Corrupt a Wish

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You have a golden egg laying chicken - but the government takes it to help pay off debts.

I wish I was in bed instead of working.
 
you're in bed instead of working, but it's because you weigh 600 pounds and have no choice.

I wish I had just one real wish, just for today, just for someone special .
 
You have a real wish for someone, but then realize that they're not so special after all.

I wish I didn't eat breakfast.
 
You find a time machine, but instead of just the day - you rush through the next year of your life!

I wish I had the money to buy a house.
 
You're at the beach when a tsunami hits and buries you in it's swells.

I wish I had a magic wand.
 
You have a magic wand, but the wizard who you stole it from finds you and is pissed.

I wish I slept better last night.
 
You slept so well, that nobody can wake you, not even a kiss from your true love.

I wish the toilet wasn't so far away.
 
You're a Christmas Tree, but are accidentally lit afire because of a candle burning too close to you.

I wish I had a big long furry tail.
 
You have a long furry tail, but it gets in the way everytime you potty.

I wish the taxes would do themselves.
 
The taxes do themselves, wrongly. As a punishment you have to spend a weekend with the pain monster.

I wish Manchester United had beaten Barcelona in the Champions League final.
 
Manchester United won, but because of cheating. The win is reversed.

I wish I had bought the Trapt CD I was looking at this weekend.
 
You bought it, but it plays elevator music.

I wish I had a pair of dragon wings!
 
Someone does paint you living room, but it looks like they didn't.

I wish Ensure wasn't so expensive.
 
Ensure is cheaper now because the ingredients are only flour and water.

I wish zoid's licky cow would come back.
 
Zoid's licky cow comes back, but only for a moment before the cow finally runs off the screen.

I wish I had enough money to travel to Paris.
 
You now have enough money for the trip, but all the airlines are on strike, and nobody will take you there.

I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener.
 
You are an Oscar Meyer wiener, but you smell so good you take a bite out of your stomach.

I wish my pens would stop running out of ink.
 
Your pens work eternally, but that's not ink... it's blood!

I wish my husband would wake up and scramble some eggs for me.
 
Your husband wakes up and makes the eggs, but he burns the last ones in the house.

I wish vacation time wasn't so long away.
 
Vacation time is right around the corner, but there was an emergency change at work, and everyone needs to stay and work through it.
 
You have 83, but you dropped one. Now you only have 82 pence.

I wish I had a 440 pound Dr House.
 
You have a 400 lbs. Dr. House, but he sits on you after examining you.

I wish I had a friend in my neighborhood.
 
You live in Sweden, but the mountains are gone and you never see Greece beaches again.

I wish I had banana power. :dance:
 
You have banana power, but it only lasts as long as it takes a banana to go bad in a brown bag.

I wish my family was normal.
 
Your family is as normal as they get, but the new norm is as dotty as zoid.

I wish I could sell my house for more than it's worth.
 
lol

you do sell your house for more than it's worth. by a penny.

i wish this paperwork would do itself.
 
Paperwork does itself using Rita Skeeter's Quick Quotes Quill, so it's inaccurate.

I wish I had some peanut butter and chocolate fudge.
 
You have peanut butter and chocolate fudge... but it's about a year past it's prime.

I wish I won the lotto.
 
You win the lotto, but just as 10,000,000 other people do, and you have to split the share evenly.

I wish I had a house on the beach.
 
Jessica said:
You have a house on the beach... just as hurricane season begins.

I wish I was at the beach.
Click to expand...

Come join me! It's beautiful here!

You are at the beach, but are eaten slowly by millions of sea fleas.

I wish I would've made it to the toilet.
 
FL here, I ride my bike to the beach. :)

You made it to the toilet, but you realize there's no tp on the roll or in the house.

I wish I could have a salad for lunch.
 
Oregon here, used to live in Florida. :)

You have a salad for lunch, but it's mingled with palmetto bugs.

I wish I could visit England.
 
You get to visit England.. but on the way back your plane starts having engine trouble over the Atlantic. Safe flight home, but reallllly scarey.

I wish I could sit at home and finish my book series instead of working.
 
You take a week off to finish you books, but you get so involved in it that you never bathe or brush your teeth, and you end up growing a beard.

I wish I could hike up a steep mountain.
 
You do hike up, but then slide down the other side, hitting your head on a tree, and giving yourself a slight concussion.

I wish I was a Dalek.
 
You are a Dalek, but are killed by a Thal.

I wish I was a seedless watermelon.
 
You are a seedless watermelon, but get eaten by a 440 pound Dr House.

I wish I was Farrah Fawcett, circa Cannonball Run.
 
You have one, but an ant walks away with it while you are on the toilet.

I wish my grandparents would stay longer.
 
You have the money to go shopping tonight, but you get mugged at gunpoint on your way to the store.

I wish I could eat my birthday cake.
 
You can eat your birthday cake, but your face will be blue for three days.

I wish I had a Jacuzzi.
 
You have a jacuzzi, but you don't have enough hot water to fill it, so you can't use it anyway.

I wish I could see the Northern Lights from here.
 
You can see the Aurora Borealis from your home, but they leave your house multicolored.

I wish my guts would cooperate!
 
Your guts finally cooperate, but only once you're asleep.

I wish I had a multicolered house!
 
