Awful people!

Crohn's Disease Forum

Help Support Crohn's Disease Forum:

Jaano711

Jaano711

Joined
Apr 19, 2012
Messages
452
Location
South Australia
I went out last night for a good friends birthday. Was a gathering of about 30 ladies, no partners, at a lovely garden restaurant. I drove and picked up a friend, was feeling a little anxious a have yet to go out socially with out my hubby anyway, cut to the chase, a friend of a friend drank a lot of champagne, and then at the top of her voice started telling me that she knew I had 'bag' and how awful it is. Asked me how I coped with something s awful and when was I getting rid of it.

I felt so humiliated a I didn't know a lot of people and they were all staring and talking about me, and when I told this lady tha actually I was not able to have it reversed she kept saying why. I told her it was physically impossible and to mind her own business. I don't want to go out anymore. I felt so violated and different. How dare this woman hack into my newly developing sense of self.

Now I don't want to leave the house anymore. In fact I don't want to get out of bed today
 
Oh gosh I am so sorry Janette! I know that must have felt awful - but I bet that lady you were with feels even worse this morning...as she should. I hope she has called to apologize...not that it will fix what is done but it would be the right thing for her to do. Most of the people staring were probably more talking about how stupid she was than you. I wouldn't let it bother you too much.

You should still continue to go out and have fun - probably just not with her! lol Sounds like she isn't very smart or mature.

Hang in there!!
 
Hi Janette,
It sucks to hear about ignorant people but they do exist. You should try not to let her under your skin, you are a stonger person than she ever will be! That is where you need to try and educate as much as you can. I'm not saying you need to tell your whole story but maybe start by talking about why you have it and how it helps you, and so many others have a better quality of life because of it. Maybe instead of shutting people down try educating them. It's hard at first, I used to get nervous and get my back up but i'm getting used to explaining my stoma and crohn's. Most people are very curious and receptive and maybe some ask the wrong way but that's where we have to keep our cool and make stoma's not seem so tabo. Please still go out. That drunk lady is not worth your time.
 
Wow, That is just awful. People can be so rude and ignorant. Please dont feel like you never want to go out again. Not all people are as stupid as that woman. I agree with the other poster, they others were probably thinking what an ******* that lady was( please excuse my french!). You did not deserve that. Dont let one idiot make you feel down. Yeah you have a bag, So what, you are still the same person you were before you had one. Dont let what she did keep you from going out and enjoying yourself. I am sorry you had to go through that though.
 
Good grief! How awful for you! :(:(:(

What also annoys me about this is why no one else stood up and told her to shut the hell up. I can well understand that you would be shocked and humiliated and therefore at somewhat of a loss for words but there is no excuse for others when they realised what was happening. UGH!

I would speak to your friend, whose birthday it was, as she no doubt knows who this woman is and tell her just how humiliating this whole episode was for you and expect that this other woman be told. But that is me and perhaps that is not how you want things done. :hug:

I so hope this doesn't spoil things for you. I don't have Crohn's, my children do. My daughter found at one point she had to 'drop' some friends as in her words...she needed to surround herself by positive people. Perhaps start slowly when going out socially and at first ensure that you surround by people that know and understand your journey and appreciate who you are. As times moves on and you become more comfortable with both yourself and others then you can start to expand and experiment with various social scenarios. I hate I am suggesting that shouldn't just go out and do what you want but I also hate that these sort of insensitive people will ruin things for you and not wanting to go out at all becomes the norm. :(

Thinking of you, :heart:
Dusty. xxx
 
Don't let one ignorant, drunk woman keep you from living your life to the fullest! There are always going to be people who don't or won't understand...you can't let them get you down. Think of the positives that your stoma has given you and focus on those. Focus on the friends that know and understand you and what you've been through. Sorry this happened to you...you may have a bag, but at least you're not an ******* (most of us don't even have ********...bad joke, I know...lol)
 
Well there are some ignorant silly people but look what you have achieved on a daily basis coping with this disease. How many people at the party could even get out of bed in the morning after with a sore head.
Anyone who has this dieseas4e or similar is a far stronger person in many ways .
Peter
 
I'm really sorry you had to go through this and I agree with Dusty that either you or your friend should speak to that woman about how wrong what she did is. You would hope that she'd realise herself, but I think she needs to be made aware just how bad it made you feel.
Discussing anyone's personal and private business, be it health or otherwise, is not on and I think that tackling her one way or the other over it will help you to gain the confidence to get right back out there.
 
Oh Janette, I'm so sorry that you had to deal with such an ignorant person!
No extra advice to add, I agree with everything everyone had said already.
I just wanted to add my support and a big hug! Don't let one stupid woman spoil your confidence. To deal with IBD and a stoma every day makes you super strong, don't forget that!
*Hug*
 
I am at a loss for words at that horrid woman. I think the hostess should have a word, or should've had a word at the time.

