Cat's Exercise Diary

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Thanks, MissLeopard. Yeah, work has absolutely been a nightmare of stress lately. It's sort of been a perfect storm of stress. Our old regional president, who I really liked, was basically ousted, and we got a new regional president, who I don't really like (she seems very gruff). So my workload has increased a lot because I've been continuing to do my usual spreadsheets, plus I've been doing new spreadsheets for the new president - and I found out that she doesn't even like spreadsheets. Oh, great, since spreadsheets is basically what I do, that's just fantastic and does make me worry about my job in particular. My boss has been off for 2 months because she had major surgery, so usually she helps me when I get stressed or overwhelmed, but without her I've just been quietly becoming very overwhelmed. My one co-worker in my department is purposely screwing up at times because she wants to be laid off, and my other co-worker was first busy with a huge project and now is on vacation so she hasn't been able to help me with anything. It's just all been a gigantic mess.

I'm sorry to hear your work situation has been stressful too. It really sucks when you spend a big part of your day (life, really) at a place that causes such stress. But I can't not work, I need not only the income but of course the insurance too - my husband works as a chef and he gets zero benefits at his job, so we both rely on my insurance. If he got insurance then I could possibly quit or go part-time and we'd be okay financially, but the insurance thing is why I have to keep working full-time. It's really hard sometimes but it'd be impossible to live with a chronic illness and no insurance. (Yes, I do sometimes fantasize about moving to somewhere like Canada where they have single-payer universal health care.)

At any rate, I picked up my 2.5 mg LDN just now, so I'll start that at bedtime tonight. I've had zero appetite for days now and I've lost about 6 lbs, so I picked up some potato chips while I was out. Sometimes when nothing else sounds appetizing, I can eat a few chips. So I'm trying that. I also got some yarn, bought myself some chocolate (no desire to eat that right now though which is very sad because I love chocolate), and for good measure I bought myself roses too. When I feel so crappy like this, I tend to buy myself presents. I've heard the term "survival bribe" - where you buy yourself presents or do nice things for yourself in order to keep on going and keep doing what you have to do to get through the day. I guess I needed a bunch of survival bribes today.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Oh, I forgot to add - MissLeopard, I've dealt with vertigo as well. Mine was due to labyrinthitis (inflammation in the inner ear, sometimes due to a virus and sometimes due to unknown causes - mine was unknown causes). Vertigo is absolutely horrendous, my least favorite symptom EVER. It made me barf so much (my second least favorite symptom), it was just the worst that I've ever felt. At least in an IBD flare, I can take myself to the bathroom - with the vertigo, my husband had to take me to the bathroom the first few days, and after that I'd sort of pinball myself off of the hallway walls until I made it to the bathroom, and often by the time I got there, I'd be so nauseous from all the movement that I'd have to barf. It really, really sucked. So I definitely feel for you, I know a little bit about Meniere's and it's not something that I'd wish upon anybody. I hope you can get that diagnosed and treated so that the vertigo isn't too horrible.

 

[MissLeopard83]

Oh, I forgot to add - MissLeopard, I've dealt with vertigo as well. Mine was due to labyrinthitis (inflammation in the inner ear, sometimes due to a virus and sometimes due to unknown causes - mine was unknown causes). Vertigo is absolutely horrendous, my least favorite symptom EVER. It made me barf so much (my second least favorite symptom), it was just the worst that I've ever felt. At least in an IBD flare, I can take myself to the bathroom - with the vertigo, my husband had to take me to the bathroom the first few days, and after that I'd sort of pinball myself off of the hallway walls until I made it to the bathroom, and often by the time I got there, I'd be so nauseous from all the movement that I'd have to barf. It really, really sucked. So I definitely feel for you, I know a little bit about Meniere's and it's not something that I'd wish upon anybody. I hope you can get that diagnosed and treated so that the vertigo isn't too horrible.

Thanks. I'm hoping that this new doctor will be able to provide more insight into why I'm having such a hard time with the vertigo. It used to be once in a while, but now it's a constant thing and affects me daily. We have a lot of interior construction going on at work due to renovations and the changing paths to other wings is causing a lot of problems with low light so my vertigo gets worse in those conditions - especially moving from low light to regular light. My former ENT diagnosed me with migraine-associated vertigo and sent me off to a neurologist who didn't really do much except a brain MRI with and without contrast and it showed no irregularities - except one that I picked up on. It looked like my left ear canal was larger than the right and that's the ear that has been affecting me the most. From my research, Meniere's disease (aka endolymphatic hydrops) causes build up of fluid in the ear, so I wonder if that is what is causing the weird picture?

In any case, I really didn't like that the neurologist seemed to only want to prescribe medications rather than providing a referral for vestibular rehabilitation, which I think would be more useful. He first prescribed me a calcium channel blocker that is used for hypertension and, while it worked at first, it stopped working in the long run and my vertigo came back with a vengeance. He wanted to put me on Klonopin, but another ENT put me on that and I felt so high I couldn't function. It's not supposed to be used long-term, either, so I didn't feel comfortable using it for fear that it would cause addiction. I actually talked the neurologist into prescribing Topamax instead because I've heard it can help with migraines (even though I actually don't have a headache, per se, anymore), but that was a big mistake. It made me so nauseous and zombie-like, I stopped taking it after 2 days. I cancelled our appointment that was supposed to be on 4/4 and made an appointment with the neurotologist for 4/13. Because my anti-anxiety medication can be used as a vestibular suppressant (Ativan), I've been using it when my vertigo gets really bad because it also worsens my anxiety. I feel like I'm going to fall sometimes which makes me anxious - especially when I'm walking down the hallways at work. Ativan carries some risk of dependency, too, so I don't want to use it too much. I'm very hopeful the neurotologist will be more willing to try something like diuretics to see if there actually is a build up of fluid in my ear instead of trying to cover up the symptoms. Unfortunately, there is no cure for MD, but I believe there are better treatments than benzodiazepines. I am pretty sure I do not have MAV because it's been about 7-8 years since I had a migraine headache. Plus, the sensorineural hearing loss I've been diagnosed with is not a symptom of MAV - that's more along the lines of MD.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I had been given a referral for vestibular rehab myself when I was dealing with the labyrinthitis, but apparently there aren't many PTs who actually do that sort of therapy. I think there was only one within my insurance network who was in my city, and her waiting list was something like 4 or 5 months long. By the time my appointment actually came around, my vertigo was gone, so I cancelled the appointment (in the meantime, I had looked up online how to do some of the exercises, so I was doing those at home anyway).

My left ear was the culprit, too. I had had some issues with wax buildup in my ears, so I had cleaned them out with hot water, but maybe I cleaned the left one too much or something. After that, I had weeks of crackling in that ear. And then one week it all sort of snowballed very quickly. I remember that the Monday of that week was normal, I felt fine. Then that Tuesday, I felt a bit dizzy. Wednesday I felt a bit more dizzy. And Thursday, I woke up and everything was spinning - it felt like it was spinning at about 120 mph and at an angle, like a demented carousel that I could not get off of. It was horrible!

The thing that really helped my vertigo was walking. It really exhausted me but it did help me heal. I was told that the more you walk, the more your brain can re-orient itself and the quicker the vertigo will go away. I'm not sure if that's true for Meniere's or not, but it helped for labyrinthitis. I had to walk with a cane for awhile, just for stability, but I walked as much as I was able to. So that's my advice, not sure if it'll help but it probably won't hurt - walk as much as you can.

 

[MissLeopard83]

I had been given a referral for vestibular rehab myself when I was dealing with the labyrinthitis, but apparently there aren't many PTs who actually do that sort of therapy. I think there was only one within my insurance network who was in my city, and her waiting list was something like 4 or 5 months long. By the time my appointment actually came around, my vertigo was gone, so I cancelled the appointment (in the meantime, I had looked up online how to do some of the exercises, so I was doing those at home anyway).

My left ear was the culprit, too. I had had some issues with wax buildup in my ears, so I had cleaned them out with hot water, but maybe I cleaned the left one too much or something. After that, I had weeks of crackling in that ear. And then one week it all sort of snowballed very quickly. I remember that the Monday of that week was normal, I felt fine. Then that Tuesday, I felt a bit dizzy. Wednesday I felt a bit more dizzy. And Thursday, I woke up and everything was spinning - it felt like it was spinning at about 120 mph and at an angle, like a demented carousel that I could not get off of. It was horrible!

The thing that really helped my vertigo was walking. It really exhausted me but it did help me heal. I was told that the more you walk, the more your brain can re-orient itself and the quicker the vertigo will go away. I'm not sure if that's true for Meniere's or not, but it helped for labyrinthitis. I had to walk with a cane for awhile, just for stability, but I walked as much as I was able to. So that's my advice, not sure if it'll help but it probably won't hurt - walk as much as you can.

There is actually a vestibular rehabilitation program in my metropolitan area that is affiliated with a large rehabilitation group, but there are also other programs that are connected with a balance/hearing clinic that I originally wanted to go to, but the referral has been bouncing around from my primary care and is in limbo at the moment, so I'm tired of waiting. Apparently, the clinic requires HMO insurees to get prior authorization before they can even get an office consultation, which I think is ludicrous. I can't wait forever, so I looked up "neurotology" in my area and found this doctor who is covered by my insurance, too. The funny thing is, when I called to make an appointment, my information was already in their system because they are connected to the other doctor! I told them I'd never seen that doctor and was still waiting for the referral to go thru, but it was very helpful because I didn't have to give my information again.

For exercise, I've been riding my beach cruiser around. Sometimes, I ride it very easily while my mom walks the dog behind me, but I've also taken to riding for cardio for at least 15-30 minutes starting out and then I'll build up the speed/duration. I have to be kind of careful because bike riding requires good balance, of course, and I have been kind of clumsy lately. In fact, when I bought the bike back in January, I fell off it and nearly hit my head. Apparently, that's how I christen bicycles - it happened with the 7-speed bike that my mom bought me for my birthday 2 years ago. I never felt safe on that bike because it doesn't have coaster brakes like cruisers or other bikes do, so I would try to brake and instinctively pedal backward instead of using the handlebar brakes! My back and butt (excuse my frankness) always hurt from riding it, too, so I kind of stopped riding for a while. Since buying my cruiser, I'm riding more often and much more confidently.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Bicycling definitely does require good balance - I remember the first time I got on my bike after my adventures in vertigo land, it felt so good to be riding again! I was still a little dizzy at that time but I was able to successfully ride without falling.

I've got a 7 speed cruiser bike as well. It's fine, but I also have a fixed-gear road bike and that's my favorite bike. I love it! It's so fast and beautiful (it's neon green with bright blue tires) and it's just pure fun to ride.

On the subject of fitness, I'm finally feeling pretty good today. Still a slight bit of cramping and pain, but it's much improved. It's also a gorgeous day outside. The hubby and I went out to buy a new toilet because our current toilet was dying (first it kept running, and when hubby fixed that, then it started clogging constantly). Our house was built in the 50's and remodeled in the 70's, so the toilet is at least 40 years old. It's time for a new one. So we got our new toilet and hubby's working on installing that. While he started with that, I took Lily out for a walk. I felt pretty good - a slight niggle of pain towards the end of our walk, but that just seemed to be my guts warning me to wrap it up, and I was almost home by that point anyway, so it was fine. It's seriously gorgeous out, sunny and 77 degrees! It's weird that it's only early April, usually it'd still be much cooler than this at this time of year here.

I'm going back to work tomorrow and I'm sure it's going to be supremely stressful - I've been out sick for days, so there's going to be a ton of work for me to have to catch up on. I'm not planning anything yet, but if it's another nice day and if I'm feeling up to it, I would like to go take a lunch hour walk on the forest path.

 

[MissLeopard83]

It was a good day here, too. I took a nap for about 2 hours and then woke up and took a bike ride for about 20 minutes. My legs are definitely not used to the harder pedaling, though, because I noticed that pedaling was getting harder and harder as my ride continued. The first time I rode faster, my right hip was hurting the next day and I ended up taking 600mg of Advil. I have trochanteric bursitis and I think I aggravated it. It didn't stop me from riding again, though, and I've noticed that my hip doesn't seem to hurt when I ride now. Hopefully, that continues.

I really hate that the weekend is over. I have two doctor's appointments this week - one I'm really looking forward to, though, because it's with the specialist ENT (aka neurotologist). I'm hoping it goes well.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Good luck at your appointments! I have some sort of arthritis in both hips (GP says osteo, and I saw a rheumy who said inflammatory). My right hip has always been worse than the left, and that hip was hurting recently when I did 30 mins on the stationary bike in the gym. But when I had my first bike ride of the year recently, my hips didn't give me any trouble. Usually low-impact exercise like that is easy on my hips, so I'm not sure why it started hurting on the stationary bike.

I'm still feeling pretty good today but the weather is now looking iffy. They're saying 67 degrees, which is good, but possible thunderstorms, which obviously is not good. So if it's storming then I won't take a walk - I'm hoping it doesn't storm. I'd really like to take a walk today.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Weather is looking good and I'm still feeling up for it, so I'm just about to head out for my walk. It's been a busy day at work, but oddly enough I don't feel overwhelmed. There's more work than I can do in a day right now, so I'm just sort of in a "I'll get done what I get done and everything else can wait" sort of mentality. It's oddly mentally healthy for me! Or maybe I've just stopped caring?

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Wow! So, the weather looked great when I headed out for my walk. It was sunny and gorgeous, even warmer than they said - about 75 degrees F. Gradually, over the course of my walk, it got less sunny and more stormy looking. By the time my walk was almost done, the skies looked very threatening. Fortunately I made it back to my car and back to the office just in time - literally just as I sat down at my desk, the thunder and rain started. Phew! So, I had a good walk and missed the thunderstorm by just a few minutes.

 

[scottsma]

Same here.We went out on the bikes heading inland.It was cool and breezy,but ok.When we turned toward the sea to head home the clouds were black and ominous.We just got home,and I managed to get the washing off the line,when a short sharp shower started.If it looks like rain my hubby starts looking for shelter,where as I would rather push on and try to get home.....I did a sharp turn while out,and nearly came off.My left handle bar scraped down the inside of my thigh.I have an interesting and very painful bruise.Glad your feeling gung-ho regards work.When all's said and done you can only do so much,but the more you do the more they'll give you to do.Do your best to safe guard your job,but remember,you're just a number to the powers that be.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Your bruise sounds like something I would do, I'm an expert at giving myself weird bruises. Once, a few years ago, I walked right into one of the weight machines in the gym and gave myself a big bruise on my thigh. It went from purple to sort of reddish-brown. The following week, I walked into the exact same machine again in the exact same spot! I got a new bruise right on top of my old healing bruise. So then it was purple on top of reddish brown.

