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You might have Crohns if…


Staff member
You might have Crohn's if you can get a doctorate in Gastroenterology without having to go to school.
You might have Crohn's if you can get a doctorate in Gastroenterology without having to go to school.
LOL! I have a friend that's an RN and she swears I know more than she does about medical stuff related to the digestive tract.

You might have Crohn's if you go to the ER and have to tell the attending doctor what tests to run and what to prescribe after getting the results. That was me a week ago; my husband wanted our Co-pay refunded!:ylol:
Haha I bring my laptop or.....

You might have crohns if youve arranged your bedroom furniture so that by angling the mirror the right way still lets you watch tv from the toliet.
You find it ironic when healthy friends have a 24 hour stomach bug and think it's the end of the world and take a week off work
You look at yummy food and wonder if 5 minutes of guilty pleasure is worth hours of stomach pains and toilet stops
You can have a really meaningful conversation with an elderly person sharing aches and pains and meds
You even get sick of hearing yourself say you're tired
You've got the run to the toilet 10 minutes after dinner down pat
You politely listen and mentally roll your eyes when healthy friends give you medical advise (particularly your bad health is a manifestation of your mind arhhhh!)
You look longingly at wholemeal bread and nuts
You jumped on this site on Xmas night because your knees are so swollen and sore (crohns byproduct) and you are looking for similar stories, you stumble across this thread, laugh because it is all so true - smile and feel better!
You might be a crohnie if you are on more pills than your 91 year old grandmother who only takes 2 pills a day.

You might be a crohnie if your husband shouts w/joy (no more $$$ copays) when you tell him that you are finally discharged from seeing the GI surgeon after almost 2 years due to a stubborn wound that wouldn't close up from major surgery.

You might be a crohnie if others tell you that you brought it upon yourself (then you wish deep down that you'd REALLY love to tell them to their face that it's their ignorance which causes you the most stress & you'd like to slap some of them up side the head, including your ex-boss who wasn't the most sympathetic because they have no clue what you have to go through on a daily basis). -- I can dream can't I? lol
you know if you have crohn's when you know all the diseases of the digestive tract before your bio teacher teaches it
if your friend said their mom has crohn's so they know what its like and says take your meds and stay away from xyz and secretly you want to tell her that no she doesn't know and every body is different
you start to think your lab aide is oj because you found out he has crohn's too and can ramble off as many meds as you can
your a prenursing student and know how to give injections and where to take blood and can pinpoint where to take blood from
you wont live in a dorm b/c there are community bathrooms that get cleaned once a week
you have both imodium and a laxitive in your purse
you can have a farting contest with your b/f and win and be happy you didnt leave anything in your panties
you know which meds that are best to take for which ailment(crohn's isn't just the gut)
the secretary at the walk in clinic already knows who you are and pulls up your charts as soon as you walk in
you are on first name basis with the radiology tech
you are only 18 and have arthritis tendonitis shingles and all the stuff older people get
your b/fs mom thinks you go to the doc too much and thinks you shouldn't be on so many meds
You may have Crohns if ....

-you know your GI's phone number by heart.
-you get excited when the GI's number shows up on the caller ID.
-you keep a box of diaper wipes on the back of the toilet.
-you have a notebook next to the toilet designated to your said Crohns.
-you belong to multiple Crohns groups and check them almost as much as facebook!
-you will risk an accident to get smart phone on way to toilet, must have entertainment.
-you laughed repeatedly while reading the previous posts while already thinking of things to add.
"you will risk an accident to get smart phone on way to toilet, must have entertainment."

Right there with ya!
Yesterday I discovered a few more:

* You might have crohn's if you distract yourself during your tense drive home with trying to figure out a way to add a shallow tub or toilet container to your driver's side seat. As you grow more desperate you find yourself seriously considering just going in your car. I mean, you've got leather seats. Easy clean-up.