You don't need people like this in your life. I had a 'friend' who told everyone at my job that I had an ostomy. I left that job and those people behind. Life is too short to be around ANYONE who isn't supportive of you. And sometimes that is our own families too.

You are going to be taking off soon in your health and happiness, and you will leave the idiots in the dirt where they belong! :voodoo:

:ghug:
 
I would imagine she has something in her life that she can't cope with. She was using you to make herself feel better. I have a friend who said it was karma, and asked me what I have done for this to happen to me! You are doing really well Janette, don't give this stupid woman another thought xxx
 
Some people just shouldn't be allowed to drink .

I am so sorry you paid the price for her poor choice!

Just don't let a drunk make you hide in your house . Karma will get her when she left as t expects it. I really believe that.


I hope things look up soon!


Lauren
 
Janette I am so sorry that this has happened.
Having a bag can really dent your confidence.
Having a drunk fool carry on like this can exacerbate that.
You're doing great and have made so much progress.
It's sad for her that she is a sad and angry drunk.
It's awesome for you that you're a survivor and you kick arse.
You've shown such strength and determination to get where you are.
Don't let one imbecile undermine the amazing things you have achieved.
You rock.
 
This chick seriously needs her a$$ kicked. Really. Like there aren't enough issues to deal with around self-image and self-confidence, that you need the likes of this ignoramus getting her drunk nose into your business. Gah.

I hope you never have to see her again...and don't let her get you down. For every fool that's out there, there's a lovely person who deserves your fabulousness a whole heck of a lot more.

Kismet
 
Hi,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what happened to you, and I understand why your angry and feel the need to isolate yourself, but trust me, as someone who has pretty much done that for the better part of 2 plus yrs, I can tell you it only makes things worse :(
The person who said those awful things was drunk, stupid, inconsiderate, and hopefully feeling like utter $%it right now, so please don't hide away...Take a deep breath...Lift your head up high...And walk out that door knowing that this disease doesn't define who you are...And neither does the comments of one stupid drunk :) Also know that you always have the support of all the good people here with you at all times :)

I wish you hope, strength, and love to get you through this difficult time...

Stephen
 
Thanks Again
I had to leave the house today, our 15year old Rosie puppy had a bad turn and ended up passing away at the vets. Absolutely gutted. we have had Rosie since before we got married. Paul, the kids and I are just devestated.
 
I'm so sorry. It's losing a family member. Dogs have only one fault..their lives are too short.

:hug: Hugs to you and your family.
 
If I was one of those ladies sitting there, I would be thinking what an amazing strong brave person to venture outside of the comfort and security of her home to be here with us all. Unfortunately there are quite a few people out there who have no idea what it is like to live with a difficult chronic condition. For this particular woman it was probably ignorant curiosity. I think the next time you go to a social gathering it will be easier because you will be prepared for the comments, which more than likely won't happen again.
Sorry to hear about your Doggie.:ghug:
 
Some people are so thoughtless and cruel!!!!

Given the choice I would much rather have you for a friend than that idiot! Anyone who feels any different isn't worth your time. You might have a smaller circle of friends but they will be better friends. So don't be afraid to get back out there and enjoy yourself.

((((((Hugs))))))
 
Sorry for your loss :hug::hug:

And the friend of a friend who decided to announce to the world that you have a stoma...sounds like a sign she has massive insecurities, if she feels she has to to try to embarrass others to make herself feel better. I wish her luck with that, as it's the road to ruin.

I hope it doesn't affect your confidence too much in the long run. :hug:
 
Wow. I'm so so sorry. That's a lot to deal with in a matter of days :(

With regards to the woman, she's a complete idiot. I hope that she at least is feeling some remorse on her own for what she did at that party. And I hope you never have to cross paths in the future.

And I am so sorry to hear about your dog, pets are family just as much as humans.
I hope both you and your family can find comfort very soon and that you eventually find the strength to get back out there socially sooner rather than later. Don't let this one woman dictate how you live the rest of your life. Stay strong. :hug:
 
I'm sorry to hear about your dog, they really are part of the family and it hurts when they pass away. Love to you and your family at this time.
 
Hello Janette
You are certainly going through the wringer right now, but it will get better.
Walk away from ignorant and uncaring people they don't deserve your company.
How sad that you lost your dog, I really know how that feels, and such a shock.
Maybe later on you will be able to adopt an unwanted dog, they would be so grateful and forever friends. May be a little soon yet, but its a thought.
Feel better soon
Hugs and best wishes
Trysha
 
Ther are a seemingly a lot of rude insensitive people out there. Mostly it is just ignorance. Genuine ignorance. If something is outside their scope and they cannot understand it ,it can lead to situations like yours. I have always talked about my problems. I had stage 3 bowel cancer,I was at work one day when one of the machine company reps dropped in. She looked me up and down and said you don't look like you are dying. I was in the middle of chemo and said it's too early to tell but some days I feel like I am. Then I asked her if she had a colonoscopy lately ,at your age it is advisable. She never bugged me again. Sorry about your puppy,the more I see of people,the more I love dogs..Ron.
 