It's much cooler here today, high temp only about 50 degrees F (it's only in the 30s right now, feels like winter). It's drizzly too. I don't think I'm quite up for a gym workout just yet, and with this weather it doesn't look like a walk is happening, so I think today is going to be a rest day.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

It didn't even get as warm as 50 degrees today, it's been in the 40's all day and still overcast & rainy at times. Brr! A good day to stay indoors, it feels more like winter than like spring. Tomorrow is looking better, should be in the 60's and sunny. I think a walk is in order tomorrow followed by some sushi. Yum!

No plans yet beyond tomorrow, I'm just going to see how I'm feeling and play it by ear. I seem to be doing a little better each day but of course I don't want to push myself too much just yet. I do have a day off of work on Friday, they're giving us a half day off for Good Friday and I always try to take a full day off instead when a half day is offered. So I have a 3 day weekend coming up and I'm looking forward to that. Hubby works Fri & Sat, so I even get 2 days all to myself, which I love! I'm a huge introvert and really cherish my alone time. Sunday of course is easter so we'll have to go to hubby's parents' house and I'm sure all our nieces & nephews will be there, ugh. Those kids are chaos personified and they always seem to be sick & contagious with something (I always get sick after seeing them). So I'm not really looking forward to Sunday, but Fri & Sat should be nice and allow me to have some calm before the storm of children.

 

[MissLeopard83]

Good luck at your appointments! I have some sort of arthritis in both hips (GP says osteo, and I saw a rheumy who said inflammatory). My right hip has always been worse than the left, and that hip was hurting recently when I did 30 mins on the stationary bike in the gym. But when I had my first bike ride of the year recently, my hips didn't give me any trouble. Usually low-impact exercise like that is easy on my hips, so I'm not sure why it started hurting on the stationary bike.

I'm still feeling pretty good today but the weather is now looking iffy. They're saying 67 degrees, which is good, but possible thunderstorms, which obviously is not good. So if it's storming then I won't take a walk - I'm hoping it doesn't storm. I'd really like to take a walk today.

I had my follow-up with my GP today and it went pretty well. She agreed to try me on some new medication for the anxiety I've been experiencing since I've been using a lot of my PRN Ativan and I'm worried about getting dependent on it. I did some research to see if there was something I could try in addition to my antidepressant and discovered that Buspar is often paired with my antidepressant and people have had very good results from it. I asked her about it today and she gave me a low dose to take 2 times a day and I am going to start it tonight. It's not fast acting - it usually takes 1-2 weeks to feel any difference, but it will take 4-6 for the clinical effect. I have an appointment with my new psychiatrist on 5/17, so she said he could taper it up or down at that appointment.

I am very hopeful that this will help me. My anxiety has been pretty bad lately. This morning, I had a panic attack at work - hyperventilating, racing thoughts, and nausea. I have intermittent FMLA for my anxiety disorder, but I hate to use it unless absolutely necessary.

For some good news, I was just informed that I was awarded a scholarship thru work for my Master's program!!!! The award ceremony is on 5/3!!! :dance:

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I have some anxiety as well. They prescribed me a low dose (0.5 mg I think) of lorazepam back at the start of this flare but I don't like taking it as I know it's addictive. I only take it when I absolutely need to. I haven't had a panic attack in years, fortunately. I have a weird phobia - I can't stand to be around dead, taxidermied animals. I'm not sure exactly why, but their eyes in particular really bother me. It just freaks out my brain that something dead is staring at me. In my college days, I definitely had a few panic attacks anytime I'd encounter a taxidermied animal (museums were something I just could not do). I remember being about age 20 and curled up sobbing on the floor of the Field Museum in Chicago because dead animals were all around me. Not a great time! Over the years I've become more acclimated to taxidermied animals. I still definitely hate them, and they still give me the chills and a very uneasy feeling, but I no longer go into full-blown panic meltdown mode when I'm around them.

I'm feeling lazy today but I'm going for a walk soon. It's been a busy week at work but I'm getting more acclimated to my new projects and I don't feel as stressed as I was. I'm feeling okay today, just a bit lazy. I'm not really in the mood for a walk but I know it'll be good for me, so I'm going to just go walk anyway.

Diet-wise I've been doing so-so. I was a bit naughty yesterday and had some fried food (shrimp tempura). That made my guts a little bit grumbly, but not too bad. Today I'm trying to do better, I had some candy and a donut which wasn't good but I'm having sushi for lunch and dinner (I love Wednesdays, ha ha). It's $5 sushi day at a local grocery store so I'm going to get my usual spicy shrimp rolls for lunch, and then hubby and I are meeting a couple of friends for dinner at a sushi restaurant. Our friends are a husband & wife, they're going through some tough times right now so we're treating them to sushi. It turns out the husband doesn't even like sushi, oops! But the wife loves it so at least that's good. She's a fellow IBD sufferer, too, so she and I have some things in common. So that'll be nice, I don't have a lot of actual friends that I actually hang out with in real life (I'm a massive introvert and am perfectly fine being alone, people exhaust me). So for a change I'll be social and we'll treat our friends to a nice dinner.

If I'm still feeling okay tomorrow, I think I'd like to go to the gym. I'm finally feeling like I might be up for some weight lifting. Friday I'm off of work and if the weather is nice, I'd love to go for a bike ride. Unfortunately, it looks like rain is in the forecast for both Friday and Saturday, ugh. So we'll see.

 

[MissLeopard83]

I have some anxiety as well. They prescribed me a low dose (0.5 mg I think) of lorazepam back at the start of this flare but I don't like taking it as I know it's addictive. I only take it when I absolutely need to. I haven't had a panic attack in years, fortunately. I have a weird phobia - I can't stand to be around dead, taxidermied animals. I'm not sure exactly why, but their eyes in particular really bother me. It just freaks out my brain that something dead is staring at me. In my college days, I definitely had a few panic attacks anytime I'd encounter a taxidermied animal (museums were something I just could not do). I remember being about age 20 and curled up sobbing on the floor of the Field Museum in Chicago because dead animals were all around me. Not a great time! Over the years I've become more acclimated to taxidermied animals. I still definitely hate them, and they still give me the chills and a very uneasy feeling, but I no longer go into full-blown panic meltdown mode when I'm around them.

My phobia is heights. I think it has to do with the vertigo because I can't even go down stairs - just looking down makes me feel like the room is spinning. I have the appointment with the new ENT tomorrow, so I am really hopeful!

I started on the Buspar last night and took it again this morning. I was reluctant to start it because I am so sensitive to medications and get all kinds of crazy side effects. I haven't noticed any sedation from it, which is good and I seem to have less brain fog than usual. I don't know if that's from the medication, but it's nice regardless! Anyway, the only thing I've noticed is minor heart flutters (feels like little bubbles in the chest). This has happened with other medications and usually goes away in about a week or so. It takes time for my body to adjust. If it doesn't go away in 2 weeks time, I'll ask my doctor about it. It could just be a weird manifestation of anxiety, too, so I'm not too worried about it.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Good luck tomorrow! I hope your appointment goes really well.

I had a very nice walk, glad I pushed myself to go for a walk. The weather was gorgeous, there were a lot of birds and even a couple butterflies and one dragonfly! Although it seems super early in the season for butterflies and dragonflies, usually it's at least May before I start seeing bugs like that. And while walking on the forest path, I ran into an old friend - a former co-worker who retired last year. He's got UC and he was always really understanding when I would vent to him about my issues, so I was really sad when he retired. But he's really enjoying his retirement so I'm happy for him. He was out bird-watching in the forest when I happened to walk by him, so we chatted for a little while and I caught him up on all the changes that have been happening at work. That was nice to run into my old colleague.

 

[scottsma]

It being Easter weekend we won't be cycling as the roads and everywhere else will be busy.There may be some snow too.We might go a buy a couple of new sofas as the sales are on.We've always had leather suites in the past,having always had dogs,but I fancy fabric with some new throws,as we're both clumsy with spills etc.
Like you Cat,I'm an introvert.Probably moreso,as we don't have any family.I'm very approachable and chatty to people,but happy to say goodbye.Enjoy your weekend.Keep well too.

 

[MissLeopard83]

I didn't go for a bike ride last night because my bursitis was bad again and I stayed late at work to make up for leaving early today. My hip feels better, so I may try to ride again when I get home from my doctor's appointment.

Continuing from the new medication, last night, I had a really vivid nightmare that woke me up. My grandfather hasn't been doing well lately and I dreamed that he was dying of cancer and his teeth fell out during the dream. It scared the crap out of me because the cancer bit could, in fact, happen since he has had cancer before. I started thinking about it on my way to work this morning and ended up crying because of how real the dream was. I hope that doesn't continue because I'm worried it will make my anxiety worse. I'm not sure if it's caused by the Buspar or my overactive imagination (I've had vivid dreams before starting the medication but Buspar can cause them, too).

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Carol, snow! Yikes! We're getting a bunch of rain this weekend but no snow in the forecast. It can snow here as late in the season as May, though, so you never know. Last year my grandpa died on May 14th, and I remember that it snowed a little bit that day. Then on the day of the funeral it was very warm, about 80 degrees and we were all wearing black and roasting warm. So the weather can do anything it wants to at this time of year I guess!

I have a dog as well but she doesn't go on the furniture, so our furniture is reasonably safe from pets (my cat does go on the furniture but she doesn't shed much, and she usually barfs on the rug and not the furniture). And of course I crochet a lot, so we have throws on basically every piece of furniture we own. Have fun couch shopping!

MissLeopard, I lost my grandpa last year so I can definitely understand your fears about your grandfather. My grandpa had a lot of health issues too, he was on dialysis 3x per week for kidney failure and he also had heart issues, diabetes, was in a wheelchair due to not being able to have a hip replacement (his heart wouldn't have survived the anesthesia), vein issues, skin cancer, etc. I worried about him a lot for the nearly 10 years that he was very ill (from the time that he survived a cardiac arrest in Nov 2006 until when he passed away in May 2016). In fact, I think his death was what had set off my flare last year - my grandpa died in May, in June we had to put my grandma into a memory care facility, and that was all hugely stressful and emotional, so in July I flared and in August I was hospitalized. I'm still clawing my way back towards health (and still trying to get off of pred). And now of course my grandma isn't doing so well either, I think we've talked a bit about this previously - she's had a couple of episodes where she stops breathing and at least once her heart also stopped. So now I'm worrying about her. So I'm right there with you in worrying about my grandparent, I can absolutely relate to how you're feeling. And I hope your grandpa is okay for a long time to come yet.

Fitness update: I'm thinking about dialing back my plans today. I was hoping to hit the gym on my lunch hour, but my GERD has been acting up this morning. I did have some orange juice this morning so I presume the acidity of that is what set things off. My GERD tends to act up anyway when I work out, so going into a workout with my GERD already active just sounds like a recipe for disaster. I don't want to barf in the gym. So I'm thinking that it's wisest to not go to the gym today. Walking usually doesn't set off my GERD, it's not intense enough and I'm upright the whole time and I'm not using my abdominal muscles to any large degree. The rain looks like it might be done for now, so I'm thinking about having another walk instead. Or if it does rain some more, I'll just have a rest day instead. In the meantime, I'm having a few tums and a zantac to try to get things quieted down as much as possible.

 

[MissLeopard83]

MissLeopard, I lost my grandpa last year so I can definitely understand your fears about your grandfather. My grandpa had a lot of health issues too, he was on dialysis 3x per week for kidney failure and he also had heart issues, diabetes, was in a wheelchair due to not being able to have a hip replacement (his heart wouldn't have survived the anesthesia), vein issues, skin cancer, etc. I worried about him a lot for the nearly 10 years that he was very ill (from the time that he survived a cardiac arrest in Nov 2006 until when he passed away in May 2016). In fact, I think his death was what had set off my flare last year - my grandpa died in May, in June we had to put my grandma into a memory care facility, and that was all hugely stressful and emotional, so in July I flared and in August I was hospitalized. I'm still clawing my way back towards health (and still trying to get off of pred). And now of course my grandma isn't doing so well either, I think we've talked a bit about this previously - she's had a couple of episodes where she stops breathing and at least once her heart also stopped. So now I'm worrying about her. So I'm right there with you in worrying about my grandparent, I can absolutely relate to how you're feeling. And I hope your grandpa is okay for a long time to come yet.

He's had every issue imaginable. Right now, he's got something going on with his spine that causes him an unimaginable amount of pain. My family celebrates Christmas Eve at my paternal grandparents' house and, in the middle of opening presents, I swear he turned white and you could see in his face that he was in pain. He stopped opening the present he was holding and asked my grandmother to help him. I was playing Santa and was standing right in front of him when the change occurred. It broke my heart.

For some good news, my appointment with the neurotologist went better than expected! She was totally awesome and passed every test that I use to measure doctors when I first see them - she introduced herself, made eye contact thru all of the visit, listened to EVERYTHING I said (and I talk A LOT during appointments), and believes that we need to pursue the Meniere's disease diagnosis! She said that, because the migraine medication was not working, going the opposite way towards MD may be the solution. She - without me asking - put me on a low-dose diuretic, asked me to control my salt intake to 2g a day or less, and have 2 more tests done (electrocochleography and another audiogram). The low sodium diet is definitely going to be challenging! Everything has salt in it! i was reading labels when I got home to familiarize myself and was astonished by how much sodium is in all the stuff I eat regularly. But, if it means feeling better, it's worth it! Anyway, I am so happy to finally feel like I'm on the right track!

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Yes, sodium is in everything, particularly foods that have been processed in any way. I bought some "low sodium" turkey bacon recently and was reading the label - I guess they just mean it's slightly lower sodium than regular turkey bacon, because it's still got a ton of sodium in it! Fortunately (?) for me, I tend to have borderline low sodium anyway, and it drops into the "low" category whenever I'm using the bathroom a lot, so I need to eat a fair amount of sodium just to keep my level within the normal range.

I'm glad you had a good appointment and are hopefully on the right track! Good luck on those tests, I hope they are enlightening and can confirm what you're suspecting.

