Awful people!

[Jaano711]

I went out last night for a good friends birthday. Was a gathering of about 30 ladies, no partners, at a lovely garden restaurant. I drove and picked up a friend, was feeling a little anxious a have yet to go out socially with out my hubby anyway, cut to the chase, a friend of a friend drank a lot of champagne, and then at the top of her voice started telling me that she knew I had 'bag' and how awful it is. Asked me how I coped with something s awful and when was I getting rid of it.

I felt so humiliated a I didn't know a lot of people and they were all staring and talking about me, and when I told this lady tha actually I was not able to have it reversed she kept saying why. I told her it was physically impossible and to mind her own business. I don't want to go out anymore. I felt so violated and different. How dare this woman hack into my newly developing sense of self.

Now I don't want to leave the house anymore. In fact I don't want to get out of bed today

 

[Laura44]

Oh gosh I am so sorry Janette! I know that must have felt awful - but I bet that lady you were with feels even worse this morning...as she should. I hope she has called to apologize...not that it will fix what is done but it would be the right thing for her to do. Most of the people staring were probably more talking about how stupid she was than you. I wouldn't let it bother you too much.

You should still continue to go out and have fun - probably just not with her! lol Sounds like she isn't very smart or mature.

Hang in there!!

 

[smallfry]

Hi Janette,
It sucks to hear about ignorant people but they do exist. You should try not to let her under your skin, you are a stonger person than she ever will be! That is where you need to try and educate as much as you can. I'm not saying you need to tell your whole story but maybe start by talking about why you have it and how it helps you, and so many others have a better quality of life because of it. Maybe instead of shutting people down try educating them. It's hard at first, I used to get nervous and get my back up but i'm getting used to explaining my stoma and crohn's. Most people are very curious and receptive and maybe some ask the wrong way but that's where we have to keep our cool and make stoma's not seem so tabo. Please still go out. That drunk lady is not worth your time.

 

[Grumbletum]

I'm really sorry you had to go through this and I agree with Dusty that either you or your friend should speak to that woman about how wrong what she did is. You would hope that she'd realise herself, but I think she needs to be made aware just how bad it made you feel.
Discussing anyone's personal and private business, be it health or otherwise, is not on and I think that tackling her one way or the other over it will help you to gain the confidence to get right back out there.

 

[Moe.]

This will cheer you up
im sure it will

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0daM97RT0k

 

[Jaano711]

Thanks all. Feeling less alone. Great bit of vision there moe. I know I often need to be reminded of all the things I have to be thankful for.

 

[tots]

Some people just shouldn't be allowed to drink .

I am so sorry you paid the price for her poor choice!

Just don't let a drunk make you hide in your house . Karma will get her when she left as t expects it. I really believe that.


I hope things look up soon!


Lauren

 

[Jaano711]

Thanks Again
I had to leave the house today, our 15year old Rosie puppy had a bad turn and ended up passing away at the vets. Absolutely gutted. we have had Rosie since before we got married. Paul, the kids and I are just devestated.

 

[Samboi]

I'm sorry for your loss Janette.
My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[Terriernut]

I'm so sorry. It's losing a family member. Dogs have only one fault..their lives are too short.

:hug: Hugs to you and your family.

 

[amandaerin]

I'm so sorry...

 

[poppets mum]

If I was one of those ladies sitting there, I would be thinking what an amazing strong brave person to venture outside of the comfort and security of her home to be here with us all. Unfortunately there are quite a few people out there who have no idea what it is like to live with a difficult chronic condition. For this particular woman it was probably ignorant curiosity. I think the next time you go to a social gathering it will be easier because you will be prepared for the comments, which more than likely won't happen again.
Sorry to hear about your Doggie.:ghug:

 

[Gav]

Sorry for your loss :hug::hug:

And the friend of a friend who decided to announce to the world that you have a stoma...sounds like a sign she has massive insecurities, if she feels she has to to try to embarrass others to make herself feel better. I wish her luck with that, as it's the road to ruin.

I hope it doesn't affect your confidence too much in the long run. :hug:

 

[Nyx]

I'm sorry to hear about your dog, they really are part of the family and it hurts when they pass away. Love to you and your family at this time.

