Our Friend Jerman

Crohn's Disease Forum

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Just gotta believe in yourself, buddy. Good things happen to ya when ya start believing. We all believed in ya, but you are the one who made it happen. Getting stronger every day, yeah.
 
merrywidow said:
lets hope your tummy settles down now you have a job. well done jerry
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Thanks Sharon, I think it will definitely help, just having some level of control over the course of your own life makes a big difference in the mind, body, spirit connection.
 
Pirate said:
Just gotta believe in yourself, buddy. Good things happen to ya when ya start believing. We all believed in ya, but you are the one who made it happen. Getting stronger every day, yeah.
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Thank you Greg you are a really good man, thanks for all of the support!
 
Jer - You are a great person and things are looking up for you!!!! I am proud of you my friend for not giving up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! keep up the good work
 
Hiya guys, I start orientation tuesday at the store, still waiting to hear from the school. Had a rough couple days with what would have been my fifth anniversary, was kinda blue and flaring as a result. had to dig a lil deeper to get through the day and had tough time not looking backwards, still miss how things used to be but i guess i can't think much about what i can't control. i definitely do miss my wife and kids, and how things used to be. it is very hard to only see my babies one day a week but trudging forward-sadly- but forward. Hope to hear from the school early next week.
 
Hi Jer.... Good to hear you start orientation this week!! I hope you hear from the school soon.. Sorry to hear that you had a rough couple of days. Try to keep your head up my friend, things will get better and easier as time goes on. I know it is tough only seeing the kids one day a week, but look forward to that and cherish that time. You will get through this, I know you will. You have come this far... Take care, thinking about you
 
Thank you Rosemary, I heard from the school today and it looks like a no. He said that he had hired others for three of the four positions, and had yet to hear back from the fourth candidate. he told me that if that person did not accept than he would be calling me. I am really bummed about this as you know, i really wanted that job badly. I am somewhat proud that i told him he would not find a candidate with my skills, experience, and compassion for the people served by the program.

However, other than that parting shot of dignity, i am bumming & anxious as hell. My friends that i am staying with have been so good to me, i just want to be able to give back and contribute then get my life started again. I am gonna be 44 and all i have is a '96 ford to my name.

I hope that you mom & Maddie are doing well. you are in my thoughts & my version of prayer each and every day.
 
I'm sorry to hear this, Jer. :( I'm sure you are feeling really disappointed.

But, hey...you got the other job though! That is more than you could say a week ago! Be grateful even for baby steps in the right direction. Your friends can see that you've been putting in a great deal of effort to help contribute and be helpful. You aren't just sitting around moping. You're going out there and doing something about it!

My husband is basically told every day from one of his coworkers that she wished she had hired me instead of who they have now. Who knows! Maybe the school will realize that later. I'm a big believer in things happening for a reason. Just keep pluggin' along. Something better will come soon enough! :)
 
I'm with Marisa in the thinking that everything happens for a reason...
one door closes and another opens.

Be proud of what you have achieved...and don't look back...
keep moving forward...even if they are baby steps.

Comforting hugs~Nancy
 
Nancy Lee said:
I'm with Marisa in the thinking that everything happens for a reason...
one door closes and another opens.

Be proud of what you have achieved...and don't look back...
keep moving forward...even if they are baby steps.

Comforting hugs~Nancy
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Thanks for the warm thoughts, and the hugs Nancy. I am truly giving it my all, and can't say enough about how much i appreciate yours and everyones support.
 
Hi Jer. I know that you are going through a rough patch, but things will get better.

I've been a bit sad lately too, but I am feeling better physically every day so I know that as long as i try to stay positive i will be alright.

Be well my friend and look to the future.
 
Thanks so much Jer's Girl, I start at 5 at the retail and had a positive interview today for a mental health provider. Right now it's like the old christmas special song "put one foot in front of the other.." Hope your physical improvement turns into more smiles for you real soon.
 
Hiya Jerry!

Soz I'm a bit late! Aren't I always!
Yes it's such a big disappointment but I believe in things happening for a reason too, there will be other great opportunities, please don't give up!
Each day will get better regarding your kids and wife, I promise! My boyf is going thro the same thing, he misses his kids so much (but he hates his wife!!)
I tell him, remember, You'll always be their Dad, no-one will ever take that away from you! And when they get older, they'll make their own choices who to live with.
Hang on in there, I hope you're at peace, and that your new job is going well
Much love
Joan xxxx
 
Thanks Joanie baby, things went well today, i am trying to realize that there are only so many things I can control, and I can control how I treat people how i want to be treated, hoping that talking the talk and walking the walk promotes good karma. I enjoyed orientation today at the store, and have high hopes for the interview i had today at the mental health provider. I am truly putting my best foot forward, chest out, shoulders back, and chin up. I managed to clean up pretty good today for the interview and had my strut going.... here's hoping.
 
Jerman said:
Thank you Rosemary, I heard from the school today and it looks like a no. He said that he had hired others for three of the four positions, and had yet to hear back from the fourth candidate. he told me that if that person did not accept than he would be calling me. I am really bummed about this as you know, i really wanted that job badly. I am somewhat proud that i told him he would not find a candidate with my skills, experience, and compassion for the people served by the program.

However, other than that parting shot of dignity, i am bumming & anxious as hell. My friends that i am staying with have been so good to me, i just want to be able to give back and contribute then get my life started again. I am gonna be 44 and all i have is a '96 ford to my name.

