Limericks to choose from

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Aw, that's too bad buddy - I was gonna drop something off for you and use your bathroom while I was there (hee hee)! I hope you feel better soon......no fun to be sick around Christmas.
 
It's a Friday night
I'm going to have fun with all my might
Tomorrow will be boring
I will be snoring
It will be dyno-mite
 
Tomorrow snow?
I don't think so
It's just a ploy
We won't enjoy
The weatherman blows
 
I'm quite the fan of Jim Cantore
He stands out storms in all his glory
He'll ride a plane
to the nearest hurricane
When the wind knocks him over, it makes a great story
 
Off to the barber to cut my hair,
Should I get an afro or something with flair?
Batman with a mohawk,
Would that make folks gawk?
I don't know and I don't care.
 
I say shave it off
The girls love it and won't scoff
Wash n go
Such a natural flow
Go ahead and get the hay outta the loft.
 
Be happy you have hair.
With plenty to share.
Just don't make the barber mad.
Then you'd be really sad,
Looking like you parted your hair with nair.

mohawk.jpg
Reverse mohawk
 
imisspopcorn said:
Be happy you have hair.
With plenty to share.
Just don't make the barber mad.
Then you'd be really sad,
Looking like you parted your hair with nair.

mohawk.jpg
Reverse mohawk
Click to expand...

:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:
 
I had a few beers and now I'm a bit tipsy
I'm looking a bit like Trailer Park Trixie
Where is my bestie?
Did he go get some restie?
I bet when he sleeps, he lets them rip-sy
 
Just got back from my trip to the Biltmore Estate
Leaving it to go back home I did hate
There were 43 bathrooms in all
Each of us would have had our own stall
All in all I'd say the trip went great!

It was a lesson in complete and utter 20th century excess though!!

Here is a picture of the front and a picture of the view of their backyard - I'd just LOVE to have that view every day!

IMG_0377-0000.jpg

IMG_0412-0000.jpg
 
It sure sucks,
That I don't have a billion bucks,
Having a Batman Estate,
Would be great,
Would spend all day watching ducks.
 
I think I have an internet addiction
I need it more than a Crohn's prescription
From Perez Hilton to TMZ
Someone please set me free
Should someone slap me to help me function?
 
I won't slap you V
I'll sit down and join you see
I'm addicted as well
I think the internet is swell
We are both in the same friggin' boat - hee hee!
 
You know it is bad when you wake up in the morning and do a little limerick before you roll out of bed to get the kid up and ready for school. I thought of this one:

This is my child
she is totally wild
she is crazy
but never lazy
I wish she could be more mild
 
Peaches said:
I won't slap you V
I'll sit down and join you see
I'm addicted as well
I think the internet is swell
We are both in the same friggin' boat - hee hee!
Click to expand...

Today I have stuff to get done
It definitely won't be any fun
Folding laundry to hanging clothes
Listening to Tupac yell "bitches and ho's"
Tomorrow my Dallas adventure will have begun!
 
Peaches said:
You know it is bad when you wake up in the morning and do a little limerick before you roll out of bed to get the kid up and ready for school. I thought of this one:

This is my child
she is totally wild
she is crazy
but never lazy
I wish she could be more mild
Click to expand...

LOL, cute!

You know it's bad when you're about to go to bed, a Limerick pops into your head, so you scurry back to the computer to type it up real quick. Not that I've ever done that before....
 
Mmmmm, nope, me neither :whistleinnocently:
Man, when they are in your head you just have to get them out!!

I'm so jealous you are going to big D
How could you go without me?
My old bestest friend I could see
And in my old neighborhood I would be
I guess I'll have to go put a wish under my tree!

So - have you figured out where ya'll are eating yet? My Mom talked me into flying back in early March. My aunt and uncle are having a huge 50th anniversary party and they want me to come. It's a 50's theme though - so I gotta wear a friggin' poodle skirt - blah!!
 
Peaches in a poodle skirt
I bet she'll be a big flirt
Dancing around
Acting a clown
I hope no one gets hurt.
 