* You spend an inordinate amount of time in public with your pants unbuttoned and unzipped.

* You've stood in the maternity section wondering if it would better suit you these days. All that belly roooooom......sigh.....
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London, UK
Best. Thread. Ever.

I stayed up way too late the other night reading all the replies and trying to wake my mum and sister while I pissed myself laughing! Or should that be shit myself laughing? Either way, I assue you it's a metaphor (this time, anyway!).

You might have Crohn's if your University GP seems to find your meetings mentally stimulating, which suggests you're the first student to walk through the door in months that wasn't complaining about a hangover, an STI, or the 'flu' (if you're well enough to get up, get dressed, walk to the medical centre, and use up a valuable appointment, you have a COLD you complete moron).

You might have Crohn's if you've ever gone to the toilet with the light switched off to prevent your morbid curiosity from allowing you to take a look at the carnage in the bowl! (that one might just be me lol).

You might have Crohn's if a number 2 sounds like a number 1.

You might have Crohn's if you know what your insides look like.

You might have Crohn's if you've had a finger up the bum (that wasn't sexual haha).

You might have Crohn's if you have stomach cramps and blood in your pants.

You DEFINITELY have Crohn's if you have stomach cramps, blood in your pants, and a penis :)
LOL, I love these two:

You might have Crohn's if your University GP seems to find your meetings mentally stimulating.....

You might have Crohn's if a number 2 sounds like a number 1.
And another from me:

You might have Crohn's if you're shocked to find out other people don't visually examine their poops each time they go.
LOL, I love these two:

And another from me:

You might have Crohn's if you're shocked to find out other people don't visually examine their poops each time they go.
you might have crohn's if you call the nurse at your GI's office your personall nurse
(I only talk to one nurse at my GI's office she is the nicest one :) )
I laughed so hard at some of these I woke the baby from his nap!! I cried I was laughing so hard and then I had to stop and run to do a "check" as I had laughed out an unsure fart!! lol Close but thnkfully just a fart! After 3 days in bed I really needed this thread!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!

You may have Crohn's:
If you can place an NG tube by yourself Or if you can instruct the radiologist or doc in how to quickly and easily place it
If you know where the best place for an IV is
If your friends who do NOT have CD call you with all their poopy questions
If ppl swear you're a drug dealer or a pharmacist due to all the meds you have around
If you have pills in your purse, and next to your bed, and in your car and in your bathrooma dn in your kitchen
If your 2yr old son uses your belly scares as roads for his dinkies (cars)
if you have ran from one end of a plane to the first class to access a bathroom even when the seatbelt sign is on and the stewardess is yelling at you to sit down!
if in ur queen size bed ur hubby almost falls out due to lacj o space from extra pillows, blankets, body pillows and heating pads
if you actualy understand medical jargon related to digestive systems
if you work from home/go to school online, and you reschedule all of your exams so there are only a few ppl in the exam room and enough supervisors to follow you to the bathrom every 10 mins during the exam
if the thought of food actually makes you sick
if you have bought underwear while shopping b/c you need them ASAP!!
if you have 2 belly buttons! and/or your "real" belly button is gone, or off (noticably) to the side!
If you called the cable company to have them come in and install a cable jack in your bathroom and get hubby to mount a tv in there b/c you are sick of missing your fav shows
if you know what happens when you have an ostomy and don't get up to let the "gas" out at night!!! (hubby and I learned this the hard way-nobody told me) looking back I laugh every time i think about it!
...when rummaging around in a bag of 3849032 drugs you dont even have to read the labels, you know what is what by the shake of the bottle.

like how people learn to identify bird calls? each drug has its own unique sound!! how lovely.
OMG! I thought I was the only one who did that! My hubby makes fun of me all the time because at 2am all i have to do is reach in where my meds are, eyes still closed, shake bottles and KNOW which ones I need from the sound!! so funny!
You know you have Crohn's if you haven't shaved your legs for months because you're in a flare up, who cares!