I hope that you mom & Maddie are doing well. you are in my thoughts & my version of prayer each and every day.
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hi Jer, sorry you did not get the job but when one dorr closes another always opens.. I have lots of faith in you and you will find something.... You are doing a great job. I am so glad to hear you had another interview and you stood so tall for it. Keep up the great work... take care my friend
 
Hello my friends, I had a mixed bag of emotions today, had a really good day with my three babies,Colinis getting over his concussion which ended his football season slowly and continues to be a beautiful person who is meant for great things, Cian was busting my chops so much today that I had to have him separate between me and his brother, Alea got to her first movie today when we all saw Megamind which was quite funny. I spent a great deal of money today because we all went out to lunch as well but had a wonderful time. It seemed especially hard dropping off the kids tonight as it really sucks that I only have them one day a week and we are all feeling the loss of time. When I dropped off Alea she was asleep and the boys gave her a kiss and i was allowed to carry her into the house as my ex was not feeling well so, she bent her standards a bit. I lay her down on the couch and she looked like such an angel while i took off her coat and covered her with a blanket. It ripped out my heart a bit to see her looking so very beautiful and peaceful and to have to say goodbye with a kiss as she was sleeping. I actually felt my heart crack once again along with my voice as I hugged my boys and said goodbye with hugs and kisses in the midst of a rainstorm. I cried for half of the ride home and prayed to my angels (grandparents) for guidance and help with getting through this very difficult time. My soon to be ex is doing her thing with her health issues and being very manipulative, I helped and supported her for nine years even to the point of helping her to shower and dress each day, but she threw me out when i fell down the hill due to depression and anxiety of being out of work. She has not let me in the home to get my possessions but needed me to get Alea ready to go so allowed me in the home today. I am angry about the double standard and see a difference in my daughter without getting the consistency of redirection/consequences for acting up that i give to all of my kids. in other words she is getting away with too much and is thus testing limits on our visits. She is getting away with little transgressions that remind me of the overblown tick of a stepson that caused me to get thrown out of my home.

I asked my ex to file the papers for the divorce to commence and she actually seemed upset! I am done trying to understand this woman and more importantly am not going to be a doormat for her anymore. I am about to become 44 years old and am sharing a bunkbed with a 13 year old.

I want to move on with my life and really miss having the simple intimacies of a relationship- holding hands, running my hands through a womans hair, hugs and cuddling. I have a strong attraction to a lady at my new job and it seems to be somewhat mutual but my confidence is not what it should be due to my circumstances, but i really like her and the way she carries herself. I especially like her smile and the way she blushes when i talk to her. I may be stupid but i still believe in romance and in finding true love. I am once again putting my heart out there for my crohn's family to critique and advise. I love you guys and need your guidance.
 
Aw, WOW Jerry!
I wasn't expecting that at the end!
But you can't see what everyone else can see, can you? Your ex has probably sucked the very soul outa you!
But this new woman will find that lost soul, don't you see?
Nice & Slow, take it easy my friend, you've got a lot to go thro yet, and remember if the ex gets wind of this, you're in deep shit, court and judge wise!
Sounds like this cutie is gonna give us back our Jerman! She will give you your confidence back, she's already started! Ask her out for a coffee one lunchtime, but a word of advice, don't talk about your problems or the ex! She'll run away with smoke comin off her ankles! Make it all about her! Talk about her interests etc, Women love that! Trust me!
good luck Jerry baby! You can charm the birds outa the trees!
xxx
 
Thanks Joanie, I appreciate your advice and counsel. You are the best. I do hope that I am heading in the right direction and will be 44 years old soon, do not want to waste away my life in limbo but also certainly do not want to jump into anything with blinders on. Who loves ya baby?
 
Hey Jerman,
Great advice don't talk about the ex or problems. So glad you doing better. Great way to end the year new job and new female friend. Best of Luck to you.
 
I am so glad things seem to be looking up for you right now! Just having some hope of things getting better will sometimes make things get better I think. I'm routing for you friend!
 
Thanks Lucy and Jer's girl- here's hoping that the year end on a positive note for both of you and all of our chrons family. We have all certainly had our share of trials this year.
 
Hey Jerma:
I cant compete with the advice you are getting from all the nice ladies above, but I am happy to hear that you are moving on with your life.
 
Thanks Dan, yep even Dear Abby can't hold a candle to these lovely ladies, a very smart bunch indeed.
 
Hey Jerry -

Glad things seem to be going in the right direction. My heart broke for you reading about your great day with the kids and being so sad dropping them back off at your ex's. All you can do it make the best of your time with them.

Why doesn't she want to file? Can't you file instead? Not sure if I msised that earlier in the thread.

Hang in there. Slow and easy with the new cutie!

- Amy
 
Thanks Amy, I was trying to encourage her to file to follow through on her wishes to have me out of the house and out of her life...I will probably make a trip to the courthouse with in the next week or so as I do not like limbo and do not like giving her the power to hold anything over me. Yes, slow and easy wins the race. I am excited about the prospect of where things may lead but have been around the block enough to beware of rebounds and looking for a quick fix for heartache. (though i may need reminders from family members like yourself) Thank you for your response and concern, you are a wonderful lady.
 