Aw, your grandpa sounds a lot like mine was. I know my grandpa was in a lot of pain too. The physical pain and symptoms he could usually handle - what he couldn't handle was my grandma's dementia. He told me many times that he was only continuing to live because of her, but towards the end he also was getting tired of how her dementia makes her act. They fought a LOT - to the point that, when my grandpa died, my grandma sadly said, "Now who am I going to fight with?" My grandpa was on dialysis for nearly 10 years, and towards the end, he was talking about just stopping dialysis because he was getting to the point where he couldn't deal with her anymore. Stopping dialysis obviously would have meant death. Ultimately he didn't stop dialysis - I know this because he often took a medical cab to dialysis, and the cab showed up that morning that my grandpa was found to have died in his sleep (we think it was his heart, as he had heart issues and he had been talking about left arm pain a day or two prior to when he died). But yeah, I know he was in a lot of physical pain all the time too. In some ways it was a relief when he died, because at least he isn't in pain anymore. I miss him, though. Give your grandpa a big (gentle) hug next time you see him. And cherish every moment left that you have with him. I try to do that with my grandma too because I'm sure she doesn't have a lot of time left.

I didn't end up having a walk today. It's quite cool outside. I'll see how the weather is tomorrow and how I'm feeling and will go from there.

 

[MissLeopard83]

Yes, sodium is in everything, particularly foods that have been processed in any way. I bought some "low sodium" turkey bacon recently and was reading the label - I guess they just mean it's slightly lower sodium than regular turkey bacon, because it's still got a ton of sodium in it! Fortunately (?) for me, I tend to have borderline low sodium anyway, and it drops into the "low" category whenever I'm using the bathroom a lot, so I need to eat a fair amount of sodium just to keep my level within the normal range.

I'm glad you had a good appointment and are hopefully on the right track! Good luck on those tests, I hope they are enlightening and can confirm what you're suspecting.

Aw, your grandpa sounds a lot like mine was. I know my grandpa was in a lot of pain too. The physical pain and symptoms he could usually handle - what he couldn't handle was my grandma's dementia. He told me many times that he was only continuing to live because of her, but towards the end he also was getting tired of how her dementia makes her act. They fought a LOT - to the point that, when my grandpa died, my grandma sadly said, "Now who am I going to fight with?" My grandpa was on dialysis for nearly 10 years, and towards the end, he was talking about just stopping dialysis because he was getting to the point where he couldn't deal with her anymore. Stopping dialysis obviously would have meant death. Ultimately he didn't stop dialysis - I know this because he often took a medical cab to dialysis, and the cab showed up that morning that my grandpa was found to have died in his sleep (we think it was his heart, as he had heart issues and he had been talking about left arm pain a day or two prior to when he died). But yeah, I know he was in a lot of physical pain all the time too. In some ways it was a relief when he died, because at least he isn't in pain anymore. I miss him, though. Give your grandpa a big (gentle) hug next time you see him. And cherish every moment left that you have with him. I try to do that with my grandma too because I'm sure she doesn't have a lot of time left.

I didn't end up having a walk today. It's quite cool outside. I'll see how the weather is tomorrow and how I'm feeling and will go from there.

Thanks for letting me post on your thread. I didn't want to open my own because I don't have IBD, but I still like coming here because I feel like I have some friends.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Of course! You can always post here, and hey, I'm still technically undiagnosed myself so I can't say for certain that I have IBD either. No worries and I'm always glad to chat with you in here. Please continue to keep me posted on how you're doing and how your grandfather is doing, too.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Fitness update: I had a really great 3-day weekend. Friday I did a lot! I found some garage sales to shop at, and at one I got a bike trailer. It's like a stroller for little kids that you attach to the back of a bicycle, except of course I am not going to use it for kids. I had been hoping to use it for Lily or for riding my bike to the grocery store and filling the bike trailer with groceries. More on that later.

After my garage sale shopping, I took Lily for a walk. I got her in the car and we went to the forest path. It was a bit warm that day and Lily hates warm weather, so we didn't walk as far as I usually go, but we did have a nice walk nonetheless. We even saw a deer! That was pretty interesting because the forest path sort of cuts right through the city - the path itself of course is forested but there is city on either side. There's a creek that goes alongside the path, and on the opposite bank, I glanced sight of a deer lying down. At first it looked like it was dead because it wasn't moving, but then I saw that it's head was up and it was looking right at me. It was a big doe and she was completely unbothered by my presence, just keeping her eye on me but not running away or even getting up. I watched her for awhile and she was just so calm, it was really cool. Lily didn't even see the deer.

Saturday I was extremely active. I started off by taking Lily on a walk through the dog park. Then I felt like lifting weights - I felt good and like my muscles wanted a workout. So I lifted weights at home using my own equipment and that felt quite good. Then, hubby and I decided to test out the bike trailer. I put Lily in and we headed out for a short ride. But she didn't seem to like it, which is odd. She loves riding in the car and in the kayak, so I figured she'd like riding in the bike trailer too. But she was whining and woofing at me the whole time, which made it pretty clear that she wasn't happy. So we had a very short ride because I turned around after about a mile.

So, the bike trailer was only $10 and I can still use it on grocery runs, like I said, so it's not a waste. But it is disappointing that my dog doesn't like it. Oh well! It is easy to attach or detatch to my bike (I put it on my cruiser bike, not my road bike) and I'm sure I'll get some use out of it. And hey, I could always ride it to local garage sales, too. Ha ha.

Sunday was easter of course. I walked Lily in the morning so that she wouldn't be too hyper about riding in the car. After our walk, we took her to hubby's parents' house. My 5 nieces and nephews were there and Lily had fun running around with the kids. It was a mostly nice time, and I brought my own food, so I was able to eat safely. The only issue was that hubby brought up politics and then there was a bit of an argument (hubby's dad voted for our current president and obviously we did not). So that part wasn't great but it almost made me nostalgic. I haven't been in an argument like that over politics since before my grandpa died! My parents and grandparents used to argue politics all the time, and I mostly hated it, but it does make me miss my grandpa now.

Anyway. I'd like to lift weights again today and I'm feeling pretty well, so I'm going to head to the little gym on my lunch hour. I might walk Lily tonight if I'm feeling up to it, too.
Tomorrow might be a rest day - it's supposed to rain so no walk tomorrow.

Taper-wise I'm going to play it really safe. I had told the lady at the compounding pharmacy about my issues with tapering, and she said some people need to take it really slowly, like tapering by 0.5 mg once per month! I see my GI on May 1st, so I might just stay at 7 mg until that appointment and ask him his thoughts on a super slow taper like that. Since I've failed just about every other way I've tried to taper, that might be the way I have to go. So for now, I'm staying at 7 mg.

 

[scottsma]

What a great weekend you had.I can almost feel the smugness.Funny you should mention the trailer.Some fellow rode past the house this morning with a child in one, and hubs and I discussed using one for a grocery shop.Maybe Lily needs a few more short rides and maybe let her out for a little walk during it ? It's a great idea anyway.and for that price you can't lose.It's been a quiet weekend here Went sofa hunting yesterday,but of course the shops were closed.We had a couple of hours walk today,but it wasn't exactly speed walking.hahaha.Roads have been to busy for the bikes,although there's been plenty out and about.I worry to much.Good idea doing your taper monthly.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Well, honestly it's a little bit of a relief that Lily didn't like the bike trailer. She weighs about 40 lbs so she's a little bit heavy to haul behind my bike like that! I definitely felt that it was much more difficult to get up even a small hill with Lily in the bike trailer. So I think as long as I don't buy a ton of groceries nor a lot of heavy items, it'll be fine for taking on grocery runs, but I am a little bit glad that Lily didn't like it. (She is a bit overweight still - she's supposed to be about 35 lbs max - she was 50 lbs when we got her 6 years ago and she was 39 lbs the last time the vet weighed her, so she's moving in the right direction, just very slowly.)

If you can find a bike trailer for cheap, definitely do get one! I think they cost well over $100 (probably closer to $200 or even $300) brand new, so to find a used one for $10 was a great deal, especially since mine had all the parts included and the tires do hold air so nothing needs replacing. And it is easy to pop on or off of the bike, so it's not like it's something that has to stay on your bike at all times, it's very easy to remove. There are a few grocery stores within easy bicycling distance from my house, so I definitely will put mine to good use even without Lily's involvement. I bet you'd enjoy it for grocery shopping as well if you get one - especially since bicycling is easier on you than walking.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I had my workout and it went mostly fine. My guts were a little bit unhappy. They've been a bit gassy all day but I've had solid stools so I'm not too worried about it. Hubby is a chef, so sometimes he brings home food that the restaurant would have thrown out otherwise, and of course it's not always things I can eat. A few weeks ago he brought home a giant plate of meatballs - I wisely didn't touch those. But the other day, he brought home some guacamole. It mainly consists of avocado, with some tomato and onion. I'm supposed to avoid onions on the low-FODMAP diet, but I've been naughty and had some guacamole. It's yummy, but I think it's giving me gas and a little bit of upset. I did buy some avocados, so I'm going to just have plain avocado from now on instead of guacamole. That's technically not allowed on low-FODMAP either, but I know avocado doesn't upset me unless I eat a ton of it (the high fat content bothers me if I eat a lot). Garlic and onion are the two things on low-FODMAP that I'm supposed to avoid entirely - everything else I'm just supposed to keep to a minimum (hence the "low" FODMAP instead of "no" FODMAP). So I guess I'll keep on avoiding garlic and onion!

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Well. I tried eating the guacamole one more time just to see how my body would respond. What a surprise, guess who feels like crap today! Ugh. I've already had 3 bathroom trips just this morning and my guts are not happy with me. I definitely will be avoiding onion from now on (and guacamole in general) because this just isn't worth it.

Fortunately I was already tentatively thinking that today would be a rest day, so it is. I'm being gentle on my belly today and eating very blandly and making sure to drink a lot of water to keep hydrated. My only big issue besides the guacamole incident is that work continues to be very stressful. Even when I do everything correctly, I'm made to feel by our new leadership that I'm doing everything wrong. It's not great. And there are still whispered rumors about layoffs or office closures, so we're still not really sure what's going to happen. I'm just trying to put all that stuff out of my mind, but sometimes that's easier said than done. Sometimes it's all I can do to not cry at my desk.

If I'm feeling better tomorrow, I'd like to lift weights again, but of course it'll all depend on how I'm feeling. For today I'm in recovery and rest mode.

 

[scottsma]

You're so lucky being married to a chef,and I don't know how you can resist the doggy bags he brings home.But you're sensible,mostly.hahaha.I understand your reluctance to haul Lily around in the trailer.Why torture yourself.We've been cycling this morning.There was a really cold breeze off the sea but I soon warmed up.I really enjoy cycling,but it's only a poor substitute for Alfie.My whole life changed when we lost him.I wouldn't be cycling if we still had him, as we were out a lot with him.Sometimes all day.But my back wouldn't let me do it now,so it's pointless looking back.Lot's of really good memories though.Enjoy your day.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Aw, that's sad and sweet about Alfie, he sounds like he was a really special dog. I'm out a lot with Lily as well, but I'd still be into fitness even if I didn't have her. And during the warmer months I'll probably take more solo hikes than hikes with her - she hates the warm weather, she's a cold weather snow-loving dog. She tends to walk slowly and very unenthusiastically when it's too warm out for her liking.

I've gotten used to hubby being a chef, he was a cook in the army prior to us meeting. So back in those days, he got accustomed to cooking for like 200 guys. After he got out of the army, we met and started dating, and he'd cook for me which oftentimes ended up being ridiculous. He couldn't quite make the transition from cooking for 200, to cooking for just 2, so we'd end up with huge amounts of food, ha ha. Fortunately he got better over the years at portion size and the amount of food that he cooks for me! And since I know that basically everything on the menu where he works is NOT belly-friendly for me, I tend to just avoid eating anything that he brings home. The guacamole was the exception but I'm definitely avoiding that in the future too.

I am feeling a little bit better as the morning has gone on, thankfully. I'm still resting and eating bland today, not going to push things at all right now. I had a rice krispy treat earlier (one of my go-to safe bland foods) and that is sitting fine in my belly so far, so that's encouraging. Will see how I'm feeling tomorrow and go from there.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Ugh. I woke up with a pretty miserable cold. And when I say I woke up, I mean I woke up repeatedly throughout the night because my throat hurt so much, and in between I slept restlessly with lots of odd dreams. Not fun. So I called in sick to work and am resting today. I'm very congested and my throat feels awful. The most activity I'm doing today is sitting on the couch and crocheting. The way I feel today, I probably won't do any exercise for at least the rest of the week.

I saw my nieces & nephews on easter, and those kids always get me sick! I'm sure it was probably one of them (I know my oldest niece was just getting over some sort of virus). I also have a co-worker who has had a nasty cold so I could have caught it from her too. Ugh, I hate being around contagious people! My immune system is such garbage, I catch everything that's going around. Bleh!

 

[scottsma]

Aw Cat,I think you knew you'd pick something up from the kids at Easter,pity it wasn't a chocolate egg.No cycling today,to cold,but maybe tomorrow.Had a walk into town for a few bits and got a smart,unworn navy jacket for £1.I can't understand why it was so cheap,but it was on the sale rail and I wasn't going to ask in case it was a mistake.I got a black one at a different shop but for the same price a few weeks ago.I like to be colour co-ordinated.I wouldn't care but I rarely go any where "smart".
Look after yourself and don't be in a hurry to get back in the groove.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I'm definitely not in a hurry. My cold is still in full swing. Fortunately, my throat has stopped hurting so much, but I'm still full of mucus and coughing and blowing my nose a zillion times a day. I am heading to work today after calling in sick the past 2 days - I figure I can handle one day, take care of whatever is urgent, and then have the weekend to continue resting. So that's the plan. I haven't even thought of fitness. I've been resting up and crocheting a lot. I usually crochet blankets and scarves (it's easiest for me to crochet in straight lines, ha ha) but I've started working on making hats, and I think that's going quite well, I've figured out a good way to make hats (basically I'm still going in a straight line, but in a spiral, and then I stitch up the top). I made something like 4 or 5 hats already and I'm working on another one - I have a lot of scrap yarn left over from other projects, and that's been perfect for making hats. So that's all I've been doing, is lying in bed or on the couch, watching netflix, and making hats.

I won't even think about fitness until next week at the earliest. The way I feel right now, I know I need at least the weekend to continue to rest and recover from this cold. Fortunately I still have plenty of yarn! So I won't run out of things to crochet. I did finish the Japanese drama that I was watching, though, so I need to find a new show to watch.

 

[MissLeopard83]

Being sick truly sucks. I went to Moe's last night - my fave restaurant - and got severe food poisoning. It hit me almost immediately, so I'm pretty sure it was staph-related. I was so sick last night - stomach cramps, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and profuse sweating. I emailed them last night and got a response this morning that the regional manager checked the ingredients and couldn't find any problem - essentially calling me a liar - and didn't offer any apology or offer to make it up. So, needless to say, I'm reluctant to return to this location (all stores are franchise-owned). I've never gotten sick at this restaurant before, but I never want food poisoning again. I am so glad I went ahead and called off work for today last night because my stomach is still very sore - almost like it's bruised.