Don't make me stick you with a fork
You know I'm gonna look like a big dork!
Bobby socks and bowling shoes
Everyone will surely muse
Ah, what the hell rhymes with dork and fork besides stork?
 
You threaten my life
Just like my wife
But you will look cool
Going old school
Bobby socks will not cause you strife.
 
Peaches said:
Mmmmm, nope, me neither :whistleinnocently:
Man, when they are in your head you just have to get them out!!

I'm so jealous you are going to big D
How could you go without me?
My old bestest friend I could see
And in my old neighborhood I would be
I guess I'll have to go put a wish under my tree!

So - have you figured out where ya'll are eating yet? My Mom talked me into flying back in early March. My aunt and uncle are having a huge 50th anniversary party and they want me to come. It's a 50's theme though - so I gotta wear a friggin' poodle skirt - blah!!
Click to expand...

Sounds like The Mansion is going to be a must do for a night. :)

Bwahaha, poodle skirt and all? Ugh, I hate themed parties! Is your hubby going to do the slicked back hair, leather jacket and white shirt? If it were me, I'd probably do jean capris, some Keds (old school!) and a fitted t-shirt with my hair up tightly. I'm no fun.
 
Bless you woman - I forgot about that look!! Of course with my out of control hair - I'll have to see if I can pull it off.

Now I'll go to the party with some capris
Get those jeans that go just below the knee
Slip on my little white Keds
(have to remember to take my meds!)
And I'll twist the night away until I have to go pee!

P.S. - don't forget to take a pic with "me" in the middle at The Mansion!!! Leave a blank space and I'll fill it in with Photoshop when I get my copy - it'll give me something to learn on ;o) Have fun and safe trip.....
 
Peaches said:
Bless you woman - I forgot about that look!! Of course with my out of control hair - I'll have to see if I can pull it off.

Now I'll go to the party with some capris
Get those jeans that go just below the knee
Slip on my little white Keds
(have to remember to take my meds!)
And I'll twist the night away until I have to go pee!

P.S. - don't forget to take a pic with "me" in the middle at The Mansion!!! Leave a blank space and I'll fill it in with Photoshop when I get my copy - it'll give me something to learn on ;o) Have fun and safe trip.....
Click to expand...

Yes! You will look fabulous, dahling!

And of course. Everywhere I go you will go, too! :ylol2: Thanks a bunch.
 
Random: just went to the Keds website to check out their selection and holy crap, $35? I remember when they use to be $10! Wahhh, we're getting old.
 
No doubt! Well - I was going to rent something anyway - so now I can just buy them and keep them (for what purpose IDK - like I'm the type to wear Keds around at my age?? Give me my Uggs!)

Nessa cruising around big D
Walking around with an invisible me
People will only gawk
If to me she does talk
Since beside her is the me they can't see!
 
Peaches said:
No doubt! Well - I was going to rent something anyway - so now I can just buy them and keep them (for what purpose IDK - like I'm the type to wear Keds around at my age?? Give me my Uggs!)

Nessa cruising around big D
Walking around with an invisible me
People will only gawk
If to me she does talk
Since beside her is the me they can't see!
Click to expand...

:ylol2:

Tomorrow I will pretend to be with my Sha nae nae
The horns will come out and then we'll play
Giggling about sex toys
And all the cute boys
Sorry pervs, there won't be any foreplay
 
Bow-chicka-wow-wow
In only 1 day now
Will you come back
With some shine that was packed?
Drink slowly and don't have a cow.
 
Heading out on a business trip,
to the city where JFK got clipped.
Hope to meet a crohnie,
she better not be phony.
If so, I'll just let one rip.
 
Business and pleasure
How does that measure?
I'm sure you'll have fun
Being with "that one"
Purhaps you both will find treasure! Argh matie!
 
Peaches said:
Don't make me stick you with a fork
You know I'm gonna look like a big dork!
Bobby socks and bowling shoes
Everyone will surely muse
Ah, what the hell rhymes with dork and fork besides stork?
Click to expand...