You know you have Crohn's if you feel like PMS takes place every day of the month.

You know you have Crohn's when you have your monologue of meds and supplements memorized for each of the hundred doctors that asks for it in the ER, and every outpatient exam.

You know you have Crohn's when you have stretch marks, countable ribs, maternity clothing, and jutting out shoulders all within the same month.

You know you have Crohn's when hair is growing in new places, your face is breaking out, you're moody and confused and frustrated - and it's NOT puberty: just prednisone.

You know you have Crohn's when you flip through food magazines every day during your 6-week liquid diet, just because it's like looking at photos of an old friend that you miss terribly.

You know you have Crohn's when you have a pill to treat the side effects of a pill that treats the side effects of a pill that sort of, kind of, but not all the time treats your Crohn's symptoms.
If.....you understand what it means to feel constipated after you just messed in your pants with diahhrea.....unfortunately this happens more than I would EVER admit, except on here!
If.....you understand what it means to feel constipated after you just messed in your pants with diahhrea.....unfortunately this happens more than I would EVER admit, except on here!
totally understand a year of diahrea and now im guessing another year of constipation.............oh the horror


London, UK
if you actualy understand medical jargon related to digestive systems
Yes! I was watching some Grey's Anatomy today and understood 'upper GI' in one scene, and then there were these 3 siblings all at risk of stomach cancer requesting 'laparoscopic' surgery to remove their stomachs, and the brother was horrified to discover one of the possible side effects was 'dumping syndrome' and wanted out because his last 'endoscopy' was clean. I was like 'I know what all of this means!' (I haven't actually had any surgery, have just read up on it).

He was also scared at the possibility of 'anal leakage' but I don't think you need to have IBD to know what THAT means lol.


Your Story Forum Monitor
You know you have Crohn's if you are excited about having a normal looking BM.

You know you have Crohn's when you are coaching your parents on how to get down prep.

You know you have Crohn's if you get promoted and when given the choices of offices, you select the one right next to the bathroom.

You know you have Crohn's if your boss farts in a big meeting and you don't even laugh. You just simple think "I completely understand".
if you have ever told a service station attendant that you dont have time to buy something, so they better give you the key for the rest room before you make a mess of yourself!

If your family ask you how many times you went to the toilet today and get happy when you say only twice!

If discover another thing that you cant eat (goodbye white chocolate!), and hate when people eat it around you.


Your Story Forum Monitor
You go through Predinsone poisoning.
You can equate the pain to labor pains. (I have had both)
You have begged a person or two to get ahead in a bathroom line.
You can go a couple of days without eating and still manage to function.
Occasionally wonder if the treatment is just as bad as the disease.
You go through Predinsone poisoning.
You can equate the pain to labor pains. (I have had both)
You have begged a person or two to get ahead in a bathroom line.
You can go a couple of days without eating and still manage to function.
Occasionally wonder if the treatment is just as bad as the disease.
......especially wonder if the treatment is just as bad as the disease....EVERYDAY!
When you can only shake your head in disbelief when someone dismissively says
"Oh well, at least it keeps you nice and slim!"
But my favourite is from Genio (p9)
"If you ever looked down a toilet and saw someone else's poop and felt jealous about how nice it looked" Cracked me right up lol!!
You might have Crohns if....

...Shakespearean quotes go Crohnie..."To fart or not to fart....that is the question?" or "He hath gassed me out of house and home" Hamlet and King Henry IV, Part 2

...you have a blood-curdling scream wiping with the brand-X TP.

...the generic names for the Crohns drugs appear to be similar to knock-off Russian Vodka brands.

...pain in the ass has an additional sub-definition.

...when watching late night info-mercials and a Johnny Carson's DVD kit is for sale, highlighting many funny skits and products. "The Crapmatic 2 adjustable John" is featured...you rush to eBay.

...someone yells "fire in hole" and you cringe.