This is the exact response I got from her:

Thank you for letting me know about your visit to one of my stores. I personally went to the Moe’s today and checked expiration dates and temperatures on all food product and everything was fresh and being held at correct temperature. We had no other complaints from customers being ill yesterday but I will forward this information to the Moe’s Corporate Quality Control Department. Thank you again for taking time out of your busy schedule to inform me of your concerns.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Oh, MissLeopard, that sucks! I've had food poisoning in the past and it was horrendous so I really feel for you. The worst was when I was about 14 and was on vacation with my parents. We were in Las Vegas and ate at one of those really cheap buffets. I got so sick, it felt like my insides cramped up so hard that they turned into a rock. I was lying in bed in the hotel room and couldn't hardly move. My parents and brother left me alone in the room to go sight-see (they didn't get sick, only me) and they left the TV on with a Munsters marathon playing. That was such a miserable time, that for the rest of my life I've hated the Munsters and I hate Vegas.

That sure sounds like food poisoning to me, I have a friend who works in a hospital and he said that he can tell if someone has food poisoning if they're sweating. Once my husband got a bit sick in front of this friend and the friend was eating the same food, and he just kept on eating because my hubby wasn't sweating so friend knew it wasn't food poisoning.

I'm doing a bit better today. I was able to drag myself out of the house this morning. I love garage sales and there was a town-wide garage sale going on just outside of my city. I got some good bargains and had fun, and I ran into a former co-worker and caught her up on all the changes that have been happening at work. It was a nice morning. Then I stopped for take-out at one of my favorite Japanese restaurants, so I'm having a lunch of shrimp tempura and udon noodles. I wanted something that was like soup, for my cold, and the udon is in a nice warm broth, so that's perfect.

Still no fitness plans in the works as I'm still coughing and sniffly and my throat still feels a bit raw. Poor Lily is wondering why I'm not taking her for a walk as the weather is lovely today. I'm just not up for a walk quite yet, I need more rest.

 

[MissLeopard83]

Oh, MissLeopard, that sucks! I've had food poisoning in the past and it was horrendous so I really feel for you. The worst was when I was about 14 and was on vacation with my parents. We were in Las Vegas and ate at one of those really cheap buffets. I got so sick, it felt like my insides cramped up so hard that they turned into a rock. I was lying in bed in the hotel room and couldn't hardly move. My parents and brother left me alone in the room to go sight-see (they didn't get sick, only me) and they left the TV on with a Munsters marathon playing. That was such a miserable time, that for the rest of my life I've hated the Munsters and I hate Vegas.

That sure sounds like food poisoning to me, I have a friend who works in a hospital and he said that he can tell if someone has food poisoning if they're sweating. Once my husband got a bit sick in front of this friend and the friend was eating the same food, and he just kept on eating because my hubby wasn't sweating so friend knew it wasn't food poisoning.

I'm doing a bit better today. I was able to drag myself out of the house this morning. I love garage sales and there was a town-wide garage sale going on just outside of my city. I got some good bargains and had fun, and I ran into a former co-worker and caught her up on all the changes that have been happening at work. It was a nice morning. Then I stopped for take-out at one of my favorite Japanese restaurants, so I'm having a lunch of shrimp tempura and udon noodles. I wanted something that was like soup, for my cold, and the udon is in a nice warm broth, so that's perfect.

Still no fitness plans in the works as I'm still coughing and sniffly and my throat still feels a bit raw. Poor Lily is wondering why I'm not taking her for a walk as the weather is lovely today. I'm just not up for a walk quite yet, I need more rest.

Your parents don't sound like very nice people. I know you've said you've had problems with them, but that just bothers me that they would leave you alone in a strange place by yourself while you're sick to go sight-seeing. If my child was sick, I'd cancel my plans to make sure they were taken care of. So sorry you had to go thru that.

I'm feeling much better - I actually felt better yesterday and was able to get some errands done. My stomach stopped cramping. The worst thing about this was that the symptoms started getting worse when I was out riding my bike with my mom after we got home from the restaurant. I felt "off" right away after eating, but I felt even worse exercising. To top it off, I went home and took a shower, thinking that would make me feel better, but the stomach cramps intensified and I was in pain in the shower. I didn't know if I'd be able to get dried off and get dressed. All I wanted to do was lay down, but that wasn't an option. It was miserable. I went from the shower to the toilet and stayed there for at least an hour with severe cramping, nausea, and vomiting. I thought it was over after the sweating and vomiting, but ended up getting sick again after midnight. I am so glad I have Zofran! I never want food poisoning again!

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

My parents have definitely made some questionable choices when they were raising me (the one that sticks out in my mind is, I broke my nose when I was 11 while on a different family vacation and they didn't take me to the ER as they said there was nothing a doctor could do - not true, a doctor could have set it properly, but that didn't happen, so ever since I've had a crooked nose and a deviated septum and sinus issues and who knows what else going on with my nasal area). I could vent all day about my parents but I'm sure you'd get bored quickly with that!

I agree that zofran is wonderful stuff. I don't know what I'd do without it, it's been a lifesaver for me so many times. I'm glad you're feeling better and I hope you continue to feel better and don't relapse again! That sounds like a really miserable experience.

Fitness update - I didn't work out yesterday, but as Carol might have predicted, I did overdo things slightly. Hubby and I decided to do some work outside in the yard. I was going to do "just a little" work in the yard, but of course that turned into like 3 hours of me pulling weeds and picking up dead leaves and sticks and planting new primroses and various other things. I definitely felt like I overdid things, so I made sure to rest up after the yard work was completed. I feel mostly okay today. Still coughing though, and first thing this morning I coughed so much that I hurt my back a little bit! It feels like I just pulled a muscle maybe, but it was not fun. And that might be due in part to the fact that I overdid it on the yard work yesterday. Oops.

So today I'm resting for real, no yard work! Still no fitness plans on the horizon as I'm still full of mucus and coughing a lot. And of course I need to make sure my back is okay before I even think about fitness. So it's rest for a few more days at least.

 

[scottsma]

Even when I'm not feeling well,I still potter about.I have to be really,really,sick or under doctors orders before I lie around all day.The weather's not good for cycling.Windy with short,sharp showers.Had a walk yesterday,shops today,hair cut tomorrow,dentist Thursday,so I won't be idle.
I had to smile at your parents "bad decisions". You obviously weren't spoiled,but that's as it should be.My parents were much the same,but I felt safe and knew I was loved,as I'm sure you did (do).Take it easy.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Honestly, no, I didn't feel as though I was loved, not at all. I definitely was not the favorite and I often felt invisible. My brother was always the favorite as he is all the right things - he was planned (I was an oopsie and they sure let me know it), he's the right gender (my dad clearly wanted a boy), he's blonde haired and blue eyed (I'm brown haired and brown eyed), he's charming and charismatic (I'm mousy and shy and awkward). I actually tested my parents when I was 13 - I got head lice at the very beginning of the summer and I saw it as an opportunity to see if they even noticed me at all. I made rules for myself - the rules were, I'd scratch when I felt an itch, and if I felt a bug I'd pull it out and crush it and flick it away, but I wouldn't say anything about having lice unless directly asked. I figured it would take a week or two for them to notice that I had lice.

Nope. I waited literally the entire summer, 3 whole months, and nobody noticed me even once. I was already suffering from crushing depression to begin with, and that just made it even worse. Finally at the very end of the summer, my mom and brother also caught my lice. My dad bought some lice killing shampoo and I figured I'd just sneak some and end the experiment as a dire failure. The real kick in the teeth was, my dad told me, "You should use this shampoo too, just in case." Just in case! Because to them I clearly didn't have lice, even though all I did all summer long was itch and pick at my scalp - nobody noticed. That was the year my family really broke my heart. I don't tell my parents that I love them, because I'm not sure that I do, and it all goes back to that extremely sad little girl who was begging just to be seen but was denied even that.

Like I said, I could vent about my parents all day. I'll end that vent for here for now! Otherwise I'm going to cry at my desk (for like the 10,000th time).

 

[scottsma]

Ah that's really sad Cat.But at least you were kind enough to share your head lice with your brother.Have you ever thought of writing them a letter telling them of how you felt and still feel.? Even if you don't send it,it might make you feel better.
I'm really sorry,I didn't mean to upset you with my last post.I wasn't aware of the circumstances.As the saying goes,You can choose your friends but not your relatives.

 

[MissLeopard83]

Honestly, no, I didn't feel as though I was loved, not at all. I definitely was not the favorite and I often felt invisible. My brother was always the favorite as he is all the right things - he was planned (I was an oopsie and they sure let me know it), he's the right gender (my dad clearly wanted a boy), he's blonde haired and blue eyed (I'm brown haired and brown eyed), he's charming and charismatic (I'm mousy and shy and awkward). I actually tested my parents when I was 13 - I got head lice at the very beginning of the summer and I saw it as an opportunity to see if they even noticed me at all. I made rules for myself - the rules were, I'd scratch when I felt an itch, and if I felt a bug I'd pull it out and crush it and flick it away, but I wouldn't say anything about having lice unless directly asked. I figured it would take a week or two for them to notice that I had lice.

Nope. I waited literally the entire summer, 3 whole months, and nobody noticed me even once. I was already suffering from crushing depression to begin with, and that just made it even worse. Finally at the very end of the summer, my mom and brother also caught my lice. My dad bought some lice killing shampoo and I figured I'd just sneak some and end the experiment as a dire failure. The real kick in the teeth was, my dad told me, "You should use this shampoo too, just in case." Just in case! Because to them I clearly didn't have lice, even though all I did all summer long was itch and pick at my scalp - nobody noticed. That was the year my family really broke my heart. I don't tell my parents that I love them, because I'm not sure that I do, and it all goes back to that extremely sad little girl who was begging just to be seen but was denied even that.

Like I said, I could vent about my parents all day. I'll end that vent for here for now! Otherwise I'm going to cry at my desk (for like the 10,000th time).

That truly sucks. How could anyone ever tell their child they weren't wanted?!? You are their flesh and blood! How hateful... Sorry, I don't want to make the situation worse, but I cannot imagine how it feels to hear you weren't planned and then you are basically ignored. :ymad:

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Thanks guys. Carol, it's okay, no worries. I don't think a letter could contain everything that needs to be said. I often think I should just write a memoir or something (I have a lot more stories, that's really just the tip of the iceberg). I haven't told my parents any of that. I kind of don't want to. I think I'd rather just write a book anonymously under a pseudonym, release all of those bad memories and painful times out into the world, and then move on - if they happen to read my book, fine, and if they don't, fine. A friend of mine wrote a couple of books and she said it's quite easy to self-publish on amazon (apparently you can make a kindle version or an actual physical copy of the book through amazon, she's done both). So that's something I'm strongly considering doing. I know it's going to be hard emotionally to write out everything that's inside of me, which is why I haven't started yet. But I'm reading a book by Cheryl Strayed right now and she is inspiring me - I'm paraphrasing, but she said that if you've got a book inside you that is yearning to get out, then you must write and write and write. And I feel like that's what I have to do. I just need to be brave enough to start.

No, MissLeopard, I don't believe in any sort of god nor religion, but it's okay. Even though my life certainly has had no shortage of crappy times, I don't think there's any sort of afterlife waiting for me. I think this life is all I've got, so I need to be creative at times and find ways to be happy and okay, because this is what I've got to work with and this is it, there isn't anything more from what I can see. So I do things that make myself happy, like go to the gym and buy myself presents, and along the way I try to do little things to make others happy too (I donate a lot of the things I crochet, for example). The universe seems like a cold and indifferent place and I feel like it's up to me to make my own happiness and my own purpose, so I do that as best as I can.

Wow, this thread got a bit serious. I didn't intend for it to be so, sorry for bringing you guys down with my sad memories! And hey, if I do write that memoir (it might take me awhile), I'll let you guys know. That way, if you're feeling too happy, you can just read about my childhood. Yay.

 

[MissLeopard83]

Thanks guys. Carol, it's okay, no worries. I don't think a letter could contain everything that needs to be said. I often think I should just write a memoir or something (I have a lot more stories, that's really just the tip of the iceberg). I haven't told my parents any of that. I kind of don't want to. I think I'd rather just write a book anonymously under a pseudonym, release all of those bad memories and painful times out into the world, and then move on - if they happen to read my book, fine, and if they don't, fine. A friend of mine wrote a couple of books and she said it's quite easy to self-publish on amazon (apparently you can make a kindle version or an actual physical copy of the book through amazon, she's done both). So that's something I'm strongly considering doing. I know it's going to be hard emotionally to write out everything that's inside of me, which is why I haven't started yet. But I'm reading a book by Cheryl Strayed right now and she is inspiring me - I'm paraphrasing, but she said that if you've got a book inside you that is yearning to get out, then you must write and write and write. And I feel like that's what I have to do. I just need to be brave enough to start.

No, MissLeopard, I don't believe in any sort of god nor religion, but it's okay. Even though my life certainly has had no shortage of crappy times, I don't think there's any sort of afterlife waiting for me. I think this life is all I've got, so I need to be creative at times and find ways to be happy and okay, because this is what I've got to work with and this is it, there isn't anything more from what I can see. So I do things that make myself happy, like go to the gym and buy myself presents, and along the way I try to do little things to make others happy too (I donate a lot of the things I crochet, for example). The universe seems like a cold and indifferent place and I feel like it's up to me to make my own happiness and my own purpose, so I do that as best as I can.

Wow, this thread got a bit serious. I didn't intend for it to be so, sorry for bringing you guys down with my sad memories! And hey, if I do write that memoir (it might take me awhile), I'll let you guys know. That way, if you're feeling too happy, you can just read about my childhood. Yay.

Sometimes, you just have to vent! Don't feel bad. I don't want to analyze you since I'm no counselor, but I would probably feel the same way about God if my parents treated me like yours treated you. I will keep you in my prayers.

I would think writing about your experiences would be freeing, so I support the idea of writing stuff down. Even if you never publish it - if all you did was write it and burn it - it would feel like letting go of those painful memories. For me, the best way to deal with traumatic experiences and depression was to get some help in the form of a CBT therapist. It changed my outlook on things and made me understand that I did have control of my feelings. Not sure if it's something you might be interested in, though. Everyone deals with issues differently.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

My turn to analyze. You seem to imply that I hate god or am mad at god, both of which are inaccurate (and that is something that atheists hear a lot). You don't hate santa, right? Or the tooth fairy? You just don't believe those things exist and they simply have very little bearing on your life - hate doesn't even come into the picture because you'd have to believe in them in the first place to have an emotion about them. That's what god or any deity is to my life, I simply don't see any evidence for any deity and don't believe in any deity, and it has very little bearing on my life. I'm a very analytical person, I like data. And I simply don't see any data that can quantify anything pertaining to a higher power or afterlife or anything supernatural. I just like reality and things that can be proven. Nothing to do with my parents or my childhood, I promise. No hate, no anger, just simple lack of believe because of lack of evidence.