Jer, I am so very happy for you, You sound like you are on the right track... i agree with the advice you have gotten, slow and easy... Dont want your heart to get broken,, you are to much of a nice guy for that..

As for the soon to be exwife, She is the one who made the choice to throw you out and play the game. She has no right to be upset because you asked her to file. If games is what she wants then show her who plays the game better and file yourself.. You have been more then nice about it all, Of course I am sorry that you dont get the kids as much as you should and that she is playing games there as well. But if you file you will be able to get regular visitation of the kids without her saying you cant.

Good luck my friend, you are always in my thoughts and prayers...
 
Hey Jer - Glad to hear things are looking up for you in some ways. I echo the advice above. Definitely go slow with any new relationship. Maybe your soon to be ex was enjoying having all of the "power" and you sort of turned the tables on her a bit when you mentioned filing. Part of her was probably enjoying thinking you were pining away for her. Don't be surprised if she suddenly wants to start talking more and seems a little more interested in you. My husband's ex pulled the same thing when him and I moved in together.
 
I totally agree with Kelly-she wants to play the game, and be in control-of the kids, of who files and when...some women get off on that, it's sick in my opinion.

Just a thought-is counseling something you both migh try? Since she's got her own health problems I'm just wondering if that could have something to do with her behavior...and at any rate, even if not to reconcile, maybe it could help you guys ease into your new situation in a way that's healthy and fair to you both and the children.

Best wishes to you Jerman, you just gotta keep hanging in there-I just know better days are ahead for you!
 
Thank you Rosemary, Kelly, and Jeannette- you ladies are wonderful, I appreciate your advice and will work to follow it. Also, working on a little masonry around my heart (a brick wall) so that things don't hit so fast and so hard when the ex does play her little reindeer games. :ylol:
 
Hi Jer
I have one of those brick walls too. lol It works well when you dont want things to bother you..Sure way not to get hurt by her actions. Keep up the good work my friend.
Thinking about you..
 
jerry i have said it earleir in this thread and i will say it again here. its way too early to dating again. give yourself time to sort out your wife, then start over again.
 
Thanks Rosemary, and Sharon- you are both wonderful people and i appreciate your friendship and counsel. I don't do well in limbo, or with the fact that she (and her son for that matter) have had so much control over me for so long. This is MY life and our time here is always too short---so why wait and let someone pull the puppet strings. When my time comes, hopefully a long time from now, those who knew me will say that I treated others the way i wanted to be treated and fought my way ahead when I wanted something. Here's hoping...
 
Hello my dear friends,

Have had a rather rough few days, got a speeding ticket coming out of work 2 nites ago, to the tune of $230. I was speeding and understand the consequences but WTF? I certainly can't afford that expense right now.
I went to my former home the other day and got a few totes of personal belongings. My ex is going to have knee & stomach surgery soon and will soon be having her cousin & husband move into the house. Seems almost preplanned premeditated. Had a tough time seeing her as I always do and we both talked and cried quite a bit. She said she was sorry that her health issues had had the impact on my health that they did and that she just couldn't do it to me again (have me in her life while she was ill).

Very hard to have 9 years of love & 5 years of marriage reduced to memories that fit into 8 plastic totes. Things at my friends house are deteriorating rapidly as she has filed for divorce, but has no intention of leaving the home.

I am greatful for my therapist and for the meds i am taking as my emotional pain and depression would have me in crisis again and hitting rock bottom.
I turned 44 on the 14th and feel like a friggin failure. Therapist keeps saying to use the serenity prayer and do one day at a time, which many of you know i do not do very well. I have been exercising and beating the hell out of my heavybag which does help but i just internalize so much.

Starting to stress about the holidays knowing that I have so very little to offer in terms of presents for my babies as well as family & friends. Feeling very overwhelmed, sad, and very very lonely.
 
Jerman - I wish there were thing I could say to help take away the feelings of loneliness and failure that you are struggling with. I really can empathize with you. I've struggled with loneliness and feelings of failure since graduating college. It's been difficult to establish any long-term friendships (I've been burned many times in the past by so-called close "best friends.") and I am having a hard time knowing what my life's path is supposed to be. Not to minimize what you are going through , of course. But, I can empathize with what you are dealing with. I can't imagine what it would be like to deal with those sorts of emotions without a life partner by my side.

Life sometimes doesn't turn out the way you expect it to. I'm coming to realize that these days and trying to make the best of the situation I'm in currently. :) Your struggles will become les and less troublesome as time goes by. Keep fighting! And don't feel bad about not being able to give friends and family "things." Love, support, and kind gestures can go a long way and mean a lot more than things that go out of style and break by next year. ;)
 
Oh Jerman, I don't know what to say. Above all else, when it seems there is nowhere to turn, remember we will always be here for you..................


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:hang: mate, :hug:

Dusty
 
Thanks Marisa, you are a doll. I wish that i had the strength right now to filter out what i should and should not stress about. I still obviously have feeligs for my ex to be, but know through therapy and history that this is a road i should not go down again. it makes it very hard when she is the custodial parent at this point of my princess. I am a very affectionate person and used to spend most of my days kissing my daughter and holding her. This leaves a void in my heart that is magnified by thousands because I have already been through it with my boys. Even ten years later, I cry when I have to drop them off at their mothers. I consider myself a strong person but definitly not in this area. they are my flesh and blood and i feel a need to be with them, in a sense it is like being a criminal with no access. the pain i feel is disabling and horrid, i just wish my babies were with my all of the time.
 