...debating whether the term "Shart" or "Squart" is the appropriate cause of death for your underwear.
I just read these ALL AGAIN and I think I laughed harder the second time! I love all of you for putting this on here, it really does help to laugh at the situation sometimes.
...you bring your own TP to work because the commercial-grade paper hurts after the 10th trip in one day
...you can get up, use the toilet, make note of all the blood, and go back to bed without really waking up (happens every night-all I remember is how much blood there was)
...you keep a list on your phone of all your meds and doses in case you have an unexpected stop at the ER


Your Story Forum Monitor
You get strange looks when you attend work or church pot lucks. All the things you would like to eat, but can't.
You no longer try to carry a cute, tiny purse, but cling to your 7 year old diaper bag, because it holds everything you might need on an outing...
some of these are really funny, and i actually laughed out loud!

Kind of said already, but I'd say:

You know you have crohn's if:
You bought a laptop so you can be entertained and do work while on the toilet.
You always make sure you took a couple Immodiums before heading out.
Your calendar is marked with the dates you have to inject your medication.

not the funniest, but that's all i can think of for now :)
You get upset when your favorite air freshener in the bathroom runs out
Your family is constantly asking "again?" each time you get up to go to the toilet.


...if you've mapped out at all the restaurants within the "safety" distance to your bathroom at home

LOL -- love the TP ones (Charmin Ultrasoft and wet wipes)
If you no longer consider a bidet something that only people with too much money own...
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I dont have anything to add as of yet but I must say i am currently sitting here crying and typing through tears at how HILARIOUS some of these are!!! Keep them coming they def made my day. btw my husband is sitting across the room sooo confused but I cant explain and he wouldnt get it anyway.
You might have Crohn's if....

...your bathroom entertainment system...your laptop...dies. You take it for repair. The first question asked after opening the lid: "What's that smell?"

...your courtesy flush needs a courtesy flush in a public restroom.

...passing gas triggers the air raid sirens.

...using an app on your smartphone that drops an eclectic collection of pre-recorded fart sounds, while you're producing live Beethoven thunder from down under. Keep the audience guessing....
I seriously lol'ed at the quote above me! So true!

EDIT: I showed my wife this thread and she almost spit apple juice all over the monitor!:tongue:
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omg im rolling laughing with the stuff that was typed.. i love it..

you know you have crohns when the baby runs out the bathroom crying because of the smell and the noise thats coming from the toilet.. ( my baby ran and told my husband on me lol)
You are afraid to stay in hotel rooms with anyone other than your immediate family

You have different size clothing to accomdate the "good days" and the "bad days"

The first item on your shopping list is ALWAYS toilet paper

When you walk your dog you find yourself strangely jealous when they poop..."so thats what a normal poop looks like"

You take your blackberry into the bathroom at work because you spend more time there than at your computer

You find yourself looking at co-workers shoes as to indentify who will be judging you in the next bathroom stall during the day
Some of my new findings about having Crohns.....

Yesterday I knew I had Crohns when....I was overjoyed to find a lock on a multi-stall bathroom door so I could lock, and I did lock, everyone else out.

Today I knew I had Crohns when....while at a new grocery store, I almost took off in a run to the bathroom.

And speaking of bathrooms....you know you have Crohns when you are happy no one else is in the public restroom to hear your low budget comedy movie sound effects coming out of you!


You might have Crohn's if.....you are happy to have a stoma now, even 6 weeks after surgery! And you think...good grief, it acts like a boy penis!! And you still laugh! Because by gosh, you gotta! (it doesnt like cold water, it must be warm! Soft cloths only, I think its a darn prima donna!?)

You might have Crohn's if, even after surgery, your husband buys a 4 roll pack of toilet paper and you have an anxiety attack because you think....will that last till tomorrow??? And then you realize (duh!) that you DONT NEED 6 rolls of TP for ONE DAY!!! OMG! Wow! And you feel HAPPY!!!

