Crohn's is killing my marriage?

[Jersey Sicky]

Hi
I new to this (talking about feelings). I have had crohns for 5 or 6 years. I have been hospitalized 5 or 6 times (last one was july2011). Im back on remacade again fun fun. I lost a job over this and Im pissed as hell at that company, there loss. Now its hurting my marriage. My wife told me today that I make myself sick, and she is going to school for nursing haha. The stress is flaring everything up I havent been eating and in the bathroom all the time. She complanes that i never want to go out on the weekends, aduh Im tired as all hell. Im in construction and school and take care of the house.
I am lost, it makes me feel like a lazy *******.
I dont know what to do. Maybe Im just holding her back and should leave. I need help
PLEASE ANYONE HELP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[nannak]

It is hard for our loved ones to cope with our diseases. My suggestion would be writing a letter to her about how you feel and how the disease makes you feel. I too was the same when I worked - gave all to the job through the week then was exhausted at the weekends and just wanted to sleep. My spouse didn't know what to do to help me so I gave him some things he could do to help me when things were bad, ie get me a wet cloth and a pillow if I am throwing up in the loo.
Try to demonstrate to her somehow that you want to be better. We go camping to help me get better - less stress.
The main thing is to be open and honest and see what happens, if it doesn't work then it probably wasn't meant to work - the old saying. sorry

 

[Miss Underestimated]

She's in nursing school and says you are making yourself sick?? I don't know what to say, honestly. How long have you been married? I wonder what she thinks you would do if she had to have a mastectomy...

I agree with writing it down. You don't have to give it to her if you decide not to afterwards - but you can if you need to. Maybe blaming you is her denial stage, I don't know. Doesn't she realize she could be next? Life doesn't come with guarantees? I just keep thinking of sarcastic things to say, so I better stop now.

 

[archie]

Hiya sorry about your stress. I think your wife is maybe in denial and really instead of giving up it sounds like she needs more information and education on the disease. Before I got it I hadn't a clue about it. Maybe there needs to be a wee bit of give and take on both sides. Fatigue is a Hugh part of it and as I work full time on my feet all week and have 2 young kids, come the weekend I am wrecked. Saying that I always look forward to a 'date night' with hubby and I do everything I can to make that happen be it have a snooze in the avo not go out shopping etc it's important to me so I sacrifice other things, then the other night we do nothing except watch tv etc. Everyones different and all marriages need a little work. I hope you two can work through it and come up with a suitable compromise.

 

[Jersey Sicky]

I'll try your suggestions. Thank YOu

 

[Crohn's 35]

She's in nursing school and says you are making yourself sick?? I don't know what to say, honestly. How long have you been married? I wonder what she thinks you would do if she had to have a mastectomy...

I agree with writing it down. You don't have to give it to her if you decide not to afterwards - but you can if you need to. Maybe blaming you is her denial stage, I don't know. Doesn't she realize she could be next? Life doesn't come with guarantees? I just keep thinking of sarcastic things to say, so I better stop now.

She says it all for me. My husband is the most amazing person, he is there for me always and never once has he been accusing me of "faking" or making myself sick. HOWEVER, having said that he is healthy and the breadwinner.

BTW I know many nurses and I dont know how they got to be one...about as much compassion as a rock. From my experiences only, not bashing. I am assuming your income is lost and a strain on the marriage. I wish you luck, but I think you need to sit down and tell her how you feel. Been there, a few times. :hang:

 

[Terriernut]

She's studying nursing? Has she been to you to Dr appts? How about she rings your IBD nurse and asked about Crohn's? If all else fails...can she have a nose on here and see what we have to deal with to get some sort of understanding?

I can understand that she is frustrated. I can understand why you are feeling between a rock and a hard place!

I also have to say it sounds like your Crohns is far from under control, and you may need to try different treatment or combinations of drugs. You've got to get yourself in remission, pronto. And then, when you are feeling better, take a hard look at things. If you get my drift.

Good luck mate, and I genuinely hope you get feeling better very soon!

 

[Miss Underestimated]

Please come back and tell us how it's going. Take care of yourself.

 

[Pure_xl_ence]

Sorry to hear things have been so hard on you. I had a bout with stress 2 months ago, got over the timeframe/situations/tasks and here I am still flaring! People always have suggestions but dont know the first thing about what you are going through. Thank God for FMLA paperwork that I put in at my job because Lord knows the time that this year has taken from my leave.

As for your wife, again she's an outsider looking in. Have you tried to go to any support groups? Not only for you but it also would be helpful to bring her in so that she can see you are not alone and that the suffering is not exclusive to just you? People tend to appreciate something they dont understand if they realize it is not unique to just one person.