As for therapy, they made me see a therapist last year when I was hospitalized for my flare, and she was terrible. She didn't actually listen to me very much and she just kept telling me that I should meditate, as if that was the answer to all my problems including my flare (hmm, nope). I am sure there are good therapists out there who could probably help me, but I'm sort of soured on the thought of it ever since the "yay forced meditation" lady. I don't think my brain is built for meditation, I have one of those brains where it's like 100 thoughts are happening all at once, all the time - to try to get my brain to be quiet is an exercise in futility. And I already have other ways to get my brain to quiet down somewhat (exercise - when I'm in the gym and I'm paying attention to my form and counting my reps and focusing on my body, it's like there's no room left for other thoughts, so that's as close as I can get to meditating). So yeah, therapy isn't happening for me at the current time because of a bad experience, but maybe in the future when I'm ready for it I'd be willing to give it another try.

 

[MissLeopard83]

My turn to analyze. You seem to imply that I hate god or am mad at god, both of which are inaccurate (and that is something that atheists hear a lot). You don't hate santa, right? Or the tooth fairy? You just don't believe those things exist and they simply have very little bearing on your life - hate doesn't even come into the picture because you'd have to believe in them in the first place to have an emotion about them. That's what god or any deity is to my life, I simply don't see any evidence for any deity and don't believe in any deity, and it has very little bearing on my life. I'm a very analytical person, I like data. And I simply don't see any data that can quantify anything pertaining to a higher power or afterlife or anything supernatural. I just like reality and things that can be proven. Nothing to do with my parents or my childhood, I promise. No hate, no anger, just simple lack of believe because of lack of evidence.

As for therapy, they made me see a therapist last year when I was hospitalized for my flare, and she was terrible. She didn't actually listen to me very much and she just kept telling me that I should meditate, as if that was the answer to all my problems including my flare (hmm, nope). I am sure there are good therapists out there who could probably help me, but I'm sort of soured on the thought of it ever since the "yay forced meditation" lady. I don't think my brain is built for meditation, I have one of those brains where it's like 100 thoughts are happening all at once, all the time - to try to get my brain to be quiet is an exercise in futility. And I already have other ways to get my brain to quiet down somewhat (exercise - when I'm in the gym and I'm paying attention to my form and counting my reps and focusing on my body, it's like there's no room left for other thoughts, so that's as close as I can get to meditating). So yeah, therapy isn't happening for me at the current time because of a bad experience, but maybe in the future when I'm ready for it I'd be willing to give it another try.

I absolutely did not mean to imply that you hated God at all and I apologize if I gave you that impression. I've known people who said they thought He didn't exist because they didn't see any help when they needed it so they tended to believe no one was there. I don't mean to force the idea on you at all and I respect your beliefs.

I'm with you on the meditation bit, though. When I first started seeing a counselor after being diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD, I saw a "crock" therapist (if you can call him that) who gave me some tapes and said to listen to them and try to center my thoughts. I thought, "What rubbish is this?" I listened to it one time and, honestly, the meditations made me more anxious. When I told him this, he said either I wasn't doing it right or I needed to listen more. I told my mom that he wasn't helping and she pulled me from his services. I work much better when I'm able to talk thru my problems and gain some feedback. I've worked with other therapists who will just sit there, analyze what you say in their heads and then say, "Alright. See you in 2 weeks?" I learn nothing from that and it's a waste of my time. CBT is the only thing that works for me and my anxiety has improved so much since then and a proper combo of meds. Exercise does wonders, too, and I love to go on bike rides.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Sorry if I inferred incorrectly, it's just that I tend to hear a lot of things like that - many people misunderstand what it is to be an atheist. I didn't mean to project that onto you though, sorry about that.

That's awful that that counselor didn't believe you about the meditation tapes making you more anxious! I think listening has to be the #1 skill that a therapist needs, and it sounds like that guy sure didn't have any listening skills at all. My hospital therapist didn't either but they only made me see her once (if I had been hospitalized for longer then they would have made her come back to see me again, but fortunately I was only hospitalized for 5 days due to my flare).

I love bike rides too! It doesn't look like I'll be able to get on my bike anytime soon, though. Rain is in the forecast from tonight through Sunday, ugh. And I'm feeling worse today. I woke up around 12:30 last night coughing and couldn't stop coughing for awhile. I nearly puked, that's how much I coughed. It was hard to get back to sleep after that, too, so I'm tired today. I also woke up with a horrendous headache, one of those sinus headaches that gets worse if you tilt your head forward and has sort of a pinpoint of pain behind the eyeball. And to top it all off, one of my pets died this morning - I had a pair of male gerbils, and when I checked in on them this morning, I saw one of them was having a seizure and that gerbil died shortly afterwards. My gerbils are very old, about 2 years and 7 months, which is quite old for a gerbil. But it's still sad of course to lose a pet, and they're social animals, so now my one remaining gerbil is alone and will surely be lonely without his brother. So between the coughing and the tiredness and the headache and my poor gerbil, I'm having a rough day. I don't see exercise in my near future, and any outdoor fitness has to wait until at least next week due to the rain anyway. Ugh. It's one of those days where I just want to hibernate until a better day comes along.

Oh, and this is weird - so I got an IUD inserted in December. My GP put it in and he trimmed the string so that I couldn't even feel the string when I inserted a finger. But, last week I was taking a bath and cleaning my lady parts, and I felt the string. Like, I felt at least half an inch of the string. So I guess my IUD shifted? I've been having cramps in that area too, the cramps just started yesterday though (and I haven't really had cramps since shortly after the IUD was inserted, so that's worrying to me). I'm not really sure what's going on with my IUD. I am thinking I'm going to email my GP and let him know what's going on and ask his advice. Yet another fun issue to deal with. This is so not my week.

 

[MissLeopard83]

Sorry if I inferred incorrectly, it's just that I tend to hear a lot of things like that - many people misunderstand what it is to be an atheist. I didn't mean to project that onto you though, sorry about that.

That's awful that that counselor didn't believe you about the meditation tapes making you more anxious! I think listening has to be the #1 skill that a therapist needs, and it sounds like that guy sure didn't have any listening skills at all. My hospital therapist didn't either but they only made me see her once (if I had been hospitalized for longer then they would have made her come back to see me again, but fortunately I was only hospitalized for 5 days due to my flare).

I love bike rides too! It doesn't look like I'll be able to get on my bike anytime soon, though. Rain is in the forecast from tonight through Sunday, ugh. And I'm feeling worse today. I woke up around 12:30 last night coughing and couldn't stop coughing for awhile. I nearly puked, that's how much I coughed. It was hard to get back to sleep after that, too, so I'm tired today. I also woke up with a horrendous headache, one of those sinus headaches that gets worse if you tilt your head forward and has sort of a pinpoint of pain behind the eyeball. And to top it all off, one of my pets died this morning - I had a pair of male gerbils, and when I checked in on them this morning, I saw one of them was having a seizure and that gerbil died shortly afterwards. My gerbils are very old, about 2 years and 7 months, which is quite old for a gerbil. But it's still sad of course to lose a pet, and they're social animals, so now my one remaining gerbil is alone and will surely be lonely without his brother. So between the coughing and the tiredness and the headache and my poor gerbil, I'm having a rough day. I don't see exercise in my near future, and any outdoor fitness has to wait until at least next week due to the rain anyway. Ugh. It's one of those days where I just want to hibernate until a better day comes along.

Oh, and this is weird - so I got an IUD inserted in December. My GP put it in and he trimmed the string so that I couldn't even feel the string when I inserted a finger. But, last week I was taking a bath and cleaning my lady parts, and I felt the string. Like, I felt at least half an inch of the string. So I guess my IUD shifted? I've been having cramps in that area too, the cramps just started yesterday though (and I haven't really had cramps since shortly after the IUD was inserted, so that's worrying to me). I'm not really sure what's going on with my IUD. I am thinking I'm going to email my GP and let him know what's going on and ask his advice. Yet another fun issue to deal with. This is so not my week.

Oh, the "therapist" was TERRIBLE. He had no business being in social work because his listening skills were nil. I don't remember much that happened back then (I think the PTSD made my brain block out a lot of stuff) but I do remember that he would talk about his band and how they were performing in a nearby town - that's not appropriate banter for a patient's appointment. I'm supposed to do the talking - that's what my mom was paying him for. I think I saw him a total of 3 times and never went back. I ended up transferring to a therapist that my psychiatrist recommended but he was one that just sat there while you talked and didn't give any feedback.

I didn't start seeing my current therapist until 2011 and I saw her for about 2 years and then went from July 2013-Feb 3016 without any therapy appointments. Unfortunately, with the tree coming through my roof (it's slowly in the process of getting fixed) and stress piling up at work, I was at wit's end. My anxiety and depression was really out of hand! Also, my GYN doc put me on a hormone patch because I have PCOS but it literally made me act bipolar and I was on it when this stuff happened so it exacerbated my symptoms. I made the decision to discontinue it and went back to normal within 2-3 days. I cannot take any artificial hormones and I told my doctor I am not interested in them anymore - they make my body go out of whack.

I am sorry to hear that you are having a rough week. It's always difficult when a pet dies - no matter the size. I've had hamsters before and grew attached to them, too. I wish your cold would go away. Have you tried cough suppressant like Delsym or Mucinex?

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I took some generic Walgreens store brand cough syrup earlier and I've had bunches of cough drops over the past week. Those work so-so but I think I just need to ride this out. I usually try not to take any sort of pain meds, but the headache got bad enough that I had some tylenol earlier and I think that helped a bit. I just never know if something is going to interact with my other meds or make my stomach feel worse or whatever, so I try not to take anything if I can avoid it.

I think part of the issue is that pred makes my already crummy immune system even more crummy. That makes it really hard to fight off even a cold. I think this is a particularly nasty cold, too. Other people at work have caught it and some have coughed for weeks. And then of course there's the fact that I'm not very well-rested because of being up coughing in the middle of the night - that's surely not helping me recover. I think tonight I'm going to take a hot bath - maybe the steam will help my sinuses - and try to go to bed as early as I can.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Wow, the weather really doesn't want me to exercise! The 10 day forecast now has 10 days of rain. It's not going to rain straight through for 10 days, but there's at least a good chance of rain every single day. It was already pouring rain as I drove to work this morning. Fun.

I didn't wake myself up from coughing last night, yay! I did wake up around 5 AM with a very stiff & painful neck, though. Seems to be related to my headache - usually when I get headaches, it always starts in the sinuses, then wraps around the back of my head and goes down into my neck. Sure enough, taking some more tylenol got my neck feeling better. Hopefully this headache goes away for good soon. The rainy weather probably isn't helping, I tend to get barometric pressure headaches sometimes too when it rains.

I am still coughing and sniffling so still no fitness plans on the horizon. I'd be a worthless coughing mess in the gym or even just on a walk (not that I can walk in this rainy mess anyway), so I know that the only exercise there would be an exercise in futility. It's more rest for me until I finally get over this stupid cold.

No plans to taper pred just yet either, I see my GI on Monday so I'm going to ask him about it then. The lady at the compounding pharmacy suggested I might try a super slow taper, like going down by 0.5 mg per month, so I'm going to ask my GI about that.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I'm slowly getting better. Last night I didn't wake up at all - no coughing and no neck pain! I actually slept all the way up until about 7 minutes before my alarm went off. So I feel pretty well rested today, that helps a lot! Guts are quiet and headache seems mostly gone finally, but I'm still coughing a bit and still very congested too. So still no exercise for me just yet. Which is fine because it's still raining.

 

[scottsma]

I would wait at least a week Cat.It's good that you're improving but you'll still have the virus.You need to be 100% or at least 80.Same with your tapers.Take it slow.
We had a great ride out today.We went further than planned and it was cold and showery,but enjoyable.Hope we can get out tomorrow, as it's another holiday weekend and the weather is going to improve.So that means lots of people out and about.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Sounds like you're having the opposite weekend as what I'll be having here - it's not a holiday weekend here and it's going to be cool and rainy. I think the high temp on Sunday is predicted to be only 45 degrees F, brr! This morning it's quite chilly out too, it's mostly raining but there were some ice pellets mixed in with the rain and a co-worker said she thought she saw it snowing at one point. Yuck! So it'll be bad weather here and no holiday, I'm definitely going to be staying in. I have plenty of yarn, plenty of sewing to do, and a new video game too, so I'll be all set for lazy day distractions. I plan to bundle up in a blanket and just hang out in the house. I'll probably venture out to buy groceries, and I might go to some garage sales if the rain stops for a bit, but that's as ambitious as I'm going to get.

 

[scottsma]

That sounds like my kind of weekend.Apart from the sewing that is.My hubby has to be doing stuff and as I'm his buddy I have to go with him.Not complaining though.He's very good and understanding when I'm sick and he's quite happy to do what I want to do.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I know you don't like sewing but I love it. I've been sort of slacking on my sewing lately so I think I'm going to try to catch up on some of it this weekend. I have a dress that needs to be taken in as it's too big on the sides, I have some pants that need some work done on the pockets (women's dress slacks often seem to have either fake pockets or really small pockets, so I usually re-do the pockets so that they're normal size and can actually hold things). I have a skirt that needs hemming and I also have some cute fabric that I haven't decided yet what I want to do with it, so I need to look through my sewing patterns. I've been meaning to organize my patterns anyway so I'll probably do that too.

Your husband sounds like me, you know that I always have to be keeping busy too. Even when I'm not feeling well, I'm still crocheting. And when I am feeling well, of course I'm exercising as much as I can.

On that note, I'm still coughing and very congested - I feel fine otherwise, but I know I can't exercise like this, so I'm continuing to rest. Hopefully this darn cough and mucus goes away soon! I'm starting to get a bit impatient, I want to at least take a walk but I can't yet.