Great thread!!!
You might have Crohns if......

You've ever taken your dinner (breakfast/lunch/meal/snack) to the toilet with you & thought nothing of it. Eating while on the toilet is NOT strange. Right????
> You only order rice at "Chipotle"
> Your friends say "its all how you deal with it" WTF do you have it?
Your purse resembles a "booty call bag" from your college days...

Your dog gives you 10 minutes (no more, no less) in the bathroom before he starts sniffing under the door and barking...

You answered this post, using your Droid, while sitting on the toilet.


You defo know you have Crohn's when someone you haven't seen for yonks runs up to you in the middle of Morrisons and shouts
'Have you not had that baby yet?'

F*** Me!!!!
My son is 16 now!!!!!
So I went and bought some bathroom scales!
You might have Crohns if.....

You've ever used toilet paper as a book mark....

You analyze different colonscopy preps & still aren't sure which one you "like" the best.
When you know every clean toilet between your house and Walt Disney World :)
My daughter used to tell me i should write a book of all the toilets on I-75 and rate them LOL
You have a book in your bathroom and you read it only when you are in the toilet and still you have to buy a new book every 4 days to replace it.

Your professor asks you where you found those amazing photos for your essay and you answer "Wellll I spend a lot of time.....surfing the internet".
.........your first reaction to a chain bookstore's closing in your town is "Ohhh, but they had the nicest bathrooms."

........your hubby knows what room to check if you suddenly vanish.


.........your first reaction to a chain bookstore's closing in your town is "Ohhh, but they had the nicest bathrooms."

You might have Crohn's if..... you find yourself checking the Netflix "Watch Instantly" movies...just to see what you can watch next time you are unexpectedly in the hospital.
If you keep baby wipes in every bathroom in the house, in your car and your work bag.
If you no longer purchase toilet paper because you are tired of the diaper rash it gives you.
If you are on a first name basis with your hemorrhoids.
If you know that Miralax is sooooo much better than Fleet's, or anything else, for that matter.
I laughed out loud at several of these. If someone who didn't understand read this they would probably think we're all crazy. Maybe we are.

If you carry a purse inside your purse filled with meds, creams, underwear, and latex gloves (you never know...)

When your boyfriend calls to ask how your butt is...and not in a sexy way.

When pill/cream reminders go off on your phone every 2 hours...

...What I've taken away from this forum is that it is time to name my hemmies. Three blueberries really...maybe Hewey Dewey and Louie Larry Curly Mo? I'll work on it.
I love when people tell me its all about how I act...

Really? You want to shove a knife up there and stab around for a few hours so you understand?

when you think the person who invented the "double roll" toilet tissue deserves a nobel peace prize...

You keep a tube of Calmoseptine in your purse, in your bathroom, and one extra in the closet just in case.
You wear a pantiliner even when you don't have your period.
You can fart out a different hole.
You have post-traumatic-crap-your-pants-in-public disorder (PTCYPIPD), and are never going to get over it.
You take more pills than your grandma.
You're the only one at the movie theater who isn't eating popcorn.
You feel like crap, weigh next to nothing, yet people say "Oo, you look so good!"
You have to drive to the park instead of walk/ride bikes.
You have an actual toilet in the back of your minivan, and have used it several times.
You've had your ass-cheeks taped apart right before a surgery, and you couldn't wait to tell your CF friends that detail.

And a slightly different one, but still true - you might have Crohn's if you are in remission and have a completely new outlook on life. I am so thankful and appreciative for every day that I feel good now.

PTCYPIPD: Thank you - I have read all the posts and your version of" You may have CD if" : pretty much says it all. My kids use to tell me I had a unique sense of humor. :)
Some of these are probably repeats. I tried to read this whole thread but I got too excited to post my own and skipped a few pages haha
You might have crohn's if..