Cork, pork, Mork (as in ...and Mindy...Nanu Nanu!), Hoark (as in puke), Quark, Torque, york, Zork (for all those who remember that game)
 
Tonight I will toast and kick back a Shiner
There really is no other beer that's finer
Chillin' with good friends
Is where it begins
How I wish Farmie could join us from North Caroliner
 
Yikes, I deleted my cookies
Yes, computers make me feel like a rookie
No lounge access was depressing
I'm an addict who's confessing
And y'all are my bookies!
 
Now you can chill
And not be ill
We're glad you are on
Like a dog on a bone
Just wait till I send you the bill.
 
With a new saddle under my ass
Today I rode very fast
Then I got pics
Of some Dallas trip
Looks like you guys are having a blast!
 
I drank her under the table,
proved to the world that i am able.
She pounded one beer,
then called me a queer.
This ain't no fable.
 
DanSJVDavis said:
Cork, pork, Mork (as in ...and Mindy...Nanu Nanu!), Hoark (as in puke), Quark, Torque, york, Zork (for all those who remember that game)
Click to expand...
Nice Dan - my mental capabilities are quite limited at times :O)
 
Last night I had a peaches beer
It made me think of someone dear (Sha Nae Nae)
It was very sweet
I should probably tweet
I drank that mofo with no real fear!
 
Peaches said:
Bahaa!!! Fen got done under by a GIRL! Batman.....shame!
Click to expand...

I only lost cuz we drank shiner,
it was ok but Brooklyn beer is finer.
Then we drank peroni
while eating macaroni,
i think Nessa's just being a whiner.
 
Now you two don't fight
About beer drinking cuz that would bite
You know you both had a good time
With some beer and maybe some lime
But maybe next time Fen needs something lite (teee heeee)
 
I know *right*

Carrie and Shantel aren't feelin' the love
We are feeling like two sticks in mud
Sharin' pics with the Farm
Set off our alarm
I guess we'll just have to go count our turtledove......
 
I'm editing the photos so I can post them here. Had I posted them as is, I would have got banned :)
 
(Bostonian accent, of course)

Fen is the coolest, funniest bastahd
Just how many times did we get plastah'ed?
He is so fly
And you wanna know why
That mofo has more money than John Jacob Astah!

Today was the day that we said laters
Gave a hug and said screw the haters
I wanted to cry
I hate to say goodbye
Just don't go home and be a masturbator

Fen went through airport security and failed
Took off his watch and then prevailed
Grabbed his metro bag
And called me a hag
Then off to the terminal we sailed!

I think we had too many sangrias
We should've just stuck with eating tortillas
Felt sick with a headache
Pass me the barf bag for God's sake
At least we cruised in a Batmobile and not a Kia

Jeez, I'm on a roll!
 
Got another one, ha!

I got to kick it with a Valedictorian
JFK also made him a historian
Until next time
When we commit another crime (no crimes, we're too straight edged for that)
Hey, next trip let's do a beer emporium!
 
Peaches is back on the pred,
A drug that we crohnie's dread.
Knock out that inflammation,
May steroids be your salvation,
And not mess you up in the head.
 
Can't mess my head up anymore than it already is
I bet it's gonna make me have to go wiz
(oh god - I don't like the other rhymie I'm coming up with to match that!!)
I'll be awake night and day
With more than enough limericks to say
I guess I'm just gonna be full of.......fizz!
 
Gonna try and hang with Fen on the weekender
But I'm gonna be on a roiding bender
Racing around New York City
Will barely be able to sit and talk, what a pity
He'll be ready to put me in a blender!
 
LMAO.

It's the lounge, so if you're rhyming gets stuck,
and pred is making you bounce around like Daffy Duck,
go with your first impression,
then head to confession,
'cuz you know this rhyme will end with WTF!
 
Well, lucky for me I don't start my pred till the morning
Then I'm sure my lips will be much loser with the wording
I won't worry about cussing
Or saying things that would normally get me fussing
But the limericks I'm sure I will be murdering!!
 
Shit, fuck, poop, crap,
All those words out of Peaches' trap.
We'll be stunned,
but you won't be shunned.
I'll just spew coffee on my lap.
 
