquarium with all sorts of neat fish and even manatees and sea turtles and stuff like that. But, to get to the aquarium part, you first have to watch a boring film that's really long (probably was about 20 minutes long but was so boring, basically it was a big commercial for the sponsor of the Living Seas, that it felt much longer).

So, my mom and I decided we wanted to see the fish but skip the movie, so we tried to go in the exit. An Epcot employee stopped us and we started to explain that we just wanted to see the fish. The employee was like, "Well, have you ladies ever seen Star Trek?" My mom and I looked at each other with pure puzzlement on our faces, because we had no idea why this guy was talking about Star Trek. Of course we'd heard of it, but we didn't get why he was bringing it up in conversation, it was so weird. But, we looked at each other with such puzzlement and for just a tad bit too long, that the guy got the impression that we legitimately had never heard of Star Trek! So he mumbled, "never mind" and let us in the exit. He probably thought we were Amish or from some weird foreign place where people still have American accents but don't know about Star Trek. We laughed about it for the rest of the trip and even to this day if someone mentions Star Trek in front of my mom and I, we'll both be like, "Huh? Star what? Never heard of it!"

 

[AndiGirl]

Scifimom- That is too funny and too tempting. Oh the things that are now running through my mischievous mind. Unfortunately, I'll probably let the old, "good girl, guilt," take over. I may try another prank though. Hehehe!

Cat- I can only imagine what that guy was thinking. He probably thought that you and your mom were aliens from another planet. LOL! That's terrific!

 

[25times]

This story doesn't involve me but I think it's hilarious.
My aunt has crohn's disease. about ten years ago, she had to have surgery and ended up with a temporary colostomy bag. My family often uses humour and insensitivity to deal with things like that.
Anyways, I guess my mom and my aunt were shopping at walmart or zellers or something, and they were stopped by security on the way out. Apparently, they bulge from my aunt's full colostomy bag made it look like she was stealing. The security guard ordered her to lift up her sweater and show him. She was obviously embarrassed, and tried to explain that she couldn't lift it up, and to leave her alone. He wouldn't let it go, so he ended up taking them to the security room. Once they were in a private room, my aunt was so mad and upset that she was being treated like this, she showed him her bag. He was clearly shocked, and tried to play it off like "well, you shouldn't be out shopping if you have one of those."
She then opened up the bag, and burped it right in his face. My mom said it was the worst smell she has ever encountered, and the security guy promptly threw up in the nearest garbage bag. My aunt left with her dignity that day, and a hilarious story to tell everyone.

 

[AndiGirl]

That is too funny, Samantha! It served him right.