So very sorry for your loss, Janette. Puppies are the best medicine and losing them really sets us back.
 
Oh Janette, what a horrible week!! And what a truly horrible woman! I hope your mutual friend gave her a right ear bashing for that! But Gav is right, I'm sure she did it to make her feel better about herself.

You just have to remember that you took the courage to go out to dinner to lead an normal life. If you're scared to go out socially again, I'd just go out a few times on a one on one basis with a friend that you truly trust and build it up. I really hope this doesn't put you off completely!!!
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. Our furry friends wriggle their ways into our hearts so easily.
When my little cat Rocky passed away I found this poem really comforting and now share it with my friends when they've had cats or dogs pass away in the hope that it brings them some comfort too.http://rainbowsbridge.com/poem.htm
 
Wow that's awful! What a horrible woman. I hope you have had an apology of some sort. I'd be a bit annoyed with the fact that a friend who knew about it has clearly been talking to other people about it too.

I've told a few of my friend's but I'd be horrified If I found out they'd been telling other people.


Sorry to hear you've lost your dog aswell.
 
I'm sorry that everything seems to have come at once, Janette. It is always so heart-wrenching to lose one of our beloved pets. They are such a comfort when we are unwell and they always seem to know when we are feeling down. :hug:
 
Janette, I've come on to this thread late but just wanted to pass on my condolence for the loss of your beautiful dog. i know how devastated I would feel if my dog passed away.
I'd also like to pass on my anger at that horrible nasty thoughtless woman. Its unbelievable that an adult could act like that. I'm quite certain the majority of the people there would have been just as horrified and annoyed at her as you were upset. Don't let one excuse for a human get you down. She is definitely not worth it! And you are far better than her!
 
It's possible I'm the only one, but I've gotten to the stage with my stoma and my crohns etc, where I kinda think...who gives a poop, I can't anymore!

I would tend to make a joke about it and just carry on - this might sound incredibly unsympathetic, and that's not what I want it to sound like - but I find, the more I make it less of an issue fo myself, the less of an issue it is - there are more things to worry about.

Plus I think to myself, could be worse, I could be dead :|, that always makes me stubborn enough to grit my teeth and get on with things.
 
I think you're right Persephone, the more open and relaxed you are about having a stoma the more accepting people are. My family and friends are more curious and interested rather than repulsed. They see it as a necessary medical intervention that has probably saved my life and for that they are thankful.
I'm so relaxed about it at home and with a couple of friends that I have to stop myself talking about it to other people - not that they would mind just that it may be tmi. haha
 
Yeah I'm the same.... I always think that if everyone sees that I don't have a problem with it, then they shouldn't be. I always point my bag out at work when it blows up like a balloon and generally don't have a problem with anyone knowing. Educationist people about ostomies is important, I think.

I can also understand that not everyone feels the same, however!
 
Wanted to let you know we got a new puppy. Our labrador Daisy got really depressed. We ended up getting a choc labrador pup. Her name is Poppy and she is my avatar pic. Still miss Rosie, but Poppy has made us all smile.
 
Janette she looks absolutely gorgeous. I hope she is good company for and has cheered up Daisy. Nothing like a puppy to make everyone happy, even sad doggies.
 
:ack: Oh my God-that is just horrible! I wish I had words of wisdom for you. When I was first diagnosed I was always afraid of having an accident and my then-boyfriend quoted Dr. Seuss: "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind." It was true and sometimes facing an illness brings out the worst in others. I'm so sorry you went through this-HUGS to you Janette!

BTW I'm Jeannette too :D
 
Jaano711 said:
Wanted to let you know we got a new puppy. Our labrador Daisy got really depressed. We ended up getting a choc labrador pup. Her name is Poppy and she is my avatar pic. Still miss Rosie, but Poppy has made us all smile.
Click to expand...

She is gorgeous!! May she bring much joy (and mischief) to you and your family. Daisy will be on her toes with a little one, will keep her very busy indeed!
 

Similar threads

Papantoine
Neglect?
Replies
2
Views
573
Bufford
Bufford
thike1966
Christmas Eve, my car was lost, later found
Replies
3
Views
1K
Lisa
Lisa
K
So confused after apparent relapse
Replies
6
Views
2K
Opieshuffle13
O
C
How to enjoy life while immunocompromised?
Replies
3
Views
2K
Babs65
B
L
Losing friends
Replies
1
Views
2K
valleysangel92
valleysangel92

Latest posts

Back
Top