Now Fen you know me better than that
I would never utter words like that from my trap
At least not in black and white
For everyone to read at night
I'd rather say them to your face and make you....well...spew coffee in your lap!
 
Fen and Peaches will have a great time
Maybe even put together a rhyme
Say no to booze
You both will lose
Maybe find a restaurant that's very sublime
 
There will be no booze for me
It makes me feel like I'm hanging upside down from a tree
But hubby might partake
Then his mood will be great
Happy as a lark he will be

As I sit there, with no buzz on, watching him have a good time. Ah, the story of my life.....
 
You need some Farm's Whistle Pig Whiskey
That will make you frisky
You'll have a great time
While loosing your mind
O the joy of being tipsy.
 
I'm afraid under the table I would be
Then Ash and Caddy would be without me
They would leave me there alone
While all over NYC they would roam
Then I would wake up and prolly throw up all over my knee!!

You could probably send me a thimble full and that would be enough....
 
I'll send you a bottle in the mail
Through the package you can smell
Just don't drink it all
Or else you will fall
Then you can sip and not tell.
 
Tee hee!

Sipping Shantie walking around
Swaying this way and that like a clown
No one will know what is going on
As I sip from my flask of Dom Farmingnon
I just hope I don't trip and fall down
 
Fen can now drink Shine with class
He has a Texas shot glass
Don't throw a fit
Slam that shit
Just please don't fall on your ass
 
This year the family will be fine
As the eggnog contains some shine
They'll laugh and giggle
Their butts will wiggle
We'll all have a might fine time!
 
Peaches said:
Well you KNOW what they say about things in Texas being bigger
So why not a big old Texas jigger
Between NC Shine and Texas glass
Fen is definitely gonna fall on his ass
So he just better watch out about holding his liquor!

So Nessa..if everything in Texas is bigger - is THAT what happened to me :O) I guess I shouldn't have lived there in my "form"ative years....
Click to expand...

:ylol2:
 
Peaches said:
Well you KNOW what they say about things in Texas being bigger
So why not a big old Texas jigger
Between NC Shine and Texas glass
Fen is definitely gonna fall on his ass
So he just better watch out about holding his liquor!

So Nessa..if everything in Texas is bigger - is THAT what happened to me :O) I guess I shouldn't have lived there in my "form"ative years....
Click to expand...
:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:
 
I've never felt sicker,
Drinking liquor,
Than I did with Ness,
I must confess,
One more drink and I might've kicked her.

With Peaches there will be no booze,
But I won't bet on that cuz I may lose.
It's the season to celebrate,
A day that was great,
The birth of the King of the Jews.
 
If Fen Buddy would've tried to kick me
He'd bettah be prepared to flee
A tickle is what he'd get
And run off into the sunset
Before he'd lose his bladdah and pee
 
Alright Fen - do you have time to line Starbuck's pockets on Sunday morning for a bit?
Because that may be just how we have to get together for a sit
I could bring some of Farmie's shine
And you could splash it in your coffee to feel fine
That way you won't have too much and end up feeling like shit (uh uh...I did NOT just say that did I?)
 
Okay, enough with the fighting
It isn't very exciting
Boy's only pull a girl's hair
When they can't express their feelings with flair
Get back to the naughty writing!
 
imisspopcorn said:
Okay, enough with the fighting
It isn't very exciting
Boy's only pull a girl's hair
When they can't express their feelings with flair
Get back to the naughty writing!
Click to expand...

:ylol2:
 
Peaches said:
Alright Fen - do you have time to line Starbuck's pockets on Sunday morning for a bit?
Because that may be just how we have to get together for a sit
I could bring some of Farmie's shine
And you could splash it in your coffee to feel fine
That way you won't have too much and end up feeling like shit (uh uh...I did NOT just say that did I?)
Click to expand...

Just pick the time and place,
I'll show up with a smile on my face.
I get to meet another pal,
A limericker who's a gal,
I'll also bring shine just in case.
 
imisspopcorn said:
Okay, enough with the fighting
It isn't very exciting
Boy's only pull a girl's hair
When they can't express their feelings with flair
Get back to the naughty writing!
Click to expand...