I think it would be good if you could write down everything you're feeling in a journal. For me the physical act of writing, not just typing, is a great relief to me. Maybe write letters to your children expressing your feelings, to give to them as adults. I never got to know my dad, I would appreciate some insight as an adult as to why he made certain choices. Just a thought...:)
 
DustyKat said:
Oh Jerman, I don't know what to say. Above all else, when it seems there is nowhere to turn, remember we will always be here for you..................


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:hang: mate, :hug:

Dusty
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Thank you Dusty, I am truly blessed in the sense that i have found people like you to be my friend here on the forum, you are wonderful.
 
Mountaingem said:
I think it would be good if you could write down everything you're feeling in a journal. For me the physical act of writing, not just typing, is a great relief to me. Maybe write letters to your children expressing your feelings, to give to them as adults. I never got to know my dad, I would appreciate some insight as an adult as to why he made certain choices. Just a thought...:)
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Thank you mountaingem, that seems like solid advice and i do love to write. However, i have this almost self destructive tendency to shut out the activities that bring me peace and joy. I started to try writing a novel a bit back and have'nt looked at it in months. I love to paint but that part of my mind & soul seems to padlocked. I feel as though i am on auto pilot and the creative piece of me that used to be such a large part of who i was is gone for now. But I promise to try to pick the lock this week, I suppose there is a few of letting the emotions out with these activities and having them wash over me like a tsunami.
 
i always try to look for the secure and positive points in someone's story, when they're so emotionally involved in it themselves that sometimes they can't see what's what..

in your life just now, Jer, it sounds like you are the only solid and stable thing - everything else seems fragile and changeable.... and that is not an easy way to live, for anyone.

i guess you've got to do what you've done before buddy, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and face life head-on, with that head high.

your children will love you no matter what - whether you give them a packet of candy for xmas or a new bmx bike - i've struggled as a single mum, i'm talking from experience.... and the one thing mine resent their 'dad' for? not being in their lives. not bothering to keep in contact at all.

couple of good points for you to think about there, bud.

keep unloading here, if that's all the writing you can do right now - one day you will look back and read all this from a much better and happier stage in your life.... x
 
Thank you my dear dear friend, I am trulydoing the very best i am able, just a lot to juggle right now. Struggling mightily but giving myself a fighter's effort, love you Suz.
 
Hi Jer,, I hope your days are getting some what easier. I know you are hurting and stressing. This time of year makes a lot of us stress, you are doing what you can and taking one day at a time is what you have to keep doing. Keep up the good work.
You are in my thoughts and prayers daily...
 
Thank you Rosemary, things are going pretty well at work and I have a 3rd interview with the mental health provider next monday. Sadness, anxiety, and depression lacing up their boxing gloves and whacking away at my spirit. I feel like I am slipping a bit down that slope of mine and feel as Ding mentioned that i have no control over so many aspects of my life right now. I just turned 44 and am working for $8.75 and sleeping in the bottom of a bunk bed. Feel like a loser, and the holiday approaching are making things worse. My hands are shaking more often, my focus is declining and know matter how hard i hit the heavy bag I just cannot get all of the dark feelings of frustration and anger out. On top of that i seem to be able to feel completely alone in a room fool of people whether they be strangers or friends.
 
Hello my friends, I had my 3rd interview yesterday at a mental health provider and feel as though it went wonderfully! I was really on my game and answered some tough questions with ease, confidence and humor. There were three people involved which always adds a different dimension because you need to be sure all get equal questions/answers and eye contact. I walked out feeling very proud and feeling that I had nailed it!! Please say a prayer, cross a body part, throw a penny in a wishing well, whatever it is that you individually do for wishes/prayers that I get this job.
 
I Got the job, I got the job, wooo whooo!!!! Jerman does a very non-rythmic dance of joy....

I thank all of you for your support and belief in me even when i didn't, I will be forever grateful for the friends I have made and the people I have met here.
 
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for Jerman...

The secret of making your wishes come true
is to make some for others, not just for you.

Believe in yourself, your wishes and dreams
for life is not always all that it seems.

With true intent, kindness and love
cast your wishes to the stars above.

May you always keep a rainbow of hope in your heart.




i am so proud of you, my friend.
 
dingbat said:
for Jerman...

The secret of making your wishes come true
is to make some for others, not just for you.

Believe in yourself, your wishes and dreams
for life is not always all that it seems.

With true intent, kindness and love
cast your wishes to the stars above.

May you always keep a rainbow of hope in your heart.

i am so proud of you, my friend.
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You are an angel and I am truly grateful for you, you always manage to bring a tear to my eye. beautifully written my friend. Thank you for all of your belief in me even when I did not.
 
*Silver wipes a single tear of happiness from her cheek, stands and applauds Jerman - so proud of the accomplishment and the hurdles he has over come since making his aquaintance just a few short months ago... he is truly a Phoenix*
 
AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME News Jer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so very happy for you!! I knew you could do it. All your hard work is paying off my friend, You are on the right road to recovery. Keep up the Great work jer. I am so very PROUD of YOU!!!

As always you are in my thoughts and prayers
 
Oh wow Jerman that is FABULOUS news! Good on you! So you should walk tall and proud!