 

[scottsma]

I'm surprised you have such a back-log of sewing to catch up on.Even I haven't got that much.In fact I haven't got any.
I'm watching a three day bike race on T.V.It's the Tour De Yorkshire which is a take off of the Tour De France. Yorkshire isn't very far from us,about 80 miles.We've been there a few times for caravan holidays.Loads of people along the roadsides cheering them on.Lots of hills,so I'd be useless.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I'm not great on hills either. My cruiser bike has 7 gears, but it's a fairly heavy bike (and made even heavier when the trailer is attached to it) so that's a lot of work to lug a heavy bike up hills even when it's in a low gear. My road bike is much lighter and faster, but it's a single-gear bike, so it's also a lot of work to get that bike up hills. There are a few monster hills in my city, too, so I have to plan bike ride routes out ahead of time so that I don't end up using up all my energy just trying to get up one giant hill!

See, if you had a sewing or a crochet to-do list, you could make yourself some throws before you get your new couches!

 

[scottsma]

I'd be to embarrassed to put them on show.hahaha.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Aww, ha ha. Everybody who learns to sew or crochet makes a mess of it at first, that's for sure - the first ever scarf that I crocheted, it ended up being weirdly wavy because I couldn't figure out what tension the yarn should be, so at first I pulled it really tight and then later on I didn't, so half of it is sort of straight and the other half is wavy. It was not cute, at all, and it was not supposed to be wavy! Ha ha.

On that note, I bought more yarn today. Help, I think I have a yarn addiction. They had the nicer yarn on sale for the price of the cheapo yarn, so I stocked up and have enough to make a (yet another) blanket. It's really pretty colors, too, very vibrant. I bought it in reddish-purple, a bright blue, and a sort of teal green color. I'm already planning a blanket with stripes of those colors.

Cold-wise, I'm coughing less this afternoon and my voice sounds almost normal again! I think I'm finally on the tail-end of this nasty cold. Still going to rest up all weekend just to be safe, and because the weather won't let me do much of anything anyway. Hopefully at some point next week I'll be able to at least start taking walks again if nothing else.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I rested all weekend, didn't even leave the house at all yesterday (Saturday I did go to a few garage sales in the morning but that's it). I did tackle part of my sewing pile, but of course there's always more to sew. I did a little bit of crocheting, too, I finished up a scarf and also made a hat. It was cold and rainy all weekend anyway so it was a good weekend to stay indoors.

I'm getting a bit better every day. I'm still coughing and sniffling a little bit, but I'm doing much better than I was. Still, I'm not 100% yet, so fitness is still off the table for the time being - which is fine since it's still cold & rainy today. I'll re-assess every day. Tomorrow I think it's finally supposed to stop raining, so it's possible I'll take a walk tomorrow if I'm feeling up for it. We'll see.

In other news, hubby has quit his chef job - his last day is tomorrow. So that's good, no more dangerous belly-unfriendly foods coming into my house. He's now got 2 part-time jobs now and he's hoping that one of them turns into a full-time job (it sounds promising). So, his schedule is changing around a bit, but I think that's a good thing. He's expressed that he'd like to go to the gym more once he gets settled into his new routine with his jobs. I of course would love to get back to the gym more as well! So hopefully that will happen.

 

[scottsma]

My groin is still a bit sore but not as bad.I was indoors Fri. & Sat. with gut trouble so we had a walk yesterday.Went on the bikes today.It's another long weekend, so we went earlier before the crowds emerged.I enjoyed it,but felt a bit clumsy.It didn't make my groin worse so that's OK.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I'm glad you didn't make yourself worse! It sounds risky to me to go for a bike ride when you're still having some soreness in that area. You always tell me to slow down and rest more, so now I'm going to tell you the same thing. Might be best to stay off the bike for a bit longer to make sure that you don't aggravate anything.

It was finally supposed to stop raining today, but it's still raining this morning! Ugh. Well, that's okay, because I'm still a bit congested. I'm not really coughing anymore, but I'm clearing my throat a lot. I'm still not completely over this cold but I am improving every day. So for today at least I'll avoid exercise. Tomorrow it's supposedly going to be sunny and no rain, so I'm thinking I might attempt a short, slow walk tomorrow. Depending on how I feel, of course, and also depending on whether the weather report for tomorrow is a lie like it was today.

 

[scottsma]

Hahaha,thanks for your advice but it came to late.I went for a grocery shop this morning,and didn't really feel up to it.But I pulled myself together a bit,so despite some stiffness and low grade pain,we went for a cycle again today.And I'm glad I did.I couldn't sit indoors all afternoon doing nothing.......And as for me telling you to take it easy,well you have more going on than I have.......but I am a lot older.hahaha

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

You sound so much like me all of a sudden, you know of course that I have a hard time sitting around doing nothing too. I get antsy and I start to feel worthless if I'm not doing something purposeful. I've been crocheting a lot lately to feel worthwhile and stave off the antsiness. I recently figured out how to crochet hats. Now all of a sudden I have a whole basket full of hats that I've made. Fortunately hats are always in demand, I can always donate those to a cancer center. I think I'm going to make even more hats and make a big donation all at once. I have a bunch of scarves made up that I can donate too.

I think it finally stopped raining! It's still overcast, but thank goodness, the rain seems done (knock on wood!). It's been raining for about a full week straight now, I know the plants need it but they don't need that much! I'm really looking forward to the possibility of taking a walk outdoors tomorrow. I'll of course stick to the paved forest path as I'm sure non-paved trails will all be very muddy due to the amount of rain we've had.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I had my walk! It felt so good to get outdoors. It's been awhile, both due to my cold and due to the weather. I've still got a little bit of a lingering cold, but walking didn't seem to make it any worse. The weather was gorgeous and everything in the forest is flowering - tons of bluebells & violets especially.

I did feel a bit stiff though, probably because I haven't done any form of fitness in a few weeks now. My right hip (the bad hip) gave me a bit of pain, too. I'm sure that's just from being sedentary for so long, though. I'm tentatively hoping to take another walk on Friday. If that goes okay and I continue to improve, I might see about going back to the gym for weight lifting next week.

Taper-wise, I had talked to my GI on Monday. I told him about what the lady at the compounding pharmacy said - she told me that some people need to taper pred super slowly in order to successfully get off of it, she suggested I try tapering by 0.5 mg once per month. My GI agreed that I can try that - he's not super happy that I'm going to be on pred awhile longer, but he's happy that I'm still trying to get off of the darn stuff and haven't just given up. So, I've been on 7 mg for a few weeks now, I'm planning to taper in about 1 more week. Will go down to 6.5 mg. I'm going to taper towards the end of next week - I always try to do that, that way if I have a taper fail, I'll at least have the weekend to try to recover. So yeah, every 4 weeks or so I'm going to try tapering. I'm hoping that this is finally the solution to me getting off of pred without flaring up again.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Today was $2 pants day at a local thrift shop (really it's all bottoms on sale for $2 - pants, skirts, shorts, capris - and it's all types of pants including jeans, trousers, workout pants, etc). $2 pants day is one of my favorite days, I look forward to it like it's xmas. That's why I didn't walk today, because I had to make sure to get to the pants sale. I had a pretty good haul - I got one pair of jeans, one pair of workout capris (in purple! - usually I go for black), two pairs of work-appropriate trousers for the office, and two really cute skirts, one black and one fuchsia pink. I never used to wear dresses or skirts, I hated them. Then I had to go to a fancy banquet thing for work a couple years ago and I felt *so* uncomfortable wearing a dress all evening. So I told myself I was going to work on that discomfort and wear dresses & skirts more often. Now I feel pretty good wearing a dress or a skirt here and there! But since pred made me gain a bit of weight, my old skirts didn't fit around my waist anymore. Thanks, pred. So I was really glad to find two skirts today that fit perfectly and look really cute on me. That was a nice little boost of self-esteem.

I'm doing a little better all the time. Still slightly congested but my sense of smell is back and I only needed 2 cough drops today! (I've gone through 2 or 3 bags of cough drops over the course of this cold.) Definitely still planning to take another walk tomorrow, the weather is looking good and I'm feeling up to it. And hopefully back to the gym next week too. Next week is going to be a bit stressful, I think. Our new regional president at work is going to be in the office 2 days next week (I still haven't officially met her yet, so I am wondering if that might happen next week). And, my boss is finally coming back to work - she was out for 3 months after having major surgery, and she's finally returning next week. I really like my boss but it's going to be challenging as she catches up on the last 3 months and everything she missed and what we need to do as a department going forward. So I'm thinking it's going to be an interesting and stressful week next week, and I'll need to go to the gym just to offload some stress. So that's the tentative plan.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Not feeling super great this morning. Yesterday evening my dog wasn't feeling well. Hubby said she didn't have pep in her step when he walked her. She vomited up her dinner and was having trouble with trying to poo - she'd try, but nothing would come out. Then she vomited again, and I had hubby clean that up - and he said there was something green in it. He couldn't tell if it was plant material, or plastic, or what, but obviously she had sneakily eaten something that either wasn't food or didn't agree with her. So that was worrying! As a result, I was worried all night about Lily and couldn't sleep well, and this morning my guts are a bit upset because I was so worried. Fortunately, she seems to be on the mend this morning. She was able to poo first thing this morning, yay! That means no blockage which is obviously a very good thing. And no more vomiting since bedtime yesterday. I'm keeping her off of food for now, just to be safe, and this evening if she's still doing okay I'm going to give her just a small bit of white rice and plain yogurt (that's what I've given her in the past when she's got an upset tummy and that's always gone down well for her).

So now I'm trying to get my tummy calmed down too so that I can maybe still have my walk later today. It's always so worrying when our animals are sick! I'm just going to eat bland low-residue foods today and I may skip my walk depending on how I'm feeling. Since Lily is feeling better, that's taken away a lot of my worry, so I already am feeling a little bit better. I've just had one episode of d and gas so far, so it's not too bad. And it's a Friday, so I've got a couple of days I can rest after today if need be. So, we'll see how I'm doing this afternoon.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I think I am going to skip my walk after all. I'm just not feeling up to it. Just a bad guts day from worry and not getting enough sleep. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

 

[scottsma]

It is very worrying when pets are sick so I'm very happy to hear that Lily' seems to have sicked up that green thing and is on the mend.But of course you've made yourself ill with worry.Also next week at work looks like it could be stressful too.I hope you don't have to have time off as I think you really need to be there with what's coming up.
You had a good day shopping though.Like you (were) I don't own a skirt or a dress but as I'm not expecting any posh social events ever,I don't intend to worry to much.I can be smart in good pants and tops,if I need to be.In fact,I was very smart this morning when I went into town.I bought a black sweater (new) with zips on the front of the hips.I love it,and I love black.We've been on the bikes again,3rd time this week.It was a sunny day so I put sun cream,factor 30,on the backs of my hands but forgot the tops of my ears.My hairs very short now and I do suffer sun burn at the beginning of the season......Have a good weekend and relax best you can.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Ouch, sunburn on the ears is no fun! I once was going swimming so I lathered sunblock all over myself, but I didn't think to do the part in my hair, so I got a bad sunburn there! That was not fun and it looked like I had crazy dandruff when the sunburn started to peel and flake off. Now I make sure to wear a hat when I'm out in the sun because I do not want to do that again. Getting vitamin D from the sun is good for us, but obviously getting burnt is not. I hope your ears heal up soon!

I will definitely rest as much as I can, and will be keeping a close eye on Lily as well (there is a 24 hour emergency vet close by if she gets worse, although they're very expensive, but hey, that's what credit cards are for, right?). I unfortunately can't rest the entire weekend and just do nothing - I do need to run a couple errands tomorrow, I need to pick up a refill of my LDN as I'm almost out. Fortunately my local compounding pharmacy is so good, I called in the refill yesterday as they always ask for at least 48 hours notice, and I got a message saying it's already ready this morning (that was less than 24 hours)! But of course they're on a different side of town from where I live & where I work, so I don't have time to go pick it up today. So tomorrow I'll go get my LDN. And the compounding pharmacy is right near a craft store where they tend to get in new and interesting yarn that I can't seem to find in other stores, so of course I'm going yarn shopping tomorrow right after I pick up my LDN. I'm not feeling so unwell that I can't go buy some yarn, ha ha.

And my parents are coming down for a visit on Sunday, ugh. They drain my energy and they always want to go out to eat, which I'm not always feeling like doing, especially potentially unsafe restaurant food. But hopefully they'll let me pick the restaurant and I can just order something small and safe and pick at it a bit. Maybe my appetite will be back by Sunday, too - I sure don't have an appetite today. (I'm doing better as the day goes on but I think this is going to take a few days to recover from.)

So yeah, aside from errands and my parents, I'll rest as much as I can. And will crochet with my new yarn of course. Carol, if you lived closer, I'd totally give you a handmade throw for your new couches. I have 2 completed that are without owners yet, although I know one of them is going to my childhood best friend, I'm just not sure which one yet. One throw is in shades of blue and the other is in shades of red. My friend has 2 little boys, so I think I'm just going to ask the boys which color they like better, blue or red, and I'll give their family whichever color throw they pick.

MissLeopard, if you're reading this, how is your grandfather doing? I've been keeping you and your family in my thoughts. May 14th will be the first anniversary of my grandpa's passing, so my own grandpa has been on my mind a lot lately too. He loved Winnie the Pooh, and last summer I would go to his grave and read Pooh stories. Now that the weather is warming up, I'm going to go do that again soon.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I had an okay weekend. Didn't rest as much as I would have liked. I was fairly active both days. Saturday, hubby and I got up early and went to some garage sales. Then we ran my errands (compounding pharmacy and yarn shopping). And then we did some yard work. Hubby mowed the lawn and I trimmed the hedges and pulled a few weeds, and together we dug up some tiger lilies and moved them to another part of the yard. That all was fairly exhuasting! I felt sore and tired afterwards, and my fitbit registered that as a workout. So I guess I had a workout after all on Saturday!

Sunday my parents and brother came to visit, we had lunch and then walked around a lot at the botanical gardens. And then hubby and I did grocery shopping that evening. So I did a lot of walking yesterday.

I'm feeling okay today, fortunately. I probably overdid things a bit over the weekend, but I'm not paying for it today. And I'm feeling like I'd like to get back to the gym, so I'm planning to do a weights workout in the little gym on my lunch break today. I won't push myself and I'll keep it fairly low intensity to ease back into things, but I'd like to start lifting again as it's been about 3 weeks thanks to this stupid cold I've had. (I'm still slightly congested, but if I could do a yard work "workout" without getting any worse, then I feel confident that I can lift weights today without making myself any worse.)

Tomorrow we're having a luncheon to welcome my boss back to work, so I can't do anything on my lunch hour tomorrow. But if the weather is nice, I might walk Lily after work. She's still on the mend but seems to be a little better every day too. My parents were commenting that she looked a bit under the weather yesterday, but then my brother got out the dog treats, and her face immediately lit up, and then everybody said that she suddenly looked just like her old healthy self again. She is extremely treat-motivated.