 

[Trysha]

Hello Janette
You are certainly going through the wringer right now, but it will get better.
Walk away from ignorant and uncaring people they don't deserve your company.
How sad that you lost your dog, I really know how that feels, and such a shock.
Maybe later on you will be able to adopt an unwanted dog, they would be so grateful and forever friends. May be a little soon yet, but its a thought.
Feel better soon
Hugs and best wishes
Trysha

 

[ron50]

Ther are a seemingly a lot of rude insensitive people out there. Mostly it is just ignorance. Genuine ignorance. If something is outside their scope and they cannot understand it ,it can lead to situations like yours. I have always talked about my problems. I had stage 3 bowel cancer,I was at work one day when one of the machine company reps dropped in. She looked me up and down and said you don't look like you are dying. I was in the middle of chemo and said it's too early to tell but some days I feel like I am. Then I asked her if she had a colonoscopy lately ,at your age it is advisable. She never bugged me again. Sorry about your puppy,the more I see of people,the more I love dogs..Ron.

 

[2thFairy]

So very sorry for your loss, Janette. Puppies are the best medicine and losing them really sets us back.

 

[Absentminded]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. Our furry friends wriggle their ways into our hearts so easily.
When my little cat Rocky passed away I found this poem really comforting and now share it with my friends when they've had cats or dogs pass away in the hope that it brings them some comfort too.http://rainbowsbridge.com/poem.htm

 

[robbo87]

Wow that's awful! What a horrible woman. I hope you have had an apology of some sort. I'd be a bit annoyed with the fact that a friend who knew about it has clearly been talking to other people about it too.

I've told a few of my friend's but I'd be horrified If I found out they'd been telling other people.


Sorry to hear you've lost your dog aswell.

 

[Susan2]

I'm sorry that everything seems to have come at once, Janette. It is always so heart-wrenching to lose one of our beloved pets. They are such a comfort when we are unwell and they always seem to know when we are feeling down. :hug:

 

[persephone300]

It's possible I'm the only one, but I've gotten to the stage with my stoma and my crohns etc, where I kinda think...who gives a poop, I can't anymore!

I would tend to make a joke about it and just carry on - this might sound incredibly unsympathetic, and that's not what I want it to sound like - but I find, the more I make it less of an issue fo myself, the less of an issue it is - there are more things to worry about.

Plus I think to myself, could be worse, I could be dead :|, that always makes me stubborn enough to grit my teeth and get on with things.

 

[annawato]

I think you're right Persephone, the more open and relaxed you are about having a stoma the more accepting people are. My family and friends are more curious and interested rather than repulsed. They see it as a necessary medical intervention that has probably saved my life and for that they are thankful.
I'm so relaxed about it at home and with a couple of friends that I have to stop myself talking about it to other people - not that they would mind just that it may be tmi. haha

 

[Misty-Eyed]

Yeah I'm the same.... I always think that if everyone sees that I don't have a problem with it, then they shouldn't be. I always point my bag out at work when it blows up like a balloon and generally don't have a problem with anyone knowing. Educationist people about ostomies is important, I think.

I can also understand that not everyone feels the same, however!

 

[Jaano711]

Wanted to let you know we got a new puppy. Our labrador Daisy got really depressed. We ended up getting a choc labrador pup. Her name is Poppy and she is my avatar pic. Still miss Rosie, but Poppy has made us all smile.

 

[annawato]

Janette she looks absolutely gorgeous. I hope she is good company for and has cheered up Daisy. Nothing like a puppy to make everyone happy, even sad doggies.

 

[Mountaingem]

:ack: Oh my God-that is just horrible! I wish I had words of wisdom for you. When I was first diagnosed I was always afraid of having an accident and my then-boyfriend quoted Dr. Seuss: "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind." It was true and sometimes facing an illness brings out the worst in others. I'm so sorry you went through this-HUGS to you Janette!

BTW I'm Jeannette too

 

[Terriernut]

Wanted to let you know we got a new puppy. Our labrador Daisy got really depressed. We ended up getting a choc labrador pup. Her name is Poppy and she is my avatar pic. Still miss Rosie, but Poppy has made us all smile.

She is gorgeous!! May she bring much joy (and mischief) to you and your family. Daisy will be on her toes with a little one, will keep her very busy indeed!

 

[annawato]

:ack: Dr. Seuss: "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind."

I love Dr Seuss, and love that quote from him.

 

[Jaano711]

I'm a bit of a Dr Seus fan as well. He has a quote for nearly every occasion.

 

[annawato]

And his books are so much fun to read to littlies. I enjoy them as much as they do.