So happy, happy, happy for you, :):):)
Dusty
 
Silvermoon said:
*Silver wipes a single tear of happiness from her cheek, stands and applauds Jerman - so proud of the accomplishment and the hurdles he has over come since making his aquaintance just a few short months ago... he is truly a Phoenix*
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Thanks so very much Silver, you are always so supportive and such a kind and gentle person.
 
DustyKat said:
Oh wow Jerman that is FABULOUS news! Good on you! So you should walk tall and proud!

So happy, happy, happy for you, :):):)
Dusty
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Thanks Dusty I am very appreciative of your support and friendship over my time her the past years.
 
Hi my friends don't mean to whine but I have had a really bittersweet week. I saw my boys on thursday and had my daugther overnite last nite and am struggling today. I loved having her company but was unable to just focus on the positive aspects of the visit, we even saw Santa yesterday but once it was time to go to bed i got sad. I saw that I was able to just fit my index and forefinger around her arm and realized just how much she was growing but just how little she was. Even though i had the joy of sleeping with her in my bed and the cuddles, she is growing and i am missing that each day. I layed in bed with her and rubbed her hair but instead of being able to enjoy the time with her only felt the loss off time and contact. I imagine that it would feel like an artist like ansel adams seeing and capturing the beauty of a sunset and then losing his eyesight. He would have the memory of what he saw but never be able to harness the magic of the moment again. He would have reference of what a beautiful and warm feeling of love he had when with her but also know that he would never ever ever be able to have that feeling on a daily basis. Bittesrweet is an unholy understatement for the pain that I am feeling at this time. My "wife" still tells me at times that she loves me which Fks with my head and heart but gives a different reason for our breakup each time. I had a very brief appointment with my medication monitor today and he was so taken aback by my state of stress and anxiety that he asked if i felt i needed to go back to the hospital. I have been self medicating to try to get through but am struggling regardless of the numbness i seek. please help, i am slipping down the hill and and am scared.....
 
Aw, Jerman. I haven't been posting in here much but I have been keeping up with this thread, and I'm so sad to hear how down you sound. It really sounds like you need some help, self-medicating to numb feelings is not good. Is there anyone you can talk to in a therapy-like setting, maybe a clergy person or even a crisis hotline? I really hope you are able to work through this and get back to your old self again soon.

Remember, you once told me that if I'm feeling down, that I should do whatever needs doing in order to pick myself back up again, including kicking the cat (then you wrote a funny disclaimer that said you do not condone kicking cats). So, please do what you need to do, although I'm not advocating self-medicating OR kicking cats, but I really do hope you feel happier soon.
 
I'm sorry you're feeling so low Jer. You must hang in there...I know it's really really hard..but, I promise you things will get better. I know that's hard for you to even believe right now but they will.

You need to be talking to a professional and have them help you through this rough time. You are always welcome to vent here ...and we will always be here for you,
but we aren't professionals.

I'll be keeping you in my positive thoughts and prayers.

Remember your signature when you get low..

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.
Kahlil Gibran"

Heart Hugs~Nancy
 
Please please please don't self-medicate! It's much better (for you) to get some drugs designed to help you through this rough time.

Let me share my experience: My sister-in-law's mom had lost her husband at 53
to cancer. She pushed her feelings aside until oneday she literally couldn't get out of bed. Her family let her stay like that for 3 days, then my bro-in-law went into her room, wrapped her in a blanket and carried her to emergency.

They gave her short term meds and she's a changed woman. Please get some help, you've waged war with Crohn's, now you have to do the same with depression.

Keep fighting Jer! For your own sake and for your kids, you deserve help.
 
i agree with all 3 posts above, Jer - and i hope you take note of the care & experience behind everyone's opinions here, and get yourself back to the people who can help you mentally, emotionally, and medicinally.

i hope this doesn't come out all wrong, but i can't help thinking that you're not 'slipping down the hill', you're simply feeling the emotions of your situation right now, which is normal, anyone who is a loving soul would feel like this.

what you're going through is grief, and like any other, it takes time for the massive hurt and grieving to pass into something more bearable.. but sometimes during that adjustment time we need help from outside, and i'm asking you as a very worried friend to go to the right places to get that help. do it for you, for us, for your babies and for whatever chance you may or may not have with your wife in the future - just do it buddy. xx
 
Thank you Cat, Nancy, Jeannette, & Suz--for all of your advice and thoughtfulness. Part of what has me spinning around the drain has to do with finding out that my health insurance has been canceled! As is quite obvious from my recent posts- not exactly good timing!! Thankfully my therapist said that if need be he will do "pro bono" till we straighten out the insurance.
Really would like to crawl back in bed but am taking care of Pat's ma today & she is requiring a great deal of redirection as she fell again last nite and hit her head.

My hands are shaking a lot today & am having a lovely flare which is causing some impressive gut pain and spasms..WTF? Wish I could make all of the pain, both physical and emotional just go away, I am just all fkd up today.
 
Hang in there, Jer! I agree with everyone else's words especially Ding's! I think it is normal to have overwhelming feelings of sadness based on all the things you are having to deal with. It's a HUGE adjustment. Even when we think we've come leaps and bounds from where we were, it's normal to have days that seem to set us back to where we started. You are dealing with some difficult things.

Not to mention you just said what I was thinking...you're going through a flare. And as we all know depression and chronic illness go hand in hand. Which one comes first, I do not know, but both exacerbate each other!

