Non Crohns Sufferer, but married to one

[sadiebear]

I am married to a wonderful man and we have young kids. He suffers from horrible flare ups and I try to be understanding. I truly feel for people who suffer from this disease.
I'm struggling so much with the lack of sex. We haven't had sex for months. I am truly going out of my mind. He's not interested at all.
I struggle with meeting attractive men when I travel and I fantasize a lot about sex, sex, sex. I don't want to scare him into thinking I want to cheat on him as I don't really want to, but if this continues for longer, I just don't know how long I can go.
I know you may be thinking that I should think of how he is feeling and I honestly do care. But I have needs too and I'm going out of my mind.
I'm scared one day I will be tempted one day and just give in and then I know it will kill me inside after.
When do people who suffer with this disease ever want to have sex? Do you even want to ever? Is this forever? Please help me understand.

 

[ronroush7]

Hi. I have Crohns Disease and yes I do want sex with my wife but particularly when I have had surgery or had a flare my wife is afraid to.

 

[eleanor_rigby]

I'm not too clear on why your husband does not want to have sex. Is he in physical pain a lot so doesn't want to? It may be an issue with depression more so than Crohn's disease physically preventing him.

I would recommend discussing this with him, and trying other options such as help for the emotional effects of having Crohn's disease (counselling). Let him know this is having a big effect on you. Cheating isn't the way forward.

 

[ronroush7]

I'm not too clear on why your husband does not want to have sex. Is he in physical pain a lot so doesn't want to? It may be an issue with depression more so than Crohn's disease physically preventing him.

I would recommend discussing this with him, and trying other options such as help for the emotional effects of having Crohn's disease (counselling). Let him know this is having a big effect on you. Cheating isn't the way forward.

I agree

 

[MizzSarah]

Just like Eleanor suggested talk to him about why he doesnt want to be intimate. Could very well be that he is just too uncomfortable or something mental health related. Perhaps he doesn't feel very desirable... I myself when I feel sick and uncomfortable...intimacy is the last thing on my mind.

I am married to a wonderful man and we have young kids. He suffers from horrible flare ups and I try to be understanding. I truly feel for people who suffer from this disease.
I'm struggling so much with the lack of sex. We haven't had sex for months. I am truly going out of my mind. He's not interested at all.
I struggle with meeting attractive men when I travel and I fantasize a lot about sex, sex, sex. I don't want to scare him into thinking I want to cheat on him as I don't really want to, but if this continues for longer, I just don't know how long I can go.
I know you may be thinking that I should think of how he is feeling and I honestly do care. But I have needs too and I'm going out of my mind.
I'm scared one day I will be tempted one day and just give in and then I know it will kill me inside after.
When do people who suffer with this disease ever want to have sex? Do you even want to ever? Is this forever? Please help me understand.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I can't take credit for this phrase, but someone else on the forum once said that Crohn's is "the least sexy disease ever." That's definitely true. And even when I'm not flaring, I don't often feel particularly sexy. Steroid treatments have made me chubby in the belly and the face, and have also made me lose some of my hair - it makes me feel pretty gross. But not as gross as when I am having symptoms - when you're having diarrhea 10 or 20+ times per day, sex is the farthest thing from your mind. It's unsexy, and it's exhausting. Plus there's that fear - what if I do try to get intimate with my husband, but I fart, or even worse, lose control of my bowels? Or vomit? That would be horrific! And I've gotten close to vomiting during sex, I won't lie. That motion, plus pressure on my stomach area, it's just so not good.

Depression is also very common with Crohn's, and of course depression can be a real libido killer as well. So it could be a number of things (or a combination of all of the above) that is making your husband not want to be intimate. I agree with those above who said you need to talk it out with him, and perhaps even pursue counseling. Is your husband on medications? Does he see his doctor regularly and have regular testing (bloodwork, etc)? If he's having regular flares, he might need to change up his meds and/or add a new med to the mix. When was his last colonoscopy? What's his diet like?

I also want to give you some hope - remission is possible. I spent 2 lovely years in remission and I would say I felt 95% normal during that time. I was able to eat semi-normally, I was able to exercise, to travel, to work full-time, to basically be a normal person. I since flared up and I currently just started a new med myself in the hopes of getting back into remission myself. But I wanted to tell you that it is possible to feel well and live a good, full life even with this illness - for me it's a balancing act of meds, diet, supplements, stress management, exercise, etc - but it's totally worth it. I wish you and your husband good luck!