Pop has a dirty mind,
Typical for the Vegas kind.
I bet she moonlights as a stripper,
And if Farm showed up, he'd tip her.
Hoping she show her behind.
 
Yeah, a forty-year old stripper.
What ever you have been smokin' has made you a tripper!
Come to Vegas and see
That you have fallen out of your tree
Look closely, that's my finger doing a flipper.



I mean that in the sweetest way possible....:)
 
I think Pop is a lier about her age
Have you all seen pictures of her - she should be up on stage!
I bet she was Miss Nevada some time
Looking so pretty and feeling sublime
If you are 40 - then I'm feeling way more than my age ;)
 
fenway1971 said:
Just pick the time and place,
I'll show up with a smile on my face.
I get to meet another pal,
A limericker who's a gal,
I'll also bring shine just in case.
Click to expand...

You best bring yourself some shine
Because if we have a limerick showdown you'll need it to come up with a good line
Well, at least you'll think your limerick is an ace
because you'll end up being so smash faced
And I'll just sit laughing cuz my limerick will be fine as wine
 
Thank God for Photo Shop
Blemish free, it does good things for POP
Too bad I still jiggle
When I wiggle
My Pole dance would be a flop.
 
imisspopcorn said:
Yeah, a forty-year old stripper.
What ever you have been smokin' has made you a tripper!
Come to Vegas and see
That you have fallen out of your tree
Look closely, that's my finger doing a flipper.



I mean that in the sweetest way possible....:)
Click to expand...

LMAO!!!
I meant mine in the sweetest way possible too...
 
Imisspopcorn, I'll pay for a dance
Just thrown on a Wonderbra that'll enhance
Shake whatcha' mama gave you
And I'll sip on my brew
We'll all smile and be in a trance

Okay, I am officially the biggest lesbo on the forum!
 
Moon face, buffalo hump...
What the h*ll, I'll do the bump
You all will feel vilolated
As my hips gyrated
And in your seats you will slump
 
imisspopcorn said:
Moon face, buffalo hump...
What the h*ll, I'll do the bump
You all will feel vilolated
As my hips gyrated
And in your seats you will slump
Click to expand...
:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:

That's funny. Remember that song the SAFETY DANCE? All I can think of is the PREDNISONE DANCE. LMAO!

Miss Pop's prednisone dance,
Will put us all in a trance.
Whooping and hollerin',
In her outfit she'd want dollars in,
I'm laughing so hard I might pee in my pants.
 
imisspopcorn said:
Yeah, a forty-year old stripper.
What ever you have been smokin' has made you a tripper!
Come to Vegas and see
That you have fallen out of your tree
Look closely, that's my finger doing a flipper.



I mean that in the sweetest way possible....:)
Click to expand...

A fist full of dollars and a few dollars more
Is what I'd have when you hit the floor
Standing at attention
Is all I dare mention
In the morning I'd surely be poor.
 
farm said:
A fist full of dollars and a few dollars more
Is what I'd have when you hit the floor
Standing at attention
Is all I dare mention
In the morning I'd surely be poor.
Click to expand...

:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:
 
No need for a whip, my friend -
Paddle's here and on the mend!
Now get back on that pole...
Trash bag full of $ones$ is your goal!
Making it rain has become a phat trend :ylol2:
 
Farm is toting twenties
Moves, that gals got plenty
But I'll blow all my dough
And have nothing to show
But paddle marks and a kiss that tastes minty!
 
Farm tries to pay w/ Monopoly monies
So much for gettin dem hunnies
Can't get a lap dance
Fake money gives him no chance
The nekkid chicks just make funnies!

Awww... pooooor Faaaahhhhhmmmmm
 
Farmie likes the zits,
And ladies who can do the splits.
Hold on I gotta sneeze (Achoo!)
Those zits he likes to squeeze (woohoo!)
Laughter's the best medicine for the shits.
 
Why do you like zits?
They make you look like the pits.
They are juicy and red,
And have a white head
Squeeze, and see what they emit......
 

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