How do you all cope when your friends, family, coworkers or bosses get annoyed with you for "always being sick" and don`t understand that when you say you have crohn`s disease, they don`t get why your doctor doesn`t just give you a magic pill and make everything better? Why don`t they understand that when you say that you have a disease, of course you are not going to be up to par. That`s what diseases do, they rob you of energy and concentration and pretty much everything else sometimes.
When people don`t understand
- Thread starter Laura39
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Unfortunately most people don't understand what they can't see or at least don't try to and simply judge you on how you look on the outside. You look fine, even if you're slumped in your chair holding your abdomen groaning in pain. I look at it as two different types of people. The people who care and will listen to you, help you and understand you by at least looking up your condition and there are those people who would simply prefer to stay uneducated. From my experience, anyone who doesn't bother to educate themselves (by at least listening to you and accepting your word) isn't worth the stress of being around. Unfortunately sometimes these people are our bosses, teachers, family members, basically people you can't get away from. Honestly I only talk to them about my condition when its really needed because the stress they cause isn't worth it and can actually make you sicker.
What some people have done is carried around a picture of their colonoscopy and shown people so they would back away and quit hassling them. Its not a bad idea but I'm sure we all wish that people would just take our word rather than treat us like crazy liars out for attention. I haven't tried the picture method myself but I have gotten rid of friends and a boyfriend of five years because they weren't worth the stress. Only people in my life now that judge and don't understand still are family members (yes after 21 years there are still family members who simply haven't learned, they just don't want to).
Eventually you will find your own coping method and teaching method and learn who is worth your time.
What some people have done is carried around a picture of their colonoscopy and shown people so they would back away and quit hassling them. Its not a bad idea but I'm sure we all wish that people would just take our word rather than treat us like crazy liars out for attention. I haven't tried the picture method myself but I have gotten rid of friends and a boyfriend of five years because they weren't worth the stress. Only people in my life now that judge and don't understand still are family members (yes after 21 years there are still family members who simply haven't learned, they just don't want to).
Eventually you will find your own coping method and teaching method and learn who is worth your time.
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- Apr 8, 2012
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I don't care what people think anymore. I used to really be conscious about what people thought but these days I really do not give a toss.
I can sympathise with what someone said about family members not understanding. For example, my dad made a comment last week. Something like ' Youve already been to the loo 3 times this morning'. Yes I am so sorry for having Crohns. Nob.
Simon
I can sympathise with what someone said about family members not understanding. For example, my dad made a comment last week. Something like ' Youve already been to the loo 3 times this morning'. Yes I am so sorry for having Crohns. Nob.
Simon
I never really understood many others ideas that doctors were able to cure everything and anything a patient suffers from. That is something I've run into though. Family members in particular, in the past at least, held the belief that there was a doctor somewhere with a magic cure. I figure that belief comes from the many medical TV shows and movies putting a positive spin on the medical practice. Unfortunately, reality can be different.
Yeah JoanneH, I haven't run into anyone who's taken a comment like that seriously. Everyone thinks, "but we all are." No seriously we're on medication that suppresses our immune system. Remember when you didn't see me for two weeks and that it happens multiple times a year? Even my own GI doesn't seem to take it seriously. Just keeps bumping up my 6MP like its candy.
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- May 28, 2012
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- 326
The best advice I can give you is this:
1) Understand the disease affects them too. I know, I know, we have it 'worse' because it affects us physically AND emotionally. When your friends/family try to push you beyond your limits, they are doing it because they want the old you back. They want there old life back as well. You just have to give them space & tell them that you aren't the same person but you love them just as much, if not more, than ever before. A simple 'thanks for caring' can go a long way. The best thing, for me, is when once a week, I hang out with my friends/family & do a fun activity. The other day I rested in my bed ALL day so the next day I could go shopping with my mom & do all the 'girly' things we used to do. It made her happy & because it made her happy, I was happy. She is more willing to help me in my time of need now that she realizes that I will sacrifice my 'good day' to be with her.
2) Tell them to read this: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf That has helped me so much! Whenever I give my friends/family this link they get more of an understanding about how EVERY thing we do, we have to weigh it all out in our head. We're constantly thinking: Is it worth it?
I am very lucky in that my family/friends/school are understanding(or atleast as understanding as you can be when you don't know what it's like to be chronically sick). I was admitted into the hospital for a month(4 hours away from home) and when I came back, it was semester exam week! I was cramming as much as I could while in the hospital & was so stressed. Luckily, my school excused me from ALL exams! All I did was a few makeup tests in the headmaster's office & they let me go for Christmas break! They told me that I needed to get my disease under control & not worry about school.
1) Understand the disease affects them too. I know, I know, we have it 'worse' because it affects us physically AND emotionally. When your friends/family try to push you beyond your limits, they are doing it because they want the old you back. They want there old life back as well. You just have to give them space & tell them that you aren't the same person but you love them just as much, if not more, than ever before. A simple 'thanks for caring' can go a long way. The best thing, for me, is when once a week, I hang out with my friends/family & do a fun activity. The other day I rested in my bed ALL day so the next day I could go shopping with my mom & do all the 'girly' things we used to do. It made her happy & because it made her happy, I was happy. She is more willing to help me in my time of need now that she realizes that I will sacrifice my 'good day' to be with her.
2) Tell them to read this: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf That has helped me so much! Whenever I give my friends/family this link they get more of an understanding about how EVERY thing we do, we have to weigh it all out in our head. We're constantly thinking: Is it worth it?
I am very lucky in that my family/friends/school are understanding(or atleast as understanding as you can be when you don't know what it's like to be chronically sick). I was admitted into the hospital for a month(4 hours away from home) and when I came back, it was semester exam week! I was cramming as much as I could while in the hospital & was so stressed. Luckily, my school excused me from ALL exams! All I did was a few makeup tests in the headmaster's office & they let me go for Christmas break! They told me that I needed to get my disease under control & not worry about school.