You are not weak for going back and getting professional help like others have said. Do it for yourself and for your loved ones. :)

:::HUGS:::
 
Hiya Jerry

I agree with everyone too, time to go back and ask for help before you fall into the black hole again!
On a different note, sorry for being so blunt, but stay away from the missus, she's playing head games with you! Your head must be cabbaged!
I know she's having a hard time too, but telling you she loves you one minute then hating you the next, who's the one who needs therapy here?
For your own well being, cut all ties, get your own dignity and self esteem back, cos your kids are gonna need you when the ex falls down. Know what I'm saying?
Sorry if it's just too blunt, but it's just not fair to play with someone's weak spot, totally bang out of order!
Sending you some strength my friend, you can do this.
Joan xxxx
 
Thanks Marisa & Joanie, I have missed therapy the past three weeks due to a meeting he had to go to, thanksgiving, and one week when i was ill. I do believe it helps and feel somewhat ashamed to be so frikkin fragile. I have been working really hard at the retail job and start next Monday with orientation for the new job working with psychiatrically disabled people- seems a bit too ironic at this point. but i am looking forward to it. my ex to be has had he cousin and husband move in- which definitely seems to have cemented the end of the marriage and also makes it feel as though plans were in the works for a bit of time. I have been weightlifting and boxing 4 to 6 rounds on the heavy bag (Benson would be proud) and have been gaining some confidence and good physical results from that but one phone call or one sad day and I am a mess all over again.

The holiday season being here is not helping my locus of control by any means, have NO money for gifts for my babes and feel like a loser because of it. Plus all three of their birthdays are in January and February. I have been on this hellish journey since august and still have soooo far to go. My gut is killing me and i feel so emotionally tenuous, sometimes i just want to be numb. I am terribly lonely and miss the intimacy (not talking sex) of a relationship- want to move on but how sexy or attractive is it to date a 44 year old who currently shares a bunkbed with his 13 year old nephew?

My arms and upper body are getting more strong and toned, but my insides-my heart and gut are shattered and on fire respectively.
 
Another day another battle with the stress dragon,watching my every move and picking away at my subconscious. Got some angry texts from my ex to be at midnight last nite saying she saw I was looking for a relationship on my facebook page. "she actually had the gall to say, well i guess now it is over! WTF??
 
Hi Jer,
Hang in there my friend. This time of year is tough on a lot of people and worse when you are in a flare. I dont understand your ex at all.. Im thinking about you always

Take care
 
Thank you Rosemary, I truly appreciate your friendship and constant support despite your own struggles. ((((((((HUGS))))))))
 
I think we tend to forget that our thoughts, emotions and mind are, essentially, PHYSICAL parts of our body as well... they all run on chemicals that are supposed to keep them organized.....

When a person has chronic pain or illness, these chemicals become disturbed, and cause "shortages" in the messages in our brains. Sometimes it is related to not absorbing the right stuff out of the food we eat. Either way, it still comes down to the basics that is is still a PHYSIOLOGICAL process.....

Keeping that in mind.... when our gut hurts, it is acceptable to seek help.... why not when our BRAIN hurts???????? ;)

Big squishy hugs, Jer. We are here for you.................
 
Thank you so much Silver, I saw my counselor this morning and shared the issue of the ex to be and the "mixed messages" he just came right out and said that he thought she was screwing with my head. Validation is a powerful thing and something I am lucky enough to also get from friends like you. Thanks.
 
Hi everyone, it has been a while since i posted and i felt the need to reach out once again. I am really considering resigning my post as a monitor as I have done nothing to help anyone especially the new peeps and am only on here when i need support. My insurance was canceled and I am now feeling the withdrawals without my antidepressant. I am lucky in the sense that my therapist is amazing and is working "pro bono" in lieu of insurance. I should be happy as my new job is great and my boss' are phenomenal.

Christmas was brutal as i sat and watched my friends kids open their presents knowing that i had nothing to give my own due to financial restrictions. I am trying so very hard to stand tall and move on but still feel so betrayed and thrown out like common trash due to the incident and its consequences back in august.

I was doing so well and working out and pounding the heavy bag to alleviate my stress as well as lifting weights again and doing the stairmaster. I am now falling backwards and was not even able to stay at my parents house on christmas-even though they were with the golden son in Ct. just to suffer in silence, apparently due to unfounded trust issues. I have not been able to have an overnite with my boys since august and my ex laid into me via text on xmas eve in a very brutal and heartless manner.

I believe you all deserve a stronger and more consistent monitor to provide direction and support and all I have done is leech strength from forum members. I am sorry to have not been strong enough to fulfill my chosen responsibilities and think i need to go away and let someone of more substance and character step in to make this forum the resource of friendship and strength that it once was and should be. I apologize to all of my friends and to those I have not met due to my current inadequacies. I love you all and hope for the best for each and every one of you. I am truly sorry to have let you down and to not have lived up to what i could have been for you. May your own version of a higher power or a guardian angel watch over you and heal your physical and mental woes. I am sorry to have failed you. take good care and know that i will always be grateful for my time here and for those i have grown to know and care for as well as pledging my eternal empathy for those who suffer through these trials. thank you my dear dear friends.
 