Wednesday and Friday I'm tentatively thinking about doing weights workouts. Maybe a walk on Thursday. No plans yet for Saturday. Sunday is the anniversary of my grandpa's death, so I'm planning to go visit my grandma and also go to my grandpa's grave. So probably no workout that day.

 

[scottsma]

Busy weekend and busy week ahead for you.We have Tiger Lilies out back too,I have some on the balcony in a large pot,and have just put supports in in case the wind topples them.It's really cold and windy here, so looks like we might not get on the bikes for a few days.We have the sitting room to re-decorate so will probably make a start with the prep.and moving pictures and ornaments etc.I wish the fairies would come during the night and do it for me.I'm really not in the mood.But it will be nice when it's done.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Redecorating is definitely a lot of work, I don't envy you there! If you can find fairies to redecorate for you in the middle of the night, please send them my way when you're done with them.

Just got back from the gym. I'm definitely not back to my old self 100% yet. My body got tired pretty quickly. My arms gave out before I was ready for them to give out, and then during my cool-down (walking on the treadmill), my legs felt very shaky. I'm thinking that tomorrow I won't walk Lily, instead I'll rest and recover, and then try this again on Wednesday.

 

[scottsma]

The fairies will have to go to respite by the time they're finished here.
It's disappointing when your body lets you down eh ?
I know when I haven't been cycling for a few days.I really feel it.I know it's not high impact exercise like the gym and weights but at least I do something to try to keep fit.I know I'm a lot fitter than folks my age,and I'm strong (apart from my back).I think it's a frame of mind.I won't allow myself to fall into decline and act like an old person.hahaha

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

My boss is back! I'm so happy! She's a very nice boss and I missed her a lot. Now I just have to survive with our new regional president being in the office this afternoon and tomorrow. And then I'm thinking I'm going to taper on Thursday. I've been at 7 mg for slightly over a month now, so once I get this work stress out of the way, I'll taper to 6.5 mg pred and stay at that dose for a month.

My body lets me down regularly of course so I'm used to it. It's slightly frustrating but nothing new. All I can do is dust myself off and pick myself up and try again tomorrow.

Bicycling is great exercise, don't worry about comparing it to weight-lifting. The important thing is that you're being healthy and staying active and that's great!

As for acting like an old person, I've seen first-hand how damaging it can be to fall into a mindset of "I'm old, therefore I can't do ____". My grandparents did that for basically my whole life. I can remember being a little girl, like 6 or 7 years old, and my grandma would tell me that she's old and is probably going to die soon (well, I'm 37 now and she's 84 and still alive!). That really bothered me when she'd say such things, she should have just enjoyed her life and not worried about her age. My grandpa also took on the mindset of, "screw it, I'm old and going to die soon, so I'm not even going to attempt to be healthy". So he'd eat a ton of fast food and do basically no exercise, and as a result his health was very poor. I definitely don't want to fall into that sort of mindset. I'm going to exercise as long and as often as my body allows me to, and I will eat reasonably healthfully (most of the time - there's always room for chocolate though!).

 

[scottsma]

There are no happy days without chocolate that's for sure.Sounds like this could be a good week for you Cat,I hope every thing goes right for you.I know you've been anxious for a while.
We've done 6 miles this afternoon.The sun came out and it was good.Hubby always takes a small thermos of coffee and I take weak juice,and we take time to sit somewhere nice for a short while.That's all the life I need to keep me happy,and chocolate.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

That sounds like a really nice bike ride. I've done similar in the past - I only bring water because anything else will make my GERD unhappy when I'm exercising, but I will sometimes ride into the Arboretum, then sit on a bench or in the grass for a while and look at nature and watch the other bicyclists and joggers go past before I get back on my bike and go home.

And yes, chocolate. Just had lunch with my boss and she bought us all chocolate chip cookies. I can't have too much chocolate, again because my GERD doesn't like too much of it, but a small bit each day is definitely needed.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I just got back from the gym. Had a much better workout today! My body didn't give out on me nor feel shaky like it did on Monday. I felt strong and quite good. Even my GERD was quiet. I was able to do everything I wanted to do and I even was able to increase the weight a little bit or add in an extra rep on a few things. A very good workout for sure.

So the plans are to do weights again on Friday. Not sure yet about tomorrow, might be a rest day or I might take a walk. If the weather is nice on Saturday, I am thinking about riding my bike to the grocery store. Debating whether or not to do that ride with my bike trailer - the store I'm thinking of riding to, it's more like a specialty store and I usually just buy a few smallish things there. My cruiser bike has a basket, which would probably be enough by itself, but if I decide I want to buy more than about 3 things, then I'd need my bike trailer as my basket is fairly small. So we'll see what I feel like doing on Saturday. There are a few other shops nearby that grocery store that I could go to as well, if I had my bike trailer on the bike, so I might have a leisurely shop around the neighborhood and fill up my trailer with goodies. And then get really tired pedaling home a heavy trailer full of stuff, ha ha.

 

[scottsma]

Glad your workout went well for you.Best to have a rest day in-between though.

I know what you mean about shopping.It doesn't matter if you just need bread,the bigger the bag,the more you stuff in.......But it will be good excersise to cycle with the weekly shop in the trailer.hahaha just kidding,Don't do it. !!!!

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Ha, I don't think I could fit my weekly shopping into the bike trailer! And I'm sure I wouldn't be able to budge my bike if I tried that. This would just be a few specialty things, like goat cheeses and of course chocolates. And there's another shop nearby where they sell fancy kitchen things so I might go wander through that shop too and buy a new wooden spoon or something small like that. I would not be buying tons of things nor a lot of heavy items. The only thing that might take up a fair amount of space is, I am thinking of putting a small cooler in the bike trailer - that way my chocolates won't melt on the ride home. But a small cooler shouldn't weigh too much so I think that'll be okay even if it is a bit bulky in size.

I'm feeling pretty good today and the weather is looking okay. A bit overcast but rain is not looking likely and it's going to be fairly warm. I think I am going to take a lunch hour walk today.

I tapered my pred this morning. Went from 7 down to 6.5 mg (I have 2.5 mg tablets and 1 mg tablets, so I now am taking one 2.5 mg and 4 of the 1 mg tablets). So far so good but it's only been a couple of hours. I think I should be fine at this dose - my last taper fail happened when I got down to 6 mg, I had been okay at 6.5, so I'm pretty confident that I won't have a fail this month. (I hope!)

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I had a really good walk. The weather was gorgeous, absolutely perfect. I still felt a little bit stiff on my walk - I think I just haven't been walking enough lately. But other than that it was fine and I felt quite good getting out in the fresh air and sunshine. It had been overcast earlier, but the sun came out, so I got a little bit of vitamin D in the areas of the forest where the sun was able to shine through.

 

[scottsma]

We've been cycling again.It's still quite cold and breezy at the coast.While we were having our break I said to my hubby (Les) "I've just realised that I'm doing anything rather than start the decorating" and it's true.We've had the paint well over a week and usually I would be wanting it done,especially with new sofas coming.As we have dental / doctors apts. early next week,we have set the date to start for Thurs......unless something better side tracks us.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

For what it's worth, I also hate painting. It's a hard job and so messy! Even if you try to be neat about it, nope, paint is still going to get on places that you don't want it to get on. Hubby had to practically beg me to paint with him last time we painted a room in our house. And if you have any weird corners or spots where you have to get into a weird position to paint, that's no fun at all. My joints were not happy with me last time we painted. Fortunately most of our house is painted now, but unfortunately the master bedroom still needs to be painted and I know that's going to be a huge job. Ugh. Good luck with your painting, I hope it's not too awful!

I think I've talked hubby into doing my bike ride plans tomorrow, taking the bike trailer to the specialty grocery store. At first he was complaining about how long of a ride it would be, but then I reminded him that it's only about 2 miles from our house to the store. Sooo, not actually a long ride at all. And he wouldn't be hauling the trailer, I'll be doing that. After that he stopped complaining, so I think he's on board with the idea.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I had a good workout yesterday. My GERD was a bit more active than usual but that was my co-worker's fault (and my own fault too). The receptionist at work was off yesterday and I'm usually the one who fills in for her, so I was stuck sitting at the reception desk all day. I needed another co-worker to fill in for me so I could take my lunch break, and we agreed on a particular time. I have to make sure I don't eat anything for at least 2 hours prior to working out, so with 2 hours to go I ate, and I ate a little bit more than I usually do. Then my co-worker had a change in plans and ended up covering me a half hour earlier than we had planned. So because of the time and the extra food, my GERD was a bit grumpy, but it could have been a lot worse. It wasn't too bad, it was totally tolerable and I was able to do my workout without having too much of an issue. So it worked out okay.

Hubby's skipping our bike ride after all. I'm still going, just had lunch so now I'm in my 2 hour waiting period and will go on my ride after that. Hubby decided he had to go see a movie instead so he's off doing that (he loves those superhero movies so he's at Guardians of the Galaxy, I'm not such a fan of those movies so I opted not to go). Well, that's fine, now I can go on the route I'd like to take without having to explain to him why I'm taking a particular route, and I can be as leisurely as I want on my shopping. The weather is gorgeous, we spent the morning going to garage sales and I'm really looking forward to my bike ride.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Aaaaand fail. I got everything set to go, got the bike trailer on, started riding. But it's suddenly very hot out (about 84 F!) and also quite windy, about 15 mph winds blowing against me the whole way there. Riding into that wind with the trailer and with the heat took a ton of energy. I nearly made it all the way to the grocery store, but the combination of hauling the bike trailer (which not only adds weight but a lot of wind resistance) and the wind and the heat tired me out terribly. Add all that to the fact that there's a large hill that came just before I got to the grocery store, and I was like, nope, screw it. I turned around and headed home at the bottom of that hill, I just couldn't do it. Too tired and didn't want to make myself sick (sometimes heat plus over-exertion makes my stomach very unhappy, and that hill just looked like a recipe for disaster). I can tell that my stomach isn't happy but I think by turning around I spared myself the worst of it, and hopefully resting for the rest of the day will allow me to not have any bad trouble with my belly.

So I headed home without going to the store. With the wind at my back, it was much easier riding home. This has been eye-opening - if I can't use the bike trailer as a dog carrier nor a grocery getter, I don't think it's going to work for me. Good thing it was only $10. I might just get rid of the darn thing. I love riding my bike, but I didn't love it today, and that trailer was a big part of the problem. Plus I was on my cruiser bike, which is heavier. I think from now on, I'm just going to ride my light little road bike because it's so fun and I don't tend to over-exert myself on that bike. I have a firm belief that fitness should be fun, because of course if it isn't fun you aren't going to continue with it, and today wasn't fun. So no more bike trailer for me and back to very limited use of my cruiser bike. From now on it's just me and my road bike, and I'll get groceries when I'm in the car. Experiment failed, lesson learned. But hey, what is the point of life if I'm not trying & learning new things, right? Can't win them all. And, I have SO much respect now for people who do haul little kids around in bike trailers! I don't think I could do that!

 

[scottsma]

At least you got a bit of exercise and you know for sure that the trailer is not for you.With the summer coming somebody will want it.I had a weird stomach yesterday,but got the room stripped ready to paint.It's 8-50am and Les is phoning our This time next week it will be done.Not that it will take a week of course,but it will prob.need two coats and we have other stuff going on during the week.Enjoy your day.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Sorry to hear you had a bad belly day, hopefully it's just one day and doesn't continue longer than that. Have fun painting!

I had an okay day yesterday. Started off by visiting my grandma in the morning. She's really losing it. She had at least a moment where she was under the delusion that her parents are still alive and that she is going to go visit them soon (they both died when she was 18, she's 84 now). So that was a pretty substantial thing that she thought they're still alive. She also told me she's really looking forward to dying because she misses my grandpa so much. I don't think she's going to last much longer. Of course that would be very sad but in a way it might also be a bit of a blessing - I know her dementia will only continue to go downhill, and I fear the day when she doesn't know who I am (she often forgets my name and/or how I'm related to her, but she so far always knows that I'm her person). My heart breaks a little bit each time she declines mentally. Of course my heart will break when she passes, but if she passes before she completely loses her mental faculties, maybe that would be for the best. I don't know. It's just a hard situation all around.

So after that visit, I needed some quiet time to think and decompress. I went to my grandpa's grave. It was looking a bit shabby, with some overgrown grass and some weeds (many dandelions). I had brought some gardening tools, so I made sure to trim all the grass and pull the weeds. I also wiped some dirt off of his headstone. Everything looks good now. He was very meticulous and placed a lot of value on appearances, and I know he'd have had a fit if he had seen weeds and overgrown grass and dirt on his headstone. I could hear his voice in my head as I was cleaning and gardening. I think he'd be happy with the results. I'll make sure to continue visiting his grave semi-regularly throughout the warm months to make sure it still looks good (can't do much gardening in winter obviously).

So I got home and stress-ate something I shouldn't have - I had fried shrimp, french fries, and a root beer float. Yum, but my belly doesn't always like fried/greasy foods, and the dairy and carbonation also aren't my friend. So things were a little bit upset after that. Still, I managed to pull myself together a couple hours later and lift weights. I really needed that. I just used the barbell and dumbbells I have in my home gym, and that went fine. In fact, I recently got some new weights, so I got to try those out.

After lifting, I went crazy and also walked the dog. I probably overdid things a bit. I'm sure I did, in fact, because last night and this morning my lower back was fairly stiff and painful. I sat with my heating pad on my back for about 30 mins prior to leaving to go to work, and that really helped, so I think I'm okay now.

And because of my back, and also because of the weather (thunderstorms in the forecast), I'm taking a rest day today. Tomorrow, presuming I'm feeling okay, I'll go to the little gym on my lunch break for a weights session. Not sure about Wednesday - I'd like to walk, but they're forecasting rain for that day as well. Thursday more weights - if I can swing it, I'd like to ride my bike to the big gym after work. That's my favorite workout ever - ride my bike to the gym (about 3.5 miles each way) as a warm-up, lift weights at the gym and also do my stretches, then ride home more leisurely and slowly as my cool-down. Again, that's all dependent on the weather and how I'm feeling. That's as far as I've planned for so far.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Work continues to be stressful. We're still hearing rumors that there are more job cuts coming. Fortunately, the gym continues to be a good source of stress relief. I just had a workout and I feel pretty good now. And I think my taper to 6.5 mg pred was successful - last time I had a taper fail, I had tapered on a Thursday and flared the following Tuesday. This time, I also tapered on a Thursday, and now it's Tuesday and I'm still feeling pretty good. Hopefully the once per month taper will continue to work well for me.