You think your friends are lying when they come out of the bathroom after 2 minutes, telling you they just pooped. NO WAY did you do it that fast.

You’ve been constipated, and had diarrhea, at the exact same time.

Your butthole is no longer a taboo area. Its kind of like an ear now, because so many people have seen/touched/inserted things into/studied it

You get angry with people who take their healthy bowels for granted. APPRECIATE IT.

Your poop has been every colour of the rainbow, and a few more that have to be named.

You become ecstatic when you have a huge fart and only air comes out. YESSS!!

“sharting” is not just a funny word to you anymore, but a way of life.

You carry your own toilet paper with you, and want to smite the cheap bastards that stock their bathrooms with one-ply.

The towel rack in your bathroom doubles as “holy shit handle” for those extra painful shits where you think you may pass out.

You can tell what kind of bowel movement youre going to have next by the smell of your farts
You know you have crohns when you leave work because your pants are a bloody mess(and I mean BLOODY)

You know you have crohns disease when yourun into your bedroom so much to use the bathrrom that when you go to lay on the bed your dog runs into the bedroom to check if your in the bathroom

You know you have crohns disease when your dog gets tired of waiting for you outside the bathroom

you know you have crohns when your no longer alarmed to see blood

you know you have crohns when you wake up several times during the night to use the bathroom

you know you have crohns when you appreciate your apartment not only has two bathrooms but a bathroom 3 feet away virtually in the bedroom

you know you have crohns when you visit the doctor more often then your grandmother

you know you have crohns when you wish there were pants that could be folded up into a tiny triangle so you could take them anywhere without bringing to much notice
you may have Crohns if:

you think 'holding down the couch' is a job description.

you get excited when you make it to the shops and back without a toilet break.

you know what's on tv, and what's been on all day.

you're happy when it rains since you'll be indoors anyway.

you get concerned when you're down to your last 8-pack of TP.

you're happy when no-one asks how you are!
You know you might have Crohn's if
.................you know which stores sell Boost/Ensure at the cheapest price

.................you know which stores sell enough Boost that when it does go on sale you are not getting the really old stuff that has congealed to the bottom of the bottle.

.................you have compared all the brands of Boost/Ensure etc enough times that you can remember which has the most protein, least sugar, most nutrients

.................your BF knows which kind of Boost to buy and does so unprompted, when he goes to the store to buy food for himself cause you are too exhausted to shop for groceries(and its no fun buying food you can't eat anyway)
You may have Crohns if you know where and what exits the rest rooms are within a 300 mile ride up north.

You may have Crohn's if you say oops down to one roll of toilet paper guess I have to go to the store, but I have to wait a few and make sure that I don't have to use it again for a while.

You may have Crohn's if your butt cheeks get the toilet ring welts in them from sitting too long.

You may have Crohn's if you sit on the toilet long enough that you have to have the radio in the bathroom on.

You may have Crohn's if you have gone for a colonoscopy, they taped your butt cheeks together and right after, you have to run to the restroom

You may have Crohn's if you sit or hover over the toilet more than you sit in your living room with your family

You may have Crohn's if you go to the store, are in there for only a few minutes, get to the check out and can't wait so you have to leave the basket and run out of the store to the car only to have an accident and not make it home
You may have Crohns if you have no idea how much milk, bread, or cereal you have in the house, but you know exactly how much toilet paper there is, down to the quarter roll.

You may have Crohns if your family thinks it's perfectly normal that you fly out of the car before it's fully stopped in the driveway to get inside to the bathroom.

You may have Crohns if it's understood in your house that you have ultimate, unlimited bathroom privileges.

You may have Crohns if you started wearing elastic waist pants in your 20's.

You may have Crohns if you don't eat breakfast until after 11:00 am because you can't get off the toilet first thing in the morning.

You may have Crohns if you stop talking to people because they look at you in horror when you use words like "terminal ileum", "anal fistula", "perforation", and "cobblestoning" in casual conversation.