Jerman - please rethink, and don't stay away from this forum. we are your friends, your cyber family, and a lot of us care deeply about you. deeply enough to not expect anything by way of input regarding the monitor role - but simply want you to stay part of this place.

right now you're the one needing support, and that is what we're here for. one day you will again be in a position to support others - and that's fine - it doesn't matter if you don't give advice for however long, you are still wanted and needed here.

i'm going to take off your Forum Monitor title temporarily, as i feel that is adding to your pressures right now, but it is yours whenever you feel ready to undertake the role again.

keep trucking, buddy, you're still on that bumpy ride, but it has to even out eventually.

((hugs))
 
Take care of yourself first. The forum will take care of itself. You have enough to deal with now, so let others take over for a while.

Dan
 
Dear Jer

Please don't apologise, and especially don't think you've failed in any way. These thoughts will only make you worse, no-one thinks any of that, we're big and ugly enough to take care of ourselves!
Just know that we're always here for you, and in time you can come back to give support and advice to the peeps!
We love you, we care, and we just want you to feel well again, in mind and in body.
Chat soon and take care
xxx
 
Jer,
You recently told me that no one can have enough friends- and we are all here for you, whenever you need us. The one good thing about this site, is that it allows members to pop in and out as they need, and that there's ALWAYS someone here to listen. Take the time that you need to heal, but PLEASE remember that we are always here.Nothing is expected from you, and in NO WAY have you failed us in anyway.
Will be thinking of you buddy,
Sending a HUGE hug and loads of love,
Andrea xx
 
Oh, Jer, sorry to hear you sounding so down again. You don't need to apologize for needing support right now, and we are all here for you! Please feel free to vent or rant on here anytime and don't worry if you aren't able to reciprocate right now, we all understand you're going through an incredibly difficult time. I hope things get better for you very soon. I am glad to hear your therapist and job are both good things in your life right now.

With regards to your insurance being canceled & you not being able to get your anti-depressants, I recall there was another thread on the forum a little while ago with suggestions as to how to get meds without insurance. Some good suggestions were to ask your doc if they have any free samples (most pharmaceutical companies give doctors tons of free samples to hand out), that might get you through until you can figure out a more permanent solution. Another idea is to call the company that makes your meds, they may have a program where you can get free or discounted meds. Good luck, I will keep you in my thoughts. Sending hugs your way!
 
dingbat said:
Jerman - please rethink, and don't stay away from this forum. we are your friends, your cyber family, and a lot of us care deeply about you. deeply enough to not expect anything by way of input regarding the monitor role - but simply want you to stay part of this place.

right now you're the one needing support, and that is what we're here for. one day you will again be in a position to support others - and that's fine - it doesn't matter if you don't give advice for however long, you are still wanted and needed here.

i'm going to take off your Forum Monitor title temporarily, as i feel that is adding to your pressures right now, but it is yours whenever you feel ready to undertake the role again.

keep trucking, buddy, you're still on that bumpy ride, but it has to even out eventually.

((hugs))
Click to expand...

Thank you Suz, you have been an angel to me in so many ways i could never explain my feelings of gratefulness in just words. I am trying so very hard to stand tall and proud and will find my way once again, just do not know how right now. Ironically, the only place i feel safe in my own skin is when i am at work, although the folks i work with are labeled as the toughest in the entire agency, I feel able to direct and lead with a swagger and a sense of confidence that I know I am damned good at what I do. It also lends a bit of perspective that others have survived so much worse and are still standiing- and benefiting from my presence.
 
D Bergy said:
Take care of yourself first. The forum will take care of itself. You have enough to deal with now, so let others take over for a while.

Dan
Click to expand...

Thank you Dan, you are always so sincere and direct, a strong and solid person and member of the family.
 
Astra101 said:
Dear Jer

Please don't apologise, and especially don't think you've failed in any way. These thoughts will only make you worse, no-one thinks any of that, we're big and ugly enough to take care of ourselves!
Just know that we're always here for you, and in time you can come back to give support and advice to the peeps!
We love you, we care, and we just want you to feel well again, in mind and in body.
Chat soon and take care
xxx
Click to expand...

thank you Joanie, you are a beautiful and gentle soul, I love you all too, and will work hard to make you all proud. I am and have always been a bit of a captain comeback and will somehow do it again. bless you ya saucy brit!
 
Cat-a-Tonic said:
Oh, Jer, sorry to hear you sounding so down again. You don't need to apologize for needing support right now, and we are all here for you! Please feel free to vent or rant on here anytime and don't worry if you aren't able to reciprocate right now, we all understand you're going through an incredibly difficult time. I hope things get better for you very soon. I am glad to hear your therapist and job are both good things in your life right now.

With regards to your insurance being canceled & you not being able to get your anti-depressants, I recall there was another thread on the forum a little while ago with suggestions as to how to get meds without insurance. Some good suggestions were to ask your doc if they have any free samples (most pharmaceutical companies give doctors tons of free samples to hand out), that might get you through until you can figure out a more permanent solution. Another idea is to call the company that makes your meds, they may have a program where you can get free or discounted meds. Good luck, I will keep you in my thoughts. Sending hugs your way!
Click to expand...

thanks Cat- great suggestions, I will work hard to fight through the bS beauracracy and be the best Jerman that I can be. Thank you sweetheart for your compassion and loyalty. ((((((hugs)))))))
 
Ok so head is spinning a bit, the positive thing is that i am coming off of 3 days with my 3 babies. We saw gulliver's travels which had Alea 4, cian 10, colin 14, and Jerman 44- laughing our asses off for nearing the entire flick. Definately a warped group we are but it was hysterical.