My back is still feeling pretty good too so I didn't seem to injure anything too badly (it felt like cramps in my lower back muscles, so I think I just overdid things that day). We've had sporadic thunderstorms here lately, but fairly nice weather in between the storms (warm and sunny, although windy). So I'm hoping that tomorrow the weather will cooperate and allow me to have a walk. Weights Thursday, and a walk on Friday if I can't have one tomorrow (and maybe walks both Wednesday and Friday if the weather behaves both days, but I don't know what the odds of that happening are). Hopefully weights Saturday too. I'm trying to get hubby to go back to the gym with me but he's being sluggish and unenthusiastic about it.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Holy cow. What a stressful day. Long story short, work = crazy stress and weird rumors. Nobody really knows what's going on. I may be fine or I may be out of a job soon and I don't know what to believe or what to think. I have spent a good chunk of the afternoon crying because of stress and worry.

So of course I had to get the @#$%& out of the building when I had the opportunity. On my lunch hour, I zoomed over to the forest path and had a long walk. It was in between thunderstorms, so it wasn't raining, but it was quite humid and pretty windy. Still, I was happy to get into the forest for a bit, and everything smelled lovely because of this morning's thunderstorms. My walk through the forest cheered me up a bit. Now instead of actively crying at my desk, I just feel like crying. Yay, improvement.

I absolutely need a workout tomorrow too so I'm already gung-ho about going to the gym to lift weights. I can't wait. I'm going to push my muscles until they're totally fatigued, in the hopes that physical exhaustion also quiets down my over-thinking mind too.

I'm also going to work on updating my resume "just in case." Ugh.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I ate something I shouldn't have yesterday - pizza. It's just not my friend. Even if I take a dairy digestive enzyme, it still bothers me a bit. And it's not just the cheese, it's also the grease and the sauce. The tomato sauce really gets my GERD riled up, and the grease is not friendly to my digestion nor my GERD. But I was stressed because of the situation at work, and I just wanted to eat a big slice of pizza (I had two, eek!).

I'm not paying for it too badly, but I am having some trapped wind pain today. I've been trying to pass gas to relieve it but I can barely get anything to come out. It's not too bad, though. I was still able to hit the gym today, and I think my workout helped a bit. I'm still having a little trapped wind pain, but it's feeling better than it was earlier (and I haven't passed any gas at all since earlier, but I did belch a few times in the gym, so maybe that helped?).

I'd love to get out on my bike this weekend, but it's looking like the weather isn't going to cooperate with me. I'd like to walk tomorrow too, but it's suddenly become colder (in the 50s F, where it was in the 80s the past few days) and it's been pretty rainy and quite windy too. It's looking like a good weekend to stay indoors. So I'll stay in and lift weights on Saturday, but I might not do much more than that for the next 3 days.

 

[MissLeopard83]

I ate something I shouldn't have yesterday - pizza. It's just not my friend. Even if I take a dairy digestive enzyme, it still bothers me a bit. And it's not just the cheese, it's also the grease and the sauce. The tomato sauce really gets my GERD riled up, and the grease is not friendly to my digestion nor my GERD. But I was stressed because of the situation at work, and I just wanted to eat a big slice of pizza (I had two, eek!).

I'm not paying for it too badly, but I am having some trapped wind pain today. I've been trying to pass gas to relieve it but I can barely get anything to come out. It's not too bad, though. I was still able to hit the gym today, and I think my workout helped a bit. I'm still having a little trapped wind pain, but it's feeling better than it was earlier (and I haven't passed any gas at all since earlier, but I did belch a few times in the gym, so maybe that helped?).

I'd love to get out on my bike this weekend, but it's looking like the weather isn't going to cooperate with me. I'd like to walk tomorrow too, but it's suddenly become colder (in the 50s F, where it was in the 80s the past few days) and it's been pretty rainy and quite windy too. It's looking like a good weekend to stay indoors. So I'll stay in and lift weights on Saturday, but I might not do much more than that for the next 3 days.

Hope you feel better soon! I thought I'd update you guys since I let you know that my balance has been poor lately and I was worried about falling. I have been referred to a PT program that deals exclusively with balance disorders and I have been diagnosed with both central vertigo and vestibular-ocular reflex disorder. I do not have a reason for either but it's good to know that the vestibular rehabilitation program may help with my balance. I've been scheduled for 4 weeks, twice a week, with exercises to do at home 4 times a day. If it works, it could be lengthened further, but this is like a "testing period." It's not Meniere's disease or Superior Canal Dehiscence like my ENT thought - those have been ruled out. After doing some research, it sounds like vestibulocerebellar syndrome and I'm going to ask my doctor at our next appointment if that might be the cause.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I remember that you were having issues with vertigo and balance, I'm sorry to hear that's still ongoing. I hope the exercises help! When do you start PT? Are you still able to ride your bicycle with these issues? I hope so, I know you love riding. How's your grandfather doing? I've been keeping you in my thoughts because I remember you saying he wasn't very well. My grandma isn't very well either, her dementia is getting worse all the time. I saw her this past weekend, and she informed me that she had been trying to plan a visit to go see her parents at "home" (I think she meant her childhood home). She seemed to think that her parents were very much alive, but they both died 65 years ago. So that was pretty troubling to me. That's a pretty big thing to forget about. I don't think my grandma is going to be around much longer, she also told me that she's really looking forward to dying so that she can see my grandpa again (her words). I just hope she goes peacefully and painlessly like my grandpa did (he died in his sleep).

 

[MissLeopard83]

I remember that you were having issues with vertigo and balance, I'm sorry to hear that's still ongoing. I hope the exercises help! When do you start PT? Are you still able to ride your bicycle with these issues? I hope so, I know you love riding. How's your grandfather doing? I've been keeping you in my thoughts because I remember you saying he wasn't very well. My grandma isn't very well either, her dementia is getting worse all the time. I saw her this past weekend, and she informed me that she had been trying to plan a visit to go see her parents at "home" (I think she meant her childhood home). She seemed to think that her parents were very much alive, but they both died 65 years ago. So that was pretty troubling to me. That's a pretty big thing to forget about. I don't think my grandma is going to be around much longer, she also told me that she's really looking forward to dying so that she can see my grandpa again (her words). I just hope she goes peacefully and painlessly like my grandpa did (he died in his sleep).

The PT sessions start on Tuesday and will last for 4 weeks - twice a week (Tues and Thurs). I'm having to adjust my work schedule from 8:30-5 to 8-4:30 which will be rough but I have to do it! Fortunately, my boss is very understanding and had no problem with it. I'm still able to ride my bike, but my coordination is rather impaired, so I have to be very careful.

As for my grandfather, he is staying pretty much the same lately. He's in the late stages and babbling quite a bit - nothing he says is coherent. It is really difficult and I must admit that I avoid my grandparents' house. My grandmother has really bad anxiety and it makes my anxiety worse. We never really got along well and I'm much closer to my paternal grandmother. I still love my maternal grandfather, but it's so hard to see him in the state he is in.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I've never even had maternal grandparents - my mom's parents both died when she was a teenager (breast cancer and colon cancer) which was well before I was born. I've only ever known my dad's parents, and of course my grandpa died last year so now I just have my grandma and that's it.

I'm feeling pretty awful today. Did not sleep well at all. Still having pretty bad pains in my lower abdomen, it still feels like gas pain. I have been able to pass gas but that hasn't done much to relieve the pain. I'm now thinking that the stress of this week, specifically stress at work (we're still in danger of all losing our jobs) is at least contributing to this if not causing it. I'm pushing myself to go into work today because I'm already covering for another person who is off. But I honestly don't know if I'm going to make it through the whole work day. The smart thing to do would be to just call in sick. I don't want to lose my job though and I feel like the more I'm out, the more they can view me as disposable. So I'm going in anyway when I really don't feel up to it. I'm exhausted and in pain. Wish me luck.

Obviously I'm not going to exercise today. Will see how I'm feeling tomorrow and go from there.

 

[MissLeopard83]

I've never even had maternal grandparents - my mom's parents both died when she was a teenager (breast cancer and colon cancer) which was well before I was born. I've only ever known my dad's parents, and of course my grandpa died last year so now I just have my grandma and that's it.

I'm feeling pretty awful today. Did not sleep well at all. Still having pretty bad pains in my lower abdomen, it still feels like gas pain. I have been able to pass gas but that hasn't done much to relieve the pain. I'm now thinking that the stress of this week, specifically stress at work (we're still in danger of all losing our jobs) is at least contributing to this if not causing it. I'm pushing myself to go into work today because I'm already covering for another person who is off. But I honestly don't know if I'm going to make it through the whole work day. The smart thing to do would be to just call in sick. I don't want to lose my job though and I feel like the more I'm out, the more they can view me as disposable. So I'm going in anyway when I really don't feel up to it. I'm exhausted and in pain. Wish me luck.

Obviously I'm not going to exercise today. Will see how I'm feeling tomorrow and go from there.

My mom always tells me to get myself to work - even if I'm unsure if I'll make it. Most of the time, I start feeling better mid-day and I'm able to work the entire shift. Hope you have the same results. You are right, though. The more you call in sick, the more leverage they will have to terminate employment.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I always try to push myself to go to work, too. There's been so much change at work lately and it's honestly sounding to me like the most likely outcome is that they will close our office and lay us all off (they may offer for us to move to the Illinois office, but I am not moving to IL, just not a fan of that state at all, I'd rather take severance and find a new job). So I don't know that pushing myself to go in is going to make any bit of difference. But for now I'm still employed and nothing is official yet, so I'll just do what I can day by day.

Which, today, wasn't much. I managed to work for an hour and got the most urgent, important stuff taken care of, then I got another co-worker to cover for me and came home sick. I managed to nap for a bit but I still am in a fair bit of pain. Sent a message to my GI asking what I can do - I'm not going to increase my pred dose again (I had just tapered to 6.5 mg as of 8 days ago, and I don't think this is a taper fail, but then again I just don't know anymore). So I won't increase my pred and I can't take pain meds due to being on LDN. My heating pad is helping a tiny bit but not much. My abdomen is tender to the touch so that's not good. For now I'm just monitoring my symptoms. Fortunately I don't have anything worrying - no vomiting, no fever, etc. So I don't think it's anything like a blockage or abscess or anything like that. I've been using the bathroom pretty regularly so I am confident in saying that I'm not blocked. But I don't really know the reason for this pain. Could extreme work stress by itself cause pain like this? I don't know. I usually don't tend to have bad pain, so that by itself is a bit worrying. I've almost got my doctor bills from last year paid off, so I really don't want to go to the ER and rack up another big bill, but I will go in if it gets worse or if my GI says to or anything like that.

Ugh. I think I'm just going to rest all weekend. Fitness is not in the cards (again!). Hate my stupid broken body so much.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I mostly rested and I'm doing a lot better. Not 100% back to my version of normal yet, but a lot better than I was. The pain is almost gone. There's still some pressure in my lower abdomen, presumably in the colon, when I do things like bend over forward (things like putting my shoes or socks on is a bit challenging at the moment as it's just not comfortable to do).

I didn't exercise at all today, I only left the house once and that was only because I needed to get the oil changed in my car. Other than that, I've been home, and I've been alternating between resting and chores. I vacuumed, did a load of dishes, did 3 loads of laundry, took out the garbage, and tidied up a bit. But in between I took lots of breaks and sat and crocheted a lot. I had just started a new blanket and barely had any of it done, and this weekend I reached just past the halfway point on the blanket! So that's a lot of crocheting. I meant to do sewing too, but I didn't do any.

I think I'm going to rest at least one more day. It's supposed to rain again tomorrow so just as well. It's still pretty chilly here too, 50s F and overcast and windy and sometimes rainy. Sweater and jacket weather for sure. So I'll see what I'm feeling up to. When I do feel up to exercising again, I'll ease back into it by taking walks at first before going back to lifting weights.

And the good news is, since I'm feeling markedly better, this doesn't seem to be a taper fail! I think it was just stress and/or the pizza that I ate (probably mostly stress as work has been pretty horrible lately). I'm going to take some steps to combat the stress of work - step one is, I'm going to update my resume. Not sure what the other steps are yet but fitness is definitely in there too.

 

[scottsma]

It's good that your gradual taper is going well Cat.It's a shame that you've not been to well,but it looks like you know why,at least.The sooner your stress work problems get sorted the better. I did 5mls on the bike today.I haven't been cycling for 10 days,because of weather and decorating,and it was a struggle if I'm being honest,but enjoyable.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I bet that was a challenge! Hopefully you can cycle more regularly now that the redecorating is done. Although it sounds like your weather has been like ours is lately, rainy, windy, cool, and just not nice to be out in.

Doing a little better today but there's still some lingering belly issues. I'm having occasional waves of pain and slight nausea but not too bad. I had some fruit earlier and my belly is still not sure if it wants to accept that or not (it was fruit that's normally safe for me, a small handful of blueberries and a peeled mango). I'm going to eat bland for the rest of the day just to be extra safe. I had made a baked potato casserole for dinner yesterday - that's peeled potatoes, ground lamb meat, turkey bacon bits, Brussels sprouts (which is a safe veggie for me as long as it's cooked), and goat cheddar. All those ingredients are safe, and it sat well with me for dinner yesterday. I've got leftovers of that for my lunch today, so I know that'll be relatively bland and safe.

I won't start exercising again until I'm feeling no further waves of pain. I don't want to push myself too soon. It's supposedly going to rain this afternoon and tomorrow, so I'm tentatively hoping to take a walk on Wednesday if I'm feeling better by then.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I feel like I've taken a couple steps back today. A fair bit of nausea this morning, enough that I had to take 2 zofrans so far just to be functional at work. I feel a bit dizzy too and just generally unwell. My guts feel unsettled, although I've only had a couple bathroom trips so far.

I'm feeling frustrated today and sick of this nonsense. I had contacted my GI last week about the pain I was having, and his response was to take tylenol. Gee, that's super helpful. Everything is just so frustrating to me right now. Sometimes I cry a lot about my illness, and other times I get to the point beyond that where I'm just so frustrated that I feel like I can't even have any further emotions about it because I've already used up all my emotions. I'm feeling like that today. Just rolling my eyes and sighing at how stupid my body is.

It's now looking like rain for tomorrow too. Which is fine because I guess I'm not feeling up for a walk yet. My new goal is to be feeling better by this coming weekend. The weather report is looking nice for the weekend, and it's a holiday weekend so I get Monday (Memorial Day) off too. I'd really like to be able to do something outdoors, either a walk or a bike ride or maybe even take the kayak out. So that's the goal. Trying to get my body to a better place than it's in now. Easier said than done, though. Ugh.