You have a multicolored house but you go color-blind and so is everyone around you.

I wish I could knit
 
You're a meerkat, but everywhere you go, and everything you do, is filmed by an Animal Planet tv crew.

I wish more people used the Quagmire emoticon. :allright:
 
More people use the emoticon... so much more, that you begin having dreams about him. Well, rather nightmares.

I wish I had eaten breakfast.
 
You eat breakfast but then realize you overindulged in the foods you love only to anticipate what is coming ahead of you the rest of the day from being a crohnie.

I wish I had some motivation because I am all dressed already to actually get off my computer and couch and out the door.
 
You have nicer feet... so nice that everyone around you decides you can't walk on them anymore.

I wish people were more honest.
 
My bad.

You have more motivation to get out the door. So much that you never return.

I wish people were more honest.
 
LOL

You get your wish that more people are honest. So much that the whole population becomes honest and it turns into a no holding back from any boundaries that people loose their self confidence and often become insulted from too much honesty.

I wish that the water bottle I am staring at would magically come to me. Yes it is only 10 feet away but I am having such a (as you can tell) lazy sick day (all the running earlier in my apartment got me tired)!
 
Your water bottle magically comes to you, but so does everything else in your apartment, burying you alive.

I wish I was a dancing banana! :banana: :dance:
 
You have time to yourself, but you get so lonely that you spiral into a deep depression.

:confused: I wish zoid hadn't disappeared. :ladysman: (We miss his silliness.)
 
I know, right... but he comes back with a vengeance and we never get a post in edge-wise on the last one wins or game time threads.

I wish we haddent had Chinese for dinner.
 
You ate cow pie with a side of buffalo chips for dinner.

I wish I was a cranberry bran muffin.
 
You can and with out consequences... except when there isn't a kfc where you are you don't eat. Even on long holidays.

I wish my arthritis wasn't acting up this morning.
 
You do have a kfc near you. Dow the road in fact. But every time you eat there, you get food poisoning,

I wish someone would make me breakfast.
 
You have a hamster sandwich - but it runs away!

I wish my wrist would stop hurting - got stung by a yellow jacket!
 
Your wrist stops hurting, because your arm falls off.

I wish Gerard Butler would show up at my door and plant a big kiss on me.
 
Gerard Butler shows up...plants a whopping big kiss that reeks of bad breath.....

Ok - even though the arm has fallen off - wrist STILL is swollen/itches - 24hrs post-sting!!!!!.....wish I had a solution for it (although I did just take 2 benadryl!)
 
You got your book but it didn't matter because I already told you how it ended.

I wish I had a hot fudge sundae....and could eat it without consequence.
 
You have your sundae, with no consequence. Then you chance another, and oh dear.

I wish the person who tries to corrupt this wish has to eat long pork, with me not having to eat it of course.
 
Last edited:
I eat the long pork (whatever "long" pork is), and you don't have to eat it. Shortly after, you become very hungry, and eat your own finger, because there is no long pork left.

I wish I could do something other than lie in bed sick.
 
Oh Ben, you brave soul!

You are now lying sick on the bathroom floor, rather than in bed.

I wish for an ancient psychic tandom war elephant!
 
I eat the long pork (whatever "long" pork is), and you don't have to eat it. Shortly after, you become very hungry, and eat your own finger, because there is no long pork left.
Click to expand...

Epic fail. Eating my own finger would be eating long pork.

You get said elephant, but he tramples you to death, and he/she didn't see it coming.

I wish I was invited to Sonic the Hedgehogs birthday. Left out again.:thumbdown:
 
You were invited to Sonic's birthday, but the evil genius, Dr. Eggman crashed the party and Sonic sent you home for your safety.

I wish I had a bowl ice cream and a spoon.
 
You have your bowl of ice cream and spoon, but only after you sell all your belongings to pay for it, as you are very gullible.

I wish I had four penguins and two polar bears to go clubbing in the Bahamas with.
 
You go clubbing with your new friends, but you melt away once you arrive in the Bahamas, because you are Frosty the Snowman.

I wish I could bend spoons.
 
You become a great spoon bender, but only after spending four years in a mountain retreat with Uri Geller.

I wish I could rotate my head.
 
You can, but then you eat a live mouse, as you are an owl.

I wish I could hover.
 
You can. Unfortunately, you hover too high and are mistaken for an enemy fighter jet. A F-22 Raptor blows you out of the sky.

I wish I was a fighter jet pilot.
 
kingofidiocy said:
You can. Unfortunately, you hover too high and are mistaken for an enemy fighter jet. A F-22 Raptor blows you out of the sky.

I wish I was a fighter jet pilot.
Click to expand...

You hate me that badly?!

You are a fighter jet pilot, without a fighter jet.

I wish I was a happy little cloud.
 
You are a seagull - the state bird of Utah. But Utah is landlocked, and you get no sea. Then you try swallowing a whole hotdog that you found on the ground next to a garbage can, and you choke on it.

I wish I could ride the waves in the Atlantic Ocean.
 
You do, but the waves take you to Scotland. You can't understand the accent, so you go mad.

I wish I was Hannibal Lecter's vegetarian twin brother.


Okay, what in the hell is "long pork" ?
Click to expand...

Cannibals often report that human flesh tastes like pork, so 'long pork' refers to human flesh. :D
 

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