On the rough side of things, my daughters mother (? someday to be ex) has asked if I would be interested in going to counseling.....yep you really just read that. She has said that she still loves me and misses me, that maybe we could work towards reconciling. I do still love her, although there are many swirling emotions stemming from this long journey and the many trials I have had to face since my exile from my home and my princess & beautiful boys. Am I stupid to even consider this or is their hope for this head injured romantic? I still cry each time I drop of the three of the kids to their respective mother's home, as I do miss the way things were- especially having my babies in my life on a regular basis. I am not strong enough to have my heart stomped on again and am leery but still even after all that has been done have feelings- 9 years together doesn't just go away, although i have built a wall of anger for the past five months and had the illusion of healing buy hiding behind the wall. I know that I cannot let my boys go through another episode of exile in the case that things didn't work out due to all of the things I have shared since the beginning of this thread. I need your opinions and advice my friends. My head is all fogged in and I am stuck in a harbor of chaotic emotions. Please my friends, share your sage advice and be my shining lights again...
 
Jer, think things through and if this is something you truly want to give a try to then I suggest you start the counceling before making any sudden changes to see how you feel it will go first. I dont want to see you hurt agian and want you to make the choice for the right reasons. Loving someone does not just go away because things are not working out. Whatever your decision may be, know that I am here for you and stand behind your decision. everything happens for a reason and we all learn from our own choices. maybe she has learned something from all of this as well. Sometimes we dont know what we have until we dont have it anymore and therefore to get that back we make changes to ourselves. maybe this is what she has realized.

Good luck my friend, I am always thinking about you..
 
Hey Jer!

Sorry I have been away from the forum for a while. I've been busy with work and making some changes/decisions regarding my future. Thank you for messaging me! :)

I understand your concern and confusion with your ex-wife suggesting counseling. I have opinions on both sides of the spectrum about this. First, I want to say that whatever you decide, you should proceed with caution. It is obvious that this woman knows how to play with your emotions, so it would be difficult (as you have mentioned) if you put yourself in a position to get hurt again.

I do think it may be a step in the right direction for you two to try counseling. It's obvious that you both still have feelings for each other (nine years together, of course!)If she has suggested it, I am hoping that means she is open to the idea of change if you decide to continue a relationship together. If you do decide you want to try counseling, it may be helpful to go about it in the way that you are seeking to learn healthy ways of communicating with each other rather than necessarily looking to get back together. Whether you stay together or not, you both need to learn how to treat each other since your relationship with each other has an affect on the children as well. So, it is beneficial and important in that sense.

If you can establish healthy ways of communicating and interacting with each other, then and only then, do I think it would be safe to consider getting back together with her. It takes commitment and she has a history of tearing you down when things get tough. If she really wants things to work between you two, she will respect the need to establish a solid platonic relationship first.

I am a big believer in counseling and think it can be extremely effective when everyone involved is committed to it and open-minded. One-on-one counseling would be even better on top of the couples counseling (her most importantly). That way the counselor still knows whats going on individually as far as goals, priorities, and personal matters.

I think it's great that she suggested counseling because perhaps it means she's acknowledging the fact that an outside source of help is needed.

Just proceed with caution. There has been a lot of trust lost between the two of you and it will take time to earn it back. I think it's better to try and realize you weren't meant to stay together than write someone off. But, I also do not know her as well as you. So, of course, you have to make the final decision (as you know). That's just my opinion based on everything you've shared with us about you guys.

I feel my response is scattered and unfocused, so I apologize if I repeated myself or am unclear.

Keep us posted!

P.S. You don't have to apologize for anything. The forum is a place for support, regardless of your title on the board! I agree with others - take care of yourself and the board will do the same! ;)
 
ok, here's my thoughts Jer...

1. you want to be with your children.
2. you were heartbroken to think your marriage was over.
3. your wife has now said she loves you too, and is willing to work towards getting you all back together as a family.

Jer, you have nothing to lose by going along with it. you could actually gain everything, everything you want and have grieved for all this time - so it has to be worth a try.

but be cautious.. don't assume it's going to work, just give it your best shot, and one last word of advice - if you don't like the counsellor you're given, ask to change after the first appointment. it's really important that the person giving advice on your marriage is someone you both like and trust.
 
And here's mine

move back in, be careful, stay calm, stay focused
and if she kicks off, kick HER out!
and warn her, no more head games
Good luck, counselling can be the break or make, I hope it works for you both
These last 5 months have been horrendous, and yup, you've got nowt to lose!
xxx
 
I think counselling is a great idea, but I think you need to make sure it's the right type. What I mean is, maybe counselling for the two of you individually, and then together in couples' couselling. That way, the therapist knows where both of you are coming from as individuals and as a couple, and what the best choices would be based on this info.

This can help you in that you come to see individually what each of you want/need/expect from yourselves and your relationship with each other.

Alot of the stuff you've gone through Jer erodes the trust and feeling of security in a marriage, and by going to individual and couples' couselling I think it will help both of you to address this and find a way to heal, and prevent repeating it down the road.

My best wishes to you and your future, wherever it leads I hope you will find the happiness you deserve!
 

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